what do I wear to de-emphasize my shoulders?

January 25, 2009 9:55 PM

What kind of clothing should I wear to de-emphasize my wide shoulders and muscular arms? I am a 25-year old female, and I have a very muscular upper body. I don't lift weights or anything, but my shoulders and arms have just always been defined. People in the street ask me if I am a professional swimmer. I am becoming very self-conscious of my shoulders and arms, and wondering what kind of tops would work for me. I already know that spaghetti straps are a no-no. Also, no matter where I buy tops, they are ALL too short, because I also have a long torso. So, I am constantly flashing my stomach, there is always that thin strip of skin visible between my top and my pants. Please help!
posted by esolo to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (36 answers total)

IANAFE (fashion expert), but here are my guesses:

For the stomach-flashing problem, I think you want to look for tall sizes.

For the arms/shoulders, I would think that a loose, fluttery sleeve would help camouflage: such as this, this, or this?

Also think about not just covering up the arms/shoulders, but leading the eye to look elsewhere. I like the three tops I just linked to partly because the deep V necks help call attention to the face/neck/decolletage area, especially with the flashy necklace that the first model is wearing.
posted by Orinda at 10:23 PM on January 25, 2009

I have a long waist too; nthing tall-size tops.
posted by brujita at 10:31 PM on January 25, 2009

More emphasis on the hips - dark tops, brighter bottoms, or bottoms with some kind of cool detailing that becomes the focus. Focus on proportion - no super-slim pants and such. Good-looking necklines - deep Vs, etc. No teeny cap sleeves, no boatnecks. Raglan sleeve lines can help a lot by breaking up the space a little.

But honestly, toned arms are really sexy (and coveted by pretty much every woman who doesn't have them). Don't give up on tank tops - just stay away from anything too bare
posted by peachfuzz at 10:39 PM on January 25, 2009

A-line skirts and dresses and tops/dresses with a defined waist will help to balance out broad shoulders.
posted by teamparka at 10:39 PM on January 25, 2009

see also
posted by Orinda at 10:44 PM on January 25, 2009

something like this bodysuit from victoria's secret would not only hide your broad shoulders/arms and accentuate your neckline but also keep your torso underwraps! pick one up cheaply from ebay to see if you like it. :)
posted by citystalk at 10:47 PM on January 25, 2009

You could use a bella band to avoid flashing. It's a wide stretchy elasticized tube that you put around your waist - it might work for you even if you are not pregnant.
posted by crazycanuck at 11:16 PM on January 25, 2009

I hear you: ten years ago when I was underweight and diagnosed with osteopenia, I was told to do compound strength training exercises (deadlifts, hacksquats, military presses, etc.) --low reps and heavy-- to build maximum bone mass. I sure did...right along with a V taper: lats and delts that won't quit. Whoever said women don't put on bulk lifting weights obviously never had them bench-pressing more than their body weight.

Anyway, I wear a lot of v-necked sweaters with shirts like this. Black turtlenecks work, but maybe that's just because it's hard to screw up something so simple. Likewise, the scoop neck leotard. In the end, it all boils down to whatever you feel comfortable in. Get a good look in a three-way mirror and you'll be fine!
posted by aquafortis at 11:37 PM on January 25, 2009

Peachfuzz: But honestly, toned arms are really sexy (and coveted by pretty much every woman who doesn't have them).

True, but there's wide shoulders and skinny toned arms, and there's wide shoulders with toned East German shot-putter arms.

/I likes me the long sleeves, just sayin'.
posted by aquafortis at 12:08 AM on January 26, 2009

Best answer: I feel your pain ... I inherited broad shoulders from my dad, and bulk up really quickly with any sort of weight training (bench-pressing my body weight? try "anything over 25lbs") ... on one memorable occasion I had someone tell me I looked like Chyna, and once had an over 6', 180lb guy tell me I looked like I could kick his ass. (Perhaps these were meant to be complimentary, but for me they just made me feel even more like a gorilla.)

From my experience, you want to go for tanks and sleeveless shirts, and avoid t-shirt length sleeves; it sounds counterintuitive, but the small sleeves actually seem to emphasize shoulders and arms, and the sleeveless styles make them less obvious (personal experience; YMMV). Long sleeves and V-necks are also helpful for drawing attention away, as is the oft-mentioned dark colours and avoidance of prints. I've found that fluttery sleeves seem to draw attention to these features instead of distracting from them, sort of like tying a sweatshirt around your waist in the hopes of hiding generous lower proportions.

