Having problems with dating, feeling anxious, meeting new people.. It's mostly meeting their friends and family..
January 11, 2009 10:46 PM Subscribe
I'm having the same problem as the poster below me "Help me deal with high stakes situations.." (BTW I read all those responses too).
Like her it happens with meetings, people with authority, friends and dating. But, I'm a guy, and the only part I really care about is how it effects friends and dating. The rest I can live with..
posted by 0217174 to human relations (12 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
I guess the reason I point out that I'm a guy is I think I do have that feeling the guy is supposed to be more cool and collected.. If I'm out on a date, and she's totally relaxed and normal, and I'm the one who's mind's going blank.. I don't know. I guess, I'm fine with that.. but I admit I start to think, but what if she's not?? I know there's all kinds of people, girls that are fine with it, some aren't.. But usually you can tell which is which. But I've dated a lot where I couldn't really tell. I met lot of girls who give off this shy loner vibe or something which I admit makes me feel a lot more secure around them, only to find they're life is way different than what I was expecting.
So it's not really *her* that gives me these feelings. It's more her life and her type of friends and family. The problem I always run into is I'll meet someone and at first I totally connect to them, we have this thing between us, and everything's all good.
But one day, something just happens that really points out our fundamental difference. It happens when I start meeting her friends and family. I won't talk and get really quiet around them.. and in some way it makes whatever we had between us disappear. It's like I sense her attraction go downhill when she realizes I'm like this, and I feel like crap cause I feel like there's something "small" about me, like this inability to connect or feel comfortable with certain kind of people. Like I have this fear of "TV show" kind of families. And for some reason lot of girls I dated ended up having these kind of families. I have this phobia of them all being together after I leave and saying to her "nehhh" and everyone laughing and her being like what was I thinking.
But in reality that's never happened to me. It's just an irrational fear I have. So whenever I date, I'll only date if I really know her beforehand, and know how her life outside is.. if I sense anything that she has those kind of friends or family I'll totally back out. I hate being this way.. it's totally controlled my life and dictates my entire social being. Can't tell you how many people I lost because of it.
I'm not sure if my problem is I just need to "get over it" or if there's something more to it. I feel like I'm being a baby and can't grow up and so I can't express this to anyone. I pretend to be so secure and confident because everyone around me is totally fine and normal. I feel ridiculous, like in terms of social life I'm at a high school level trying to play in the NBA. That's how I feel. As I get old it becomes less acceptable to still be going through these issues. I don't expect you guys to give me the magical answer here, just do me a favor, make no mention of the word "therapy" please ;) And also, don't say.. "but that's what you need". If I start thinking of pulling out my glock 9 from the closet, I'll post back here and u guys can drill me.. but until then..
~thanks!! (I know that was long.. sorry)