If you can only be happy through medication, is it real?

February 26, 2009 6:12 PM

Have you used anti-depressants successfully? How did you deal with the insinuating little voice that said, "You may be feeling better, but it's really just the pills--without them, deep down, you're still a sad/angry/dysfunctional person."

I know this is just the depression talking, but it's really bothering me as I gear up for another round.

I wish I could be happy on my own. I would much rather not have to take something to keep from feeling crappy.

So I'm really struggling, like I do every few years this cycle repeats itself, with the idea of depending on something external for something as basic and intrinsic as happiness.

How can I short-circuit this self-defeating thinking pattern?

posted by anonymous to grab bag (44 comments total)

Have you used anti-depressants successfully?

Yes. Right now, infact.

How did you deal with the insinuating little voice that said, "You may be feeling better, but it's really just the pills--without them, deep down, you're still a sad/angry/dysfunctional person."

I don't have this little voice - maybe because I'm taking some Rxs.

How can I short-circuit this self-defeating thinking pattern?

Therapy and/or medication.
posted by All.star at 6:15 PM on February 26

IANAD, but it is my understanding that chronic depression is caused as much by chemicals in your brain as they are by "feelings". Think of the pills as a way of balancing those chemicals. It's not that you're a "sad/angry/dysfunctional person", it's just that a little science is required to make some adjustments to your body. Some people wear glasses, some hearing aids, some knee braces. You take a few pills. No biggie.
posted by JuiceBoxHero at 6:20 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]

I don't angst every day that I keep wearing glasses, and people with heart disease manage pretty well without crushing doubts about that angina medication.

Society has taught you that somehow you must be perfect. Meanwhile, there are enough different kinds of medication-and-therapy combinations out there that you can feel however you want to feel, if only you're willing.

If the pills will make you feel better, take them. Work through whatever's made you sad, and if that whatever is nothing at all, work towards being steadily happier. If you get to a point where you feel good to go it alone, try it without the pills.
posted by talldean at 6:24 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]

I love me on anti-depressants and/or anti-anxiety meds. I remind myself that to the extent that brain chemicals are at work in my dysfunctional thought and feeling processes, I can no more talk myself out of it than I can talk myself out of a broken leg.

I don't think of the meds as creating a fake happiness for me. I think of them as clearing away the gunk that prevents the real, happy, functional, optimistic me from emerging.

That said, whenever I have gone off meds for awhile (to get pregnant, for instance), I do find myself resisting going back on them when it's needed. I guess there is still a part of me that hopes and wishes I could be cured forever, or manage my brain troubles through willpower alone. But then I start the meds, and I feel better, and I say to myself, "Why did I resist? This is great."

So, to answer your question: remind yourself that there is a real, physical problem that accounts for at least some measure of your depression. Think about how to frame the meds in a way that makes them positive for you--if you really need them, for instance, take a moment to imagine your life before they were invented (I think about this sometimes. It's not pleasant), or use an image like my "clearing away the interference to reveal the real me." That might be a good one to counter your voice saying that deep down you're dysfunctional. No. Deep down you have a functioning brain that lets you experience normal emotions, both positive and negative, and to function in life without undue difficulty. The meds help you dig down to find it.

Good luck.
posted by not that girl at 6:28 PM on February 26 [4 favorites]

I wear glasses. My glasses are a tool I use all day every day. They help me do many wonderful things with my life. I don't lose any sleep over being dysfunctional ("as a bat") without them. Who cares? Why would I beat myself up about that? I have no control over it. Your situation is no different, is it?
posted by fritley at 6:30 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

When I was on them, I needed them. The brain chemistry was out of whack, and because of the meds I was able to think clearly, feel better, and be normal.

Some of us need glasses. (I do. ) Some of us need insulin. Some of us need all kinds of different things to allow ourselves to be normal. And for some of us, that means an antidepressant.

I no longer need anything and have not taken anything for two years, but I am so very grateful that when I did need them they were available!
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 6:35 PM on February 26

Fritley said, I have no control over it. Your situation is no different, is it?

Sight is the not same thing as happiness. The thrust of the poster's question is an important one—whether we sacrifice a part of personality when we give up the possibility of melancholy.

The poster said, I wish I could be happy on my own.

