Does everything relate back to sex in the end?

February 21, 2009 6:30 PM

knownothingaboutmalebrain filter: Do straight males really sexualize things related to women's mouths?

quick backstory: I'm a twenty-ish girl, and yesterday as I was waiting to board a plane, I started sucking on a lollipop. Everything was fine, until I suddenly became very self-conscious that this might be an inappropriate action for an adult female in a busy airport.
In my mind, I saw the Hollywood version of my action, familiar to anyone who has seen movies aimed at teenage males. You know, where the girl eats a banana/licking ice cream/sucking lollipop in slow motion; she's portrayed as something akin to a nymphomaniac. I couldn't shake the feeling that, even if I didn't mean it to be sexual, the mere act of licking a sucker, could be seen as such.

I don't really care to know if my lollipop-licking was inappropriate. I'm more curious if this is a matter of films exaggerating the hypersexuality of adolescents, or does the sexualizing slo-mo licking/sucking/yawning obsession in movies reflect something that males really think when they observe girls doing things with their mouths?

I'm thinking of innocently applying lipstick, or the examples above -- not a purposeful come-on from your girlfriend or something.

I would ask male friends or post this unanonymously, but I'm embarrassed to admit that is the kind of inane question that keeps me up at night!

posted by anonymous to human relations (45 comments total)

Sure. Some people more than others.
posted by box at 6:33 PM on February 21

Yes, it is true anonymous.
posted by Meatbomb at 6:40 PM on February 21

I think it happens to some extent, obviously differing a lot from male to male. Most of the time I see a woman eating a banana or whatever, I don't think OMG BLOWJOBS!!! But occasionally I do.
posted by number9dream at 6:40 PM on February 21 [5 favorites]

Does the sexualizing slo-mo licking/sucking/yawning obsession in movies reflect something that males really think when they observe girls doing things with their mouths?

Only because it is a punchline, not out of innate linking of the two.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 6:41 PM on February 21 [1 favorite]

I never did as a teenager (at least not that I remember). As a 31 year old, I still don't. That said, I'm sure that some men do and some, as the previous poster said, probably far more than others.
posted by Effigy2000 at 6:41 PM on February 21

Does everything relate back to sex in the end?

No, sometimes things relate to death. If they don't relate to death, then yeah it's probably sex.

Do straight males really sexualize things related to women's mouths?

Sometimes, yeah.

or does the sexualizing slo-mo licking/sucking/yawning obsession in movies reflect something that males really think when they observe girls doing things with their mouths?

It's not just mouths and it's not just males.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:06 PM on February 21 [2 favorites]

Um. Well, it all depends, you see. Were you batting your eyelashes, arching your back, groaning softly or wandering over your skin with a free hand? There's a whole constellation of behaviors that attract the eye or do not. For example, on the contrary, if you were making crunchy, snorty noises with it and you have a tangled mass of hair covering your face and you were sitting behind a trash can, slumped over your pet carrier, crying, you probably weren't attracting that kind of attention.

Sure, generally speaking, anything you do with an erogenous zone (definitions of this vary) in public view may be viewed as sexually enticing by interested parties. This includes walking. I wouldn't sweat it, though. Real life is never as replete with lascivious action as the movies are.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 7:07 PM on February 21 [11 favorites]

Never mind, got it
posted by who else at 7:10 PM on February 21

George Carlin: As long as I'm being a complete pig up here, let me ask you guys a question.
Let me ask one question of the men. Are you ever able to watch a woman eating a banana and NOT think about a blowjob?

I can't do it. And I know why: I'm a sick, evil fuck! I admit that!

I can't do it! Eating a banana, eating a pickle, licking on an ice cream cone. I'm thinking to myself "LOOK AT THE TOUNGE ON HER! WOW!"

