How to be a happier/less-worrier person?

January 19, 2009 5:59 AM

How to be a happier/less-worrier person?

I have been a worrier all my life, stressing about stupid stuff. I think this is partially part of my low self-esteem which i believe comes from my small dick.

Life is sometimes so hard for me when i think about sex. I do not know how am i gonna show my dick to my gf. lol

Anyway, putting that aside, I wanna be a happy-go-lucky guy who does not worry about any single things then he sees. Could my worrying habit is caused by my bad sleepy habit (sleep around 5 am and wakes up at 2pm) and lack of exercise?

posted by red_rika to health & fitness (14 answers total)

I'm more curious as to how you reverse your age from being 21 y/o to 18 y/o in the space of three months.

To answer your question, it's a matter of self discipline. You can't change some things so it's a matter of understanding that the things you can't change should be accepted. Once you accept those as being unchangeable then it should be easier to shrug them off.
posted by JJ86 at 6:30 AM on January 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

I'm more curious as to how you reverse your age from being 21 y/o to 18 y/o in the space of three months.

Sign me up.

OP, you can't make your dick bigger. Go fix everything else to compensate for his, so that everything else will be so good your dick doesn't matter anymore.

You'll probably end up as President or running Microsoft. Maybe both.
posted by rokusan at 6:45 AM on January 19, 2009

I'll tell you what I did in a similar situation; I had performance anxiety on the first night or first few nights with girls. It was becoming ominous, the idea of taking a new girl home, as it would almost invariably end up with me making some kind of excuse. So, I wrote an article about it, got it published in a newspaper's sex-column, and have since spoken to lots and lots of people who have the same problem.

Now, it's no longer a worry. Speaking about it helped.
posted by omnigut at 6:46 AM on January 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

At the age of 43, I am just now dealing with my life-long anxiety problem, which I figured I was just stuck with. Don't be an idiot like me. There are many methods for dealing with anxiety (and tons of books about it). Start trying them out and find one (or several) that works for you. Possibilities include exercise, sleep aids, breathing exercises, vitamins, diet, bio feedback, talk therapy, meditation and medication (I'm on Celexa, which is working well for me).

Small penis? So what? Everyone has challenges. All that means is that girls who like big dicks won't like you. If you had a huge penis, then girls who like small dicks (they exist) wouldn't like you. There's no way to make everyone like you. Write off the people who won't like you and focus on the people who will. If a girl rejects you because of your small penis, she's not worth your time.

If you work on more important aspects of yourself: personality, grooming, etc., you'll find plenty of partners who won't care about the size of your tackle.

I once was in therapy because I thought I was too ugly to have a girlfriend. My therapist helped me realize a very painful truth. I was using my "ugliness" as an excuse. Yes, it was hard to be ugly. But on the other hand, there was nothing I could do about it. So it let me off the hook. I had decided I was fated to be lonely, so there was no point in doing any work on my personality. Don't let your "small dick" do the same thing to you. Get to work on the real problems -- the things you can change.

You will also find that the number of women who care about big dicks, cool cars and other shallow stuff like that diminishes as you get older (and as the women around you mature). By late 20s, most women have gone through five or six mimbos who have been flashy but stupid or flashy but cruel. They are ready for a guy with more substance. Be there to capitalize on that. But you won't be able to do so unless you stop worrying about your dick and start turning yourself into an interesting, compassionate, funny person who can offer true companionship.
posted by grumblebee at 7:32 AM on January 19, 2009 [1 favorite]

Could my worrying habit is caused by my bad sleepy habit (sleep around 5 am and wakes up at 2pm) and lack of exercise?

Yes. And the worrying is going to make the sleep harder to get. It's a vicious cycle.

Start with the exercise, it'll make sleeping easier. If you get your body into an equilibrium, it'll be a lot easier to then deal with your mental issues. Good luck!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:42 AM on January 19, 2009

Xanax. Therapy.

When you are comfortable with yourself and you love yourself, life will be much easier. So take whatever steps you need to do that.

Also, there are plenty of lovely ladies out there who are in a good place mentally (love themselves) and will love you for your personality and not all the physical stuff.

