Life's Too Short, And So Is My Novel

January 23, 2009 3:51 AM

How do I expand my novel without adding useless verbiage?

My first novel draft (yay!) is crappy, but still much, much better than I expected, and was tremendous fun to write. The draft has just about 50.000 words, though.

This would be a problem for publication; more importantly, it seems that something is missing in it, stylistically. A friend who has read the manuscript is of the same opinion: it's good, but too short. However, we both can't figure out what should be added.
On the surface, it seems to be fully functional: it has a coherent, suspenseful plot with lots and lots of action, it has minute descriptions, it has reflection, absurdity, comedy, love, and death. It has references to Joseph Conrad. It has disco music. It has science. It has LSD. It has monkeys. It's just...too short.

I've always been a very concise writer. In academic writing (especially in Philosophy), this seems to be a Really Good Thing. So, I had difficulties with reaching word-count goals, but at the same time I got a lot of positive feedback for my non-blathery style in academic philosophy. However, now that I want to write fiction, I find this "quality" of mine to be somewhat problematic. Sadly, this is a recurring issue across genres. Last night, I finished a too-short short story. It's coherent, surprising, dense, imaginative (not trying to boast here, just explaining that I really don't know what is missing). The damn thing has a mere 1487 words!

In my novel, a certain breathlessness is intentional - that's the way my fist-person narrator is. So just adding minute descriptions or blown-up dialogue at random is not an option. Yeah, sure, I could do that, but I want every word in this story to be there for a reason. And I can't find those reasons.

Of course, I tried to find some expert opinions on this. "Stein on Writing" was a disappointment in this regard. All of his revision tips are based on the assumption that you, blathering hack that you are, have, of course, written too much: "Take the worst scene - and cut it. Then, take the second worst scene - and cut it, too ..." - Yeah, thanks. Brilliant.

Are there any revision/writing methods out there which have helped you to expand a fictional text, without adding random, redundant blather? Are there others out there who have this problem? I'm at my wits end!

(Sockpuppet account by experienced MeFite for quasi-anonymization, don't want acquaintances to read me boasting about my prose, but I want to be able to reply in the thread. Not used to skirt weekly question limit. I hope this is ok.)

posted by carrot to Writing & Language (20 answers total)

I heavily sympathise, as I have much the same problem whenever I write. My short stories have a tendency to be 800-word summaries of short stories rather than actual stories. That said, I'm currently, masochistically, attempting a novel.

As a suggestion: How about adding an entirely new sub-plot that somehow mirrors the main plot thread? Obviously, adding a completely uninvolved sub-plot is tedious, but how about a plot that interweaves with the main one, distracting the characters perhaps, but mirroring or inverting the bigger events in some sense?

Alternatively, throw away the final fifth of your novel, and at the stump, have one character change their mind, or die suddenly, or whatever. Just when your protagonists are on the "home stretch", throw them a massive problem or complication that means their story is far from over.
posted by Zarkonnen at 4:09 AM on January 23, 2009

I had this problem all the time writing screenplay. It's got to be 44 pages (or 26, or 120).

The answer for me was nearly always subplots. Throw in another character concern, and make him pursue that while simultaneously pursuing the thrust of the main plot. None of us actually have lives that get put on hold while we court the lifeguard all summer. The only genres I can think of where this isn't possible are sci-fi on space ships (without huge crews), high fantasy, and survival/zombie horror. Everything else is (probably) set in a world where people have to juggle multiple priorities simultaneously. (Please don't add the seemingly-obligatory love interest subplot if it's not already there.)

Humorous sidetracks are fun, too, assuming it fits your narrator's voice and you can pull it off. Even terse people (characters) will talk if they think they're making somebody laugh. It's one of the reasons I love early Neal Stephenson... full-page discussions of his pet philosophical aphorisms.
posted by Netzapper at 4:10 AM on January 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Illuminate your characters. Write down everything about your characters, then expand it - you can always shed more light on the people in your story. How you do this is up to you - subplots, additional dialogue, expanding certain scenes.
posted by fire&wings at 4:26 AM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

It's hard to comment here without having read the novel. However, *if* you feel that it is as rich and deep as it should be - that the problem is just page count, not a feeling that the story ends too soon or that it's too superficial - then call it a novelette, write another one or two, and publish them together.

