How do I tell you what name to call me?

February 19, 2009 6:32 PM

How do I let you know that I go by my middle name when all you have is a piece of paper to look at?

I have your basic First Middle Last name. My father and I share the same first name, which he goes by, and I go by my middle name. Always have, always will. In fact, if you call me by my first name, I may not realize that you're addressing me. I was counted absent my first few days of 10th grade because of this, actually. However, for my resume and for job applications and forms, I have learned to put all three names. I found out the hard way that getting payroll and HR and management to understand that the guy who submitted the resume as F. Middle Last is the same guy who applied as Middle Last but filled out the insurance paperwork as First Middle Last. That took over a year at one place to straighten out.

What I am trying to do is figure out how to make it as obvious as possible when looking at my resume/business card or my website (where I have the domain of firstmiddlelast.com) that I go by my middle name. Mainly I want to do this so that I won't have to politely correct people when they invariably call me by my first name, and in some ways I just don't like to go by my first name - when someone calls me by that name I feel that they're not addressing me, but some other, more formal me that I'm really not.

Here are the things I've tried. Which one best conveys the 'call this guy by his middle name' message I'm going for, or if there is a better way, let me know what you'd do instead.

First Middle Last
(First) Middle Last - this is what I currently use
First (Middle) Last

Or, if the answer is 'just politely correct them when they call you by your first name' then that is acceptable also.

posted by ralan to work & money (39 comments total)

Why not F. "Middle" Last?

Since going by your middle name is technically a nickname, the quotes seem appropriate to me.

Use the full name on legal docs, or anything formal
Use the Abbreviated F. "Middle" name whenever it is informal, or if the person already knows who you "really[legally]" are
posted by Ryaske at 6:38 PM on February 19, 2009

I was always First "Middle" Last. Then I started going by First.
posted by sanko at 6:39 PM on February 19, 2009

Put yourself down as "A. Firstname Lastname." They'll call you by the Firstname.

As in, "W. Jefferson Clinton" or "G. Walker Bush." People would casually call those fellows "Jefferson" and "Walker," respectively.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:42 PM on February 19, 2009

your problem is consistency.

make a choice and stick to it. it's permissible for you to abbreviate your first name with just it's initial. (I am not certain if you can completely neglect it on a contract without having to make an official name-change but I am sure a lawyer could tell you.) make sure to sign your emails/letters/postcards/faxes/telegrams/marble plates with that initial and spelled out middle name or middle name only.

wikipedia suggests:
People who are known primarily by their middle name usually abbreviate their first name to an initial (e.g. F. Scott Fitzgerald and W. Somerset Maugham). Sometimes the first name is unmentioned (e.g., Paul McCartney whose first name is James).

so make a choice: W. Axl Rose (whose name is actually William Tate Rose, imagine screaming that at a concert!) or Paul McCartney.

people are confused because you confuse them. be clear and you will be understood.
posted by krautland at 6:45 PM on February 19, 2009 [2 favorites]

I've only known two people that went by their middle name and it so happens they were both named John Michael. They both used "J. Michael Lastname". I knew them both for quite a while before I realized Mike wasn't their first name.
posted by bda1972 at 6:47 PM on February 19, 2009

I've always gone with your last option. Smiling and politely correcting the HR person I'm dealing with at the beginning of a job gives opportunity for human connection—rare enough in those circumstances—and quashes the problem without changing important things like tax documents, etc. For the resume and forms and cetera it's always just been Firstname Carson Lastname, and then I either grin and bear it through the interview process or take the opportunity to re-introduce myself, depending on circumstances. Once the paperwork people are done with you, it's easy enough to get everyone you introduce yourself to on board with the middle name.
posted by carsonb at 6:51 PM on February 19, 2009

Heh, my last was pretty much one of those 'do what you said you didn't want to do' answers, sorry.

Agreeing with krautland, make a decision and stick with it. As long as your middle name is spelled out wherever you already have your first name out there (website), I'd go with the F. Middlename Lastname format on business cards and the like. So someone who looks at your tax forms or your web address sees Foo Michael Bar, and when they see your business card or actual website or resume it's F. Michael Bar.
posted by carsonb at 6:58 PM on February 19, 2009

My boss does this, and omits his Firstname entirely. Only a problem when people book flights for him without checking what his actual name is, oops.
posted by wingless_angel at 7:02 PM on February 19, 2009

I think you're worrying too much about the supposed "legality" of your name. Just stop telling people your first name. Stop putting it on documents etc. Your middle name is also your name - so just use it.

None of this A. Baba Caracas - just be Baba Caracas. On resumes, cards, websites, emails, to your employers. If you have to - swap them around on forms you fill out (ie use "Baba Abe Caracas").

