While my guitar gently weeps...and I stand here like I am waiting for the bus.

January 30, 2009 10:15 AM

Popular musicians on the absolute farthest end of the emotion scale during live performance: looking for the stiffest of the stiff.

While watching a Youtube video (from a MeFi post) of Kraftwerk's Autobahn, my husband remarked that he could not understand why anyone would have wanted to see them live. All they did was stand there at computer terminals. I countered that there were plenty of musicians who made wonderful music, especially live, but who were like watching paint dry. I said that getting Kraftwerk together with Robert Fripp would probably sound fantastic but look like a morgue. Husband said he heard ZZ Top was an awesome concert but they are like sloths onstage.
So, who are the other artist who make wonderful live music but who push the boundaries of what we would even call "performance"? Which artists would you nominate for Stiffapalooza?

posted by oflinkey to media & arts (66 answers total)

You'd be hard pressed to find anyone stiffer than Mattin when he's in a stiff mood.
posted by Beautiful Screaming Lady at 10:20 AM on January 30, 2009

Well, 15 years ago my wife went to a New Order concert, and she said they did exactly that very thing: turn on the synthesizers and kind of stand there. Not sure if that was just a one-time thing or not.
posted by crapmatic at 10:22 AM on January 30, 2009

Bill Wyman must be mentioned here.

Also, I once saw The Moody Blues in about 1989, and their bassist, whoever he is/was, did not move for the entirety of the show. It was fascinating.

Also: I love her music, but I seeing Aimee Mann play was a disheartening experience. Man, was she stiff.
posted by Dr. Wu at 10:23 AM on January 30, 2009

I've seen Robert Cray play twice, and he was a DUD. Music was good but he just stood in one spot the whole show. Hardly even swayed to his own guitar riffs.
posted by vito90 at 10:23 AM on January 30, 2009

I thought Cake was pretty boring to watch in concert. Also, they didn't do any riffing on their album tracks -- the entire show sounded identical to the albums, so I might as well have not paid for my tickets.
posted by scarykarrey at 10:23 AM on January 30, 2009

John Entwistle of the Who. He mostly just stood there looking bored, even when playing amazing lines.
posted by 6550 at 10:23 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Cat Power is a fantastic musician, but has zero stage presence. It feels a little like she actually resents the audience for showing up.
posted by EarBucket at 10:24 AM on January 30, 2009 [3 favorites]

The Cars were by far the stiffest band I ever saw live (and this was back in 1981).
posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 10:26 AM on January 30, 2009

Lee 'Scratch' Perry - saw him around 2001 and it remains the worst show I've ever seen. He's old and fairly fried. Still crazy, tho.
posted by gnutron at 10:27 AM on January 30, 2009

I saw saw Aphex Twin live sometime in the late 90s/early 00s. He was just sitting behind a laptop, so you could just barely see the top of his head.
posted by Emanuel at 10:31 AM on January 30, 2009

Seconding The Cars. I saw that same tour, Bozo, and was sooo disappointed. The band members simply stood onstage, almost stock-still, played one song after another with no stage patter whatsoever. After the last song, Ric Ocasek said "thank you," and that was that.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:34 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

BozoBurgerBonanza: "The Cars were by far the stiffest band I ever saw live (and this was back in 1981)."

In high school, we laughed at a video shot during the Heartbreak City tour that showed every band member simply standing in place.
posted by Joe Beese at 10:47 AM on January 30, 2009

The grand daddy of them all: Roy Orbison
Also early Genesis (aside from Peter Gabriel). The band has commented that they were so intent on recreating the music, and that the tuning of their 12 strings guitars was so finicky that sitting down was the only real option.
DEVO, when they weren't whippin it.
posted by Gungho at 11:01 AM on January 30, 2009

TMBG were surprisingly stuff both times I saw them. Flansburg tried to put on a bit of a show, but it just drew attention to how dull everyone else was.
posted by valadil at 11:03 AM on January 30, 2009

The Church were awfully meh on stage, as I recall.