I am not your therapist. But. There's not a concrete, philosophically sound answer to the big question of whether an emotional spectrum that dips into the depressive somehow "hides" a person's real soul. I would be hesitant, if I were you, to pay the price of feeling healthy sadness for the benefit of a relatively sure contentedness.
posted by trotter at 6:40 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]

I'm finding a way to use this mindset in reverse. Right now, I'm going through a funk, and I'm thinking "You may be feeling horrible right now, but it's really just the depression." If I can separate my sense of self from my depression - which I firmly believe is primarily the result of chemical wonkiness and not present circumstances or past trauma - then I can take days like these when I feel hopeless and overwhelmed and ride them out until my brain decides to behave again. I sort of see being depressed as akin to being drunk: depression is affecting the way I feel and they way I perceive the world, but it's something external to me that's affecting me, not something intrinsic that defines who I am.
posted by bibliowench at 6:43 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

Trotter has it. Medication for mental unease -- and I suffer from depression myself, so that's not intended to minimize the depths of what it means -- is not the same as a pair of corrective lenses. Your eye-glasses help light hit your eyes differently, rather than changing the part of yourself that most people associate with identity.

I believe, and perhaps am too strident in saying this, that barring uncontrollable suicidal or homocidal thoughts, medication is a poor long-term choice. You get one life, and experiencing it as it is seems vital. Molding it to be how you expect or want it to be is discomforting to me.
posted by ellF at 6:47 PM on February 26

For what it's worth, my experience with antidepressant medication was that it gave me the ability to work on all the other things that were keeping me from living my life, to get back into better habits.

I saw them somewhat like a person who takes cholesterol medication might see their pills: as part of a larger therapeutic regimen, not as something that will solve the problem all by itself.
posted by padraigin at 6:49 PM on February 26 [5 favorites]

Anti-depressants are all that has stood between depressive episodes so bad that *thinking* about leaving the house has had me crying in the fetal position in the middle of my kitchen. Just the mere thought of going outside. The anti-depressants have been every bit as necessary as insulin is for diabetics, or my anti-convulsants are to prevent seizures.

I don't believe that the happiness is "because" of the pill. I believe the pill treats depression like advil treats a headache - it removes the pain so that I can get on with the rest of my life. The happiness is real, and it's possible because the Giant Black Monster has been chemically short-circuited.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 6:56 PM on February 26 [7 favorites]

I don't believe that the happiness is "because" of the pill.

This is absolutely, totally, one hundred and four zillion percent, completely correct.

For some people, antidepressants help. For me, the way they help is to allow me to deal with my feelings and my life in healthier and more appropriate ways, and it is doing THAT that makes me happy. So, on antidepressants I can:

-get exercise,
-spend meaningful time with friends,
-cultivate new friendships and hobbies,
-bother to give a butt about what I eat,
-sleep at night,
-read good books and really enjoy them,
-appreciate intimacy,
-etc.

Without antidepressants, I tend to have rage attacks, be disgustingly mean, spend too much time watching tv, complain about hating my life, etc., and therefore...there is not much to be happy about.

It's not a magic pill. If I did none of the good things on my list above, I would NOT be happy. Antidepressants help me do those things. That is my reasoning.
posted by bunnycup at 7:00 PM on February 26 [10 favorites]

You get one life, and experiencing it as it is seems vital.

On the other hand, experiencing it as it could be seems like a viable choice too.

Anonymous: the insulin analogy is the best one. Antidepressants are not a moral failure, they are to adjust a chemical imbalance. You are still you, on them or off.
posted by ook at 7:01 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]

After looking back over my comment, I wanted to clarify that I do take antidepressants, but that I don't that that antidepressants alter my personality any more than my depression does. And like many other people have said, I find them to be a godsend for actually getting on with my life.
posted by bibliowench at 7:02 PM on February 26

Being on antidepressants allowed me to feel a whole range of emotions and moods I wasn't accustomed to -- it wasn't limiting in the least. I still have moments of melancholy, of sadness, and, yes, of depression. Medication lifted a cloud, it didn't erase part of the emotive spectrum.

I tend to think that my real personality is being hidden by a chemical imbalance, and that I can be truer to myself by correcting this imbalance. I remember being terrified of becoming numb when I first started, two years ago. I feel like I'm better at making rational choices now than I was then.

