My cats are ruining my life!

December 29, 2008 11:56 AM

I can't take it anymore. My cats are plotting my death. Please help me keep my sanity, my cats, and my apartment.

I've had my two cats, since they were kittens, for the last two years. They are the friendliest and best behaved cats as far as people-cats interactions go.

What they both fail at is furniture-cats and life-cats interaction.

They are both indoor cats, and they are suffocating me. They have pretty much taken over the living room, I am afraid to be in it, because I start losing my mind every time I see another kitty-made fluffy dust bunny.

1. They shed. They shed no matter how much I brush them. They shed everywhere, on everything. What can I do? Anything at all?

2. They are not vertically challenged. They have no fear and they jump on every cabinet, on every counter top, on top of the oven, on top of whatever they please. My kitchen and livingroom are one and the same. I don't want to think about how much cat hair I must've ingested. Lately, one of the cats thinks it's awesome to jump on top of the fridge and stare at me while I'm washing the dishes. Is there anything I can do to keep them from jumping on top of every surface?

3. One of them cries for me every night. I don't let him in the bedroom because he sheds. And he lays down in front of the closed door and cries, and cries, and cries. He's been to the vet, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him except he's needy, spoiled, and doesn't want me to get any sleep.

When they were kittens I used to spray them with water and that seemed to work well as far as disciplining them. But that requires me to be there when they do something "bad" and they will just try doing whatever it is later, when I am not around. Plus, I feel pretty silly chasing them around with a spray bottle and trying to say "No!" without laughing at the same time.

Please help me, I really don't want to have to choose between my sanity and my cats.

posted by icarus to pets & animals (40 comments total)

....Pretty much all I can think to say is, "um....they're cats. This is how cats are."

Yes, it's annoying that they shed. But....they're cats.

Yes, you have to keep shooing them off countertops because they want to jump up. But....they're cats.

Yes, one of them is crying for you at night. But...he's a cat.

Not that you are totally without recourse -- when it comes to keeping them away from things, there are things like "scat mats" you can use: these are plastic mats you can put down on surfaces where you don't want your cats to be, and it deters them in some way. I've also read sticking double-sided tape to things helps because they don't like the sticky feel, or sprinkling powdered ginger on things because they don't like the way it smells.

But you really, really aren't going to be able to entirely stop them from climbing on things or stop them from shedding. They're cats. This is how cats are.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:01 PM on December 29, 2008

get a roomba?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 12:05 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I use earplugs to keep my cats' night crying and other noises from interfering with my sleep.
posted by hermitosis at 12:07 PM on December 29, 2008

My cats will destroy the Roomba!
posted by icarus at 12:10 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

As a told my boyfriend when we moved the cats into his place... love the cats, love the cat hair.

Have you never had cats before?
posted by hworth at 12:12 PM on December 29, 2008

There are other questions in the archives about preventing cats on surfaces - one popular suggestion is to basically start covering surfaces in aluminum foil.

As for shedding: Try something like this. No promises, but I've heard good (eg, "how the hell can it work so well?") things.
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:14 PM on December 29, 2008

I'm not sure if this will deter them from climbing on furniture and appliances- but could you set up several perches and platforms for them to climb?

There's not really anything you can do about the shedding other than frequent vacuuming. My cats seem to really like one armchair in particular in the living room- I keep a sheet over it and take it off for company.
posted by hellboundforcheddar at 12:15 PM on December 29, 2008

Cat hair is a condiment. Get used to it.
The things you dislike about your cats are inherent to the nature of all cats. You can't change it. That's just them. It's like complaining that your goldfish never wants to sit in your lap.
So either rehome them and get a dog or buy earplugs and a better vacuum.
posted by cuddles.mcsnuggy at 12:16 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

This is exactly why I don't choose to have a cat right now - although I've had them most of my life. That being said - regular vacuuming will keep the cat hair at bay - I mean every couple of days vacuuming - trust me, you'll feel a lot better. If you don't have time to vacuum, you might get a maid service in once a week for a very quick "dusting and floors" only cleaning.

