Pretty, Beautiful, Cute, which are you, and which do you want do be deemed?

December 29, 2008 1:55 PM

What's the difference between/among: pretty, beautiful, cute? Which would you rather be termed/called and why? And for males, handsome (what does that really mean, anyway?), sharp, hip, fast, cute (again), gorgeous, drop-dead whatever, it's all okay, whatever, he's really smart/rich, basically so nice what difference does it make?

Some people bristle at the proffered compliment, "Hey, you're really cute!" Some feel "pretty" is shorthand for "not really altogether beautiful." What would you want to be called, and what do you call others, when you want to bestow praise?

posted by emhutchinson to Human Relations (14 answers total)

Best answer: I wrote and article on just this subject a couple of years back.
posted by Captaintripps at 2:05 PM on December 29, 2008

It really depends on the person and the context in which the terms are used...and also very subjective. One person's cute is another's beautiful.

Personally (as a guy), I'd take handsome more seriously than cute, although I like sharp too.
I guess it also depends on the person on the receiving end. Sometimes I'll take what I can get and sometime sharp is just not good enough...ya know?
posted by eatcake at 2:13 PM on December 29, 2008

People I would schtup if I were single are hot, regardless of whether they are cute, pretty, beautiful, hip (?) or fast (??). Also, I call both men and women pretty, cute, and beautiful. "Hip" only refers to one's style sense, not their physical appearance.

I don't care what compliment people use on me, as long as they're complimenting.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 2:14 PM on December 29, 2008

I'll take handsome, first, but like PhoB above, I will take compliments from anyone.
posted by Ironmouth at 2:19 PM on December 29, 2008

you forgot hot. i think of hot as not necessarily to do with actual physical beauty but the way a person is put together and what they give off. that ever elusive je ne se quois—and is completely subjective.

i've alternately been labeled as cute or pretty, sometimes gorgeous—but never beautiful (and i don't consider myself as being beautiful either)—but more often than not, as hot. i can see the cute, i have a harder time seeing the pretty and i can understand the hot although that's still a label that i have a hard time accepting about myself.

do i prefer one over the other? uh, not really. like, i'm gonna care? i mean, as long as they don't think i'm a troll or anything, you know? but if pressed, i rather like hot, because, like i said, it has nothing to do with actual physical beauty.
posted by violetk at 2:19 PM on December 29, 2008

Of the ones you listed, I suppose I'd prefer 'smart.'
posted by box at 2:26 PM on December 29, 2008

I think that cute sometimes refers to a specific kind of pretty/beautiful that comes from having child-like features, whereas someone who is beautiful in a more adult way (or who is just older in general) is less likely to be called cute.

I know some guys who hate being called cute. From me, it's a compliment, as I think "cute" guys are more attractive than guys with big jaws and six packs and whatever else you might find in Playgirl. But if that's the impression you're hoping to make, I can see why being called cute would be annoying.

For me, I'll take what I can get. ;)
posted by shaun uh at 2:30 PM on December 29, 2008

I would be thrilled to hear myself called any of the above. I guess hot would make me most happy -- followed by handsome. It would feel a bit odd to be called pretty or beautiful. Cute would be fine.

This question is similar to "What's a better term for an an ring, round or circular?" You're going to get a zillion subjective answers, and you're not going to get even a meaningful feel as to what the majority of people think, because that depends on age and upbringing. A fifty-year-old from London will likely have a different answer to a twenty-two year old from Chicago.

When I was a teen in the 80s, sexy people were "foxy."

What's Coke, soda or pop?
posted by grumblebee at 2:37 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

OK, so for me, I think cute is looks+how a person acts. Pretty is just based on looks. And I *hate* being called beautiful - I think beautiful comes from knowing the person and seeing their inside beauty... there are a few exceptions, for example Catherine Zeta Jones and people like her are beautiful from just looks, but most normal people, I feel that calling someone beautiful before getting to know them sounds fake. That's just me.

My favorite compliments are when a guy looks at me when I'm being myself or talking or something and just blurts out "you're so cute" and interrupts me, I feel like that's more genuine.. as opposed to being alone in a romantic setting - then I think that the guy feels like he has to compliment the girl.

As far as guys... I mostly call guys good looking (I feel cute is too teenagery), or just hot. What do guys like to be called??
posted by KateHasQuestions at 2:37 PM on December 29, 2008

"Beautiful" connotes exoticism/unusualness to me, rather than a higher degree of attractiveness. Grace Kelly was pretty, Angelina Jolie is beautiful (although she was more so without all the tattoos). Angelina isn't better looking than Grace to me, she's just more unusual/exotic/whatever.