As for the belly-flash, you might try getting some cheap mens' tanks (the white, undershirt-style ones ... think Kid Rock) and wearing them under other shirts. I did this when I was doing a lot of social dancing, as a way to soak up excess sweat when dancing in unairconditioned high summer in a room with 100 other people, and it's also a good way to cover up down to about hipbones or so. I haven't bought any in a while, but I got a 3-pack at Target for $6ish that seemed freakishly long and skinny, but ended up being perfect for this, as they were thin enough that they're not really obvious under tops, and gave the additional coverage/layering look at the bottom.

And if none of these suggestions work, perhaps try changing the way you think about it, or tweaking your physical profile a bit? Yeah, I know from experience that this can be really difficult, but remind yourself that the majority of the reactions to this transformation were "DAMN, she's hot".
posted by the luke parker fiasco at 1:07 AM on January 26, 2009

A tip for tops - a lot of girls I know buy maternity shirts and then belt them at the smallest part of their waist... the shirts are usually longer and so offer more coverage, but the belt keeps them looking fashionable.
posted by SputnikSweetheart at 2:06 AM on January 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

This isn't fashion related... but have you considered doing some weight lifting routines for your lower body to balance things out? If you've naturally got wider shoulders and well defined muscles, adding well defined legs into the equation pushes you towards a nice hourglass shape.
posted by JFitzpatrick at 4:23 AM on January 26, 2009

This 12-body-shapes article might be a good jumping off point? It gives a couple of suggestions, you could maybe get the book out from a library if you don't want to spend money on the 11 body shapes that aren't yours.
posted by harriet vane at 5:09 AM on January 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

To prevent stomach flashing and frozen kidneys I were long tank tops and camisoles under my other shirts and sweaters. Tuck them in if you want to ensure constant coverage.
posted by Gor-ella at 7:04 AM on January 26, 2009

Though I am 36 years old, I have bought tank tops at Delia's -- because they are super-long. Cheap, too. Give them a shot as a layering option (I also have a long torso). Also I recently bought some long tanks at Old Navy, not sure if they're still available but they probably are. Luckily, the too-short top thing seems to be out of style now at most stores. Tunics are in.
posted by chowflap at 7:04 AM on January 26, 2009

As for the belly-flash, you might try getting some cheap mens' tanks (the white, undershirt-style ones ... think Kid Rock) and wearing them under other shirts.

I also have a long torso, and I love J.Crew's extra-long tanks to layer under just about everything. They're a bit pricier than the men's tanks at Target, but they come in all sorts of colors and (imo) have a prettier neckline. See here and here.
posted by you're a kitty! at 7:17 AM on January 26, 2009

Old Navy also has cheap long layering tanks. I don't even have a long torso and I wear them under sweaters and tops in the winter for warmth and to stay covered.
posted by pinky at 8:35 AM on January 26, 2009

I have the opposite problem (my legs get ripped with little effort, but despite thousands of pushups my arms still do that Scooby-Doo thing where he tries to flex his bicep and it just droops the opposite way) so I'm not sure how much help I can be... but I would suggest an elbow-length or 3/4 length sleeve for you. They lengthen the arm quite nicely and look a bit more put-together than T-shirt-length sleeves.

You might also want to accessorize with scarves, too. I'm a huge fan of scarves: they can instantly make any outfit more interesting, they draw the eye toward the face and away from the figure, and in your specific case, they can break the horizontal line of your shoulders.

As for shirt length, if something's not available in tall sizes, you might try on one size larger. Many shirts are longer as well as wider when you size up - I find this at Old Navy all the time, for example. You don't want to sacrifice fit, but sometimes the large top looks as good as the medium and has a little bit more room at the bottom.

If you do choose to flaunt your shoulders and arms, halter and racerback tanks are made for you. And, though I can understand your self-consciousness, I hope you do! It might help you to keep in mind that when strangers ask about one of your features, it's because they find it attractive.
posted by Metroid Baby at 8:49 AM on January 26, 2009

I am willing to bet most of the comments are made out of respect/attraction/positive thinking.
posted by tarvuz at 9:05 AM on January 26, 2009

I think that another possibility is focusing your attention on what you wear on the bottom. If you like to wear skirts, I would suggest wearing an A-line skirt that will balance out your shoulders. It's often easier to simply create a symmetrical and balanced shape than it is to try and shrink something. Then you'll also have more flexibility when it comes to what tops you feel you can wear. Good luck!
posted by Grimble at 9:10 AM on January 26, 2009