My favorite solution to the cat outside the door issue was given here on the green a while ago - it was basically putting a vacuum cleaner outside your bedroom door. You run the cord into your bedroom and plug it into a power strip next to your bed. Turn the vacuum on and the power strip off. When the cat starts its shenanigans, you just reach over and hit the switch on the power strip for a second. I don't think it will take long for a cat to get the message with this method.

You'll only be able to keep them off of horizontal surfaces that you guard continuously. It's not worth it - just keep the breakables off of the mantel and some good kitchen wipes handy for the counters.

Good luck...remember...you love kitties!
posted by The Light Fantastic at 12:18 PM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Shedding- another vote for the Furminator, lots of sticky lint rollers, and a hand held vac with a revolving brush.
posted by kimdog at 12:18 PM on December 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Re cat hairs everywhere; we have a long haired white haired rescue cat (Snowflake), like a Maine Coon with a long, soft coat. Have you tried brushing your cats daily with a strong brush? She really likes the brushing, tho' she doesn't keep too still whilst brushing, just purrs loudly throughout. This has really cut down on her shedding and also on the hairballs.

Re jumping up on things; Mrs L. does not like Snowflake on the kitchen counter tops and on the dining table, but Snowflake will now get down (most of the time) when she sees her coming. (No cruelty involved.)
posted by lungtaworld at 12:19 PM on December 29, 2008

Have you considered a maid service?

Otherwise, next time, try to pick a cat breed without hair, or hair that makes giant pills versus scads of hair.

Dogs definitely shed just as badly as cats do, and are usually far bigger, but YMMV.
posted by shownomercy at 12:19 PM on December 29, 2008

Brush at least once a day. They may not like it at first, but they will come to love it. If you do it regularly, they'll ask for it.

Also brush backwards vigorously. This really helps a lot. They will not like it so much at first, but they'll soon notice the difference it makes.

My 2 cats recently started on Hills Prescription r/d liver and chicken for weight loss. In the meantime, shedding has DRASTICALLY reduced.
posted by jgirl at 12:26 PM on December 29, 2008

A friend of mine swears by putting things on the edges of surfaces her cats jump up on. Things that will fall down or be knocked into the floor when the cat jumps up, but won't damage the floor or the cat. Like a plastic jar filled with beans - something like that. Cats don't like sudden, loud noises. They learn that when they jump up to a specific spot, it makes an unpleasant sound, and they eventually stop.

They will jump up other places, though. Key is to let them be cats by giving them places they can jump or climb up to, whilst giving yourself enough space to be able to cook dinner safely. You have to decide what space you're willing to hand over to them.

Oh, and the hair - vacuum with a HEPA filter, daily if necessary, and keep brushing them. Cat hair is just a fact of life, particularly if you have two cats.
posted by Grrlscout at 12:27 PM on December 29, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

My cats will destroy the Roomba!

How? By staring at it from the top of the fridge?

Maybe you meant your post to sound silly for fun, but, really, your post sounds silly. Did you get two cats without having any idea that they shed and jump and climb? Get a Roomba, so you don't have to think about vacuuming. Enjoy the fact that your cats are agile creatures instead of fat eating machines. Play with them. Build something for them to climb on. Stop being so melodramatic.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:27 PM on December 29, 2008 [9 favorites has favorites]

My cats will destroy the Roomba!

Cats have been attacking Roombas since the dawn of time. (What, you don't base years off of the creation of the Roomba? I've been doing it since 2 A.R.) The Roombas survive. For that matter, at this point I'm pretty sure iRobot treats "Must be able to survive moderate pet attack" as a basic design requirement.

And hey, maybe they'll just treat it as their royal chariot!
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:45 PM on December 29, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Furminators are, no joke, the world's best invention for anyone with a pet(s) that sheds. We have one that we use on our dogs and our cat and it's unbelievable just how much hair it removes. We've stopped brushing them with anything else because anything other than the Furminator is a waste of time.

