Recommendations for films about infidelity

February 9, 2009 11:59 AM

Have you seen any really depressing films about infidelity, jealousy and heartbreak?

I recently suffered some especially grievous heartbreak. I want to take advantage of the self-pitying stage to indulge in some really miserable films*, before moving on with my life.

Anyone got any suggestions for films that involve cheating, heartbreak, rejection etc.? Especially ones without a happy ending.

I'm not familiar with the work of Ingmar Bergman, but I've heard his oeuvre would be good for a wallow. Agree?

*(brief relationshipfilter aside: is this a really bad idea?)

posted by Conductor71 to media & arts (70 comments total)

There's Heartburn with Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson. It's got a comedic pulse throughout, but you still really feel the raw angst of Meryl's character. I don't want to give spoilers, but while it may not a the tragic ending you're most interested in it's still not a package with a neat bow on top.

I'm sorry for what you're going through.
posted by handful of rain at 12:05 PM on February 9

I immediately thought of Closer. I suggest getting a big box of tissues.

Also, set a limit on time spend wallowing. I suggest eight days. Two movies per.
posted by banannafish at 12:06 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

Closer and We Don't Live Here Anymore are two of my favorites from this genre.
posted by fancypants at 12:07 PM on February 9

Crimes and Misdemeanors and Bitter Moon.
posted by Atom12 at 12:08 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
posted by Jairus at 12:09 PM on February 9

+1 on Closer. That movie was tough to watch!
posted by karizma at 12:11 PM on February 9

the anniversary party
posted by nadawi at 12:11 PM on February 9

Damage

The plot is about a politician who falls in love with his son's girlfriend.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:12 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

I think yours is a great idea. There's nothing like prolonging the grief and living it to the maximum to feel alive. Give suffering a chance.
My top unhappy (yet beautiful) movies:
Lars von Trier's
Truffaut's Jules et Jim
posted by uauage at 12:13 PM on February 9

Lars von Trier's Breaking the Waves.
posted by uauage at 12:13 PM on February 9

Synecdoche, NY, if you want the triple whammy of infidelity, physical decay and existential malaise.
posted by Bromius at 12:19 PM on February 9

XX/XY, for sure.

Also, Closer (hence the username) and We Don't Live Here Anymore.
posted by alice ayres at 12:20 PM on February 9

Your Friends & Neighbors is a calvacade of disfunctional relationships and relationship disfunctions. It'll actually probably make you feel better about your relatively mundane problems, whatever they are.

Happiness is the same, only moreso.
posted by adamrice at 12:20 PM on February 9

The new DeCaprio/Winslet film Revolutionary Road is absolutely brutal. Really more about relationship utterly and epically failing than specifically about infidelity etc. Awesome film, but damn its hard to watch sometimes.
posted by elendil71 at 12:21 PM on February 9 [3 favorites]

Re: whether this is a bad idea:

You're probably the only one who can figure that out.

I find that wallowing works for me if I set a limit on it. Pick a few films, watch them over the course of a few nights. You won't come out of your mood immediately when you stop watching the films, but amplifying it for long periods of time might not be the best thing.

YMMV, of course: after his girlfriend dumped him, one friend of mine couldn't stand to see movies or tv shows (or even erectile dysfunction medication commercials) that depicted any kind of relationship, on the rocks or not. The only thing he could stand to watch was Oz, the prison drama on HBO. Yes, there's sex, but it's prison sex.
posted by ocherdraco at 12:22 PM on February 9

Closer gutted me.
posted by collocation at 12:24 PM on February 9

The most heartbreaking movie ever made is, hands down, Brief Encounter.
posted by CunningLinguist at 12:29 PM on February 9

Derailed - This movie is depressing/disturbing to the max.
posted by clearly at 12:37 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

Paris, Texas gets my vote. It deals with human relationships (and inability to communicate) in a very emotional way, but the movie can also be quite cerebral and abstract, which helps avoid some of the bathos and melodrama that is often the fatal flaw of movies exploring infidelity and revenge.

