Let's get physical...really.

January 9, 2009 9:13 PM

How to get my friends to exercise with me?

It seems like everything I read nowadays is about New Year's Resolutions, the first of which is inevitably "Getting fit," "losing weight," etc. Every fitness article extols the virtues of getting a friend to exercise with you and keep you accountable.

But in a world where schedules are so unpredictable and everyone has different demands on their time, how do I get my friends to exercise with me?

Not for nothing, but the idea of meeting strangers to exercise together is extremely superficial and uncomfortable to me, so please no websites that pair up exercise buddies. I want to know how to get my existing friends to go exercise with me.

I've lived here for 3 1/2 years, and most of my friends work during the day and take classes at night. I have no family in the area, except for my husband, who does not like to exercise (he's great but I wouldn't really want him to be my work out partner anyway). I want a good friend to work out with.

posted by mynameismandab to health & fitness (20 comments total)

You don't. It sounds as though your current friends have their own priorities, and exercising isn't among them. You either need to find someone among your existing friends who has made the same decision you have about exercise, or you need to add new friends to your circle who are already interested in working out. But please, please don't be that person who goes on a diet/fitness kick and then tries to push everyone else to share your priorities.
posted by decathecting at 10:04 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

If lots of your friends are taking night classes what about meeting up on campus for workouts? (Assuming their school has gym facilities...) Before or after their classes, maybe? Or if they're going to be on campus anyway maybe you could fit in time to take a fitness or other active-making type class (yoga, pilates, dance) together?

Don't be surprised or hurt if people Don't Wanna. I love my friends but I'm very self-conscious about my body and exercise and a whole nest of Issues of that nature and the absolute last thing I'd ever, ever want is to exercise in the same hemisphere as most of my friends. Nothing against them; it's all in my head.

If you do take a class (yoga, dance, whatever) maybe you'll make new friends who'll already be good folk to exercise with? Anyway, I'm pro class-taking. Good luck!
posted by Neofelis at 10:09 PM on January 9

I often see advertisements for work-out friends in the Craigslists platonic personals section. That might be something to check out.
posted by frobozz at 10:12 PM on January 9

Indoor rock climbing is hugely social and it's pretty easy to talk your friends into at least trying it.
posted by foodgeek at 10:24 PM on January 9

Dance Classes! I've been doing African and Caribbean dance for years and have no prob getting friends to join me sometimes. And you can't beat being barefoot in a hot room with live drummers! You will love it and you will be stronger, leaner, and happier! If Afro dance ain't your thang, try bellydance or capoeira or samba.
posted by smartypanties at 10:26 PM on January 9

PS. You don't NEED your friends for this. Just start, and when they see how happy you are they will follow (and they'll get to meet all your new dancer friends).
posted by smartypanties at 10:27 PM on January 9

Is there a work buddy that you could go to the gym with? Say you work 9-5. Arragne to go MWF at 5:30 or whatever every week. You'd have a carpool, and and even better motivation because it's that much harder to blow off, since you'd see them during the day. I used to do this, but it was easier since we all belonged to the same gym (our employer had a deal with the gym).

If your friends work and are in school, they really might just be too busy (remember, school is a LOT more than just in-class time). Ask around, but like decathecting said, don't be that person who tries to get everyone to jump on the wagon with you. If someone's willing, awesome! But you can't "get" your friends to work out with you more than once or twice if their heart isn't in it. And honestly, if they're not already a member of your gym, it's gonna be pretty hard (and not really fair) to talk them into buying a gym membership.

I understand not wanting to meet someone for the sole purpose of working out, but maybe you can try to meet someone at the gym you go to. Try going to the same workout class a few times in a row and being friendly with someone else you see in that class? Who knows, they might be looking for a workout buddy too. I know it feels weird. But it's better than nothing, and best case scenario you may get a new friend or two out of it.

Good luck on finding someone, it does work to have someone to go with. It's a lot harder to blow off going to the gym if you know someone (other than yourself) is expecting you to show up.
posted by AlisonM at 10:34 PM on January 9

Seconding decathecting. You DON'T get your friends to exercise with you. Sorry.

I've been there, and here's how it works...

First and foremost and always, you exercise for YOU. If you're there for anyone else, you won't be there for very long. The real gym that has successful clientele is a very 'clique-y' place. EVERY successful gym is. There's no way around it. But it's VERY easy to break into that clique - mostly because all you have to do to get 'inside' the gym is to do what it takes to actually meet your fitness goals... KEEP GOING ON A REGULAR BASIS.

Sooooo many people make a half-hearted attempt at exercising, they go two or three times a week for a month or two and give up because they aren't seeing results. But what it really takes to meet some goals is a) a sensible DIET and b) CONSISTENCY in the gym (or your exercise medium of choice). I can't stress how much more important diet is to physical fitness than the actual gym is in the grand scheme of things...

Wanna work out with your friends? Meh. You wont work out with your current friends. At least not for very long. Commit yourself to your OWN fitness goals, go to the gym on a CONSISTENT basis. You'll become a 'regular'. I know it sounds stupid, but before you know it - and really whether you like it or not - you'll form some informal relationships. It'll start out as a two second conversation (probably over something as innocent as 'no, you go ahead at the water fountain first'), and then it'll be a spot on some equipment - or God forbid some tawdry gossip about the newbie who wears WAY too much perfume. But in the long run you'll establish some casual friendships with people who share your mindset.