I have started buying Men's t-shirts since women's shirts aren't long enough for my long torso. A men's small fits me, whereas I used to go with a ladies medium.
posted by frecklefaerie at 9:12 AM on January 26, 2009

Most of the things sold from J.Jill are tall, modest (as in long-sleeved, no plunging necklines) and very relaxed-elegant looking.
posted by GardenGal at 9:30 AM on January 26, 2009

FWIW, just another hetero male checking in to say: defined muscles are sexy on women, too. I've lusted after broad-shouldered (no pun intended) women.
posted by IAmBroom at 9:37 AM on January 26, 2009

I concur with the opinion that broad shoulders and muscular arms on a woman are hot - and frankly that east german shotputter should call me - but one thing you might look for are shirts with longer sleeves - 3/4 length, or just t-shirts cut a bit long in the arms. The end of the delt (halfway down your upper arm) and the lower insertion points of the triceps (a bit further down than that) are the places that make your arm look "defined" more than anything. (Unless you're actively flexing, your biceps do much less, appearance-wise, than most gym rats seem to understand.)

I have made these observations because I do think it's hot and I'd like my arms to look more like yours, but it would work the opposite way too.
posted by restless_nomad at 9:46 AM on January 26, 2009

Jusst mentioning that I too find a woman with a good upper body to be very attractive, and wonder if it isn't worth having a second think about how you feel about your look. I will let others handle the recommedations for tops that hide them, but me, I would go with the racerback if I had a swimmers bod.
posted by Iteki at 9:56 AM on January 26, 2009

Old navy has a large selection of tall shirts. Make sure when you are looking at their tall section that it actually says tall in the sizing area. They put some stuff that might be a bit longer in the tall section but is not actually tall. I have a very long torso and hate showing my belly. All of the actual tall items I have from Old Navy are long enough to hit at my hip bone or lower. If you are wearing a top with sleeves I would say to make sure the sleeves are not too tight. And I will nth the suggestion that tanks are great--try wider straps that spaghetti. Also nth the suggestion that fluttery sleeves will not help and three quarter length sleeves are your friend(provided the sleeves aren't tight).
posted by shmurley at 10:27 AM on January 26, 2009

I'm nthing the hetero male vote. I don't know how to help with coverage, but I know my wife has developed shoulders and arms and its VERY attractive. I agree too that the people who have mentioned it to you mean it to be a compliment.
posted by midwestguy at 12:32 PM on January 26, 2009

Defined shoulders and muscular arms? Don't cover them up, you probably look completely fantastic.
posted by citron at 3:18 PM on January 26, 2009

Best answer: Keep an eye on celebs who share your build- broad shoulders, long torso- and you can see what they wear and why it works or doesn't. A few come to mind:

Sarah Silverman. She looks very awkward in this wide-strapped V-neck top - blah colour, bad bra, the thick shoulder-bands... it makes her look boxy. But she looks awesome in this cute, low-cut t-shirt, with it's flattering deep, rounded neckline- this is probably a perfect neck-shape for you. Maybe the little poof in the sleeves might be something to avoid because it adds an inch to the shoulders- but balanced with a deep neckline the slight puff-sleeve will usually work. On a high-necked top, I'd stay away from shoulder-bulk though. Big blazer with shoulder pads is a definite no. A-line dress with vertical details and a defined waist is a total yes. See how the A-line of the dress balances her shoulders and makes her waist look teeny? Perfect hourglass.

Jessica Biel looks really feminine in this dress because the straps are far apart to make her shoulders look less wide, and her hair being down feminizes her muscles, too. So I don't think thin straps are necessarily the problem- it's the distance between the straps that's actually more important. That spaghetti dress looked nice, but this sweater-vest, despite its wider straps, makes her look like a boxer because the straps are so close together that her wide shoulders become more prominent. Again: here's one where the straps are a little too close, and here's one where the wider-set straps are much more flattering.

You kind of want to break the line across your shoulders in one of two places: either right where your shoulder-knuckle is (as in JBiel's purple silk dress above), or down the centre of the chest with a deep scoop neck (see Sarah Silv's green T above). For neckline shapes, deep scoops are good, bateau necks can be nice if they have long sleeves, and a rounded scoop is more flattering than a v-neck- the angular V shape mirrors your torso shape and harshens it, while the roundness of a scoop or bateau neck feminises you. And you can probably pull off very feminine fabrics- drapey, loose, one-shouldered tops (link is a bit sexy) will look nice. Whereas overly structured, tailored stuff might make you look a little square. You'll probably look really nice in floaty tops, though, especially if they don't have bulky sleeves.