Antidepressants changed a lot of things about me. I no longer fly into rages. Therapy has helped. Thinking about this pill that I take every morning, having a few people make sure that I'm taking it as I should be, and dealing with doctors has made me much more open about the process. It's not a decision that should be taken lightly, but it can be life saving -- or at least quality-of-life saving.
posted by OLechat at 7:04 PM on February 26

Please do not buy into the romantic notion that chronic depression makes you a more interesting, more complete person. I've seen too many artists die young because they were frightened that letting go of melancholy meant letting go of an essential component of their creativity. Now they're not alive to create anything.
posted by Evangeline at 7:06 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

Without them, and not even deep down, you may be a sad/angry/dysfunctional person.

So that's what they are there for.

I'm on the other side of this mirror right now. I elected to not take them this Winter. I suffer from Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), or Winter depression, and every time I've felt down, blue, anxious, stressed, depressed, or unusually angry, I've been asking, "Is this because I'm not on pills this year? Should I be on pills?"

Your question is normal. It is also the reason I tend to go on them later than I should, get off them sooner than I should, and question the plus/minus aspects. Every anti-depressant I have tried has had side effects. Usually bad side effects, but not always so. With Prozac I found I had a hard time figuring out the next step in systematic processes, and it messed with my creativity, both if which are bad when your job is troubleshooting. With Wellbutrin I had sexual side effects I liked, so was actually reluctant to go off. With Effexor I didn't notice a change, and that caused panic, since the voice in my head was telling my "You're on pills, you should be feeling better!"

I am one of those horrible evil bad people that never believed in depression. I'm white, I'm male, I live in America and am fed, clothed, have housing, a job, and people who love me, what do I have to be depressed about? Nothing. Neither do most of the people I knew or read about that had depression. I especially had contempt for people with SAD! Even the acronym is stupid. So I consider it karma that I know suffer from this. I really wish there was a more accurate clinical (or common) name for depression.

Every year, sometime around September I start getting anxious, wondering how bad it will be this year if I don't go on anti-depressants. About November I am wishing I'd started the month before. If I make it to January without I start to think I can get though until there's heat and light and life in the world and mine. Even here I am wrong and know it at the time. This knowledge doesn't make it easier to lean on a crutch. But when you have a broken foot you need a crutch. No different when you have a broken brain/chemical system.

The pills beat every other system for dealing with this if you are in need of pills. If you need them, seek them, take them, and realize there is a reason you are taking them. Otherwise you will self-medicate, and that little little voice will be asking if you wouldn't be better off on anti-depressants.

Good luck, and take care. My email is in my profile if you need someone to follow up with. I'll keep confidence.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:06 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

I know what you mean about "reality." I eat to medicate myself, so is my temporary happiness real? Sure it is, in that moment when my bad habit causes my brain to release its happy chemicals it's just as real to me as when exercise releases those same chemicals. I used to take anti-depressants and they worked great, but I prefer to not take pharmaceuticals.

The question is, is it "wrong" to get our brains to release those chemicals by taking pharmaceuticals rather through some other activity when our brain doesn't release them naturally? Well, do you want to be depressed because that's how your brain is wired? Do you prefer to "keep it real'?

I see it like this: we all have little things we do to make our brains release those precious chemicals when we find ourselves lacking. Some of us go for runs, others zone out into some creative outlet. Some take recreational drugs, others meditate. Some take anti-depressants, others drink alcohol. Some gamble. I think that the healthiest way to get those chemicals released is the way to go. For me, that's exercise- uh, that is, if I can wean myself away from the Pepsi.
posted by Piscean at 7:09 PM on February 26

I am also on antidepressants for depression, anxiety, and OCD, and in my case it's strongly genetic on both sides of my family. I honestly didn't know other people didn't have to deal with the same anxiety and dysfunction that went on in my head. For me, the difference has been like night and day. I can focus, I can get up and do things without having to plan every single step before I do whatever it is, I can talk to people without worrying about everything they might possibly think in reaction to what I do or say.

I had been like that my entire life. I just didn't know there was another option.

My personality is definitely still here. I do feel sad and worried sometimes, but much more within the normal spectrum. It just makes it easier to be myself.

Of course, your case will probably be different, as most of these types of things are. But go with whatever helps you.
posted by Gneisskate at 7:13 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]

I resisted taking meds for my issues until about 2 years ago, and I'm very happy I am taking them now. I only had to do a small bit of the horrible 'let's give you something until it works' rigamarole, which is a blessing. Consider whether this might be the source of your doubt.... the first drug they gave me made me feel very un-myself and rageful.

