A touch by any other name...

January 11, 2009 11:20 PM

What appropriate conduct when interacting with a Columbian male?

I have an exchange student from Columbia staying at my home. I have a sense that with every greeting we engage in or even in subtle social interactions that physical contact is an important part of the interaction. As with most people in the United States, we don't touch each other much. His English isn't fantastic and I therefor don't really want to delve into the social nuances of Columbian social interaction.

But, I do want to make him feel comfortable. When I say hello to him in the morning, or whenever, should I shake his had, touch his shoulder? Give him a hug that doesn't last 'too long'? I know most people in other parts of the world touch a LOT more than us here, but I'm not sure what is appropriate and what is not. I don't want to ask him and put him on the spot. He's already sensitive about living in my home and in another country and does a lot to make us in my home feel comfortable.

Any suggestions from expats that have lived there especially I think would be valuable for me, but any true Columbians would be grand as well.

posted by ZaneJ. to society & culture (7 comments total)

If you're living in the same house then I would suggest that no physical contact is necessary for daily greetings. I've lived in a few different countries with people from a wide range of places (including Colombians) and I've never really greeted my house mates physically on a daily basis.

He is living in the US now, so I am sure it won't take him long to adjust to the local style of greetings. Regarding Colombian customs, as far as I remember it would be normal for men and women to kiss on the cheek for greetings and men to shake hands. Once again, I think different rules apply between people living together.

With greetings I think it is more important that you carry out the greeting with confidence rather than the style of greeting. Otherwise you get those awkward moments when each party tries do decide if they're shaking hands or hugging or kissing and if so how many times.

If you are looking for things to make him feel more comfortable perhaps you can do activities that don't involve a lot of speaking. Find out what his interests are and help him find ways apply them to his current situation.
posted by Gomez_in_the_South at 12:04 AM on January 12

I can't say anything about the touching aspect of it, but I know from a good friend who is a native that they can be touchy about people spelling the name of their country wrong. It's Colombia.
posted by number9dream at 12:05 AM on January 12 [5 favorites has favorites]

Are you male or female? About the same age as him or much younger/older? These things can make a difference as well.
posted by zardoz at 12:24 AM on January 12

If he's travelling on exchange, he will probably want to feel like he's experiencing your culture, rather than your thoughtful attempt to mimic his culture. So in your shoes, I would act like you normally would if you had an equivalent American guest.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 1:53 AM on January 12 [1 favorite has favorites]

I'm not Colmbian, I'm Argentino but I think the similarities will make my comment valid.

When I lived in England I didn't expect people to be as emotional and expressive as Latin Americans.

There will be times when he will do something uncomfortable for you (through his arm around your shoulders for a photo, touch your back to ask for space to get through a door, minor stuff like that) and that's when you should make an effort not to feel awkward.

On another topic, one thing I really appreciated (and I have found that most of the world feels the same way) is when people read at least something about my country and culture before talking about it. If you haven't done it yet at least read the wikipedia entry for Colombia. I've had people ask me how I tolerated the heat in Argentina, and when it was that Argentina became the capital of Brazil (WTF?!).

Also... if you are watching the TV or a DVD please put on the Captioning at least in english... It helps immensly in understanding what's going on.

Really, don't try to match his culture in this aspect, just ignore the awkward moments and I think he'll be allright.
posted by Manouk at 6:46 AM on January 12

I'm colombian. But this is a big country and people from different regions behave differently. The stereotype is that people from the coast tend to be more gregarious and expressive, people from Bogotá (the capital) tend to be more reserved and aloof, and people from Medellín are somewhere in the middle. These are all broad generalizations, mind you, but they give you an idea of what to expect from someone according where he/she is from.
About the contact, yes, here it's normal to greet people of the opposite sex with a kiss on the cheek. I lived for years in the us and always found that it was a little disconcerting for girls to be greeted like that.
Since you are the host, I would agree with previous posters that your guest should adapt to your way of doing things and not the other way around. I agree totally with Manouk about the awkwardness, just relax and behave the way you behave normally with people. That's one of the positive lessons you learn from living in a different country. It's even enjoyable to realize that the way you usually do things does not apply everywhere and that the world is both smaller and bigger than what you thought.
posted by MrMisterio at 8:06 AM on January 12

You should treat him the same as if you has a young man from Illinois or Oregon or South Carolina. An exchange student generally wants to learn the customs of the country he's visiting, and doesn't expect others to conform to his culture.

I was an exchange student in France, and despite the fact that in my home country we do not kiss on each cheek, I was expected to partake in this greeting with my host family.

It's great that you're considering this. But don't overthink it too much.
posted by jschu at 10:39 AM on January 12