I realize I sound like an advertisement there, but pretty much anyone who's got one will agree with me.
posted by VioletU at 12:45 PM on December 29, 2008

1] Get a Furminator. Seriously. I was sceptical at first, but they aren't like other brushes. Mine is worth it's weight in gold several times over. It fetches out so much fur. Plus, it's bonding time for you and your kitties.

2] I've heard the tinfoil will scare them off. I've never had to try it, so I don't know.

3] This is what cats do. Get some earplugs. Or something smelly to put at the foot of the door.
posted by Solomon at 12:45 PM on December 29, 2008

I hate to say it, because it may not be what you want to hear, but you simply may not be a cat person. I, too, had a couple of cats, and I loved them to pieces while I had them. Now that I don't have them, I couldn't possibly imagine having cats again, and dealing with all that hair and the furniture clawing and the litterbox, etc... Why? I loved my cats, but I'm really just not a cat person. The things that drive me up the wall are things that a cat person barely notices. Similarly, a cat staring at you from on top of the fridge would, to a cat person, be considered cute. I think you just don't have the cat owner temperament, especially if you'd rather have your cat howling at your door all night than sleeping in the room with you.
posted by shmegegge at 12:46 PM on December 29, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

When my dog's shedding seemed out of control, our vet recommended 3V Caps, which have nice omega-3's and fish oil and other goodies for dry skin. This seemed to help reduce the Fur Tumbleweeds around the house from almost-sentient life forms to more manageable dust bunnies. Ask your vet about this product, or other dietary supplements/changes.

Do you bathe them regularly? I know some cats hate baths, but one of mine sorta likes baths, and that helps get loose fur off too. However, if you're bathing too much, or with shampoos that may be too harsh, you may be exacerbating the problem.

Rubber gloves are great for wiping loose hairs off upholstered surfaces.

The type of brooms they use in hair salons (example here, but I got mine at Target) are excellent for pet hair also.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 12:48 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Last Roomba comment from me - they even make a tweaked version specifically for pets, optimized for getting pet hair out of the floor and being easily cleaned afterward.
posted by Tomorrowful at 12:50 PM on December 29, 2008

I think you just don't have the cat owner temperament, especially if you'd rather have your cat howling at your door all night than sleeping in the room with you.

Nothing to do with being a cat person or not - I love cats and love living with them and I would still never have a cat in my bed when I'm in it...I have been known to keep cats (behind closed doors) in a part of the house far away from my bedroom at night because they were howling...
posted by koahiatamadl at 1:09 PM on December 29, 2008

My friend has 2 himalayans with tons of hair. When she had her first baby, had them both shaved into lion cuts and loves how much less they shed. she also says that the quality of food can have a big impact on how much shedding they do. The cats both seem to like the short do's.
posted by meeshell at 1:10 PM on December 29, 2008

Another vote for the FURminator and a handheld vacuum with a rotating brush. If you have wood floors, running a swiffer over them every couple days is easy and takes care of a lot of the cat hair.
posted by TrialByMedia at 1:11 PM on December 29, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

If you don't feed them wet food, try that out. Our cats shed waaaaaay less than my friends' cats that receive dry food. They're also not fat, unlike most of the other cats I know.

Crying, yeah, not much to be done about that. We started letting the cats sleep in the bedroom and now they just jump on our faces while we sleep instead of crying at the door. Six of one, half a dozen of the other...
posted by look busy at 1:13 PM on December 29, 2008

1) Brush them more and get a really good vacuum, but as others have said, this is what cats do.

2) Tinfoil kinda works, but only if the cat didn't really want to be there to begin with. We've had good luck with those cans of compressed air that sound like the biggest, meanest cat in the entire world is coming to get them. But all that (or squirting with water, or rattling coins) teaches them is to avoid the counters when you're there. Because they're cats.