Don't get so hung up on the philosophical tangents of 'what does it say about me that I'm taking psychoactive medication' and focus more on 'am I feeling better'?
posted by wowbobwow at 7:13 PM on February 26

To emphasize my point, let me paraphrase your question:

If you can only be happy through prayer, is it real?
If you can only be happy through running 4 miles, is it real?
If you can only be happy through binge-eating, is it real?
If you can only be happy through gambling, is it real?
If you can only be happy through medication, is it real?

To me, it's all real because you're finding ways to boost the brain chemicals that stave off depression. Unfortunately, the consequences of some of these things can make your happiness short-lived. But side-effects from medication (or ceasing to take it) can have the same effect. Your happiness was still real.
posted by Piscean at 7:14 PM on February 26 [2 favorites]

If I have too much caffeine for too long (I tend to cycle on and off of a two or three-a-day energy drink habit) I get nervous, moody, irritable, and pessimistic. Is that *me*? Is the no-caffeine version of *me*? What about the drunk *me*? The not-enough-sleep *me*? The it's-finally-sunny-and-warm *me*? The ooh-she-smells-nice *me*?

My take on it is, they're ALL *me*. My mood isn't my identity. My life isn't about how I feel at any given moment - that's transient. My identity is about what I do, how I affect the world, how I interact with other people - and I try as hard as I can to control my mood, using the tools that I have, so that I can look back on my actions and be satisfied.

If that means trying not to go overboard with the caffeine, making sure I get enough sun in the winter, and getting my beauty rest so that my brain chemistry is favorable for the things I want to do, then so be it. That, to me, is being an adult. I don't see any difference between the things I have to do and the things other people have to do that involve prescriptions.
posted by restless_nomad at 7:33 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

A few years back, I spent a good chunk of time on Lexapro and Ativan with a small trip down ambien lane, and then some provigil for good measure. It started with my ex-wife had leaving me unexpectedly (seriously, no warning, we were looking at houses the week before with a nice sized downpayment and pre-approval for a mortgage.) and I found myself unable to cope.

...All kinds of crazy stuff was going on in my head. I couldn't sleep, my OCD behaviors were kicking into beyond overdrive, and I couldn't go an hour without breaking down. I was struggling to adhere to my normal schedule and I knew that while I was probably a strong enough person to do it on my own, that I wasn't going to take any chances.

I took my time on meds as the time to straighten out the shit in my life, with my plan being, that even once I got myself out of my depression, panic and anxiety issues I would stay on the meds until I had success with my changes. I got myself functional at work, I moved into a new apartment, I concocted a very busy routine involving 2 hours of dog walks a day as well as a 30 minute bike ride. I attempted couples therapy (which set me back a while), then I agreed to a non-contested mediated divorce, filed my half of the paperwork and tried to make things run as smoothly as possible. I was seeing my two therapists every week, and I then I realized that I was no longer talking about my divorce, or my relationship with my ex wife. My therapist served as a good advocate for myself, helping me to re-frame the changes and my outlook into something more positive. I changed my therapy sessions to not talk about the things that made or kept me unhappy, and I started to plan for the future. I started dating. I started dating sooner than I expected, than my coworkers expected, but as my therapist pointed out, I started dating when I was ready to.

So I started to do less stuff that kept me busy and more stuff that kept me happy. I met a ton of new people, and I had a non-judgmental advocate with whom I could discuss my new relationships. What was amazing about that was, I found out that I sucked at picking people to date, butI was becoming better and better about articulating and quantifying what I needed out of a partner.

A good chunk of time later, I wound up meeting my wife. And over the course of our dating, I found myself needing less reassurance from my therapists, and less analysis of my life. With their guidance we began titrating me of medication (which by that point was just lexapro with the occasional provigil). I continued seeing one therapist for a few months later, but all in all I had less to talk about with them.


So yeah, I was happy on medication, but I made a plan on how to get myself off medication, and I made sure I didn't jump too soon, and the worst consequence with possibly jumping a little late was the $12/month copay... Now I don't know your specific situation; specifically I don't know what you are doing to improve your life off pills while you are on them. Make sure you're having fun, make sure that you're doing things that make your long term life easier. Get back to focusting on some longer term goals (though I will say I did like the sound of a post a few days ago which talked about scrapping a 5 year view). Most importantly, don't sit around for your medication to make you feel better, because it won't... you. doing stuff. on medication. that might.
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:01 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

You might want to try a new medication. I've been on a few. With the last one, I wasn't depressed, but I didn't feel much of anything else. When I started on the one I take now, the difference was amazing. It was like I finally knew what it felt like to be a functional human being. I still get sad sometimes, but that's part of life. The only difference is now I can deal with that sadness in a productive, healthy way.