And yeah, for many years New Order seemed to take a perverse pleasure in being as stiff and disdainful as possible on stage.
posted by scody at 11:04 AM on January 30, 2009

The dullest bands I've seen are Primal Scream and Sisters of Mercy. Lead singers standing at a microphone looking cool with sunglasses and not moving whatsoever does not make for a rockin' good time.

Also had the misfortune of seeing Evan Dando open up for The Jesus and Mary Chain last year. Besides the music being awful (sorry, not a fan), he actually turned his back to the audience several times for minutes at a time!
posted by faunafrailty at 11:06 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Sergei Rachmaninoff was notoriously emotionless while playing extremely expressive music.
posted by electroboy at 11:07 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

I was at a Robert Fripp "concert" once (at London's Union Chapel) that lasted for several hours, and Fripp was only actually on-stage for less than half that time. Often he'd set his guitar down (still producing noises) and walk off, returning only half an hour later. While he was on-stage it was more like watching someone mend a watch, than playing rock guitar.

I should add that it didn't come across as stiff or disdainful, and I wasn't entirely unprepared or unentertained either. Many people in the audience simply stretched out on the pews and dozed. But there were plenty of people who seemed baffled or annoyed.
posted by snarfois at 11:25 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Watch any Who video and pay attention to John Enwhistle. He's the epitome of stiff. Even his wikipedia picture is boring.
posted by damn dirty ape at 11:28 AM on January 30, 2009

Say Jimmy Eat World once. They pretty much just stood there. Sweat a lot, too, considering how little they were moving.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:31 AM on January 30, 2009

The Psychocandy-era Jesus and Mary Chain were renowned for their stiffness, often playing entire (20 minute long) shows without ever facing the audience. This video of an appearance on Letterman is hilarious: the actually JAMC members look terminally bored, while Letterman's bass player is bouncing around and having fun.

Oh, and another vote for New Order. Even when playing instruments, they were more boring than watching paint dry.
posted by googly at 11:31 AM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Saw, rather.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 11:32 AM on January 30, 2009

Agreed on Evan Dando. In fact, he opened for Aimee Mann at the concert I mentioned earlier. A one-two punch of Dullsville.

But I must take issue with DEVO, at least in their latter-day incarnation. I saw them on a reunion/farewell tour in Chicago in 2005, and they fucking ROCKED. Like, hard.

Another example, which I know will cause some disagreement: The Grateful Dead (I saw them only once, in about 1990). Buncha pothead automatons. Horrifically bad show.

Also: Johnny Paycheck, circa 1997 at some casino in Minnesota. Not just him, but every member of his band. Utterly uninteresting performer.

Saw the re-formed Dinosaur Jr. a few months ago in NYC and found them to be quite uninteresting, too. Maybe they were good in their heyday ...
posted by Dr. Wu at 11:40 AM on January 30, 2009

Billy Zoom of X has stated that when the band started out he thought it would be funny to play these outrageously difficult guitar licks while standing stock-still and smiling fixedly at the audience: he'd had it with the grimacing posing guitar players who'd play a single note and make it look to the crowd like they were really doing something, so he wanted to do the opposite: make the hard stuff look effortless. That said, when seen performing live, Billy Zoom looks animatronic (except for the blurry hands). I've seen X several times, and I swear the guy looks like he ought to be a featured performer in the Country Bear Jamboree.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:43 AM on January 30, 2009 [2 favorites]

Also, I have met (briefly) Evan Dando, and he's even duller in person.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 11:46 AM on January 30, 2009

The Shins qualify -- they were practically catatonic both times I saw them.
posted by incessant at 12:08 PM on January 30, 2009

Amy Ray of the Indigo Girls pretty much says nothing between songs but "thanks, y'all." I hear the two of them together are about the same.

TMBG, really? John Linnell is famously shy and stoic, but Flansburgh typically is not the only one jumping around like a dude half his age.
posted by clavicle at 12:11 PM on January 30, 2009

Dinosaur J used to rip clubs up like mutherfuckers so that's not a good one. Many of these examples are just "I SAW A BORING SHOW ONE TIME..." Evan Dando isn't a wildman, but he emotes when necessary.

