A question about d/s in a long distance relationship.
February 12, 2009 7:46 PM Subscribe
Long-time pervert, first-time top, in love with a wonderful submissive girl who lives halfway across the country. We're looking for ways to satisfy our particular combination of kinks when we can't be together in person. NSFW details inside.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (7 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Yeah, I know, phone sex and video chat. We're up to speed there. But there's a particular combination of tastes that we can't figure out how to satisfy. See...
- ...what I enjoy about topping is getting a reaction that shows me what she's feeling. It's not the spanking I like, it's the yelp. So my first impulse, when it comes to phone or video sex, is to be all "talk to me, tell me how it feels, tell me what you're thinking, call me Sir, blah blah blah." But...
- ...the more submissive she's feeling, and the more she's turned on, the less verbal she gets. In person, that's fine, because I can still get the feedback I enjoy from her body language. Over the phone, it makes things pretty one-sided, and even by video I find her body language harder to read somehow. So, okay, that leaves me to talk dirty to her, or to give her orders. But...
- ...the other catch is, she's not at all into humiliation. All the dominant-sounding dirty talk I can think of is humiliating one way or another: bitch this and slut that and filthy whore and, you know, we really just don't want to go there.
So far, my repertoire as a phone sex top is pretty much limited to "good girl" — and she says she likes that a lot, and it really seems to capture the dynamic we're both looking for, but it sure does get repetitive.
So we've been talking about this. I'd like to have more I can say to her to put her in a submissive state of mind, but I'm not sure what. She says she'd like to have things she can do to show
her submission that don't require her to talk, but she's
not sure what.
FWIW, here are some things we really like when we get to play in person: spanking and other kinds of impact play, bondage, obedience-type d/s — including a certain amount of the whole be-a-brat-and-get-punished thing. Things we really don't like at all: humiliation, "roleplaying" (I'm not Lord Zarquon of Gor, I'm not a Nazi pirate captain moonlighting as a boarding school headmaster, I'm her boyfriend), chastity/orgasm denial (why would I want her to get off less?), the usual scat-blood-and-animals trifecta.