What do you do to feel 'good in your own skin'?

February 11, 2009 10:31 AM

What do you do to feel 'good in your own skin'?

After a rough couple of years, I find myself feeling very unattractive, unsexy, what have you. I'm feeling better now, but it has occurred to me that I just don't feel comfortable in my own skin any more. I really want to change that.

I am starting to get more exercise, remembering to do positive affirmations, but apart from that I'm a bit stumped. What are the little things that you do that help you feel comfortable with who you are (on the inside as well as the outside)? Are there things you do, places you go, things you eat, things you think? Any and all tips welcome!

posted by different to grab bag (29 comments total)

I dance, any place will do, put on your best dance mix and jump around your bedroom
posted by kanemano at 10:49 AM on February 11 [3 favorites]

Get out of the habit of judging other people's bodies, if you're in it. Look for ways in which they're beautiful. Over time, this will change the way you feel about your own body.
posted by prefpara at 10:49 AM on February 11 [11 favorites]

Here are a few things that I sometimes do, and am not ashamed to admit to:

1) Wearing clothes that actually fit (and are subtle, but sexy)

2) Eating healthy so I feel good from the inside out - the caffeine in tea/coffee is a huge mood boost as well.

3) Showering in the morning, it's sexy to feel clean.

4) Shaving the delicates - it feels good to be sleek and smooth (and most mates dig it)

5) Doing stretches. It feels good to be limber.
posted by tybeet at 10:54 AM on February 11

What always helps me is a gentle but regular Yoga routine. Makes you feel more lively almost instantly - the rest follows.

Reminds me that I need to begin with it again...
posted by Namlit at 10:54 AM on February 11 [3 favorites]

- get spa treatments from the inexpensive like a buff and clear nail polish application to the splurges like massages
- buying and using grooming products that feel good and smell good (also can be pricey or cheap). Heck, I make my own sugar/salt scrub.
- taking care of my skin - moisturizing, buffing the rough spots like heels and elbows
- get enough sleep
- go for walks, outside or on the treadmill
- realize that I only get one body (at least until those Borg upgrades come) and treat it like I would a beloved almost-antique car. It has to get me around so I should be kind to it, take it for needed tune ups, and pay attention to any knocks and pings under the hood
posted by pointystick at 11:01 AM on February 11

Being out in nature

Being alone

Drinking whiskey

I think you are going to have to find the things that do it for you.
Tybeet's shaving of the delicates makes me shudder, but them I am not him.
If I get dressed up fancy, I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
If I let my beard grow out, hang out in the woods and drink some whiskey, I am a god. Not your god, but then, I never wanted to be that.

So what makes you feel good about yourself?
What used to make you feel good about yourself?
How do you envision your ideal self?
posted by Seamus at 11:02 AM on February 11 [1 favorite]

A few hours after a workout, I try my best to stand in front of the mirror naked and enjoy the differences that the few years of work have brought to my body. There are parts of my body that don't feel like "mine" and I do my best to love the way I look naked.

I see imperfections still but it makes me giggle a little bit to look at my back and see a bunch of muscle.
posted by David Fleming at 11:08 AM on February 11

Are you getting enough sleep? Do you have nice sheets and new(-ish) pajamas? Something about sleeping in clean, new pajamas instead of an old ratty tee shirt always makes me feel better.

I also feel really good when I take a nice long walk mid-day. I work downtown, so it's fun to walk around on my lunch break. How's your posture? Walking helps me to get out of my bad habit of slouching and slumping over all day.
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:09 AM on February 11

Take naked self-portraits of myself, for no one's benefits but my own.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:10 AM on February 11

getting a killer haircut did wonders for my self image- after all, your hair is on all of the time, no matter what clothes you're wearing.
posted by genmonster at 11:26 AM on February 11

I take a brisk walk in the woods--put on grubby jeans and a sweatshirt and my Chuck Taylors and hit the path alone. The quiet and the focus on navigating a terrain that is unpredictable and untidy somehow hits my "reset" button. When I'm done I'm pretty sweaty, and mud and sweat is always sexy ;>

Also, I recommend wax over razors near delicates ;>
posted by njbradburn at 11:31 AM on February 11

Wanting to feel comfortable in one's own skin is one of the most common and enduring reasons for people to modify their bodies--piercings, tattoos, tanning, bodybuilding, cosmetic surgery, etc. etc. ad infinitum. You might could try some of that.
posted by box at 11:46 AM on February 11

A great haircut. Facial and pedicure.

