Yo mama...

February 16, 2009 4:56 AM

Can you give me some examples of "The Dozens"?

Hello all. Can you show me some sublime examples of "The Dozens"? That is, competitive insults, normally based on someone's mother? (For example, "yo mama so fat she dip her aspirin in mayonnaise" etc etc.)

I'm particularly interested in:

1. insults with imaginative imagery;

2. insults that go beyond the trifecta of "yo mama so fat / ugly / stupid" (e.g. yo mama so... disappointed? ...gauche? ...disingenuous? I don't know!), or point to victims other than "yo mama";

3. any such insults you would care to make up or have heard IRL (I've found one ok online source already myself).

Thanks!

posted by laumry to society & culture (22 answers total)

Well, there's always MTV's version.

I'm too lazy/at work to sift through it much, but searching around for "playing the dozens" + AAVE or Ebonics can lead you to some interesting examples, especially the ones that are included in scholarly research in the field.
posted by Someone has just shot your horse! at 5:18 AM on February 16, 2009

A famous cricketing sledge (insult).. Australia were playing Zimbabwe, and Glenn McGrath, an angry Australian fast bowler, wasn't liking Eddo Brandes too much..

Glenn McGrath. Why are you so f*cking fat?

Eddo Brandes: Cos everytime I f*ck your wife she gives me a biscuit!

Even the Australians were laughing at that one..
posted by the_epicurean at 5:37 AM on February 16, 2009 [2 favorites]

Kind of in line with the_epicurean's example...the movie Major League has a great one, from the batter (Clu Heywood) to the catcher (Jake Taylor): "How's your wife and my kids?"
posted by brandman at 5:43 AM on February 16, 2009

Your question is so chatfiltery, it sent its picture to the lonely hearts club. But they sent it back, and said 'We ain't that lonely!'
posted by box at 5:53 AM on February 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

I have one, and a story around it.

I once saw a little scene on the subway -- a bunch of kids at one side of the subway car, participating in a game of The Dozens; meanwhile, a very proper-looking woman sitting across from them, frowning in disapproval, and clearly only just barely tolerating it. The only one of the kids' callouts I remember was "Yo mama so fat, when she steps on the scale it says 'to be continued'."

But anyway, these kids were going back and forth like this, and the woman was frowning, occasionally trading a "kids these days" look with some of the other people around her. Then one kid said something -- I couldn't hear what he said -- and the woman suddenly burst out into raucous and appreciative laughter. I still wish I could have heard whatever it was he said that punctured that woman's reserve.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:01 AM on February 16, 2009

This continues to be one of my favorite examples of The Dozens. For a look at culturally different yo-mamma jokes that go beyond the American "Yo mamma so fat/ugly/stupid", this is an interesting article.
posted by specialagentwebb at 6:34 AM on February 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's been used for other things, but a while back the University of Chicago had a t-shirt that said "The University of Chicago: If it were easy, it would be your mom." Not bad.

xkcd has had a few good ones, as well.
posted by phunniemee at 6:39 AM on February 16, 2009

Robot Chicken, in their Star Wars spoof, had a hilarious competition between Luke Skywalker and the Emperor.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:39 AM on February 16, 2009

Ya Mama, by the Pharcyde.
posted by electroboy at 7:00 AM on February 16, 2009 [1 favorite]

There was a book written about The Dozens called Snaps.
posted by P.o.B. at 8:21 AM on February 16, 2009

Listen to Bo Diddley and his maraca player Jerome Green go at it in "Say Man." They go after each other's girlfriends, not mamas, but it's a hoot (and I think Bo's only top 40 hit). They did a couple of follow-ups, too - "Say Man (Back Again)" and "Signifyin' Blues."
posted by mediareport at 8:32 AM on February 16, 2009

Don't forget Pharcyde!
posted by orme at 9:02 AM on February 16, 2009

Beyond the trifecta...

Yo mama's so old...
...she has Jesus in her high school yearbook
...she was a waitress at the Last Supper
...her birth certificate is in Roman numerals

Yo mama's so poor...
...when I saw her kicking a can down the street and asked what she was doing, she said "moving"
...when burglars break in, they leave money
...your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk

Yo mama's so skinny...
...she can see through a peephole with both eyes
...she has to run around in the shower to get wet

other topics: smelly, ashy/dark, slutty, bad teeth...

Other than yo mama jokes, you can also make "Yo house..." jokes (small, dirty, etc.) and obviously the target can be the person you're insulting directly.

(I can also recommend the Snaps books P.o.B. linked to, although I had them in middle school and the jokes inside probably aren't as funny as I remember them being. Not to mention some of the references are probably pretty dated...i.e. "Yo mama's so old, she has Jesus' beeper number")
posted by cosmic osmo at 9:56 AM on February 16, 2009

In my neighborhood growing up, a common one was "You're so poor you can't even pay attention." (everyone in my neighborhood was poor, so the insults mostly revolved around who was poorer)

There was also "Your mama's legs are like Kwik Shop, open 24 hours a day."
posted by amyms at 10:33 AM on February 16, 2009

I can't remember which comedian I saw do this bit, but there's a genre of deconstructed snaps/dozens: E.g.: Your momma so fat, she's at elevated risk of heart disease, stroke, and adult-onset diabetes.
posted by mhum at 10:42 AM on February 16, 2009

My personal favorite: you mama so short, she can sit on a dime and swing her legs.

I like the ones that are funny/clever instead of just being mean, but that's me.
posted by heyho at 10:57 AM on February 16, 2009

*yo. (above)

I'm so white... I talk like a white girl.
posted by heyho at 10:58 AM on February 16, 2009

"You want to play the dozens?
well the dozens is a game
but the way I fuck yo momma
is a God damned shame"

- George Carlin, Occupation: Foole
posted by arcanecrowbar at 1:36 PM on February 16, 2009

Also I always remembered this one for its grotesque imagery:
"Yo mamma so fat she broke her arm and gravy poured out."
posted by arcanecrowbar at 1:38 PM on February 16, 2009

Yo mama's so fat that she must have significant respiratory and cardiovascular problems, seriously impacting her quality of life.

I'm... I'm not very good at these.
posted by truex at 4:05 PM on February 16, 2009

You're the Carlos Mencia of yo-mama jokes.
posted by box at 4:54 PM on February 16, 2009

Yo mama's so fat that, in a double-blind, randomized study of health outcomes, her mortality rate exceeded that of a control group with normal BMI (P < 0.001).
posted by lukemeister at 9:40 PM on February 16, 2009