Crimes and Misdemeanors (someone else mentioned it) is also a great movie.
posted by KokuRyu at 12:39 PM on February 9

The following deal with relationships and have unhappy, disturbing and/or wrist-cuttingly-horrible endings:
Elegy
Ice Storm
Little Children
Snow Angels

I don't think watching sad films when you're depressed is a bad thing (unless you actually have clinically-diagnosed depression, in which case it's a different matter altogether). I think for many people this helps get the grief over and done with. In my experience it helps on grieve more quickly, but also, oddly, allow you to temporarily focus on other thoughts.
posted by metalheart at 12:39 PM on February 9

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was seriously the most depressing thing I've ever seen. (ok not as bad as the Bjork movie where she was blind, but almost).

i could barely make it through the damn thing.

apparently some people think that movie is a comedy - don't see how. it was sad, sad, sad, heartbreak hotel sad.
posted by sio42 at 12:41 PM on February 9

These all sound like wonderfully miserable suggestions. Thank you so very much. I'm seriously considering staying in Saturday night (14th) and watching Closer.

That might be taking emotional masochism a little too far.
posted by Conductor71 at 12:48 PM on February 9

I just read Revolutionary Road, and like elendil71 points out, the story is purely miserable in the exact way you request.
posted by NikitaNikita at 12:51 PM on February 9

Bergman indeed. Scenes from a Marriage - the full Swedish TV version - is precisely what you want, and the full version will easily fill an entire evening. You may or may not want to watch Saraband afterwards - it's Bergman's last film, and is something of a coda to Scenes from a Marriage. It's less about the characters from the first film, though, and more about the ones from the next generations...
posted by ubersturm at 1:00 PM on February 9

"Unfaithful" with Diane Lane and Richard Gere.
posted by lpsguy at 1:04 PM on February 9

The Sweet Hereafter
posted by ZaneJ. at 1:08 PM on February 9

Gegen die Wand (released in the US under the title Head On) is really good, and has plenty of (sort of) infidelity and heartbreak. It might be a bit too much, though.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 1:18 PM on February 9

I just watched sex, lies & videotape again and found it incredibly cathartic. It's mature, it's very real, and brilliant, I think.
posted by pazazygeek at 1:31 PM on February 9

The Last Picture Show
posted by equalpants at 1:33 PM on February 9

29 comments and no one has yet mentioned Fatal Attraction?
posted by K.P. at 1:34 PM on February 9

East-West. I don't want to give away too much of the plot, but this movie will break your heart.
posted by prefpara at 1:43 PM on February 9

You will benefit from watching the Three Colours trilogy by Krzysztof Kieślowski, White, Blue and Red.
posted by jabberjaw at 1:49 PM on February 9

Although I believe they were released and meant to be viewed Blue-White-Red.

Also, Dial M for Murder and the modern remake A Perfect Murder.
posted by K.P. at 2:03 PM on February 9

Breaking the Waves.
posted by damn dirty ape at 2:11 PM on February 9

These are great. I've only seen a couple.

And reading all the thoughtful responses is already making me feel better about the Bad Thing.

Heartache sucks. AskMefi rules.
posted by Conductor71 at 2:14 PM on February 9

The Squid and the Whale, Synecdoche NY, and season 3-4-5 of NBC's The Office (Angela-Andy-Dwight love triangle).
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:17 PM on February 9

In the Mood for Love.
posted by No-sword at 2:18 PM on February 9

Remains of the Day.
posted by rodgerd at 2:18 PM on February 9

Annie Hall.
posted by spamguy at 2:36 PM on February 9

Seconding Remains Of The Day. So beautiful and tragic.
posted by turgid dahlia at 2:38 PM on February 9

5x2 is an incredibly depressing movie. eh but when you're in a lighter frame of mind , try "forgetting sarah marshall"
posted by panini at 2:49 PM on February 9

The documentry Crazy Love. Define happy ending? It's disputable that Crazy Love has a happy ending, but oh, the jealousy, the infidelity, the heartbreak!
posted by lottie at 2:55 PM on February 9

Closer is just a poor man's version of Carnal Knowledge.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 2:55 PM on February 9

In the Company of Men is pretty depressing. 2 guys screwing over a deaf woman.
posted by nimmpau at 3:08 PM on February 9

Seconding In the Mood for Love--if you shout "Just get a divorce, you masochistic dumbasses, and then get a room!" as many times as I did, perhaps it'll even be cathartic.

Good luck.
posted by wintersweet at 3:09 PM on February 9

Betrayal
posted by theora55 at 3:24 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

Husbands and Wives is pretty much the bleakest romance I can think of (though more in the "jeez, look how cruel people can be when they stay together" vein)
posted by puckish at 3:27 PM on February 9

The Way We Were (Sydney Pollack, Robert Redford, Barbara Streisand) & A Star Is Born (Kris Kristofferson, Barbara Streisand, Gary Busey). Egads, a Barbara twofer!
posted by crankyboots at 3:38 PM on February 9

Teenwolf.

