Here there be orgasms. (NSFW, clearly.)

January 1, 2009 7:22 PM

NSFW Sex Question Inside: I can't orgasm without holding my breath.

I'm a low-20s male who masturbates frequently, has had sex often enough with a decent enough number of ladies, and I'm finding myself having a lot of trouble plowing through and getting to orgasm quickly.

I think I put a lot of emphasis on "holding out" and "lasting longer" which is fantastic until doing so causes you to wear out (I'm not in great shape, but I'm not ridiculously overweight or anything) and lose your erection for a couple of minutes.

Even while masturbating, even, say, to porn (which is frequent enough, and has been for some time), if I'm not holding my breath, I can lose my erection. If I am holding my breath, I run out of that ability at some point and get VERY CLOSE and then have to take a breather (literally) and, well, lose it. It's wildly frustrating to not be able to just push myself over the edge until the third or fourth or fifth run through of this.

This is an issue in any position, with incredibly attractive ladies or alone with porn or alone with imagination. It's absolutely annoying because I'm young and healthy (though a bit out of shape) and feel like I should be able to get an erection, maintain it the entire course of whatever I'm doing, and orgasm.

Instead, I get an erection, maintain it for the first 5-10 minutes of sex, sometimes more, sometimes a bit less, and then need to take a break, mostly because I hold my breath to build up the sensation. If I force myself to breathe normal, I can go a bit longer, but if I don't hold my breath at some point, I don't build up to the fever pitch I need to and I lose it.

So what the fuck have I done to myself? I don't have "performance anxiety" in any traditional sense. I'm confident and I've been complimented plenty and I make sure the lady gets hers one way or another, but I'm getting tired of losing an erection *during* sex because I'm fucking up at managing my breathing. That might be a red herring, but it's certainly what appears to be the case.

Please help here. I don't feel like I should need to be on the blue pill. I get very hard, large erections, wake up with them, have them easily through regular exciting foreplay stuff... but I definitely can lose them during sex after just a few minutes, and I'm not sure what to do.

I've definitely had sex the gain-erection-keep-it-orgasm way a bunch of times, but it's felt like that's not been doable for the past year or two, with no major physiological differences in that time frame. I've done the holding my breath thing for about forever, but I need some insight on what I'm doing to myself.

I'm aware of the erotic asphyxiation kink, but I'm not hanging myself or looking to get into that—holding my breath is just something I did manually because it felt better to build up like that. But now, it feels as if it's the only want to maintain an erection and this is no good for me, since I can only hold my breath for so long. (The length of time dropping dramatically the more... active I am.)

Any insight? I'm trying to masturbate more in single sessions, instead of holding breath, backing off and restarting, which has been a bit of my MO lately. I'm also trying to stop with the holding breath thing in general... Anything else? (And yeah, I've had a few "whoops, that was too fast" moments. But damn, not in a long time. I get into the out of breath/take a break situation a LOT more, which isn't better by any means.)

Thanks!

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (8 comments total)

Get your blood pressure checked out. Weight lifters frequently hold their breath--or inhale/exhale according to a fixed regimen--as holding one's breath temporarily increases one's blood pressure, enabling one's muscles to exert more force than would otherwise be possible. If your blood pressure is chronically low, that could affect your ability to maintain an erection without that extra little boost.

That's a complete shot in the dark, but it strikes me as being at least theoretically plausible.
posted by valkyryn at 7:38 PM on January 1

I'm not so sure about how to answer why holding your breathe seems to solve the problem, but I do know that being out of shape can be a big factor in the ability to maintain erection. If it were me I'd see a doctor; you can get your blood pressure checked out that way too.
posted by fan_of_all_things_small at 8:15 PM on January 1

Are you on any medications?
posted by tcv at 9:41 PM on January 1

The autonomic nervous system is divided into two parts (sympathetic/parasympathetic): I *think* one part is dominant on the in-breath and the other on the out-breath. And, I *think* orgasm/ejaculation requires a coordinated response between the sympathetic and parasympathetic divisions. Last time I checked, wikipedia actually had some decent information about this re ejaculation and orgasm.

Maybe lengthening or emphasizing the in-breath or out-breath as a regular breathing practice, separate from sex or before or during would have some effect.

Rather than holding your breath, maybe inhaling slowly and deliberately and briefly holding an "active inhalation" when your lungs were full would help. (Then, quickly move through the exhalation and begin a slow inhalation again. Overall, you'll spend more time on inhaling.)

Or, maybe it has something to do with intra-abdominal pressure, which increases upon inhalation and also stimulates the nervous system somehow. You could experiment with your stomach muscles and diaphragm.

Or, IANAD, and it could be caused by something completely different. Good luck!
posted by zeek321 at 10:57 PM on January 1

I'm young and healthy (though a bit out of shape)

Fix that and see what happens. Could help, couldn't hurt.
posted by flabdablet at 11:24 PM on January 1

I'm finding myself having a lot of trouble plowing through and getting to orgasm quickly.

The way you say this makes me think that you're mostly experiencing sex as a goal-oriented activity and less as an exploration of your senses. The inability to relax may not get in your way when you're a teenager and able to "plow through" anything, but as your sexuality matures, one can finally begin to notice bad habits like this that have crept into your sex life (often via masturbation). We're reluctant to break them, because they seem like the path of least resistance to the most effusively positive reinforcement imaginable (orgasm) but it sounds like you want to evolve.

It sounds to me like you really need to relax. Sex is "exciting," so it's possible that you unconsciously equate getting yourself all worked up with having good sex, but it's really about what you're feeling and what your partner is feeling, and you need to be able to slow down and get into that. Your breathing should be deep and rhythmic and mostly something that you don't even notice (because OMG SEX).

Try this though, to start with. Rather than HOLD your breath, try focusing on really long, slow inhales followed by long, slow, exhales. If you breathe really deliberately slowly, it's almost like holding your breath, in that you're deliberately holding back on the amount of oxygen you're getting -- a way of sort of teasing yourself, breathwise. Practice this when you're masturbating. Can you still get off?

If you keep working on this, then bit by bit you may be able to loosen up enough to where you don't have to control the breathing at all, and it just comes and goes in great whoops (that, eventually, you barely notice).
posted by hermitosis at 6:25 AM on January 2

I would ask a doctor, as embarassing as it might seem. You're delving towards autoerotic asphyxiation which can be dangerous. Obviously you can't do this alone by holding your breath but if you ever progressed to trying other methods it could be bad.

I agree with the above poster holding your breath does spike the blood pressure a bit and it makes certain sensations more pleasurable, hence why AA's do it. You may have just conditioned yourself over time by masturbating to only climax during a breath hold.
posted by PetiePal at 12:32 PM on January 2

How have you masturbated? When I was young I masturbated a lot lying prone (face down). There was a theory hypothizied called traumatic masturbatory syndrome which as one of it's components could significantly affect the male's ability to orgasm. Although never thoroughly proven, the condition described and what you describe were conditions I used to suffer from.

Once I stopped masturbating like this, I was slowly able to move into a 'normal' range of stimulation to achieve orgasm during sex. I tense my calves a lot though, but that doesn't bother me. Plus my calves look super toned, so whatever...
posted by ZaneJ. at 12:43 AM on January 19