Comments on: Tears of Joy

Question: Tears of Joy

Anonymous — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:01:55 -0800

My girlfriend sometimes cries during orgasm. It's not pain crying. The first time it happened it totally freaked me out, but she assured me it was all good, that it was about going beyond a really good feeling to one of being "overwhelmed." It's not just tears, either--it can be full on bawling. It's since become the high water mark of our intimate relations, which are not particularly unusual in any way--meaning we're not doing something really freaky, for which tears might be appropriate. I do my best to take full credit for pushing her climax that far, but it must be admitted that it's most likely when she's the active one. I'm widely experienced enough to think that this is, well, pretty unusual. Is it?

By: Inspector.Gadget

Inspector.Gadget — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:03:34 -0800

No.

By: Doctor Suarez

Doctor Suarez — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:06:37 -0800

I knew a girl once who said that really good sex for her was often followed by some form of tears, pretty much how you describe it. Though I didn't manage to ever see it first-hand. I know this doesn't tell you much about the population at large, but unless we're talking about the same woman, I guess it's out there.

By: decathecting

decathecting — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:06:41 -0800

Apparently not. It's never happened to me, but I've heard from male friends of mine that this happens to their female partners not infrequently.

By: kate blank

kate blank — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:08:05 -0800

It's definitely not unusual.

By: sperose

sperose — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:08:07 -0800

I've heard about this happening with female friends of mine.

By: soviet sleepover

soviet sleepover — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:08:15 -0800

I don't think it's especially unusual--after particularly good sex I feel like jumping on the bed, standing on my head, doing somersaults, talking really fast, etc. It's all this excess energy racing around inside my skin; if I suppress it, it kills the high. I'd imagine it's the same for your girlfriend.

By: anitanita

anitanita — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:09:45 -0800

not unusual. Interesting that it doesn't seem to happen to males so much.

By: The Light Fantastic

The Light Fantastic — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:13:17 -0800

I knew a guy that had a mini-seizure every time he came...I would have preferred it if he cried.

By: Kerasia

Kerasia — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:13:29 -0800

No.
When it happens to me it is a part of the whole tension/release thing. You two are probably having great, emotionally deep sex. It happens for me after sex like that - the urge to sob and bawl and let it all out wells up just after orgasm. And it feels sooo goood to the point where I am crying and laughing and smiling through my bawling. Afterward I feel cleansed.

By: Brockles

Brockles — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:15:24 -0800

I'd vote for the side of 'not common and somewhere near unusual' in terms of 'girls that do it or not'. Those that do, do it not uncommonly, I'd say, to varying degrees.

Is that vague enough?

By: Chocolate Pickle

Chocolate Pickle — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:19:40 -0800

Who cares if it is or not? Whatever makes her happy!

By: Optimus Chyme

Optimus Chyme — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:30:56 -0800

No.

By: Wayman Tisdale

Wayman Tisdale — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:35:40 -0800

Nope.

By: desuetude

desuetude — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:36:52 -0800

Not particularly unusual. Believe your gf's explanation.

By: EmpressCallipygos

EmpressCallipygos — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:40:26 -0800

Not unusual; it's happened to me a handful of times. It wasn't even so much that anything in particular was triggering the tears, it's just that sometimes an orgasm leaves you totally naked mentally and emotionally as well as physically, and whatever fleeting impulse of an emotion happens to flit up into your brain just comes straight out. And sometimes, tears are involved in that.

By: peanut_mcgillicuty

peanut_mcgillicuty — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:49:23 -0800

Not unusual, and no big deal. It's happened to me, and most female friends with whom I discuss such things confirm that it's happened to them as well.

That said, it is NOT a high-water mark for me. It's great when it happens, since it's usually the sign of deeply emotional sex--but to happen every single time would be really exhausting, physically, mentally and emotionally. It often seems a form of "relief" to a stressful period in my non-sex life as well. As a matter of fact, I think it would be impossible for it to happen every time for exactly those reasons.

By: exceptinsects

exceptinsects — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:52:55 -0800

It happens to me sometimes. I think it's because a really good orgasm is a kind of catharsis and you just let it all out.

By: cocoagirl

cocoagirl — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:53:16 -0800

Not unusual for me, but ditto what peanut_mcgillicuty says about it seeming related to stress, and that it would be impossible to carry off each and every time as a goal of great sex.

By: batmonkey

batmonkey — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:23:03 -0800

Nope, not uncommon.

Sometimes that's just the switch that gets flipped. Generally a good thing, better when occasional.

By: Effigy2000

Effigy2000 — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:33:21 -0800

Not unusual at all, I can attest.

By: _Mona_

_Mona_ — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:33:50 -0800

Not even a little unusual.

By: Madamina

Madamina — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:36:06 -0800

Yep, seconding the whole tension release thing. It got to the point for me that when I had a FWB thing going with an ex, I'd call him and say, "I had a bad day. Be there in 15 minutes. Got kleenex?" When it went down the tubes, I started going to the batting cages :P

By: elendil71

elendil71 — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:36:42 -0800

Nope. Happened to a former GF sometimes when we "made love" vs you know, more pedestrian sex. Always kinda disturbed me though - some visceral reaction like I did something wrong. Hard to get used to, but not uncommon.