Yoga stretches.

And- I know I'm going to get jumped on- but a little bit of a tan. Artificial tan works, too.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 11:58 AM on February 11

I think Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance finally reached me. It's all about the difference between accepting the fact that you are what you are vs. being happy about the way that you are. I'm fat. I wish I were not fat. But I no longer resist accepting the fact that I am fat. Wasting a bunch of mental energy pretending I'm not fat or beating myself up over being fat or hiding the fact that I'm fat or being ashamed of being fat wasn't making me any thinner -- it was just making me unhappy. So I'm fat. And sometimes I'm motivated to exercise and eat well and sometimes I'm not. When I'm not, I accept that I'm not. Again, it doesn't mean I'm happy about it, I'm just no longer at war with reality.

Imagine two selves, a parent and a child. The child is fat. The parent can rage at the child and call him names and lock him in the basement when friends come over and dress him in baggy clothes and not keep his picture on her desk... or the parent can just accept the child's weight and love him and not see only that one thing every time she looks at him. She may (very gently) encourage more healthful behaviors, but at no time does she call her child names or act ashamed of her child.

Be a good parent to yourself.
posted by callmejay at 12:05 PM on February 11 [5 favorites]

All I need to feel good in my own skin is to grin at someone and have them grin back at me. Particularly if it's someone who isn't expecting the smile, and it's a genuine, wide smile back.

Oh, and as many sessions in a sauna or a steam room as I can manage, particularly if there's a plunge pool!
posted by Grrlscout at 12:28 PM on February 11 [2 favorites]

Wearing outfits you love and feel comfortable in goes a long way.

So does getting out of the house and exchanging a few hellos with people, even if it's the bus driver or the barista. Having people interact positively with me when they don't have to makes me feel, well, like a person worth interacting with - which is a measure of attractiveness in itself. And when I feel attractive on the inside, I feel attractive on the outside on the inside, if that makes remotely any sense.

And - this is kind of weird and might not work for everyone - adopting a kind of silly attitude towards my flaws helps me. My belly is my least favorite part of my body, but every now and then I lie down by myself and poke and squish it around and I'm too fascinated and amused to feel bad about it.
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:30 PM on February 11

I went to Burning Man.

Worked for me.
posted by HeyAllie at 12:39 PM on February 11

Seconding (thirding?) a regular yoga practice. You may not notice the change immediately (or even until you do it for a while and then stop), but I notice feeling generally more aligned and dealing with unexpected problems more gracefully when I stick with my yoga practice. Not only will this probably help you in the way you see things, but being around a diverse group of other people and seeing their different bodies may give you a good perspective on the wide range of bodies that can be beautiful.

I like the smile / smile back answer too... I always find that having a friendly smile returned puts me in a good mood.
posted by PandaMcBoof at 1:10 PM on February 11 [1 favorite]

Manicure, facial, and reading things that make me forget I'm in my body at all.
posted by medea42 at 1:14 PM on February 11

I'm a guy, but...

I make an effort to dress well - not for others' sake. I do it for me. If I look good, I feel good, so, I make an effort.

The smile answer is a really good one too! Share a smile. It's hard not to feel good when someone smiles at you.. and there is a certain marvelous joy that comes from being able to make someone else smile.

Last, but not least... write down a list of things about yourself that you like. Make time to expand on those things... to really enjoy them. Odds are good that you're a really cool person. Most people are. Make time to celebrate you (and just for the record, I don't care if that sounds corny. It works!)