Think you can do it ? - b*****t. "Xhris" isn't my first name, but 4 out of the last 5 employers took it as such. I have 2 out of 3 three bank accounts with it. I have credit cards, utility bills, telephone accounts, etc. all with it.

And what's the risk - none really. You're not doing anything wrong. Even the one bank account I have where they have my real full name was willing to issue the debit card just with middle-last.

I can't think of a friend who even knows it's not my actual first name.


- Xhris
posted by Xhris at 7:09 PM on February 19, 2009

My cousin simply doesn't use his first name. He's not "Charles Kevin" or "C. Kevin". He's just "Kevin". If you don't want people to use the name, don't put it on your pieces of paper!
posted by larsks at 7:11 PM on February 19, 2009

Before I started going by it, I just omitted my first name entirely, unless it was on an official document (health card, SIN etc).
posted by sunshinesky at 7:16 PM on February 19, 2009

All the people I know who exclusively use their middle name, leave their first off of everything except legal documents. Well, there is the one guy who does F. Middlename Lastname in his email signatures, not sure why, but he does.

Just drop your first name entirely; anything where legal precision matters will ask you if you've ever gone by other names in the past, and that gives you an opportunity to say "yes, I have used the name "Firstname Middlename Lastname."
posted by Tomorrowful at 7:16 PM on February 19, 2009

My mom and her sister go by their middle names (maybe that says something about my grandmother's ability to name her children?). They solve this problem by only using the middle names except in situations where their legal name is actually required. I think I was 12 before I even realized this was the case with my aunt. You won't have any problems if you just write Middle Last on documents that aren't going directly to the federal government.
posted by 0xFCAF at 7:21 PM on February 19, 2009

My friend who goes by the nickname for her middle name has this as her email sig: M. Jennifer (Jenny) Smith. She introduces herself and signs emails as Jenny, and I think she signs contracts as M. Jennifer Smith. Her emails show up as from Jennifer Smith. The only time it's been a serious problem was when she lost her out-of-state driver's license and had to get it replaced, because her documents all had slightly different variations and the DMV is evil.

Maybe change your domain to just be middlelast? Even if you don't, leave the first name off your resume entirely or just use an initial, then explain to HR in person when you get hired and go fill out your paperwork. It's totally fine to correct people, too, or say, I go by Middle. I have a commonly mispronounced first name and I just correct people by saying oh, I'm X, and if they seem embarrassed, I tell them everyone does it. Most people just say oh, okay, thanks, and it's really not a big deal.
posted by min at 7:37 PM on February 19, 2009

Let's get something straight right off the bat -- spending an inordinate amount of time straightening out health insurance documents is not confined to first/middle name problems. Just try telling them that you cannot receive mail anywhere but a PO Box -- it's like their heads explode. You cannot guarantee that paperwork will be understood correctly.

That said, I agree with the folks that suggest you drop your first name entirely (I hope middlelast.com is available). Resume, job applications, email, love notes, should all be Middle Last. The only time you should use your first name is on material that asks you to specify your middle name.

You could also consider a legal name change to Middle First Last.
posted by Rock Steady at 7:37 PM on February 19, 2009

I am a middle name guy and for almost everything I go by only Michael Boyle. From time to time (an unfortunate period in high school in particular) I've added my first initial but I dropped it pretty quickly after the whim struck.

For my passport, credit cards (now, not always), tax documents and things like my health card and driver's license, I use my full name fully spelled out. This has caused potentially serious confusion only once, but even that (getting on a plane with a ticket that said Michael Boyle and ID that said Brian Michael Boyle. Even that, however, ended up simply being 3 minutes of my life I can't get back.
posted by mikel at 7:41 PM on February 19, 2009

Just go by Middle Last, which is what I have on my resume and business card. The HR person where I work has me on a couple of documents as First Middle Last, but no one I work with calls me First.

And you seem to have always gone by Middle, which should make it easier, I went by First until I was twenty, but never liked it, and when I moved away to a new city, took the chance to change to Middle. It worked fine, but I did not make family and friends from my old life call me Middle, figuring I would just be First to people from the old days and Middle to everyone from now on. Easy-peasy. I had overlooked the fact that people who knew me as First would introduce me to others as First, and now in some social circles, there are some people who address me as First and others who call me Middle. This is fine -- I respond to both -- but once in a long while I will blank out as I am calling someone and say, "Hi, this is Fir -- I mean, Middle..."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:55 PM on February 19, 2009

Speaking as a payroll person, what you will see on your check and W2 is usually a direct reflection of how you fill out your new hire paperwork. Consistency on these forms is helpful, but if there's some reason why you're using different name formats on different forms, it'd be a good idea to explain this to the person who collects your paperwork. We want to get it right the first time just as much as you do.