So ladies, be careful when you're standing out in front of that Häagen-Dazs. 'Cause God damn it, we're watching. And God damn it, we're thinking!
posted by Cookiebastard at 7:18 PM on February 21 [1 favorite]

I'm not sure that tricking me into coprophilia is gonna sell me ice cream...
posted by cmoj at 7:20 PM on February 21

Regardless of Carlin, I think you'd have to already be in the mood to see something sexual about it. Honestly if you were really, awfully horny at the moment a lot of things could look inadvertently sexual. Sometimes I see something and go, oh that could be probably get a guy going, but he'd have to be pretty creative.
posted by mmmleaf at 7:23 PM on February 21

Yes.
posted by fixedgear at 7:28 PM on February 21

This is the reason that I eat bananas by breaking off bites with my fingers. I had forgotten I even started doing that for a reason as a self-conscious girl, but so I did. Now it's a habit.

Nonetheless, it's not worth worrying about - if you think about what men might be thinking about you all the time, you'll go mad.
posted by Countess Elena at 7:29 PM on February 21 [2 favorites]

The bottom line is that if you're a woman, a straight/bisexual man who is attracted to you could become aroused by literally anything that you do. Reading a book in a cafe, lick your finger to turn a page? That can spawn a fantasy in a man's mind. Turn to look at a sudden noise to your right, revealing a curve of muscle and tendon in your neck? Some men can spend an hour thinking about just that. Stumbled over a crack in the sidewalk? The tensing of your calf muscle could give birth an imaginary epic.

Whether the movie thing itself is an imaginary thing depends on the man. For some, it's an exaggeration. For others it's a realistic report of the facts. Pornographic fantasies can leap from the arch of an eyebrow for many of us. You'd be interested to hear the experiences of FTM transsexuals who start their hormone therapies, I think. Testosterone is a powerful force.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:29 PM on February 21 [7 favorites]

s/b "Whether the movie thing itself is an exaggerated thing," but you get the point.
posted by middleclasstool at 7:30 PM on February 21

From what men who have been involved with me have told me, if a man finds a woman very attractive and he's somewhat in the mood anyway, *anything* she does could potentially seem erotic. Years back I was involved with a co-worker. He told me that during a meeting we were in, I was idly playing with my necklace (a tiny silver rose pendant on a silver chain) and moving the little rose back and forth across my skin within the v-neck of my sweater. The sight of this got him so, um, excited he had to make an excuse to stay at the table for a few minutes past the end of the meeting so he could have a chance to calm down.
posted by orange swan at 7:37 PM on February 21 [1 favorite]

For what it's worth, I'm a woman who automatically thinks about sex whenever I eat bananas, ice cream, strawberries, or lollipops. I then feel self-conscious about whether anyone around might be able to tell what I'm thinking about. I don't watch a huge number of movies aimed at teen boys, but I think it's a common enough reference that it has something to do with it. (Although bananas I probably would have come up with own my own.)

It's not just modern movies, though. My mother had an art book that I loved to look at as a child including a renaissance-era (I believe) painting of a girl eating a piece of fruit, which was accompanied by some text talking about, among other things, the obviously erotic qualities of the girls mouth and the piece of fruit. I think it's a fairly well-known painting, but I can't find it online now. So really: a lot of people, men and women, of all ages, can make nearly anything relate to sex in one way or another (more or less depending on whether they were feeling at all sexy in the first place). Because it's one of the fundamentals, like death, as someone upthread said.
posted by frobozz at 7:49 PM on February 21

Unless you were doing it in a sexualized manner, no.
posted by LarryC at 7:50 PM on February 21

Did you keep deepthroating it?
Did you gag at first, but soon after conquered that gag reflex?
Did you keep moaning and pinching your nipples?

If not, then I doubt anyone besides the perenially horny notice this.

And let me just tell you that the perenially horny would have noticed behavior even if it was as innocent as scratching some instant win tickets. I remember being 12 and wanting nothing more than to have a girl eat a banana in front of me. When I saw that, I was terribly disappointed. What the fuck was up with all the chewing?

Total turn off.
posted by hal_c_on at 7:54 PM on February 21 [2 favorites]

I wouldn't worry about it. In a crowded place, we can't always be worrying about what other people are thinking.