Morale of the story is... you won't have to CHANGE any of your friends to meet your expectations - you'll forge some new friendships who already share your interests. Be selfish. Go to the gym for yourself... BE YOURSELF. Wait and see what happens.
posted by matty at 10:52 PM on January 9 [2 favorites]

Just sign up for a class a couple of nights a week.
My rock climbing gym has adult beginner classes three night a week. It's way better then going to the gym. Gives you a way better workout. And it's fun and social. I can't wait to go, really, because I don't think about it as "exercising".
You can also go hiking on weekends. Take your husband, don't mention it's exercise and have fun.
posted by yeara at 10:53 PM on January 9

maybe craigslist? In the platonic people meething section. Sure you'll get lots of weirdos contacting you, but I bet that amongst them there might be one person genuinely interested in exercising.
posted by KateHasQuestions at 11:38 PM on January 9

I actually made some of my best life long friends through exercise. They were not pre existing friends but instead ones I met while working out.

I workout 6 days a week so someone you spend that much time with inevitably ends up becoming a close friend. So dont rely on existing friends make new ones!
posted by moochoo at 4:45 AM on January 10

Have you tried working out by yourself? You might find that you really, really like it. As for me, it's my own personal time - almost like meditation - and I would hate to have to be social when I'm sweating it out.

I also really like the fact that I am answerable only to myself - that I am working out for MY body, MY spirit and it's my own butt that I have to get up and out the door.
posted by meerkatty at 7:16 AM on January 10

The trouble with wanting your friends to exercise with you is that they are unlikely to share your desire to exercise and your schedule to make this feasible.

the idea of meeting strangers to exercise together is extremely superficial and uncomfortable

Not sure why you'd feel uncomfortable exercising with strangers. Look at it like going to work - you work with strangers (when you start a new job/change roles/engage with customers or whatever) but you have a shared purpose (the business) so it works most of the time. The same could be said for exercise buddies...and just like at work there is no reason that you cannot develop friendships with your exercise buddies if you get on well.

In fact if you feel insecure it'd be easier to exercise with strangers as you don't have to interact with them outside the exercise environment unless you want to.
posted by koahiatamadl at 8:16 AM on January 10

The chances of you finding a friend amongst your social circle, who not only wants to exercise consistently, but also at the same time as you, are slim. Lots of people will exercise as a new years resolution, but then drop it after a couple of weeks. And nobody is going to do something as gruelling as exercise just to keep someone else happy. Dragging people round the streets is going to be a fast way to ruin a friendship.

So, since you don't want to make new friends (which I don't really blame you for), and your current friends are unlikely to do it long term (because if they wanted to do it, they probably already would be), you're kind of stuck.

What I would do is go jogging myself, and then ask people if they wanted to join me. I'd mention that I felt better/healthier etc, and take it from there. If you try to force people to go with you, though, you'll just cause problems in your current relationships. If people want to do {thing}, they will. Trying to make them do something because you don't like the alternatives is just going to upset them.
posted by Solomon at 8:38 AM on January 10

Why do you want to make your friends do things they don't want to do?
posted by gjc at 9:19 AM on January 10

Agreeing with folks that you make friends through exercise/fitness/etc, and if your currently existing friends dont do it, they're unlikely to be good exercise buddies. Rock climbing and hiking are excellent suggestions, and definately situations where i've had friends say "wanna go do this with me" and it turned into a fun social exercise activity.

The other suggestion I have is participating in sports to combine fitness and socializing. participating in team sports/joining a sports league -- a social city league or perhaps a intramural league if you're attending/working at a university (you don't have to be "good" in many of these). Also, taking lessons, semi-private or group clinics (look at city programs) -- if you've always been intrigued about playing tennis, for example, you might find someone who wants to take a group lesson with you, and try to play on the side with him/her too.
posted by NikitaNikita at 9:43 AM on January 10

Bicycling is a great thing to do with friends. It gets me out the door on wintry mornings, and I almost always go further than I would by myself. When you're chatting, the miles just fly by.

As far as gym workouts, I'm with meerkatty, and prefer doing my own thing. I see people who get on adjacent treadmills and chat, but that's pretty rare.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 11:10 AM on January 10

Nthing giving working out solo a shot. It can be really hard at first, but you will get used to it. If your workout plan is just "go to the gym and use the machines and weights," you'll essentially be doing your own thing most of the time anyway. And inevitably, your partner will have ten more minutes to go on the treadmill when you want the both of you to stretch, or it's time for both of you to get on the rowing machine but there's only one free, or one of you is really in the groove while the other pedals halfheartedly on the airdyne or gets up for her twentieth water break.

Classes, on the other hand, are much easier to go to with a buddy, since you'll be doing the same thing, so if you really want to go work out with someone, I'd suggest signing up for a class together.

Additionally, while a partner may be motivation to work out, they can also be motivation not to work out. Do you ever go out to eat or shop with a friend and find that you encourage each other to eat/buy things that "oh, I really shouldn't... aw hell, why not?" The same can happen with a workout buddy. At some point one of you will not want to go, or be unable to go (or claim to be unable to go and actually just not want to go), and the other might think, "well, my workout partner's not going and I don't want to go alone."
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:38 PM on January 10

Look for a non-gym form of exercise.

You'll have a lot more success finding or joining friends for a dance class, yoga, team sport (which includes things like 'ultimate' frisbee), martial arts, or rockclimbing. These tend to be slightly more social pursuits.

Gyms are exercise for the sake of exercise, that people tend to go to, to fit around their schedule.
posted by Elysum at 2:26 PM on January 11

Well, while I'm a solo exercise type person, I think you should take advantage of the same social/temporal pressures that have put exercise in your mind. Everyone else is reading/hearing the same stuff about how it's time to exercise, hit the gym and lose that post-holiday poundage, and all the rest of that stuff. Seems like you could send a casual email to a bunch of friends simply saying that you're thinking of joining a gym or starting some classes, and asking if anyone like to do it together for motivation.

I'm sure at least 1 or 2 of your friends are thinking along the same lines as you are.
posted by dnesan at 10:31 AM on January 12