By: lunalaguna

lunalaguna — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:50:10 -0800

I laugh uncontrollably. It seems to freak dudes out, though, so I'm guessing that it's not all that common.

By: Forktine

Forktine — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:13:48 -0800

One more vote for "it's normal, no big deal." Some people do this, some don't. It can be weird the first few times, and then I went through a phase of thinking I was a total sex god, but at some point I figured out that it wasn't about me at all -- it's just how some people process some combination of emotional closeness and post-sex hormones.

By: Palmcorder Yajna

Palmcorder Yajna — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:24:58 -0800

I have had tears on a couple of occasions and only when I'm feeling deeply emotionally attached to my partner. I often giggle and laugh like crazy. It does seem to catch guys off guard a bit and I've appreciated it when the guy has talked to me about it. I think they initially think I'm laughing at them, but it is just an expression of how good and deeply joyful orgasm makes me feel.

By: meghanmiller

meghanmiller — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:36:01 -0800

Another "it's normal" here. And it's a good thing, in my opinion--the more dramatic my orgasm, the more tears, as a general rule. It's not an every time I come thing, but it's almost an every time I come with my husband thing.

Possibly not related, but he's the only person who's ever made me cry (good way!) after sex. I have no idea what that means, though.

By: ruff

ruff — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 20:40:45 -0800

Not that unusual for me -- 10% of the time?

Somewhere near the end, near orgasm or right after, it feels like some well of tears deep inside me gets unlocked and released. Sometimes, actual memories or sadness goes along with it, sometimes not. I usually feel sadness and relief, and experience it as a very good thing. The sadness might be "god, what a hard week it's been," or "wow, I can't believe how scared I was I'd lose you during that one fight we had," and sometimes it's much less specific. It's not always about my partner, but I usually feel really close to him, and grateful that I could open up this much with him. The best response is just to appreciate it as a deep thing and be open to it, maybe not think too much about who caused it or how it happened.

By: DarlingBri

DarlingBri — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:01:54 -0800

It isn't unusual. For some people, I'd dare say it's routine; you just haven't shagged m/any of them yet. I only cry upon orgasm when:

1) Someone has died - in which case it's predictable and cathartic.
2) I'm massively oogly besotted in love.
3) Everything in my life is absolute shit and I'm so relieved that this one thing right here is, just for this moment, so entirely perfect.

In other words, eh, about once a year.

By: fatbird

fatbird — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:43:44 -0800

As a man who makes a funny face for ten seconds or so, I feel so totally ripped off.

By: nightchrome

nightchrome — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:54:41 -0800

Definitely not uncommon, I've encountered it on rare occasion.

By: jayder

jayder — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 22:07:49 -0800

It's the lacrimal equivalent of dancing a jig.

By: Nattie

Nattie — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:15:59 -0800

I do this all the time with my husband. Usually it's if the sex is particularly emotional, but sometimes just hugging him at the end is enough to catapult me to tears even if the sex itself was more lustful.

By: 0bvious

0bvious — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:23:59 -0800

I laugh uncontrollably sometimes, just after it's all over. My girlfriend was put off at first, but now she joins in with me. It's the enormity of the release that does it. Just hold her, cradle her and get involved. It'll bring you closer

By: fire&wings

fire&wings — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 03:30:07 -0800

Not unusual. Just be thankful it's not the aforementioned uncontrollable giggling fit, which really takes some getting used to after the initial shock.

By: grapefruitmoon

grapefruitmoon — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 04:07:03 -0800

Not unusual, no. It's happened to me once or twice and I know other women who have experienced this phenomenon reguarly.

By: fourcheesemac

fourcheesemac — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 05:21:45 -0800

Don't look a fine gift horse in the mouth, man.

It's common, but not so common that you shouldn't cherish that level of connection.

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 08:02:33 -0800

It's never happened to me, but I have been overwhelmed with uncontrollable laughter when the orgasm has been particularly intense. It was disconcerting for my partner at first, but after awhile he got used to it.

By: Unicorn on the cob

Unicorn on the cob — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 08:36:36 -0800

Sometimes when I've been overwhelmed with a really good orgasm right around the same time I realize I've fallen in love with someone, I cry. The emotions are overwhelming. I've cried with at least 3 boyfriends I can remember. It's from the heartfelt emotion of the love involved, not the intensity of the orgasm (for me). The orgasm just pushes the emotions over the edge where crying can't be helped.

By: cirocco

cirocco — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 20:07:45 -0800

There was an article in the NY Times today that might interest you, anonymous:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/20/health/views/20mind.html

It's not strictly about tears upon orgasm, but the fact that some people experience a depressive crash after sex. I ran across it on Jezebel.com, and the comments in the thread there may further reassure you that your girlfriend is entirely normal:

http://jezebel.com/5135308/postcoital-depression-when-the-afterglow-is-an-aftergloom

By: muddgirl

muddgirl — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:01:40 -0800

I think that article and the jezebel thread are related to a different phenomenon. From the article: After sex, I feel literally achy and depressed for about a day... a 32-year-old woman who experienced a four- to six-hour period of intense depression and irritability after an orgasm, either alone or with a partner...

Crying immediately after an orgasm does not necessarily indicate that the OP's girlfriend is experiencing post-sex depression.