But yeah, it is likely that some small proportion (or maybe many?) of the men that caught a glance of what your were doing felt that way, if only for the slimmest of moments. But you don't have to be using an erogenous zone for a guy to find you/something about you sexually attractive or beautiful. Glancing at the backside (i.e. tight jeans) on a young, reasonably attractive girl is often enough for most guys to at least think erotically for even the slightest of moments. Whether you're sucking on a lollipop or not, strange men will find you attractive and therefore sometimes feel some eroticism about it regardless of your actions.
posted by Risiko at 7:59 PM on February 21

Does everything relate back to sex in the end?

Yes of course. See rule 34.

That being the case, it makes no difference what you do. Enjoy your lollipop, and ignore us.
posted by nonliteral at 8:11 PM on February 21 [1 favorite]

I wouldn't say you were inappropriate, but I bet more than a few guys around you had thoughts of that nature...but that's kind of part being human right?
posted by mattsweaters at 8:16 PM on February 21

I recently posted an old black and white polaroid to my flickr page of a female friend of mine having a cigarette and reading some papers that are in her other hand. It's a calm, peaceful picture. I like the picture because it has such a quiet atmosphere to it. Completely innocent. There is nothing sexual about it. The cigarette is not even in her mouth, it's in her hand.

Almost immediately, I received one comment to the picture: very nice!! how many ciggy you smoke a day?? :)

And then if I clicked on this commenter's profile, his flickr stream was all about chicks smoking.

So, like everyone else is saying, yeah, for some guys, that's their thing.
posted by extrabox at 8:29 PM on February 21

I probably would, in a similar, "I see that a lot in movies aimed at teenage men" sort of way. Don't worry about it though, many pointless thoughts waft through my brain and it will soon be replaced by another, and another...
posted by bonobothegreat at 8:32 PM on February 21

With eye contact, yes... all kinds of innocent things are dirty with eye contact.
posted by magikker at 8:34 PM on February 21

True story: When I was a teenager, I had a neighbor who had a vanity plate on his car. It read, "SWSWSW," and I spent months going crazy trying to figure out what it meant. Finally, one day, I asked him. He laughed and said, "Some will, some won't, so what?"
In the years since, I've noticed that this is in fact the answer to a great many questions. It seems to fit the bill for this one.
posted by willpie at 8:42 PM on February 21 [33 favorites]

Some do. You can find a straight (or gay, or bi) man (or woman, or someone else) to sexualize just about any everyday activity.
posted by Nabubrush at 9:23 PM on February 21

I'd have to agree with the above posters that say some do and some don't, even for women. Even the fact that you linked the act to something sexual yourself has something to say about the issue. Sure it might have come from the media world, but I bet that could be the reason a few others would find it sexual also.

All in all it depends on the person, and their current mood. If it's not one thing it's going to be another that causes those people to get aroused.
posted by jrdnbaade at 9:43 PM on February 21

that this might be an inappropriate action for an adult female in a busy airport.

This here is your real problem. Sure, any number of men will be turned on by a woman sucking a lollipop. This does not make it an inappropriate action for an adult female in a busy airport.
posted by rodgerd at 10:54 PM on February 21 [3 favorites]

Well, for me personally the girl would really have to be doing it in a really sexual way, just sticking a lollipop in your mouth is something I wouldn't notice.

Also, I wanted an excuse to link to this video.
posted by delmoi at 10:55 PM on February 21 [2 favorites]

Straight men sexualize about everything associated with women.
posted by Afroblanco at 11:42 PM on February 21

To echo others here, I feel the most balanced answer is "yes and no and maybe."
posted by ob at 12:47 AM on February 22

No, not inappropriate. You're allowed to suck on whatever you want to wherever you want to. Seriously... why would you question this?

Yes, some men will sexualize it. Assuming you were attractive in the first place, I would have at least a fleeting thought. And I think Carlin's right, most dudes would have at least a momentary sexual thought. But, the number who are going to, like, remember you when they get home is pitifully small.

Also, this is right on the money: "For example, on the contrary, if you were making crunchy, snorty noises with it and you have a tangled mass of hair covering your face and you were sitting behind a trash can, slumped over your pet carrier, crying, you probably weren't attracting that kind of attention."