I fully expect to be on an anti-depressant for the rest of my life, and for the first time, I don't feel badly about that. My brain chemistry is messed up. I take a drug to correct that. There are different kinds of depression. If you have a situational depression, then yes, I can understand that staying on pills and never addressing the root of the problem is a bad thing. But for others, the situation you describe is in reverse. The medication helps us be who we really are deep down, not the sad/angry/dysfunctional people depression makes us.
posted by Ruki at 8:46 PM on February 26

I would be hesitant, if I were you, to pay the price of feeling healthy sadness for the benefit of a relatively sure contentedness.

People on anti-depressants still feel sadness. As one friend put it, "Now when something bad happens, I still might feel really sad or really angry. But it only lasts a day or two. I don't crawl into bed for a month."
posted by salvia at 9:21 PM on February 26

How can I short-circuit this self-defeating thinking pattern?

This TedTalk by Matthieu Ricard on the habits of happiness is something I keep going back to when I need help fighting my demons.

I think why this TedTalk helps me so much is that I've managed to reach a similar kind of mental clarity a few times before. Each was right after I'd completely hit rock bottom, mental shutdown, and my mental state snapped like the tungsten filament of a lightbulb; at that point it was like I became emotionless and didn't let anything affect me, nothing really mattered. And as a result the times I've been most content and at peace with myself have been right after my worst battles with depression. Remembering that feeling and the rationale behind it helps center me again.
posted by lizbunny at 9:29 PM on February 26

How did you deal with the insinuating little voice that said, "You may be feeling better, but it's really just the pills--without them, deep down, you're still a sad/angry/dysfunctional person."

That little voice is the depression speaking. It is rare that pills alone will "cure" you in the sense of giving you the tools to get by without them permanently. (That said, 1/3 of people will get better -- no matter what therapy they choose.)

You really need to supplement the pills with something in the general range of cognitive therapy, such as the Feeling Good series of books and whatnot.

It's basically how you learn to identify the negative thinking habits that come back and chip away at your self-esteem over and over, and combat them by talking back with positive logic. Sample responses:

"So what if it's just the pills? I feel better now than I have in years."
"Deep down I'm probably just like everybody else. My depression makes it harder for me to see it."
"Dysfunctional is just another way of saying I've developed some bad cognitive processes. If I work at it I can fix that."
"Shut up, insinuating little voice! You're not in charge anymore!"
posted by dhartung at 10:17 PM on February 26

Evangeline said:

I've seen too many artists die young because they were frightened that letting go of melancholy meant letting go of an essential component of their creativity.

Interesting. But I think those artists are right. Depression, especially, takes us to those dark corners of the human condition which, I think, are the reasons for art's existence.

For what would those artists, if they were actually going to say something, have to say if they could only feel, or think, what everyone else—everyone normal—felt and thought?

The world's most important—and yes, famous—art isn't sunshine and rainbows. And if it's melancholy that let's artists approach that germ of human desperation, then melancholy is all they have, insofar as giving up that condition meant giving up their reason to live.

I don't think it's much of a stretch to say that death is the price we pay for art, inasmuch as the only art that can actually affect us had to affect the artist herself and thus was dangerous, even deadly.

Your story is sad, but entirely convincing; who in the history of the world, even an artist, wants to sacrifice his or her own happiness for the sake of a greater good?

Some do, but today, that bargain is regarded as delusional and pathetic—much like how art is regarded in the first place.

God.
posted by trotter at 10:22 PM on February 26

The thrust of the poster's question is an important one—whether we sacrifice a part of personality when we give up the possibility of melancholy.

This is something I've given a great deal of thought to. I'm an artsy person in a creative field and (like many) I'm given to bouts of depression. But here's what I've come up with. The medication I've sometimes decided to take helps me be less self-absorbed. When I'm depressed, I'm not more creative, thoughtful, or interesting. On the contrary. I'm totally self-centered and frankly, insufferable. When I've taken the medication, I'm still creative, cynical, critical, and a total perfectionist, but I can laugh about it. I can enjoy my life, friends, and family and get out of my own head. My work is better and should I want to probe the depths for the sake of making something out of it, it's still there. It's still a part of me. It's just not the only thing I can see.

