insane in the membrane
February 12, 2009 6:07 PM Subscribe
How do I stop having 'bipolar' feelings of excitement and fear at the first stages of a relationship?
posted by KateHasQuestions to human relations (9 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
made me think of mine.. And I saw this one but it wasn't exactly my question.
At the beginning of every relationship I've had, I have never been able to control my brain. I would go from feeling super elated and ecstatic about the guy leaving a sweet voicemail to my heart beating like crazy with fear about the guy no longer being intersted if he didn't call back when he said he would all in one day. Or if we're hanging out my thoughts see-saw back and forth between wanting to blurt out "I can't do this anymore" because it's so scary to me, to wanting to blurt out how much I like the guy.
All these thoughts go away a few months into the relationship, or as soon as I know for a fact that the guy definitely likes me in a more long term way, but during the initial stages of relationships (before you know if you're just dating, or if you're bf/gf and exclusive), it is so hard to control my brain and make myself ACT normal and not act too needy or crazy. This only happens with guys I am actually really interested in, and I don't want to screw anything up with the current guy by having him think that I am crazy. Once I actually know the guy definitely likes me the craziness goes away and I am totally chill and normal.
This is happening now because for the first time in over 2 years I am dating a guy for over a month, and I guess I have some irrational fear about him just changing his mind any minute about liking me, just like it usually happens.
My question is this: Any way to control these thoughts?? I want to deal with it, even though I appreciate how exciting new relationships are, I want to not have the constant change in my mood because of the guy. I have plenty of hobbies and I am busy with full time work, part time grad school, clubs, leagues, hobbies, etc, but during all of these activities my mind is obsessing and overthinking everything the guy ever said, trying to overanalyze what he said and figure out if he is interested or if he's hinting at breaking it off and wondering what will happen between us tomorrow, next week, and in a month.
Therapy is expensive and not covered by insurance, so all other suggestions would be welcome!