For business cards and/or your nameplate, I'd go with F. Middle Last or just Middle Last. If you spell out First, you'll be correcting people.
posted by contrariwise at 7:56 PM on February 19, 2009

Oh, and to add to mikel's point above, I book airline tickets as First Middle Last, but even when I booked them as Middle Last, it was never a serious problem.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:57 PM on February 19, 2009

F. Middlename Lastname seems like standard practice. I've seen people guys do this at work.
posted by qvtqht at 8:15 PM on February 19, 2009

My boyfriend and brother are both F Middle Last people, too. They both just go by Middle Last until it's time to fill out an official form, then they fill in F Middle Last. The only place the real first name is spelled outright is on a passport- all other documents are F Middle Last, even driver's licenses. So just be consistent.
Do you need to keep the web domain FirstMiddleLast.com? Can you get FMiddleLast.com instead? Or even better, just go by MiddleLast and drop the First altogether except as an aside when filling out legal papers?
posted by pseudostrabismus at 8:19 PM on February 19, 2009

Another Middle-namer here. On my resume and email, I'm F. Middle Last. This makes it obvious that I go by my middle name (and, I think, sounds kinda cool). I use my first name on anything that seems official, like payroll/ tax forms. I think I identify more with my first name than you do, because I have no problem introducing myself by it in a situation where someone is not likely to recognize my middle name. I've gotten pretty used to letting people know, when I meet them face to face, that I go by my middle name. The best is when, since my first name has multiple nicknames, they rattle off three or so guesses (First? Firsty? Firsto?) as to what I'm called and I bust out, "Actually, it's [middle nick-name]." Normally I have to explain myself. If I never meet the person, it doesn't bother me all that much if they think I go by my first name. Mostly I don't assume any one but people I've actually spoken to will know what to call me, so I go with F. Middle Last or Full Middle Last to avoid any confusion.
posted by PhatLobley at 8:37 PM on February 19, 2009

What I am trying to do is figure out how to make it as obvious as possible when looking at my resume/business card or my website ... that I go by my middle name.

There is one very specific convention for making this clear: F. Middle Last.

For instance, if I refer to J. Paul McCartney, you should know I mean the former Beatle. If I refer to James Paul McCartney, it's less clear because it sounds like I'm referring to someone named James McCartney.


(where I have the domain of firstmiddlelast.com)

Well, that's a problem -- it conflicts with your goal of making it clear that you don't go by First. Again, there's just one way to do what you want aside from leaving off the first name altogether, and that's F. Middle Last. Anything other than that will send mixed messages.
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:38 PM on February 19, 2009

My brother goes by Middle Last. His legal name is First Middle Last, which rarely comes into play. I can send him checks to Middle Last and they are deposited. The only issue is when he travels. He has to have airplane tickets in his legal name, First Middle Last. In every other aspect of his life- work, personal, online - he is Middle Last.

If middlelast.com is available, get that. If not, see if FIMiddleLast.com is available. Use F. Middle Last on resumes.
posted by bedhead at 8:57 PM on February 19, 2009

I dated a woman who went by F. Middle Last. Her first name was easy to say but looked nothing like how it was spelled and she got tired of people screwing it up.

F. Middle Last. Problem solved!
posted by 2oh1 at 10:12 PM on February 19, 2009

I have the same challenge.

My middle name is my given name, and my first name is my (what used to be called) Christian name (or what other people use as a middle name).

It's a family tradition on my father's side. My father's middle name is also his given name, and my father's first name is his father (my grandfather)'s given name, which was also his middle name. My grandfather's first name was my great-grandfather's middle (given) name.

Having a middle name as my given name has been a constant source of annoyance for me, ever since my first bank account at age 15. It also causes problems for everything from health insurance to utility payments.

I've never found a solution that lets people know that my middle name is my given name.

So, when my son was born, I gave up the tradition. My parents weren't happy, but they got over it.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:55 PM on February 19, 2009

I am a F. Middle Last. Even though my parents have urged me to change my name to make things easier. The only people that know that I am First Middle Last are close friends, family and the government. No matter what you do, someone, at some point will not understand.

When filling out forms, I like to draw a star next to Middle to bring attention to it.
posted by schyler523 at 12:13 AM on February 20, 2009

I have a colleague who used to be an F. Middle Last. But when he got married, he legally changed his name to Middle WifeMaidenName Last. Don't know if that solution would work for you, but it always seemed clever to me.
posted by sesquipedalian at 12:23 AM on February 20, 2009

Datapoint: I write F. Middle Last, or just Middle Last.
posted by dunkadunc at 12:57 AM on February 20, 2009

KokuRyu, I feel your pain since I've been in the same boat all of my life. Breaking a long family tradition, I swore I'd never do it to my kids and I didn't.