You don't even need to go so far as the tangled hair or slumping. Just eating it in an unattractive way is going to desexualize it for most folks.

If you're licking the lollipop like you lick a cock (long and slow licks, bobbing your head on it, etc.), then you're in more jeopardy (hah) of men viewing it sexually. But, if you're just ingesting crystallized sugar, not so much.

I think the main thing is that attractive women attract the attention of men. If you're hot, and you're eating a sucker, yes we'll find it sexual; but, if you're hot, and you're playing Guitar Hero, we're going to sexualize that too.
posted by Netzapper at 2:41 AM on February 22

So what if they do? Eat what you want. Wear what you want, too.
posted by amtho at 3:56 AM on February 22

In 1966 Serge Gainsbourg wrote a song for France Gall called 'Les Sucettes' - 'Lollipops'. The song was full of innuendo and double entendres which the young chanteuse was completely innocent of. The song was a bit hit. It's a very catchy tune, but the obvious innocence of the singer in a fetishised presentation undoubtedly helped its popularity.

So yes, there's a very obvious connection between lollipops and oral sex that will easily occur to the 'non-innocent'. And I can understand you not wanting to attract unwanted attention. But I think the fact is that you will, as you are practising an activity that is usually constrained to young children. And it is natural that it is constrained to young children as most of us outgrow the sucking reflex, and most of us develop our palates beyond the child's simple desire for simple sugars.

I am sounding judgemental because I would be judgemental of an adult woman (or man) eating lollypops. You could probably care less I know. But the unusualness of the activity (as most adults outgrow it) will lead to your activity more easily being fetishised. Again, you could probably care less (but then why are you asking?).

And I'm rather bemused by your ignoring the sexual basis of lipstick. Lipstick exists because of the sexual association. Yes, it may be normalised so that it is not constantly on people's minds and women may apply it without registering or playing up the sexual connotations but they are undoubtedly there. We are sexual creatures and there will always be sexual overtones to our behaviours and thoughts. And some objects and situations will play to that more than others.
posted by Sitegeist at 4:45 AM on February 22 [1 favorite]

Lemme get this right, Sitegeist... you're judging an action childish. This then means there's an "obvious connection" between that action and sex. I assume, then, that you also sexualize knocking over tippy cups, speaking too loudly for the situation, and putting your shoes on the wrong feet.

While I did just argue that some people are going to find it sexual in the right (non-sexual) context, I think it's a completely unwarranted leap to then assume that it's going to "attract unwanted attention". Unless the lolli is the size of her fucking head, and she's bobbing all over the place while slurping on it, nobody's going to notice. They might notice the cute young woman and then note that she's sucking on a lollipop and-oh-god-that's-so-hot.

But, I find it well and truly asinine to suggest that in a crowded airport, the girl with a sucker is going to immediately get the creepy stare of every penis-bearing human in the room as if she took out her tits.

Also, who made you the fucking lollipop police? I have to assume you're some kind of stodgy English public school type... "develop our palates beyond...simple sugars" indeed. Have you tried any of the boutique lollipops by quality confectioners? No? Because they're for children? I'm pretty sure that there are zero only a handful of children in the world who're going to be down for a cucumber and chili sucker. And even if it's just cherry flavored, why the fuck would you deny yourself moderate amounts of something non-harmful and delicious? But, then I bet you don't eat ice cream, munch french fries, or smile either.

I am sounding judgmental because... well, it's because I find wet blankets uncomfortable, and don't want innocent people to assume their views represent the those of rational humans.

OP, I implore you to ignore this repressed, joyless and hedonistically-stunted boob.
posted by Netzapper at 5:46 AM on February 22 [4 favorites]

Sitegeist -- Taking a break from your annotation of John Shade's poetry?

Good lord.

To the OP: Most things can be, depending upon the context of the observation and the inclinations of the observer. That's why "sexual" gets verbed into "sexualize."

That doesn't mean that its intrinsic to the act, of course, and as pointed out upthread what things and how much is going to vary widely by the individual doing the observation and the person being observed--the the point where I might find Innocuous Action A done by Woman X erotic, but not by Woman Y.