Came in here to second Billy Zoom. He's so stiff it's almost hypnotic.
posted by Potomac Avenue at 12:12 PM on January 30, 2009

Miles Davis and John Coltrane (I think) went through a phase where they faced
away from the audience, to keep from being distracted by listeners.
posted by vilcxjo_BLANKA at 12:19 PM on January 30, 2009

The first time I saw Our Lady Peace was right before Superman's Dead, but after Naveed. The singer performed the whole concert with his back turned toward the audience and said nothing. Next time I saw them, he was a little more interactive.
posted by Bernt Pancreas at 12:21 PM on January 30, 2009

When I lived in Nashville, I saw Faith Hill. Bless her heart, but she is one stiff woman. You could tell she had been told *exactly* where to go on stage. Sometimes the spotlight would go on somewhere and she'd walk over to it. My favorite part was she couldn't really dance and she just marched in place.

In contrast, he husband Tim McGraw and his band were super comfortable and relaxed.
posted by 26.2 at 12:22 PM on January 30, 2009

>Another example, which I know will cause some disagreement: The Grateful Dead (I saw them only once, in about 1990). Buncha pothead automatons. Horrifically bad show.

Not disputing that the show you saw was awful, Dr. Wu, but I'm curious if you remember the actual date of the show you saw (or the venue and year if you aren't sure of the date)? In general, 1989-1990 was a very fertile period for the Dead musically, especially before Brent Mydland's death in July 1990. They revived some of their signature tunes and were playing some adventurous music -- Jerry had a new MIDI setup and was playing some great guitar, and both the Fall 1989 and Spring 1990 tours saw some exceptionally well played shows. Of course, they still had off nights, and a great show to me may be aural waterboarding to many, but as someone who saw 'em a whole bunch, I'd take 1990-era Grateful Dead in a heartbeat. So forgive me, but I'm idly curious if the show you saw was one that I'm otherwise fond of.

On the other hand, from 1993-95 the quality of their live shows declined steadily, and were more often than not depressing affairs. I don't think anyone -- band, casual fans, or thread-bracelet-selling saucer-eyed tour 'Heads -- enjoyed those shows.
posted by mosk at 12:33 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Maynard spent the entirety of a Tool concert in Virginia standing in one place with his back to the audience. The rest of the band faced forward but weren't much more animated. They seemed to be relying on the gigantic screens overhead (showing a hybrid between a Winamp visualization and Wes Craven's vacation slides) to entertain the audience.

Also, scarykarrey must have caught Cake on an off night, because I've seen them three times and they've always been pretty energetic. I agree that when they're flat-out playing they sound pretty similar to the albums, but at all three concerts they did some level of "riffing" as well.
posted by Riki tiki at 12:35 PM on January 30, 2009

I should add, my personal oh-God-when-will-this-be-over show was seeing Dire Straights in Oakland sometime in 1990 or 1991. This was maybe one tour post-Brothers in Arms, so they had some good tunes in their repertoire and having made good bank from the previous album, they should had a lot left in their tanks. Unfortunately, it seemed like they phoned in the whole show; I've rarely seen a group of musicians seem so bored playing for a full house. When the show was over, the Oakland Coliseum Arena cleared out in like 15 minutes flat. The band did not play poorly, but they played very, very dispassionately. I've seen convenience store clerks that displayed more enthusiasm for their jobs.
posted by mosk at 12:43 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Bill Callahan (aka Smog) def seemed pretty standoffish.
posted by citron at 12:45 PM on January 30, 2009

Terry Hall of The Specials always seemed to have the same expression on his face, regardless of the song or the tempo. I saw a video of him (and Lynval Golding) with Lilly Allen at Glastonbury and he's still like that.
posted by tommasz at 12:54 PM on January 30, 2009

I just read somewhere this week that Ray Lamontagne has performed whole shows in the dark.
posted by fiercecupcake at 1:00 PM on January 30, 2009

Saw Dionne Warwick once. . .was not sure if she was still alive.
posted by Danf at 1:06 PM on January 30, 2009

Jay Farrar and/or Son Volt. Seeing Uncle Tupelo must have been watching schizophrenia as Farrar and tweedy took turns being wooden and energetic, respectively.
posted by COBRA! at 1:17 PM on January 30, 2009