And here's the best part- after wrestling with these questions for most of my life, on the assumption that this medication would be a part of me forever, it turns out that it wasn't. When I'm not depressed and not on medication, it turns out that this is my real self. The one that is both happy and a little pointy. So if I need them again, fine. I know for a fact now that I'm just getting back to being me.
posted by Thin Lizzy at 10:23 PM on February 26

Yeah, it's real. I'm just coming out of a major depressive episode, the latest of many I've had in my life. I completely understand your hesitations. I had, and still slightly have, hang-ups with having to take meds. It's taken me a long time to accept it.

One problem is, our doctors don't have a way to accurately test us for what we have. That doesn't mean it's not real, it just means science hasn't totally solved it yet. It's so inexact that we and our doctors have to experiment with different medications and dosages until we find a cocktail that works. Personally, I've found that not having a bona fide, incontrovertible test result confirming I have depression makes it easy to doubt whether I have it at all. It's a pretty unique condition, because what your trying to fix--your mental state--can ferociously turn against you at any point.

I view depression as a condition and not a disease. Only taking pills probably won't make us better. Someone with high blood pressure or high cholesterol takes medication, but also has to change his/her eating habits, has to exercise, etc. Similarly, we take the medication that works for us, but we also have to practice healthy life habits--physical and mental. Piscean's got it.

My one piece of advice is, if you're not seeing a therapist, find one who works well with you and devise a plan of attack. Everyone's depression is unique, so it'll take time to get it under control. It's really, really tough to deal with. But it's fixable.
posted by world b free at 10:29 PM on February 26

This came up as I was writing up my post, so I want to say this in response:

Sorry, but I've got to respectfully disagree with trotter and Thin Lizzy. I've found, through reading, experience, and therapy, a misconception about what taking meds means. The misconception is, (and this was literally my entire conception before I started taking them), is that they act as some kind of tranquilizer, so that taking them robs us of our real selves. The choice, the story goes, is between a true, miserable self, and a falsely happy, deluded self.

It's actually the opposite. Depression is not a state of clarity. When depressed, we don't see life as it is--our view is skewed negative. Everything we encounter, we view through a distorted lens--and our view of our selves is probably the least positive. We literally can't control our thoughts most of the time. (Completely true for a major depression, true to a less extreme degree for dysthymia).

Maybe having it gives you more perspective on the human condition, maybe it doesn't. (I'm in a creative field myself). But that's not a reason not to seek treatment. If it gets bad enough, you can potentially be a threat to yourself. I don't say that lightly.
posted by world b free at 10:54 PM on February 26 [3 favorites]

I dealt with that voice by stopping taking them and by seeking the help of many excellent self-help guides to help me deal with my life issues. Although if you've been on a drug for awhile you MUST wean yourself off of it. You should NOT stop taking it cold turkey.

Either face this fact now, or face it later: THERE IS NO MAGIC HAPPY PILL. No matter WHAT those happy little drug commercials say, no drug is going to magically make your sadness go away. DISORDERED THINKING is what causes the majority people's depression. Once they correct their disordered thought patterns, their depression and anxiety can be cured. Please go get this book immediately: "Feeling Good" by Dr. Burns. That book has helped me immensely. I took some anti-depressants for a few days, they turned me into a ZOMBIE, and I stopped taking them and started reading many self-help books such as "Feeling Good". You must DEAL with your issues. Taking a pill will not make them magically go away, but taking those pills WILL and IS making the pharmaceutical companies very, VERY rich! Tens of thousands of people are killed every year in the US because of "side effects" from pharma drugs. Why don't you hear about this on the mainstream news, you say? Next time you watch one of the major news networks, pay attention to how many drug ads you see - practically every other commercial is for a PHARMACEUTICAL DRUG. The major news networks receive HUGE amounts of money from the pharma advertisements and if they were to report a negative story about a pharmaceutical, the pharmaceutical companies would threaten to pull their advertising money! Please watch this documentary which you can view on youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKYAmg5giAE&feature=PlayList&p=80363199A8C1CE1D&index=0&playnext=1
It will explain how doctors and our Congress have been corrupted by the pharm. industry.
posted by synchronicity1 at 11:01 PM on February 26

Sorry world b free, but that's not at all what I was saying. We're in agreement here.
posted by Thin Lizzy at 11:09 PM on February 26

The main argument in this thread seems to be debating your premise as to whether the antidepressants change who you are. I suggest you don't need to go there. The Happiness Trap which promotes acceptance and committment therapy suggests that when we identify thoughts, we assess whether or not they are helpful. For example, suppose I have the thought that I am ugly. Even if it is a true thought, an actual and accurate recognition of my appearance, it will in no way be helpful to me. ACT recommends that when I think like this, I accept the thought ('thanks, mind for bringing that to my attention') and decide whether or not to act on it by asking myself if it is useful.