Avoid high necks in general, especially if paired with shoulder bulk. This kind of high-necked, cap-sleeved dress, with its broad expanse of chest/shoulder fabric and severe hair, makes her look too broad-chested (in her case it works because she has big boobs, but if she were flatter-chested this would not work very well, she'd look like a Romanian gymnast).

To deal with the belly showing, just wear long tops or buy a few really long, fitted, smooth tank tops and layer them under other clothes so the tank top sticks out at the bottom and hits you just above the widest part of your hips (where Cameron Diaz' shirt hits her in this pic). If the tank is a slightly lighter colour than your top-shirt, it will optically widen your hips and balance your broad shoulders, giving you a nice hourglass. A-line skirts and dresses over pants will also accomplish this.

To visually shorten your torso, you can also wear a big scarf with a long slim Tshirt. The bulk of the scarf will make your torso look shorter, and the feminine floofiness of the scarf will make your shoulders look narrower and girlier.

A few other athletic-looking ladies to watch: Evangeline Lilly, Charlize Theron, Gabrielle Reese, Michelle Rodriguez, Hilary Swank, Angela Bassett.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:49 PM on January 26, 2009 [7 favorites]

As a tall gal with broad shoulders, muscular arms, and a long waist, I can completely relate. Except for the part about wanting to de-emphasize them. I like showing off my arms and shoulders.

I recommend long sleeve to lengthen the arm. Do not try a 3/4 sleeve, as it will probably not hit your arm in the intended area.

Nthing longer tank tops. They are essential, especially in the winter, when I do not want to get that blast of "air conditioning" down my pants, particularly when I'm bicycling to work.

The main problem with having a mannish body type is the countless times I have been addressed as "Sir" in a store by a clerk who is not paying much attention to me as I walk to the counter. Yeah, I know I don't have my boobs hanging out of my shirt, or wear eight pounds of makeup, but jesus, I have had quite enough of that. But that's a topic for another Ask MeFi thread...
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 4:20 PM on January 26, 2009

You can view your shoulders as a flaw, or a feature. If you view them as a flaw, all you can do is try to hide them and do you really want to be stuck in long sleeves, wraps and cardigans for the rest of your life? How boring! If you view them as a feature, one which may not be your favorite but is an unavoidable part of your body, you can start to think about how to best flatter them and show them off. As another extremely broad-shouldered gal (by nature and nurture), I know that some items of clothing just make me look like a linebacker. But there is certainly no one single style that I can never wear. So, with all of that in mind:

1) Pseudostrabismus above has some good advice. Personally I think Sarah Silverman is an awful dresser, but s/he's right that if you see her wearing something that looks good, it will probably look good on you. V-necks and boat necks (and generally lower-cut necklines) almost always flatter and if you have a flat chest to go with those shoulders you won't have to worry about showing too much cleavage.

2) Those big big shoulders can make even a normal-sized waist look teeny-tiny. Seriously. Nip in that waist! No baggy dresses, go for a 50s silhouette with a full skirt and a fitted waist and no one will mistake you for a man.

3) You absolutely can wear spaghetti straps, they just have to be positioned right. One of my most gorgeous dresses has spaghetti straps attached at the far edges of the body, with a high neckline (hits at about the bottom of my collarbones) and a slightly lower cut in the back, and is otherwise, just stretch jersey. If you have a strong upper body this can look totally bombshell. Don't be afraid to try on clothing just because it has some feature that doesn't always work on you.

In short, I encourage you to be bold! Wear something bold to go with those bold shoulders and people will remember you for being stylish and daring.
posted by ch1x0r at 5:07 PM on January 26, 2009 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Wow - these are all really helpful! Thanks everyone! V-necks seem to be a universal yes, however, I am definitely seeing contradictory advice about boat necks. I have a LOT of them in my wardrobe for some reason, and now wondering whether I should wear them all, or throw them all out.

the luke parker fiasco, as for your transformation comment - I totally agree. This is pretty much my ideal of a hot woman. :) I just wish my arms were toned AND skinny. Instead they are muscular and thick. :(
posted by esolo at 7:04 PM on January 26, 2009

Boatneck advice:

The main problem with boatneck tops is that the straight-edge of the neck can make you look square, especially if you wear short, boxy boatneck tops, off-the-shoulder styles, or cap sleeves. In general, square-shaped tops or any that hide your collarbones likely won't look good.