Ladytron, a few years ago. I _think_ I saw one of them tapping their foot, but I can't be sure. statues.
posted by imaswinger at 1:26 PM on January 30, 2009

Arthur 'Killer' Kane of the New York Dolls barely moved.
Sonic Boom I've seen sit with his back to the audience twiddling knobs. It was a slow evening.
posted by scruss at 1:27 PM on January 30, 2009

upon reading this topic, i thought of Brandon Flowers from The Killers immediately.
i went to see them in May of '05, i think, and was bored out of my mind. the whole band is pretty boring, but Brandon was especially stiff. painful to watch.

thankfully, Tegan and Sara opened - at least they had some energy.
posted by gursky at 1:33 PM on January 30, 2009

Rikitiki, you definitely caught Tool on an off night. I saw them in Santa Barbara a few years back. The show started with a tall, elegantly dressed 40's torch singer in a gown and gloves, coming out to introduce the show. After singing the first bars of a torch song, the singer pissed off his wig... it was Maynard, in drag, who then broke into Prison Sex... rocking the show in drag. It was easily one of the best concerts I've ever seen... absolutely electric!

My vote for biggest contrast between music being played is Nine Inch Nails. Saw them open for Janes Addiction... zombies on stage, Head Like A Hole on...
posted by Grrlscout at 1:33 PM on January 30, 2009

I saw Coheed and Cambria and was not impressed. All of them just kind of stood there. I think the biggest movement the singer made was taking his hair down and putting it up.

This was a big difference compared to the first opener, Fall of Troy. The guitarist for that band was using all the room he had, which wasn't much.
posted by hallowdmachine at 1:46 PM on January 30, 2009

scruss, relatedly (and perhaps explanatorially) I remember an anecdote in New York Doll that Arthur Kane held his breath when he played. I think David Johansen tells it. Great movie.
posted by activitystory at 1:50 PM on January 30, 2009

Agreed on Bill Callahan and Son Volt.

Not disputing that the show you saw was awful, Dr. Wu, but I'm curious if you remember the actual date of the show you saw (or the venue and year if you aren't sure of the date)? In general, 1989-1990 was a very fertile period for the Dead musically, especially before Brent Mydland's death in July 1990. They revived some of their signature tunes and were playing some adventurous music -- Jerry had a new MIDI setup and was playing some great guitar, and both the Fall 1989 and Spring 1990 tours saw some exceptionally well played shows. Of course, they still had off nights, and a great show to me may be aural waterboarding to many, but as someone who saw 'em a whole bunch, I'd take 1990-era Grateful Dead in a heartbeat. So forgive me, but I'm idly curious if the show you saw was one that I'm otherwise fond of.

mosk: My best guess as to when I saw them is 1989 or 1990 -- in any case, it was one of the shows in a seven- or eight-night stand at Madison Square Garden, if that rings any bells. Pretty sure that Mydland was playing that night.

I remember being very very bored by the whole affair, and thinking that the performers were pretty uninteresting to watch. And this was at a time when I was more or less sympathetic to their music; since then -- and largely because of that concert -- I turned away, and haven't turned back.
posted by Dr. Wu at 1:51 PM on January 30, 2009

Other than the frontman, who's not really that animated either, Mogwai is the stiffest live band I've seen.
posted by nosila at 2:10 PM on January 30, 2009

Spiritualized don't move on stage. In fact the audience generally sit down.
posted by jontyjago at 2:36 PM on January 30, 2009

Thanks for clarifying that, Dr. Wu. Not that it matters, but if Mydland was playing it may have been 1988, as they didn't play MSG in 1989, and by the time they played MSG again in Fall 1990, Mydland had already shuffled off the mortal coil. And yeah, IIRC that 1988 MSG run had some weak nights.

I remember being very very bored by the whole affair, and thinking that the performers were pretty uninteresting to watch. And this was at a time when I was more or less sympathetic to their music; since then -- and largely because of that concert -- I turned away, and haven't turned back.