I really struggled with this idea because I am so used to percieving my thoughts to be a. rational and b. true and c. helpful and d. logical, that choosing not to involve myself with a thought process seemed counter-intuitive. However, with support from my psychologist, and a practicing of the exercises (mindfulness, and what I would describe as detachment), I'm finding that I can move away from endless and unhappy ways of thinking (some of the time at least).

So this is my solution to you short-circuiting this self-defeating thinking pattern - acknowledge the thought when it arises, and accept that you don't have to agree or entertain it. If you have ever quit smoking, you might be familiar with the technique of embracing the craving, rather than fighting it. This is the same thing.
posted by b33j at 11:11 PM on February 26 [1 favorite]

p.s. Just want to add that I am not saying that just self-help books will alone help you necessarily. I also recommend that you seek counseling if the books do not help enough. And yes, it will take work! You will need to "try out" a few counselors until you find one that feels right for you - if you talk with one and it's not working out, go to another until you find one that is really helping you. A good one will help you learn better coping skills so that you can stop the cycle of depression and anxiety. Everyone gets sad and anxious from time to time - it's part of being a human being. Human beings have emotions. But when depression and anxiety are so severe, they hold you back, then a good counselor can find out what you are doing wrong and help you to "fix" your distorted thinking and cure your depression...NO DRUGS NEEDED!
posted by synchronicity1 at 11:13 PM on February 26

Hey Thin Lizzy. Sorry to take what you said out of context. I agree that we're in agreement, and I'm glad you've found a system that works for you. I hope everyone gets a shot at that. That's the one thing I ever want to communicate to anyone who wants to know how to approach this. We need a sort of tailor for our psyche, who can help us custom-fit protective gear for ourselves. Whatever it is--meds, reading about it, therapy, good behavior, socialization, defeating automatic negative thoughts, all of the above, or something else entirely.

And I can totally identify with the effect this has on the creative element. The scariest thing for me at first was whether seeking treatment would somehow alter my creativity. I had similar results to yours--I found the creativity was still there, and even better, I was able to access it more freely.
posted by world b free at 11:35 PM on February 26

Trotter, I can only speak from my own experience. I'm an actress, and I was afraid once I started taking meds for my bipolar disorder that I would be limiting my range - that I wouldn't be able to access those dark, sad places anymore, and my acting would suffer. I was wrong. Not only that, but I now have more focus, energy and discipline, and I think, in fact, my acting has improved.

Taking the meds doesn't mean you don't get sad anymore. It just means that when you're sad, you usually know why, and you know that there will be an end to it.
posted by Evangeline at 6:00 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]

You break your leg. Doc tells you, "here's your crutches". You use crutches to get around for a while. That way your leg doesn't get worse.

Doc also says, "go to this physical therapist". You do the extra exercises they recommend. That way the problems caused by the broken leg are reduced in severity and impact on your life.

During this time, crutches do not define your life. They are not the sole cause of your happiness, nor some sort of medicine that heals your leg. They support your while your leg heals. Your over all state is affected more by the broken leg, not by the crutches. Your choices of attention, action, and attitude are yours to address, alone or with help. The fact that you are at least somewhat mobile assists you in doing other things.

Your leg heals. You stop using crutches. Crutches held you up while your broken leg grew a new way of holding itself together. In conjunction with the physical therapy, you are returning to a fully functional state again. For some, the new strengths that came from the physical therapy make them more functional than they were before the accident.

OR: Your leg heals, but you're not as strong as before. You need to keep using the crutches in order to stay mobile. You continue to consciously address the challenges this condition brings, on your on and with help. Physical therapy continues, teaching you new strengths to accommodate.

