Help my kill my sex drive and save my relationship.
January 6, 2009 9:17 PM Subscribe
I am a 30 year old male who wants more sex than my partner, which causes all kinds of frustration and resentment on both sides. What can I do to lower my libido?
posted by anonymous account to Human Relations (106 answers total) 10 users marked this as a favorite
I want to have sex way more often than my partner does. This leads to immense frustration on my part, and irritation/sadness on hers. I know this is the biggest relationship cliche out there, but this time, I'm the one who is going to change. I honestly don't think that there's any possible way to get her more interested in fucking me.
When we do have sex it is usually pretty amazing for both of us (she certainly isn't motivated enough to fake her orgasms, so that part is legit), it's just that it doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to (I'd consider once a week or 6 times a month to be a very good stretch). I'll ask her for a handjob or blowjob and you'd think I just asked if I could shit in her mouth (literal disgusted reaction).
I am very open with her in describing my sexual desires. I am not asking for anything crazy at all, I just don't want her to have to guess at what I want. Usually this leads to her calling me a "jerk" and falling asleep.
It's getting to the point where I'm completely over it. I don't want to cheat on her, and I'm happy with all other aspects of the relationship. We own a house together, we will likely be married in the next few years, have plans for the future, etc.
We have been together for about 8 years. The sex thing has been an issue for us for about the last 5-6 years (basically ever since she started her career). She knows how I feel (a couple months ago after a bit of a dry spell, I had a crying breakdown and told her that I felt trapped in the relationship due to her lack of sexual interest) but seems unwilling/unable to change.
I want to do something (other than masturbate 3 or 4 times a day) that will greatly lower or even eliminate my sex drive. I want to avoid masturbation as well as that turns into a huge time waster for me, and sometimes starts to escalate into areas that I'm not really comfortable with anyway.
We will eventually want to have kids, so whatever I try shouldn't be permanent.