Completely understandable, and yeah, even on a good night, it's not like the Dead had much of a stage show: when the music was cooking, almost all the action was taking place inside the audience members' heads. And if the music wasn't happening, the band didn't have any props or dance moves to fall back on.

::sigh:: Those were some good times...
posted by mosk at 2:57 PM on January 30, 2009

First band I thought of when I read the question was The Eagles. Not only dull to watch but they sounded exactly like their records. So much so that it was even dull to listen to.
posted by gfrobe at 3:27 PM on January 30, 2009

TMBG were surprisingly stuff both times I saw them.

Having seen TMBG about a million times, I will agree that they are a little stiff sometimes. Most of the shows I've seen them play, however, have been completely awesome.

So please, do not include them in your stiff band list.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 4:32 PM on January 30, 2009

Nick Drake only did about a dozen concerts, which was probably for the best as he was simply not cut out for live performance -- notoriously shy, unresponsive to his audiences, nervous and awkward on stage, even pausing between every song to retune his guitar.

In a similar vein (genius songwriters with bad stage presence), my sister attended a Bob Dylan concert a few years ago and was apparently bored to tears. For what it's worth.
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam at 6:39 PM on January 30, 2009

When I saw Godspeed, You Black Emperor! in 2000 in Seattle, it was actually laughable how little attention they gave to the audience and, at the beginning, vice versa. In fact, people and the venue thought it was just roadies or some such setting up equipment until the droning guitars overpowered the between band music mix. The lights got turned down real quick. Throughout the concert, many of the band members had their backs to the audience, one bass player was smoking so much that most of the time he had 2 cigarettes in his mouth (one about to finish and a new one). There wasn't a word from the band until the venue, the Crocodile Cafe, told the band that they had to quit because the next, 21+ show needed to start. Then Efrim grabbed a mic, the first time anyone in the band acknowledged the audience, and said something to the effect that they wanted to play a few more songs but the management was telling them to get off the stage.

However, the concert was fantastic and the whole mood between the band and audience and movies playing in the background added to the experience. I guess they aren't what one would call "popular musicians," though.

My one experience with a very popular performer was Moby playing at the Gorge (I was there volunteering for Amnesty International). Despite the fact that David Bowie was on the bill before Moby and despite the fact that I really dislike Moby and his music, his show was remarkably active for what I would have expected to be a guy standing behind a laptop or synthesizer. He was running all over the place and his bass player looked like she was in an aerobic exercise video for the entire concert. I was really impressed by how much energy and movement he had while standing at a big synthesizer setup.
posted by msbrauer at 6:57 PM on January 30, 2009

I remember hearing once on MTV News w/ Kurt Loder or something about the band Mazzy Star leaving the stage if anyone in the crowd made a noise or hollered or danced or cheered or whatever. Apparently they believed they were artists or something.
posted by TomMelee at 7:03 PM on January 30, 2009

Bob Dylan is definitely terrible as fas as stage presence goes.
posted by Midnight Rambler at 7:08 PM on January 30, 2009

Twenty years ago, I saw Tracy Chapman live. She was so obviously uncomfortable about being on stage--I later heard that she had terrible stage fright in general--that it wasn't just that she was stiff, but that she was so unhappy that it hurt to watch her.
posted by not that girl at 7:31 PM on January 30, 2009

Tool might not be the most exciting band live, but Maynard has shown his ability to wrestle down and choke out a fan while not missing a note of the song. Bears keeping in mind.
posted by Ghidorah at 7:32 PM on January 30, 2009 [1 favorite]

Yo La Tengo. Definitely a sit down band.
posted by betweenthebars at 7:35 PM on January 30, 2009

My vote for biggest contrast between music being played is Nine Inch Nails. Saw them open for Janes Addiction... zombies on stage, Head Like A Hole on...

Nine Inch Nails? Seriously? Given that they were opening for Jane's Addiction, this would have been the early 90s, right? At that time, they were one of the most violently kinetic live bands around. Most shows ended with half the equipment totally destroyed. In fact, the guy that left to start Filter (forget his name, too lazy to look it up) partly left because he was sick of being the bumper to Trent's human pinball and getting roughed up on stage every night.
posted by DecemberBoy at 9:05 PM on January 30, 2009

My vote for biggest contrast between music being played is Nine Inch Nails. Saw them open for Janes Addiction... zombies on stage, Head Like A Hole on...