Object identification gets pretty tricky, it's all wrapped up in a really dense, tangled thicket of....semiology.

Ahem.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:22 AM on February 22 [2 favorites]

This arrant knave now feels compelled to reply to the pale fire of Netzapper and snufflupagus' comments.

Let me lay out some, I think, incontrovertible facts. Men sexually value younger women. This can be fetishised (abnormally extended) into sexually valuing very young women or even pre-pubescent girls. Young children enjoy sucking on things - this relates to an instinctive reflex that is usually outgrown. Females can 'pleasure' men by performing fellatio. This all combines to make an adult female sucking on a lollipop very easily perceived as sexually suggestive. It does not have to be perceived that way and the sucker may not wish to be perceived that way. But the activity, for the reasons given above, will be much more suggestive than most other activities. Gainsbourg chose a very easy target (the song practically writes itself) and had a very easy success. It's no accident, mon petit chou, that he chose not to write a song about a young girl who enjoys steamed cabbage.

In brief, you can vamp it up or tone it down and correspondingly increase or decrease the suggestiveness but it is still rather naturally there given the human sexual condition. I feel the OP is being rather naive to not see that. Whether you care or not about the possibility of it being perceived as suggestive by some people is of course your choice.

Now personally, I wouldn't find it attractive. I would instead judge the sucker of having rather juvenile tastes for the reasons given above. That is obviously my hang-up. On the other hand, Netzapper wants to make the world safe for those adults who enjoy the rose bonbons of quality confectioners to suck in peace. I commend his earnest ardour.
posted by Sitegeist at 7:09 AM on February 22 [1 favorite]

Of course, the relative hotness of the lollipop sucker is an important variable in this equation.
posted by spilon at 10:44 AM on February 22

This is why I hate drinking from a straw. Especially when I'm wearing lipstick. I feel like there are eyes on me, sexualizing my thirst-quenching.
posted by Night_owl at 12:35 PM on February 22

Sitegeist -- Taking a break from your annotation of John Shade's poetry?

Best comment I've seen on this site in ages. Love it to pieces.

I worry about this crap sometimes too, to the point I break off bananas in bits first like someone mentioned above. Then I get really annoyed I give a crap and try to remember to eat (and wear, as someone else mentioned above) what I want to.

I think it does vary wildly by person, and with context/mood. My boyfriend doesn't blink an eye when I eat bananas or lollipops or whatever.
posted by ifjuly at 3:07 PM on February 22

I was totally unaware of this until one hot summer day when I walked down a busy New York street enjoying an ice cream cone. I don't do stuff like that in public anymore -- I'd probably be too awkward/self-conscious to enjoy it anymore anyway -- because I figure that what I heard that day, some people would almost certainly be thinking. It's not at all the "fault"/issue of the person with the lollipop or ice cream cone, but it's not a reaction I want to encourage if I can avoid it so easily.
posted by booksandlibretti at 4:41 PM on February 22

Funny question.

I just wanted to suggest that if you want to avoid suggestive thoughts coming out of your bannana eating, instead of locking your lips around the damn thing and mooshing of a hunk, grab that sucker with your bared incisors and rip off the end, scanning the room immediately afterwards to punctuate the aggression. Most guys, methinks, would quit fantasizing PDQ.

You can't control what other people think, for heaven's sake, and it pays to develop a thick skin in which you are comfortable dwelling. Worrying about what guys think is premature until you discern whether they actually do!
posted by FauxScot at 4:45 PM on February 22 [1 favorite]

I don't understand why everyone wants to break bananas into pieces and what have you. I kind of like the idea that I could be standing in an airport with my laptop and my boring suit and performing a symbolically sexual act. Kind of like knowing on the inside that you are wearing a black lace thong under your suit...and that maybe one other person knows too...I wonder if my local airport has a Haagen-Dazs.
posted by Betsy Vane at 9:33 PM on February 23 [1 favorite]

BUT I hasten to say that this looks different from mid-thirties-ish than from twenty-ish. Do not try this, anonymous, I have a sister your age.
posted by Betsy Vane at 9:35 PM on February 23