I say this as someone who mostly hates random subplots and meanderings. Good depth and characterization is another story, though.
posted by egg drop at 4:53 AM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Flashbacks at various junctures could help further flesh out your characters by portraying them in situations outside (but somehow anticipating) the main flow of your plot. For example, I'm sure you've seen plenty of stories where a series of connected flashbacks lead up to some revelation which foreshadows the tale's denouemont.
posted by misteraitch at 5:21 AM on January 23, 2009

What about a second mini-antagonist who's merely a screen for the real antagonist? Like, someone who is counter to your guy for some really normal reason but it's unclear whether he's the actual antagonist or not.

You could also just throw in acts of god and see what happens to your characters. Hurricane, earthquake, random death, car crash, whatever.
posted by lockestockbarrel at 5:29 AM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Maybe it's telling you "I'm not a novel." There's no fixed length for fiction, and there have been many highly successful short books. Melville's "Billy Budd" and "Bartleby the Scrivener," Dickens's "A Christmas Carol" or Nicholson Baker's "The Mezzanine" say all they need to in a short format.
posted by KRS at 5:48 AM on January 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

Side stories from some lesser characters are a fun way to break up a plot while expanding the verbiage. Also including some background stories from main characters seems to attach the reader to the novel. Good luck!
posted by sharkhunt at 5:57 AM on January 23, 2009

Add another obstacle/complication that flows naturally from the existing ones?

If you need to brainstorm that, post a new askme saying "My character deals with THIS, THIS and then ultimately THIS; what else can I subject her to?" and you'll probably get many ideas that fit in.

(or MeMail me if you want a reader. I usually give notes on screenplays, not novels, but what the heck. Reading is reading.)
posted by rokusan at 6:04 AM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

I usually enjoy novels that go the Les Miserables type of route. If the character is headed into the sewers, I'm all up for a long, juicy decription of the history of that sewer system.
posted by bonobothegreat at 6:22 AM on January 23, 2009

It's tougher to add things than it is to take things out. But netzapper has a good suggestion, and sharkhunt is on the right track. Let me expand on their notes with a concrete example.

I wrote a Young Adult novel (something like the sixth novel I'd written, and the first YA) a few years back. I like it a lot, and so do those who read it. Yet, it's a bit short. What it needs is another sub-plot that will not take away from the main storyline. This should be relatively easy for me to do. The book is set in NYC in 1870, and that was an interesting time. I did a ton of research and had a ton of fun writing the book and evoking the taste of the era as well as working in some real people, like P.T. Barnum, Thomas Nast, and a few others. One character I did not work in was (bowing to KRS here) Herman Melville, who was elderly, forgotten by the public (his days of recognition and of Moby-Dick were behind him), and working in obscurity as a customs inspector down by NY harbor.

Now, there's a fascinating character on a number of levels. As it happens, one of his preoccupations was with -- surprise -- whales, and there is a chapter in Moby-Dick about fossil whales and what-not. This interest on Melville's part could easily lead him into contact with the lead character in my book, who is a by working in a museum. So, when it comes time for me to expand that book, I'll be able to work in some sort of sub-plot to the tune of perhaps 5,000-10,000 words, depending.

Anyway, that's one way to deal with your problem: find a character you can add who can be woven into a sub-plot. Beware of using too much narrative, though, at the expense of the story: in other words, show, do not tell.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 6:46 AM on January 23, 2009 [2 favorites]

Oh, and feel free to email me through MeFi or my website if you'd like me to take a look at some of your work. I've done professional editing (copy and line) as well as writing.
posted by Guy_Inamonkeysuit at 7:04 AM on January 23, 2009

I have a similarly concise style. I avoid rambling on and I rarely repeat myself. My paragraphs are straight and to the point and I tend to avoid paraphrasing myself. Each sentence has a unique purpose. This style keeps things short and sweet, but doesn't work so well for longer pieces (though my college professors did admire my ability to cram a three hour lecture into a single page). I cut to the chase right away and find no room for tangents.

Anyway, I tried to write for NaNoWriMo in 2007. I didn't even come close to finishing, but I learned quite a bit about writing.

Prior to November of '07 I didn't believe in outlining. I wanted to discover the story as the characters did. I knew what direction they were facing, but didn't know where they would move. This style has always worked in my favor academically, since I don't get bored of my argument before it's written. If I'm bored I write boring material. If I'm enthused I write interesting material.

