Custody Battle Care Package?

February 19, 2009 4:57 PM

What moral-support gifts can I send a friend fighting for access to her daughter?

A good friend has developed the courage to escape from an emotionally abusive marriage. She lives in a country with some rather knee-jerk patriarchal attitudes about child custody and is currently fighting for access to her daughter. I live on the other side of the world and feel helpless. Moral support is all I can offer from here. That I can offer and do. But beyond words, what can I physically send without it coming across as trivial as the whole concept of a "custody battle care package" sounds?
In the past I have always sent gifts of books for her daughter, but that feels incredibly insensitive right now.

posted by tabubilgirl to human relations (4 comments total)

Money? Have a fundraiser and send a check?

Other than that, a thoughtful letter that let's her know how great she is and how much you support her would probably do wonders. Frequent contact so that she can vent. Do you know anyone in her area -- perhaps you could send them money and instruct them to buy her a bunch of groceries and fresh-cut flowers to her from you?
posted by amanda at 5:55 PM on February 19

My family has always thought nice food-type things and other consumables are always a good present to send - it will brighten your spirits and not end up as something you need to find a place for. Tea, for instance, is a comforting thing - warms you up. And you can ship it without much problem. Think of the things your friend would consider a treat - chocolates and other candies, dried goods, bath salts even.

Including a nice note that says you are thinking of her and she has your support will probably be the nicest thing you could send, then she can re-read it later when she needs it.
posted by lizbunny at 5:55 PM on February 19

Something beautiful she can wear or use knowing that you sent it to her with love to show your support? A scarf, a mug, a teapot, earrings, a little painting or photograph...whatever you think she would like, and much better if it's something she can't or would not buy for herself. I have certain things that were given to me that make me happy every time I use them or see them because they were given with love, or given as a gift to cheer me up during a rough time. It just makes me feel cared for to see them, because that was the intent in giving. And definitely include a nice note!
posted by min at 7:50 PM on February 19

When Vivienne was ill and we were away from friends and family pursuing her medical treatment, many people sent us snuggly, soft, comfortable blankets. Being warm and cozy, especially as this was during winter, was a very nice gift.

Also when we were in Memphis, my favorite cousin sent us food at least monthly, often weekly. Omaha steaks, or a package with pasta and gourmet sauce and chocolates and a bottle of wine. Cookies. Different things. It was so nice to be thought of that way.

Books for your friend might be nice - not necessarily only books about mothers struggling in one way or another, but good reads, funny books, page turners. Think things that can help ease any anxiety.

Sometimes, just an "I'm thinking of you and I care for you" card, messages of love and support, can mean a lot. Sometimes, you know, people are just having a BAD day with it and getting that nice thought in the mail can brighten everything up.

Recently, someone anonymously sent me an Angel of Hope necklace. These are specifically for cancer and illness, but I am wearing it right now and it is SO positive, reminding me that Vivienne inspired love and generosity in many people. So maybe something special like that.

Anyway, my circumstances were definitely different with a child being ill, but all the same, I enjoyed receiving these tokens of love and support. They helped me feel SO much less alone.
posted by bunnycup at 8:22 AM on February 20