I'll give you something not to cry about

February 19, 2009 11:27 AM

Can anyone recommend a technique, mental or physical, to keep myself from breaking out sobbing?

I've been struggling all morning with the urge to burst out in uncontrollable sobs. I fully intend to deal more fully with the the state of my mental health as soon as possible, but I can't leave work today or take off tomorrow and I don't have a lot of privacy in my work environment.

Does anyone have any suggestions for damming the flood?

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (28 comments total)

Listen to happy music on headphones. Go read The Onion for awhile. Take a coffee break with a fun co-worker and gossip about the office. Write an email to a close friend about how you feel and why.
posted by orange swan at 11:35 AM on February 19

Short term: My best strategy is to try to get tears to flow out of my tear ducts by basically tightening them up. It sounds odd, but this makes it harder for them to actually tear up. If that explanation doesn't make sense, imagine trying to push something out of your eyes, but you can't use your fingers.

Blinking rapidly, deep breathing and softly biting my upper lip between my teeth sometimes work for me as well.

Long term: I am sad about X. Every time I think about X, I sob. When I get time to myself, I make sure to think about X and have a good, private cry over it. It helps lessen the uncontrollable public crying.
posted by soelo at 11:35 AM on February 19

Go to washroom and splash cold water on your face. Breathe deeply.
Bite the inside of your cheek.
Go for a quick walk around the building.
Force yourself to laugh really hard.

All of the above?
posted by pixlboi at 11:36 AM on February 19

Breathing. It's the only thing that calms me down sometimes and keeps me from embarrassing myself in the middle of sticky situations like class.

Take some deep breaths through your nose, close your eyes for a few seconds, and try to put things in perspective. You're thinking, working, and walking around, which is much better than some people right now.
posted by derogatorysphinx at 11:36 AM on February 19

Promise yourself you'll sob the moment you get away from work. Tell yourself you can wait, just a few hours. Breathe slowly and deeply, think of something else; math problems, puppies, food. Walk around if you can, outside if at all possible. Sip some warm beverage.
posted by The otter lady at 11:36 AM on February 19

proper breathing.
here's an article which may help you.
posted by The_Auditor at 11:36 AM on February 19

sometimes it helps me to think about (and I mean really focus and visualize) random non-emotional things: public bathroom floor tiles, baseball, barbara bush's face.
posted by tealeaf522 at 11:37 AM on February 19 [2 favorites]

Take a deep breath and very kindly tell yourself that you can cry later, if you still need to. This works on two levels: you acknowledge that you're hurting, and that that's totally okay, and you remind yourself that you're strong enough to hang in 'til you're somewhere private where you can let it all out. Also, distraction can help. I suggest overheardintheoffice.com or anything to do with lolcats. Good luck to you, and I hope you feel better soon. :)
posted by Flipping_Hades_Terwilliger at 11:38 AM on February 19

Deep, slow breaths. Inhale (slowly) through your nose, pause, then exhale (slowly) through your mouth. It might feel like you can't quite catch your breath at the top of the inhale. That's okay. Just keep at it -- deep and slow. (Feel free to giggle at how dirty it sounds.)

Now, close your eyes and envision a physical location that you associate with good thoughts. (My proverbial "happy place" is the creek in the Snowy Range in Wyoming where I used to go on picnics with my grandparents.) Just keep thinking of being there. Keep breathing slowly and deeply. Tell yourself that this wave of grief will pass, and that you are taking care of yourself and that you'll be OK. (My mantra in moments like this is "whatever happens, I can handle it.")

Hang in there and be good to yourself.
posted by scody at 11:40 AM on February 19 [3 favorites]

I was having this problem last week, and I found that immersing myself in a subject I really knew nothing about was incredibly effective in distracting me. I hunted around on the internet/MeFi for everything I could find about quantum mechanics, read everything I could find, and was able to hold back the tears until I got home.

(Of course, this only works if you are able to do it without getting in trouble. I also work in an office with little privacy, but no one can see what I have up on my monitor most of the time.)
posted by esmerelda_jenkins at 11:42 AM on February 19

What they said. I close my eyes, blank my mind and take a couple minutes to just breathe.
posted by deborah at 11:44 AM on February 19

i used to have problems with this when I had PMS . . . I would tear up over the most ridiculous things, so i looked on the internet for ways to physically prevent it.

i agree with all the above that the best idea is just to push "IT" out of your mind as best you can. but at the moment when you feel it wave over you again, and you're about to tear up, try sticking out your lower jaw as far as you can (like an underbite.) also, take big gulps of water. according to the internet, these two tricks will physically prevent crying. to be honest, i can't remember whether they worked or not, but it's worth a shot.
posted by lblair at 11:51 AM on February 19

Do something to distract yourself such as mentioned above. I've looked at frayed edges of carpet, a painting, even doodled a rhythmic pattern. I've also gone into the bathroom many a time. If it's extreme, try something that's unavoidably distracting. For example, to get through a memorial service I took a straight pin and poked my hand with it - the physical pain was distracting enough. But, it's gotta be really unavoidable for that to be a good choice. Much better in my mind is going into the bathroom.
posted by mightshould at 11:56 AM on February 19

Do jumping jacks or jump rope. It's nearly impossible to break down while your engaged in this exercise.
posted by Chele66 at 12:30 PM on February 19

Pictures/video of kittens or baby pandas or some such for some positive brain chemicals.

