Condom Troubles

January 23, 2009 5:23 PM

Proper condom usage - what is leaking out? Is it semen?

My female partner and I think we're using the condom correctly, but each time there is something in her and on the condom's outside.

To put it on we close the tip with one hand, roll it down over the erect shaft to the base with the other, making sure there are no air bubbles.

I pull out right after I come, usually after 3 spurts of ejaculate. Today and last time the semen was in the last (near the tip) inch and the tip of the condom (though it doesn't all leak out), and there some "goo" on the outside and in my partner. The goo doesn't really smell/taste like semen, but sort of looks like it. The condom scent and taste sort of overpower everything, making it hard to tell.

We're freaking out about it being a bit of semen, and thus about pregnancy risk.

What else could it be? Should I pull out after one spurt? Is it possible the condom is too big/loose (Durex brand)? Is it just a mix of her lubrication and the condom's?

Not really looking for advice on other forms of birth control :)

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (25 comments total)

Female lubrication.
posted by magikker at 5:30 PM on January 23 [5 favorites]

It's coming from her, not from you, and it's healthy and normal. It cannot make her pregnant.
posted by Chocolate Pickle at 5:32 PM on January 23

I should think that it would just be the lubrication from the condom after it has dried up or collected together a bit, since it sounds like you are putting it on correctly.
posted by tumples at 5:32 PM on January 23

It's probably the latter (a mix of her lubrication and the condom's), and may not be so obvious at a different time in her cycle.

Being concerned about it is understandable, though, and it's good that you're looking for information. Maybe you could try pulling out during sex for a minute and checking - if it's just a lubrication byproduct then it should be visible at a point when you can't get it confused with sperm.
posted by you're a kitty! at 5:34 PM on January 23 [1 favorite]

I reckon that it's plasma (nsfw) seeping through the vaginal epithelium in a process called transudation.
posted by The White Hat at 5:35 PM on January 23

Cervical mucus
posted by peggynature at 5:38 PM on January 23

IANAD or a condom expert but I think you're fine and it's just a combination of the condom's lubrication and hers. But condoms do break sometimes. If you're really worried, get a back up method. Kudos on the safe sex! Have fun.
posted by dchrssyr at 5:39 PM on January 23

it's the evidence of a job well done - as others have pointed out, you're not the only one that gets to expel fluid. pat yourself on the back.
posted by nadawi at 5:42 PM on January 23 [1 favorite]

The goo doesn't really smell/taste like semen, but sort of looks like it.

Condom lube + her own. Don't worry about it.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 5:53 PM on January 23

I just wanted to add that if you aren't ready for a baby, and she isn't on birth control, you should be pulling out before you come. Esp. since you're freaking out...
posted by zephyr_words at 6:00 PM on January 23

I just wanted to add that if you aren't ready for a baby, and she isn't on birth control, you should be pulling out before you come. Esp. since you're freaking out...

Umm. I'm just here to say that (a), it sounds like everyone above is correct. Or almost everyone. But if you're truly convinced it's something other than The Stuff That Comes From Inside Of Women, then by all means add a second method of birth control. You know. One that works better than doing jumping jacks, planting lucky jelly beans, or the method known as pulling out.
posted by brina at 6:08 PM on January 23 [2 favorites]

congratulations young one it means you're doing a good job. Walk away with a smile on your face, its called natural lube; one of the greatest gifts men have ever receive.
posted by sumobob at 6:09 PM on January 23

You might also want to use an additional spermicide if you are worried.
posted by bottlebrushtree at 6:12 PM on January 23

I just wanted to add that if you aren't ready for a baby, and she isn't on birth control, you should be pulling out before you come. Esp. since you're freaking out...

/me smacks head on keyboard

I'm aware that we're talking about a person that is using a condom, but "pulling out before you come" is not helpful. Not helpful at all.

Most men leak semen before orgasm and ejaculation, although they may not notice it, and moreover, it may be mixed with fluid from the Cowper's gland.

Pulling out certainly lowers risk that is already lowered by the presence of a condom, I'll give you that. But pulling out does not lower that risk to zero.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:13 PM on January 23

It's her. Job well done, enjoy it (both of you). To limit the freaking out (which is a mood killer), you might want to pick up some spermacide to use with the condom. Condoms can break but it's very rare and often caused by lubes not meant to be used in conjunction with condoms, like anything oil based. The other trap one can fall into is to get too cosy in there and pull out after you've gone a bit soft, forgetting to hold on to the condom and loosing it on the way.
posted by dabitch at 6:44 PM on January 23 [1 favorite]

It sounds a bit gross, but on the few occasions where my girlfriend was freaking out about whether the condom was leaking, I'd blow into the end like a balloon. If holds air, it'll hold the payload.
posted by dr_dank at 6:57 PM on January 23 [1 favorite]

It's her, not you, and to help you calm down, try masturbating once with a condom on. You'll see that all your fluid is kept safely inside.
posted by exphysicist345 at 7:07 PM on January 23

Condoms can break but it's very rare

Not so rare in my experience, but at the same time I found that a break was always unmistakable. All of a sudden there would be a big gaping hole in the condom, and no spooge on the inside of it. One time the whole thing tore in half, even. I suppose that pinhole leaks are possible, but they aren't going to leak the quantities of fluid that you are seeing.

So yeah, it's normal and not really something to worry about. But for peace of mind (especially given how many condoms I broke) I'd suggest considering adding a secondary method -- spermicide, maybe, though it gives a lot of people rashes; a barrier like the sponge or a diaphragm; an IUD; hormonal contraception; etc. Planned Parenthood or your regular OBGYN can talk you through the options.
posted by Forktine at 7:19 PM on January 23

I think the original poster about pulling out was saying that even with a condom, one should pull out. Condoms do break, and are not fail safe. I would be pulling out at the point of coming even with a condom on. Besides which, you would still see the fluid you're talking about and then you would have concrete proof that it wasn't from you.

Good luck with the love making.
posted by fantasticninety at 8:26 PM on January 23

it's just her juices mixed with condom lube. and please don't ever say 'spurt' again!
posted by sid at 8:28 PM on January 23 [1 favorite]

The girl-goo and condom-goo can get lathered up a bit during activities, in my experience, which can sometimes make it look a little like boy-goo.

The condom breaks I've had (that I know of, at least!) have been really abrupt and obvious, like Forktine describes, and I've only had it happen when doing things that were in retrospect not good for condom integrity. Condoms are pretty sturdy. They do break, though, so you should always have a plan B (whether that's Plan B™ or parenthood).
posted by hattifattener at 8:35 PM on January 23

Definitely female lubricant - it often looks thick and white like semen and all it means is that you're doing something very very right.
posted by Grimble at 9:46 PM on January 23

We like to call it aioli.
posted by tsmo at 9:56 PM on January 23

Oh yeah, this is probably from her. On the flip side of exphysicist345's advice, ask HER to masturbate so you can both get familiar with what it feels/smells/looks like.

Far from being "condom troubles", the more lube she produces, the less likely the condom will break, so keep that lady happy!
posted by heatherann at 7:29 PM on January 25

It certainly doesn't hurt to do so Cool Papa Bell.

I'm well aware of what you posted but I think every extra precaution is important esp. for someone who can't even identify female lubrication.
posted by zephyr_words at 7:00 AM on January 30