I think I want to find my own wife now.
February 24, 2009 8:10 AM Subscribe
I'm from a South Asian culture and made the mistake of allowing my parents to start looking for a girl for me. How do I get out of this?
posted by reenum to Human Relations (16 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
First, some background: I'm a 30 year old male, originally from the Indian Subcontinent. I've been living in the US since 1990.
Recently, my parents began bringing up the topic of marriage. They said they could find some girls for me and there wouldn't be any obligation for me to take things farther with them unless I really wanted to.
About a month after I gave them the go-ahead, my folks presented a prospect to me. She was nice looking, but had spent 8 years in undergrad. This was a red flag, and I decided not to talk to her. This girl was my uncle's friend's daughter, so my parents and my uncle and aunt were on my back to talk to this girl. I firmly said no, I had no interest. Eventually, all parties left the matter alone.
Over the last month, I've been talking to another girl. She's the niece of a family friend. The girl seems nice enough, but I don't feel a connection. I told my dad to let her dad know it would not be moving forward. My dad told me to think about it before he gave the final word to her parents. I thought about it and still said no. Then, my parents started pressuring me to go and meet this girl, so I could "see what she's really like". I said no thanks.
So, yesterday, my dad calls me up and gives me this big lecture about how I need to think this over again. I have no interest in meeting this girl, but he doesn't seem to want to let it go.
I'm now very disillusioned with all the pressure being put on me to move forward with a girl I don't think would be compatible with me. I feel like this whole process was misrepresented and I want no part of it any longer.
How can I tell my parents to back off and that I no longer want an arranged marriage without hurting their feelings? If hurt feelings can't be avoided, I need a way to tell them that will minimize hurt feelings.