For stemming the tears, look upward.
posted by yarrow at 12:37 PM on February 19

Have a cup of tea with sugar. If you're British, you will already have tried this, so assuming you're not, be aware that I'm talking about hot black tea, with milk in it. Really, it works.
posted by Acheman at 12:57 PM on February 19 [2 favorites]

Seconding getting outside for a brisk walk- get your heart rate up for 15 to 20 minutes. I did this today after dealing with a series of stressful events (I was racing uphill to a meeting) and noticed that my mood was significantly lifted after being winded and out in the sun.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:57 PM on February 19

I was at a funeral the other day sitting in the pew and snivelling thinking "I HAVE to askme about tips to stop this."

I tried some of the techniques mentioned in this previous askme and none of them worked. I hoped there might be some new suggestions.
posted by CunningLinguist at 1:02 PM on February 19

What works for me sometimes, especially as a real-life allergy sufferer: Pretend it's all in your nose, grab a tissue, and blow really hard. Eyes and nose have enough of an interrelation that if one goes off, the other inevitably follows. Method acting: think to yourself how ANNOYING it is that you forgot to take (allergy drug of choice) before you left the house, wonder what's causing it THIS time, and so on. It gives your brain something new to dwell on.
posted by gnomeloaf at 1:19 PM on February 19

There was a period of time when it would be so hard for me to not cry constantly, so I thought "hmm, what makes me happy every time, without fail?" And the answer was KITTENS!

I just went to kittenwar.com whenever I felt tears coming on and it helped.

So if kittens don't do it for you, find something else that's nice to look at, or makes you laugh ever time. Failblog? Tucker Max stories? Just don't let yourself think about whatever is making you sad, the second you think sad thoughts, immediately force yourself to think of something else.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 1:21 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

I was on medication a couple of weeks ago that was giving me seriously weird mood-swings between panic and tears. I pulled myself together at work by doing something really, really, really easily accomplish-able. Putting some dates on my Outlook calendar. Straightening loose paperwork and cleaning the coffee rings off of my desk. Making tea. Anything with a couple of easy steps to follow and something to do with my hands.
posted by desuetude at 1:50 PM on February 19

My technique is to come up with a truly abstract thought, then ponder it for a while. Let your mind create something truly bizarre, soak it up, add a dash of creativity and then let that thought fill your mind. I read somewhere that our brains aren't very skilled at being emotional and abstract at the same time, and that immersing in one mode (whether emo or abstract) prevents the other from occuring.

I found some vague science-ish references to the phenomena here. Note, the text itself might be a good starting point for developing some weird abstract ideas.
posted by cior at 2:07 PM on February 19

Dig your thumb into the hokku point, the spot on the back of the opposite hand where the base of the thumb connects on. It's a sensitive spot, you won't have any trouble finding it. If it stops working, switch hands.
posted by zadcat at 4:00 PM on February 19

Joke answer: Chop onions at your desk.

Real answer: Make lists. Good subjects: Colours, 80s sitcoms, articles of clothing, etc. Do one a day, and make it as long as you can.
posted by Sys Rq at 5:57 PM on February 19

One those extremely rare moments I actually mist up when I don't want to... I take a slow long breath in while slightly widening my eyes. Not a dramatic widening, just slightly. Keep up the slow breathing pace. I've found that if you -do- cry using the technique, it's usually a tear or two easily swept away and never a congested nose or red eyes that usually follow an honest to god teary break down. Oh and I'm not sure if this matters but I always focus on the idea of the slow breathing drying the tears and subsiding the teary feeling at the back of the eyes.
posted by JFitzpatrick at 7:14 PM on February 19

This method has worked astonishingly well for me. (Thank you, justonegirl.)
posted by oldtimey at 7:27 PM on February 19 [1 favorite]

2nd-ing Oldtimey (and 3rd-ing justonegirl). Pressing your tounge to the roof of your mouth works surprisingly well.
posted by whitetigereyes at 8:18 AM on February 20

This is really hippie-dippy, but it worked for me. YMMV, of course.

When I had to go off of anti-depressants once, I had a few weeks of "OMG-D, sobbing" and Bach Rescue Remedy totally, totally helped me pull it back together. I kept it in my purse and would go into the bathroom, wash my face, and put a drop or two under my tongue and I felt much, much calmer. It might have just been a sort of placebo effect of having a kind of ritual to pull myself together, but it truly, truly helpd.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:00 AM on February 20