Anyway, my first attempt at Nano that winter failed. I started up a second story, but outlined it the second time. In spite of the outline, I got to discover just as much of my story while writing. I'm a creative person by nature. If you're writing a novel, you're probably creative too. Since the overarching events were already plotting out, I was forced to be creative elsewhere. I never had thoughts of "ooh, here's a major plot event, let's go there now," because those were planned out. Instead my impulses were to stop and smell the roses. If I made a beeline between each plot point, I never would have had a chance to discover anything about my story while writing. By doing the outline ahead of time I gave myself the chance to explore and fill out the smaller details as I wrote. The more heavily I outlined, the more minor detail I added between the major points.
posted by valadil at 7:51 AM on January 23, 2009

Ooh, were at the same place in our writing! I just finished my draft of about that length. Mine's YA, though, so it's not quite so problematic.

Anyway, if the novel feels abrupt, my instinct would be that the well-developed plot isn't really developed properly--likely either, you need more time setting up your premise, or you need to spend more time resolving loose plot threads. Perhaps everything is resolved too cleanly, or, you spend too much time on the primary conflict and not enough time creating secondary conflicts, which aren't necessary for short stories but definitely are for novels.

At this point, I wouldn't worry so much about word count until you at least do a second draft. In my experience, second drafts tend to be longer. When you reread your novel, it should be clear where you need to develop descriptions and narrative further. If you're having trouble seeing that, it might be time to set aside the manuscript for a few weeks to get some perspective. This sounded a little defensive, and not the best attitude to approach editing with: "Yeah, sure, I could do that, but I want every word in this story to be there for a reason. And I can't find those reasons." Remember, your work in progress is just that. If you get too attached to your draft before it's even gone through one revision, you're handicapping your work.

Like Guy feel free to MeMail me if you need another reader. I'm an MFA student, and I teach and tutor writing, to boot.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 8:07 AM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: You're all very helpful and this is already becoming much clearer for me! I think the key might be in my presentation of the characters (hence my "best answer" pick). I need to figure out how I can shine more light on the supporting characters.
My difficulty here is that the story is told from a somewhat unusual first person perspective. The narrator/main character is a grandiose maniac. He's obsessed with his own adventures and grandiosity, and with "action" (this is why I think more plotlines would not be a good idea - it's already a bit over the top as it is). My narrator/MC is similar to Grahame's "Mr. Toad" in that respect, or a small child. Other characters can only feature as triggers of action, obstacles, or objects of his admiration/disdain. He's not interested in what they do or feel except if it directly relates to him... I'll have to trick him into this somehow.

Might be worth a try to write from a third-person perspective the next time, or create a narrator/main character who isn't such a self-centered dick - but, well, I like him just the way he is...

Rokusan, Guy_Inamonkeysuit, PhoBWanKenobi, thank you so much for your kind offers of having a look at my work. The novel is in German, though (my native tongue), so that's probably not an option.
posted by carrot at 8:47 AM on January 23, 2009

Add another subplot, a foil to one of your characters, or a mirror scene. You could also have some of your characters tell stories within the story.
posted by paulg at 10:14 AM on January 23, 2009

Denouement? Let it wind down - what became of everybody? How do they see the events of the story 20 years later? Regrets?
posted by Meatbomb at 12:21 PM on January 23, 2009

My difficulty here is that the story is told from a somewhat unusual first person perspective.

Ooh! Sounds fun. What about introducing another more distant perspective, interleaving the chapters? The court psychiatrist's testimony of the events after the fact, some sort of foil or adult providing a very alternative parallel narrative? Like The Collector.
posted by Meatbomb at 12:25 PM on January 23, 2009

I have a note in view of me every time I write, and when I'm stuck on a scene, I look at it. It says: "Nothing should be easy."

Go back to all your scenes and think, "How can I make life more difficult for the characters?" You'll end up with a lot of plot turns that will take a while to resolve, make the book more exciting and entrancing, and (hopefully) flesh out the characters and make them more real to the reader. You shouldn't need to resort to anything unrealistic or absurd to do this, so dismiss anything that doesn't ring true until you think of something that does. Have fun with it!
posted by Nattie at 11:48 PM on January 23, 2009 [1 favorite]

Go deeper.
posted by whimsicalnymph at 7:25 PM on February 6, 2009