I want my brain back!

January 20, 2009 6:57 PM

I got laid off two months ago and haven't been working. I have several creative projects I'd like to work on, as well as look for a new job.

However, instead of focusing on me I've gotten caught up in a preoccupation with a romantic situation. I'm spending too much time and energy on this and I can't seem to work up the willpower to get on to the chores of life.

I'm not happy with the city I live in or its job market, so that doesn't help. I really just want to escape my entire life and I guess I'm doing it by fantasizing about that Certain Unavailable Someone.

I want to work out, write, create art, and find a new job, as well as get involved in more activities. Instead I just mope around daydreaming.

I think this can be solved cognitively rather than with meds. Maybe I just need a good kick in the butt from the green screen. So, kick away!

posted by anonymous to human relations (10 comments total)

Is moving an option? I don't know if you have the financial resources to do this, but if you do, move to a city:
(1) that you like
(2) where you already know people you like and who like you - this is important. Ideally, some of them are in your field and can push you to do the projects and activities you know you should be doing. Plus, networking!
(3) with a job market that's better for your field (or better, period)

If you don't have the resources to do this, I'd still recommend option (2) - hang out with people as much as you can and go on bike rides or walks or free days at museums. And then tell them about your projects - it's way more embarrassing not to do them if someone else is holding you accountable.

In summary: Run to where all pastures (work, love and play) appear greener, and if that's not possible, distract yourself with other people.
posted by universal_qlc at 7:21 PM on January 20

I'm not sure exactly what the question is, but I think I might have some thoughts anyway:

I have been in similar situations. When you have a job you think, "oh if only I had some free time I'd get so much done on projects x, y and z." Then when you're unemployed, the lack of any constraints or schedule actually makes it harder to get things done.

So, you need to make a schedule and stick to it. Get up every morning at a set time. Work out or take a walk, then work on a project, then have lunch. Repeat. (or something like that)

Also, you might want to focus on just one project for now. Having more than one going can be overwhelming.
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:23 PM on January 20 [3 favorites]

And yeah, if you don't like your city and have nothing much going on there, why NOT move? You can always come back if it doesn't work. And maybe there's a great job for you in another city- it never hurts to look at listings.
posted by drjimmy11 at 7:23 PM on January 20

You what? You have a crush? Come on, anon. We already don't know who you are, why be cagey?

You want to work on your stuff? Then do it? Can't get started because you're thinking about CUS? Go get yourself laid and unblock yourself. Seriously, you already wrote the list of stuff going on, just prioritize it. That said, picking up and moving to another city won't solve your problems. If you're convinced it will, then you can use Craigslist to find a job and an apartment in the new city before you actually move.

Sorry if I sound snarky, but vagueness and anonymity do not go together in my universe. Have some balls.
posted by rhizome at 7:28 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]

One thing at a time. For me, paradoxically, imagining all sorts of things I could/should be doing quickly becomes overwhelming and I'm a goddamn genius at avoiding things that seem overwhelming. So I would suggest maybe writing down (if you're that sort of person - even if you're not! This is good mojo) all these ideas you have, and then after some reflection cross all of them out except maybe one or two. Then figure out what some first real concrete steps on the remaining items are - not how to bake the whole enchilada, but like in the order of what can easily be done in the next day or two. Write these steps down too. And of course what we all know where this is heading, that then you actually have to do these things! But in my experience it's just a whole lot easier when you're not battling with an ambiguous unrealistic cloud of three hundred good ideas all at once.

Later on it can be reassuring to have these old lists of stuff that you were going to do that you can think 'oh, yeah, I did do that...' if (when) you (inevitably) get that sense that you're not making any progress.

Good luck!
posted by Bokononist at 8:18 PM on January 20

Maybe I just need a good kick in the butt from the green screen. So, kick away!

Whenever I feel like I need a good kick I watch this. It's the perfect medicine for moping.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:28 PM on January 20 [2 favorites]

Can you get a temp job? Even a dumb job you don't like will add some structure to your days and once that structure's in place, it becomes easier to squeeze in the stuff you actually want to get done. And better making $12/hour to answer the phone than to sit at home for free pining over someone who's not into a romance right now! Also, check out the GTD system as a way to add structure to your projects. Good luck!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 8:43 PM on January 20

Are you sleeping too much? Drinking more than you mean to? Hiding from the cold weather and not getting your share of the outdoors? These are all things that make me mope around unproductively. I am so not a morning person, but if I commit to something fairly early in the morning it helps with the rest of my day.

Also, trying to split my time into too many projects means I tend to get none of them done. Try picking just one thing that you are going to work on first thing every day (or 4 days a week at least), and work on until well into the afternoon. Don't work on what think you should be doing (unless you're running out of money, then you should be looking for paying work); make it the most compelling thing for now.

By the way, I'm kind of where you are now, except that I left my job voluntarily and my other goals are a bit different, but I'm currently doing my best to follow this advice in my own life.
posted by zinfandel at 8:44 PM on January 20

Get a calendar, fill it with tasks from 9-5 (projects, looking for work, working out, etc.)

Do it.

Allow yourself time to mope after 'work' hours.

If you try, try, try not to fixate on the crush, you naturally will. Allow a place for it, just not a big place. Just schedule it in after taking care of your own needs and I bet it will fade away.
posted by Vaike at 11:36 PM on January 20

Don't you need to work?? Fine, maybe you have savings and/or you're living with your parents. Great, let's say you keep doing that. Separately, you could make $300/wk at some bagel shop with all that time you're wasting. Say you kept that up for 30 years, at 5% interest, that's over a million dollars! I'm no capitalist, but geez, would you rather mope or have a million dollars?

Okay fine, you're not going to work? Go to, like, Dominica. You'd save money that way and have something to remember. You're going to be 70 someday (god willing), are you going to look back on this year and be like, "yeah, that was the year I moped. Man it was awesome. I tell everyone: spend at least a year of your life moping." If so, great, mope away. If not, do something else. Life is fucking short. You don't like the city you live in, you can't get a job, you apparently don't have to work, you want to escape your entire life, then do it -- go to Dominica, that's my advice.
posted by salvia at 9:03 PM on January 21