*sobs*
posted by MeatLightning at 3:44 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

The Age of Innocence.
posted by macadamiaranch at 3:45 PM on February 9

Your Friends and Neighbors.
posted by You Should See the Other Guy at 4:00 PM on February 9

The English Patient
posted by loosemouth at 4:19 PM on February 9

Jude, based on the novel by Thomas Hardy.
posted by elmono at 4:20 PM on February 9

Knife in the Water
posted by vkxmai at 4:46 PM on February 9

I used Closer in almost exactly this way a few years ago. I didn't find it depressing; for me it was more like "shit happens." Of course I was deeply aware of that fact at the time, but Closer gives it a certain existential beauty.

I'd actually suggest Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, but I don't know if it counts as depressing, either.
posted by nat at 5:05 PM on February 9

Divorce His/Divorce Hers, with Taylor and Burton.
posted by JimN2TAW at 5:24 PM on February 9

The Apartment is brilliant. Just right for feeling bad but tender-hearted and uplifting too.

Same Time Next Year, contemplative about growing older as well as about cheating.

Indecent Proposal. Good for feeling bad.

The Browning Version

Legends of the Fall. If you're not feeling bitter enough, a good, romantic soak in misery.

The End of the Affair

Dial M For Murder

War Of The Roses

L'Enfer, about jealousy about infidelity taking over and the hell it creates

La règle du jeu

La Femme infidèle

In the Mood for Love

Day of Wrath

Vendredi Soir

L' Amour l'après-midi

Le Bonheur

Something to Talk about

Derailed

John Tucker Must Die

Being John Malkovich

Alfie, either the old or new

Brokeback Mountain

Shakespeare in Love
posted by nickyskye at 5:39 PM on February 9

Far From Heaven the title sums it up nicely. the "perfect" 50's couple except everything is secretly totally f'd. the cinematography is gorgeous also.
posted by swbarrett at 6:10 PM on February 9

I found Love Actually to be fairly crippling. The infidelity storyline is particularly true to life and gut wrenching.
posted by Edubya at 6:24 PM on February 9

Remembering how I felt after experiencing infidelity and heartbreak, the worst pain of my life, for sure, the best song I know about sexual jealousy is by Marianne Faithfull. The original song, Why'd Ya Do It She Said. As a release of the bile I played it many times over. The lyrics are intensely angry, obscenely angry. Video of her singing it recently.

When my heart cooled and was not in such pain, I read what was for me a life changing, comforting, illuminating book about the complexities of why it is so difficult for men to be monogamous but why they expect women to be, the double standard of their playing the field being considered virile, while a woman playing the field is considered slutty. It gave me some much needed peace of mind on the subject, that released me from much bitterness. That book is A Natural History of Love by Diane Ackerman.
posted by nickyskye at 6:58 PM on February 9

Faithless
posted by estherbester at 9:10 PM on February 9

Away from Her.
posted by terranova at 9:28 PM on February 9 [1 favorite]

I'd like to third Breaking the Waves.

But most of all, my favorite film of all time is probably Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, with Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. It's a play by Edward Albee, but the performances in the film are just impossibly great. It's probably one of the most difficult, excruciatingly painful works of art I've seen in any medium.

The way they talk to each other and the grossly parasitic love that seethes beneath those words will probably make you suicidal, so enjoy!!
posted by snizz at 2:01 AM on February 10

Also, I nursed myself through my last breakup by watching this live recording of Silver Springs about a zillion times. That last minute is like a ton of bricks.

Best with the incestuous backstory, of course.
posted by snizz at 2:09 AM on February 10

Room at the Top. Just watched it on Turner classic Movies. wow. Really an excellent movie about the impact of infidelity on many levels, in different variations, betrayal of principles, of others, of oneself.
posted by nickyskye at 7:04 PM on February 10

I recently suffered some especially grievous heartbreak. I want to take advantage of the self-pitying stage to indulge in some really miserable films*, before moving on with my life.

You want misery and heartbreak that will dwarf anything you have ever experienced or heard about in your life?

Try Old Boy.
posted by furiousxgeorge at 11:56 PM on February 10

Match Point
High Fidelity
posted by chrisch at 2:22 AM on February 11

Dangerous Liasons.
posted by rodgerd at 7:30 PM on February 11 [1 favorite]

Before Sunset is something you should watch, but only if you are 35.

It's a fantastic, emotional, authentic personal film, and does indeed touch on infidelity.
posted by KokuRyu at 5:49 PM on February 13

Eye of the Needle might qualify.
posted by snowjoe at 10:14 PM on February 22