That said, I usually get "pretty" these days, while I got "cute" in my younger years. "Pretty" ranks higher than "cute" to me, so being called "cute" always irked me - it seemed smarmy or condescending. I have a symmetrical face, with very regular features (i.e., straight nose, proportional eyes, small ears, good skin), so by my own definition "pretty" fits better than "beautiful." (Or "cute," since said pretty face is atop a tall, broad-shouldered fat girl body.)

"Pretty" for men connotes a guy with somewhat feminine features - smoother skin, big eyes, arched brows. My husband was "pretty" when he was younger, but age and a few grey hairs have made him "handsome" instead. Neither is better than the other to me, although I do like his more masculine looks now. :)
posted by timetoevolve at 2:38 PM on December 29, 2008

I know some guys who hate being called cute. From me, it's a compliment, as I think "cute" guys are more attractive than guys with big jaws and six packs and whatever else you might find in Playgirl. But if that's the impression you're hoping to make, I can see why being called cute would be annoying.

Plenty of times, I've heard straight women and bi/gay men see a macho-looking type and call him "cute."
posted by grumblebee at 2:39 PM on December 29, 2008

I think beautiful comes from knowing the person and seeing their inside beauty... there are a few exceptions, for example Catherine Zeta Jones

Good lord that's complicated.
posted by grumblebee at 2:41 PM on December 29, 2008

Pretty, to me, is how a good-looking girl looks every day. Beautiful is how she looks when she's getting married (or some other occasion where she's put forth more than normal effort). Cute is for teenagers and dresses.
posted by Medieval Maven at 2:44 PM on December 29, 2008

For the female terms of Pretty, Beautiful, and Cute, here's what each term means to me and a few famous women who I think embody that trait. You could argue that there's a hierarchy (which would probably be that Beautiful means most pleasing and Cute is least)-- but I don't personally believe that, and for now I'll look at these three terms as equal.
In that case, they describe, to me, different types of aesthetic appeal.

Beautiful to me has an edge of sharpness, coolness, aloofness, "oddness", or irregularity.
Personality-wise, Beauty could seem ethereal, floaty, sad (like a little abstract, or otherworldly sometimes) - or very worldly- hard, cruel, wise, tough, or ambitious. Harsh emotions can fit well with Beauty- fury, murderousness, menace.
Blonde: Cate Blanchett, Gabrielle Reece, Madonna
Red: Tilda Swinton, Nicole Kidman
Brunette: Drea De Matteo, Cher, Angelina Jolie, Hilary Swank
Latina: Angelica Huston, Michelle Rodriguez
Dark-skinned: Tyra Banks, Grace Jones, Nichelle Nichols

Pretty to me seems warm, approachable, "nice", "even", and "regular" (speaking in terms of symmetry here, not universal averages).
I think "pretty" is the category with the least room for irregular features.
Personality-wise, Pretty usually seems "nice" to me, maybe even a tad suburban. Very concrete, though. Warm, practical, maternal, feminine. Maybe a tad worried or sad, rarely anything as harsh as "furious".
Blonde: Gwyneth Paltrow, Naomi Watts, Marilyn Monroe
Red: Amy Adams
Brunette: Bettie Page, Elizabeth Taylor
Latina: Jennifer Lopez, Penelope Cruz, Salma Hayek
Dark-skinned: Halle Berry, Rosario Dawson, Felicia Rashad (Cosby Show mom)

Cute to me would seem younger, rounded (rounder face & features) - or fine-boned and pointy/impish/birdlike, buttony, petite, sprightly, and again with more allowance for irregularity.
Personality-wise, I'd say "cute" tends to couple with spunk, optimism, moxie, and pluck. Non-threatening and amusing. Lots of space for positive emotions, but the negative side of the spectrum comes out kind of stunted (pouty would fit more than furious or vengeful, for instance).
Blonde: Reese Witherspoon, Meg Ryan, Goldie Hawn
Red: Lindsay Lohan, Isla Fisher
Brunette: Brittany Murphy, Jennifer Aniston
Latina: Rosie Perez, Jessica Alba
Dark-Skinned: Tatiana Ali, Tootie (Facts of Life)

That's how the terms "feel" to me. Of course some women's looks could also bridge categories: for instance, Audrey Hepburn was sort of a hybrid of all three.

And I think "Sexy" or "Hot" needs to be on the list, too. (Megan Fox would be a good example.)

Personally, I get called "cute" the most (with curly hair and a button nose, that's pretty much a given). I don't mind it as far as looks go, but I sometimes feel the term condescends to my intelligence or ambition. But that's more something I get from the tone of the person using the word- the subtext counts. Anyway, it doesn't bug me that much.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 2:44 PM on December 29, 2008