But a good boatneck can make you look lean and elegant and hourglassy: Long boatneck tops that show your collarbones and end at the hip or even longer will look good. Drapey, soft, thin fabrics are probably fine (broad-shouldered blogger Dooce wears a lot of these).

If you're going blousey, make sure your collarbones show- you need a little bony-ness to contrast the floof of the shirt. If your collarbones don't naturally show through your skin, blousey won't work as well on you, and you're better off going for something with less floof and a more structured shape.

For boatneck dresses, a nipped-in waist with a fuller or flared A-line skirt will make you look hourglassy, which is really flattering. Compare that with the dreaded sheath-style dress, which will turn you into a giant rectangle.

In general, balance the wide-shoulder boatneck effect with a nipped in waist and a longer length. You always want to visually narrow the waist and broaden your hips so they balance your top half in an hourglass shape.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 10:48 PM on January 26, 2009

This isn't as much a problem for me these days but I so know your pain. In high school my broad shoulders, toned arms, and thin frame led to me being likened to an "emaciated linebacker." Ouchie! I've had great luck (counterintuitively) with tanks like the favorite tank from JCrew. I buy knockoffs from OldNavy. This is likely because, as others have noted above, I've started seeing these parts of me as features rather than as flaws.

I did buy some shirts at the mall on Friday and here's what I noticed: I came home with no less than three fluttery, low cut cowl necks, and one with a big, high cowl neck. I also bought some variations on the "favorite tank" (lace around the straps, v neck with lace there too) These things all draw attention away from my shoulders, at least when you're looking at me from the front. And from behind, a lot of them have interesting shapes (or hell, sleeves) that put the emphasis on the clothes and away from me. Which on some days feels like a good thing at this point in my life.

But here is the best advice I ever got about clothes: "feeling confident in what you're wearing is really important. If you find a shirt that feels really flattering to your shape, buy it in as many colors as you will wear."
posted by bilabial at 7:10 PM on January 29, 2009

Oh hey, I'm back. I forgot to share my very favourite tip for dressing my own broad shoulders and strong arms: a good tailor. Buy shirts, blazers, & dresses that fit in the shoulders and sleeves, even if they're somewhat too big over the bust and torso. You'll find you go up a size or two- I have a size-4 torso but usually buy a 6 or 8 to fit my shoulders. Then get a tailor to put darts in under the bust and in the back & sides, to fit the waist. Suddenly a boxy shirt or dress looks sleek, and you look toned and amazing. This makes such a huge difference, it's totally worth the extra cash (I try to factor it into the price of the item & shop accordingly). Price-wise, the most it'll run you is about $40 to alter something rather difficult, like a fully-lined blazer. Easier stuff like dress shirts & casual dresses would be much cheaper to alter, say $10 or $15 for a plain cotton-lycra button-down dress shirt. A quick trip to the tailor's will turn an awkward, boxy shirt into something curved and super-flattering.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 11:26 PM on January 29, 2009

i spent hours working out at the gym attempting to have what nature has given you. my floppy muscleless arms drive me nuts, especially because i have awesome upper arm tattoos that draw attention to the area. (i realize i could've just chosen not to have tats there, but i like arms.) but i know it's one of those things where the grass is always greener ;)

i had similar problems with the belly issue - pants started having progressively lower and lower rises, but shirts were slower to catch up. the end result was a bunch of cute shirts that now exposed my stomach. that's fine if you're slender and it's summer, but it's cold in winter and looks like a muffin top if you're not a slender person.

luckily, when leggings came back into fashion tunic-length tops also experienced a revival. recently i discovered that you can get some very inexpensive made in the u.s. with no sweatshop labor shirts on amazon, and some of them even have organic & ecofriendly materials which makes me very happy. these alternative apparel tunic length shirts are quite cute in my opinion, and the amazon prices on a lot of them start at $9. american apparel also sells some.

what i've done to get around the problem is to continue to wear the same old shorter shirts that i already own and like, but underneath those shirts i layer a tunic length tank top or t-shirt. that way there's no belly waggling in the breeze but i don't have to get rid of the old shirts i loved either :)
posted by groovinkim at 6:18 PM on February 4, 2009