Btw, have dated well-endowed guys and they had a ****load of issues - so if that's a comfort, it goes beyond penis size.
posted by HolyWood at 7:44 AM on January 19, 2009

I don't know if this will help, but I know plenty of women who enjoy smaller men anyway. Besides, the women you want to be in relationships with would like you for who you are. Why change yourself now and cheat yourself later?
posted by big open mouth at 7:52 AM on January 19, 2009

thank you for all the replies. and to the people who were wondering how did i change from 21 to 18 in a couple of months, I am taking this age defying pill. K, thats a bad lie.

I am actually 21 and i used 18 because i sort of want to disguise myself as I am afraid I might have friends here and I was kinda embarrass with the post that I said my age was 18.

Thanks for the answers so far. I know the penis doesnt really matter and stuff but its an always at-the-back of the head issue.

On a separate note, to conquer my worrying habit is simply a psychological issue right? I just have to think think think positive and someday i would just grow to be a positive person..
posted by red_rika at 10:32 AM on January 19, 2009

I'm not sure what you mean by "simply a psychological issue," since psychological issues are rarely simple. Your "psychology" is a function of your brain, which is an organ like your heart or spleen -- only more complex.

Positive thinking absolutely can alter brain chemistry. Many things can alter it (exercise, meds, diet...). And such practices work differently for different people. Positive thinking might work for you; someone else might need meds. So you need to try different things and not give up if the first thing you try isn't effective. Certainly it's worth starting with positive thinking, since that technique doesn't have side effects. The worst it can do is nothing.
posted by grumblebee at 10:48 AM on January 19, 2009

i think i used the wrong word.

When i meant psychological issue, i meant using the brain.

As in to be a positive person, you just have to think positive.

Thanks for the answer all.
posted by red_rika at 10:59 AM on January 19, 2009

As in to be a positive person, you just have to think positive.

And I stand by my answer, which is "not necessarily -- but it can't hurt."
posted by grumblebee at 11:14 AM on January 19, 2009

It takes practice, red_rika, becoming more positive. You have to directly counter negative messages, impressions, concepts, and worries with positivity, and sometimes that's really difficult.

But it does get easier with practice...sometimes it even starts to seem natural, and I hear that it eventually becomes natural. It's fun to play around with it when things actually get negative, believe it or not.

Two things that may or may not help you with regard to worrying:

There's that "Serenity Prayer", which works just fine as a mantra when you're caught in a loop of worry - "God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things that should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other." (Neibuhr) I personally leave out the deity reference, as I figure anything powerful enough to help me out knows its own name, and as a reminder that I'm ultimately relying upon myself.

Identifying irrational beliefs and actively, consciously countering them. I personally had to print out a list of the irrational beliefs and look them over physically while stating my counter-thoughts out loud. I did this once a day most days for about a month before I was able to really "feel" what I was saying and start being able to do it automatically within my own heart.

As to your concern...dudes have it rough, and I'm sorry for that. It shouldn't matter what you've got, but how well you treat people and how well you please regardless of equipment. You'd be doing well if you focus on blasting any preconceptions by being a brilliant lover in all the ways that matter. This is one of the most enjoyable subjects to research and practice, I think. When appropriate to the situation, offer previews of your expertise in pleasing partners before you get to the big game. You can then more easily take any negative comments as a sign of immaturity and decide not to gift them with your ministrations.
posted by batmonkey at 12:36 PM on January 19, 2009

I'm a fan of meds (obvs) but you can try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy as well. I also second the power of positive thinking but if the negative thinking is crushing your ability to think positively (kind of like that scene in the Simpsons where Marge tells a miserable Lisa to smile because then everyone will like her), professional help is great.

Hm, at least when I'm feeling low and am wallowing in depression, no amount of positive thinking, trying new things, meeting new people can pull me out (but mine is chemical). Hence, therapy to nail down exactly what the problem is.

Also, surrounding yourself with people and activities that make you feel good about yourself is essential. No worries, most ppl go through an identity crisis in their early twenties - you will feel more comfortable in your skin eventually.
posted by HolyWood at 2:21 PM on January 19, 2009

For what it's worth, the most sexually magnetic guy I've ever known also has the smallest penis I've ever seen on a grown man. Seriously. I dated him for three years and adored him; he slept with pretty much all of my girlfriends in that time frame and they all adored him, too.

Conversely, the guy I dated after that - who was shy, sweet, and not nearly as confident - had the biggest penis I've ever seen outside a porn film. The main difference for me was constant UTIs and three years of back-ache.

Don't worry about it.
posted by DarlingBri at 9:51 PM on January 19, 2009