</analogy>

Of course, not all depression is brought on by trauma. But this perspective of dealing with a disorder seems appropriate to me.
posted by buzzv at 8:43 AM on February 27

under what circumstance would happiness be fake? i can't imagine someone being forced to be happy against their will, certainly the coercion itself would cause unhappiness.
what i do see is a moral scale being applied to the source of one's happiness, be it retail therapy, alcohol, drugs, exercise... and as it turns out, the "real" "healthy" (in cultural judgment) ways to become happy are nearly impossible when depressed. because apparently being happy requires hard work. (so why is it that some people are just generally happier than others, without any special effort to be?)

as regards the "am i still myself" and "am i still creative" I say yes to both. i'm an art student on medication. i still feel creative. i'm also productive, confident, and not emotionally overwhelmed. i am more of the person i remember myself to be in the good non-depressed times of my life, not feeling like i'm tripping over all this junk in my head.

some books that really helped me with this question were Listening to Prozac and Against Depression by Peter Kramer (a medical therapist). In the books, he considers the "reality" of the improvements people on aDs experience. he also mentions that there are studies indicating that depression causes brain damage. That really helps frame it as a disease. Unfortunately, the medicines right now are mostly stop-gaps because the causes of depression are still uncertain. (The first anti-depressants were invented by accident.)

so it's like people have already said, depression is the emotional brain disease that you treat with meds just like any other ailment. if you want to feel like you are contributing more to your own happiness, you can. taking pills can put your brain in the right place to feel the positive in life, get out of bed, get some sunshine, do art, make your happiness.

on preview, i feel like buzzv's crutches analogy is spot on.
posted by vaguelyweird at 9:32 AM on February 27

I don't know if I agree with all the physical analogies - crutches, glasses, insulin, etc.

In a way, sure, I can see how the metaphor works in the sense of correcting something that needs corrected--something wrong.

That's the key I think the poster is struggling with. That sense of waking up in the morning--just you, naked, warts and all--and it being "wrong," or broken, in the sense that this needs fixing.

S/he seems to be struggling with the choice between a)"me" and b) "me+drugs." And if it's (b), then the message could be read (even if only internally) as "I am not OK or whole as I am, as I was born.

It's a somewhat abstract, almost philosophical point, but I can see how it could be bothersome.

Like someone said above, broken legs, bag eyesight, diabetes are not conflated (accurately or not) with who you are as a person.

How you interact with the world and think about yourself--based on how you feel--that, to a large extent, is you.
posted by gottabefunky at 10:07 AM on February 27 [1 favorite]

I used anti-depressants as a last resort. By the time I was willing to try them, I was at a really bad place and I didn't care at all whether the happiness / lack of anxiety was 'real' or not, I just had to get help.

Just take it for what it is.

(BTW just in case it helps anyone, Zoloft (SSRI) 200 MG quickly wore off for me (2-3 months). I've been on Effexor (SNRI) 175 MG for over 6 months now and it works like a miracle.)
posted by blahtsk at 11:43 AM on February 27

I used to take anti-depressants, they made me feel much better. So good, in fact, that my doctor and I decided it was time to go off of the anti-depressants. It has been almost a year and I still feel great! I don't understand the chemistry behind anti-depressants, but I do know that for me, anyway, the point of going on them was to get myself better and that the end result of the pill I was on was that you were supposed to stay better (although sometimes people do relapse and then go back on again until they feel better).
posted by echo0720 at 12:22 PM on February 27

I asked my therapist about this before I decided to take antidepressants. She said that far from feeling like different people, most people felt more like themselves.

If you have control over the things that were making you unhappy, you should try to change those things. If you're depressed because you hate your job, or your partner, or where you live, you should try to change those things.

But as people said above, sometimes when you're really depressed you're not able to do much of anything, let alone pull yourself out of your deep, dark hole to look for a new job or do any of the things that can improve your happiness in the long run. You can sit in bed and cry or walk around like a zombie. Some people lose years of their lives like that.

If you feel emotionally numb and you don't like it, then discuss that with your therapist. If you're happy, I wouldn't let moral or other preconceptions about "true" happiness get in the way of your progress. Good luck.
posted by walla at 10:20 PM on February 27

"You may be feeling better, but it's really just the pills--without them, deep down, you're still a sad/angry/dysfunctional person."

Some neuropsych here: meds or not, you are nothing but chemicals all the way down. There is no "real you" or "fake you"; there's just you. Decide what sort of life you want to experience; if meds help you move your mental state closer to it, use them.
posted by korpios at 10:53 AM on March 3 [2 favorites]