----

Nine Inch Nails? Seriously? Given that they were opening for Jane's Addiction, this would have been the early 90s, right? At that time, they were one of the most violently kinetic live bands around. Most shows ended with half the equipment totally destroyed. In fact, the guy that left to start Filter (forget his name, too lazy to look it up) partly left because he was sick of being the bumper to Trent's human pinball and getting roughed up on stage every night.

Yes, DecemberBoy, it would have been about 1990. And yes, they were completely and utterly dead on stage. This was at the Universal Amphitheatre... with Jane's being an LA band, there was a lot of "home show" excitement. The audience was really pumped up, and KROQ had been playing the hell out of Pretty Hate Machine... so it couldn't have been a negative feedback loop of disinterest that a lot of opening acts get. They really could not have been less interested in putting on a show of any sort. It really put me off Nine Inch Nails, as it made me think of them as being a studio band. (I have a really strong studio=not real musicians bias. If you can't play it live, you ain't sheeyit.)

Redd Kross was a bit like that, too, when I saw them. Kind of standing around the stage, playing to each other, pretty obvious that they were going through the motions. Maybe it's an intensity contrast between the music and the band?

Oh, and agreeing that Spiritualised is pants live. Saw them back in November at a really stomping live venue in Leeds.

Tool, however - saw them twice, and both times, they really rocked. Occasionally they'd do what I call the "rehearsal huddle" (habit musicians have of facing each other when rehearsing/developing new tunes), but for a minute or two, during what was clearly new material.
posted by Grrlscout at 12:44 AM on January 31, 2009

Van Morrison is notoriously rigid during performances, at least when he's not berating audience members for applauding too loudly or other similar disruptive behavior. Presumably people go for the music and not the onstage histrionics, which is probably just as well because he doesn't really do all that much...sometimes a vein in his neck makes itself visible when he's singing, but other than that, not a lot of movement.
posted by motown missile at 2:18 AM on January 31, 2009

John Entwistle of The Who was definitely stiff in his performance, but he was also up on stage with... the rest of The Who, who were a lively bunch, to put it mildly. So that made Entwistle look even more stoic by contrast. But besides, most people didn't go to a Who show to just watch John Entwistle.
posted by illenion at 7:01 AM on January 31, 2009

Cat Power is a fantastic musician, but has zero stage presence. It feels a little like she actually resents the audience for showing up. [#]

That's changed in recent years. I saw her in '95 open for Liz Phair and she was so nervous she practically walked off stage to cry. I saw her in '99 for Matador's 10th Anniversary and she was nervous, but captivating - probably a function of the smaller venue. I saw her around 2005 and she was comfortable & made jokes with the audience and ... the magic was gone. Actually got bored & left mid concert.
posted by Muffy at 10:01 AM on January 31, 2009

@betweenthebars: Yo La Tengo? You have got to be kidding.
posted by snarfois at 2:56 AM on February 2, 2009

The Shins qualify -- they were practically catatonic both times I saw them.

When I saw them about a year ago they rocked it.

I watched the Pink Floyd Pulse DVD a while ago and could not believe how staid and stiff they were. Like a (well-oiled and beautiful, but still) machine going through the motions. I hear that this is because of their elaborate light show, that the timing is very tightly controlled with no room for improvisation. David only said about 4 non-lyric words through the whole show, and at the end it's "thanks, good night" and they're gone. The only exception was the replacement drummer, who seemed to be having a great time.
posted by Who_Am_I at 1:28 PM on February 2, 2009

I saw Cat Power on Austin City Limits a while back (on the teevee mind) and she seemed pretty interactive and energetic.

Conor Oberst is terrible to watch live. He must really like his shoes. But, I only saw him as part of the Calgary Folk Festival and it may have been my extreme dislike of him in general that coloured my thinking.
posted by jimmythefish at 3:46 PM on February 17, 2009