It's been a special pain in the neck for me since I have a somewhat unusual first name that a lot of people find funny or mispronounce or both.
posted by imjustsaying at 4:01 AM on February 20, 2009

I go by my middle name for the exact same reasons as you. Mostly, I don't even mention my first name (it's not on my business card, for example, nor does any trace of it show up in my work email). If I have to sign something Very Important, I'll sign "F. Middlename Lastname" but that's about it.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 5:31 AM on February 20, 2009

All medical, travel, and financial stuff I use First Last.
Everything else, I use Middle Last.
My business cards say F. Middle Last.
posted by smackfu at 5:46 AM on February 20, 2009

Nthing the F. Middle Last convention. That telegraphs that you go by your middle name. If you use a nickname, you have the option of putting that in parentheses after your name. Example: legal name Frank John Jones, but you really use John as your name and your nickname is Jack, so you list yourself in something like an email signature file as
F. John Jones (Jack), or some variation.

Of the 3 friends and workmates who use their middle name, F. Middle Last is how they do the formal/legal stuff, and just use Middle Last informally and for most everyday things, even to the extent of having Middle Last be how they are listed in the official office Outlook address book.

The person I know who goes exclusively by a nickname, that is not derived from either her first or middle names, does this: First Middle Last (Nickname) or First (Nickname) Last. Example: Elizabeth (Sandy) Jones or Elizabeth Mary Jones (Sandy.)
posted by gudrun at 7:36 AM on February 20, 2009

Speaking as an HR person I would like to nth the "pick one and stick with it" mentality. BUT when you are filling out paperwork make sure the HR person at least knows you have a first name that is different even though all your paperwork just says Middle Last because invariably something is going to arrive that says First Last and they aren't going to know who that is.

A big company will have an HRIS system for tracking employees. Any HRIS system worth its salt has a place for "Other Names". A small company is just going to write your First name on the name sticker on your employee file so they know about it. It is really not an issue unless you make it an issue by sometimes using your First name, just don't ever use it.
posted by magnetsphere at 7:50 AM on February 20, 2009

I do First Middle Last for legal/HR forms and signing checks and credit card slips, and Middle Last for everything else. (Including plane tickets, but then I have First Middle Last on my driver's license.)

Which one best conveys the 'call this guy by his middle name' message I'm going for, or if there is a better way, let me know what you'd do instead.

Put Middle Last on your web site, business card, and resume. Keep the domain because .coms are hard to come by, unless you can get middlelast.com.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:19 AM on February 20, 2009

Only another datapoint, because I think the basic answer is this: Going by anything other than your given first name is - by design - confusing and will naturally result in confusion. So you never really get around it.

I'm "F. Middle Last" on my resume and business cards and on email signatures, unless it is a quick reply in which case I professionally sign "FML" and personally sign "M." I sign "FMLast" as a handwritten signature. On all forms that ask for it, I include my full "First Middle Last." I introduce myself as "Middle." And I always stick to this routine.

It works pretty well.
posted by greekphilosophy at 9:07 AM on February 20, 2009

Thanks everyone for your replies. In the 25+ years I've been in the work force (my lawn, get off of it; uphill both ways, etc) I've tried the F. Middle Last and Middle Last a few times on various resumes and business cards and forms. But I've found that unless I put all three names everywhere, I end up with situations where First Last has insurance, but the paychecks go to Middle Last, and according to HR none of those people are First Middle Last, who doesn't seem to actually work here. But then again, I could just be dealing with idiots on all fronts, which would help explain a lot of what went on at some of my past jobs.

I am pretty insistent that everyone I actually work with calls me by my middle name; I was just looking for an easier way to smooth that transition from Mr. First Last to just Middle name. It seems that F. Middle Last is a lot more common now, so that may be the path I end up taking.
posted by ralan at 1:21 PM on February 20, 2009

Going to piggyback here. I'm in the exact same situation, except I'm 18 years old, so pretty much nothing in my name now is permanent. I didn't know about this whole "filling in forms F. Middle Last" thing before, and I want to start. Now.

I changed my bank account into F. Middle Last. I have a few questions:

How do people that do this fill out First Middle Initial Last forms? "Middle F. Last"? "Middle Last"?

If I start using F. Middle Last right now, incredibly consistently, will it be ok? Still using First Middle Last on tax forms and such, but for all else, F. Middle Last?
posted by Precision at 6:33 PM on February 20, 2009

How do people that do this fill out First Middle Initial Last forms?

The tricky thing is that you can almost always put a space in the first name. So you can be "F Middle" "Last".

You occasionally run into poorly written software that strips out the space, and then a poor clerk trying to be overly familiar calls you Bscott.
posted by smackfu at 7:19 PM on February 20, 2009