Cheers!
posted by 2oh1 at 1:22 PM on February 11 [1 favorite]

Nthing regular exercise; I bike as transportation, and if I don't bike for a few days for whatever reason, weather, logistics, etc., I feel weird.

Also, tattoos or piercings, if either interest you. Sort of a way to say "this skin is mine, look, it's different from yours in obvious ways"
posted by craven_morhead at 1:37 PM on February 11

You're already doing the exercise thing - so great, continue that. I can't go a day without it, my mood goes south that quickly.

One thing I've done recently (and this is very out of character for me) is I made a cologne for myself at a perfume and oil shop. I did it after a job I really needed ended, and I wanted a new outlook on my situation.

I named it Day One, and it rocks. There's something about making your own cologne that really helps you feel strong and good with yourself.
posted by Lipstick Thespian at 1:44 PM on February 11

I agree with kanemano: dancing never fails!

Maybe look into Zumba or belly dancing. I've been taking both for the past few years, and I always feel my best, mentally and physically, after a class.

Dancing with a large group of women is also a really great bonding/freeing experience. We all look so different, (and since we're usually in exercise clothes and no makeup, not at our best); it helps me to stop making silly comparisons, like who has better legs than I, and just enjoy feeling feminine and sexy.
posted by bluestocking at 2:21 PM on February 11 [1 favorite]

Swim naked. Alone. At night.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 5:41 PM on February 11

buy a new matching set of sexy panties and bra. nothing like new undies.
posted by meeshell at 6:26 PM on February 11

Stay hydrated, seriously. Get your hair trimmed.
posted by Neofelis at 7:08 PM on February 11

Besides what everyone else is saying, I really feel at home when I'm so engrossed in what I'm doing that I'm not self-conscious. Usually when I'm hanging out with friends, reading, or working on art. So whatever that is for you, do it and have fun.
posted by CoralAmber at 7:17 PM on February 11

Self-awareness helps. You don't mention what precisely triggered these feelings. What has changed that made you feel this way? Start from there. How did you feel about yourself before this happened? What are the things you have always enjoyed? Build on that, slowly. Take baby steps. Step outside your comfort zone. Try new things you don't know whether you like or dislike and then decide for yourself. And in the meantime, focus on the things you do feel good about. Never underestimate the power of something as small as getting new undies :)

Buy yourself flowers every now and then. Pamper yourself.

Personally, I have been quite comfortable with myself. Like everyone I do have flaws (personality-wise) some of which I have started working on recently. Its almost like I have observe myself as a third person and work on myself. At times its hard but its also fun. Add to that the joy of knowing that I am better person than I was yesterday. Its isn't a drastic change but it builds over time. As for appearances, I have always been a little plump. I have recently made the decision to not let work get in the way of staying healthy. Sure there is genetics that I cannot change but still, if it makes me feel good, I am happy. Pretty much boils down to the Serenity Prayer in every area.
posted by xm at 7:38 PM on February 11

Responding to this part:

"help you feel comfortable with who you are (on the inside as well as the outside)"

For me, feeling comfortable in my own skin has come to mean psychologically staying in my own head, rather than jumping into someone else's. I've sometimes spent a lot of energy imagining what other people are thinking and then trying to assuage anxiety over that ("I should have called her back sooner! ... That came out totally wrong - he probably thinks I think he's a horrible person! ... But I don't WANT to go to that party! Why are they making me go to that party?!"). When I find myself doing that, I try to get back inside my own head ("I couldn't call her back sooner; I was on the bus. Surely she understands that. Why assume she has unreasonable expectations?" ... "Well, I know what I MEANT, and probably he does too. After all, the conversation actually continued on just fine. Maybe he didn't even notice I said the wrong thing." ... "You know, if I don't want to go to the party, I can actually say no. What am I afraid of if I just decline the invitation?")

It can be surprisingly easy to spend an entire afternoon obsessing about what someone else might be thinking. It's quite a change to shift that over to "Okay, what do *I* think about this situation? What do I want? What will work for me?"
posted by kristi at 1:07 PM on February 14