But your cats need to have access to some vertical surface, because most cats love being up high. It's reasonable to want them off the kitchen countertops and stove, but why do you care about the top of the fridge? If you give them access to the highest point in the room (maybe a bookshelf?) where they can watch you from on high, they will be very happy.

And I think shmegegge might be right about you not being a cat person - I find it adorable when my cats stare blankly at me from the top of something high. Wudda evil little gargoyles!

3) Do you let the other cat sleep in the room? Because some cats really want to sleep with the family group, and would be upset if forced to be alone all night. Otherwise, earplugs. Or do what we do - get a washable duvet cover and just let the cat into the bedroom. Then you can admire the feline ability to crunch into a tiny bit of bedspace and then expand, shoving all other occupants into the corners!
posted by ilyanassa at 1:14 PM on December 29, 2008

If your living room is also your kitchen, you are living in an apartment that is too small for 1 person + 2 cats. That's why they (and their fur) are driving you nuts.
posted by junkbox at 1:31 PM on December 29, 2008

Find a good groomer and get them lion cuts. As a bonus, lion cuts are hilarious.

One of them cries for me every night. I don't let him in the bedroom because he sheds. And he lays down in front of the closed door and cries, and cries, and cries.

I have one of those. The only thing you can do is not acquiesce, and get earplugs.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 2:13 PM on December 29, 2008

If your living room is also your kitchen, you are living in an apartment that is too small for 1 person + 2 cats. That's why they (and their fur) are driving you nuts.

This is not necessarily true - I've seen more than one place with an open floor plan that was plenty big enough for cats, but didn't have a clear delimiter (other than what was created by furniture) between living room and kitchen.
posted by Tomorrowful at 2:20 PM on December 29, 2008

i don't know about the seller, but think you could find some of those 'cat away' sprays for areas like the bedroom door you want to keep your cats out of.
posted by eatdonuts at 2:39 PM on December 29, 2008

Are you kidding me?

Your cats need a new home. You are not a suitable owner. Cats need love and attention and the ability to do all cat-like things like running and jumping and staring from on high.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 2:49 PM on December 29, 2008

Totally on the Furminator train. Get one. A great vacuum like a Dyson (unless you have hardwood floors, then a Miele) also helps, but at much less ROI.
posted by kcm at 3:05 PM on December 29, 2008

You say they are indoor cats, but is there any reason why they cant be outdoor cats? Sounds to me like your cats are going a little stir-crazy and if they were able to go outside and leap and bound and climb trees and kill mice and rats or whatever, they'd do what our outside cats used to do. Namely, spend all their energy outside then come home, eat, clean themselves and sleep in our lap and purr while we watch TV.
posted by Effigy2000 at 3:08 PM on December 29, 2008

2nding junkbox. It really sounds like you just don't have enough space for two cats. Can you adopt one out?
posted by messylissa at 3:18 PM on December 29, 2008

Are you brushing daily? We've got 3 cats and a dog and we keep the fur down by using a furminator, vacuuming frequently (every 2-3 days, but it's hard to keep up as we go to work and school) with an upright and a handheld. I also try to make special places they will like to sleep so they don't sleep everywhere. That way, I can just get the fur off one thing instead of everything. Sticky rolls are great, too!

Not sure what to say about the jumping, it's what cats do. We don't have that much counter space and two of three cats are supremely inbred and don't really do that sort of thing.

We lock the cats up in the hall that gives them access to their litterboxes and food at night and shut our bedroom doors. Nothing else has worked short of just letting them sleep in our rooms.

Good luck!
posted by ThirstyEar2 at 4:36 PM on December 29, 2008

I think you have two problems: Shedding. Behavior.

Shedding is partially about the cats cleaning themselves - and you caring after them. Long hair cats need more regular brushing.

You have two behavioral issues - the yowling at the closed door and the surfaces. Both are tough issues - cause you've been reinforcing the behavior.

For the surfaces - Use a spray bottle (it's critical they don't associate the negative behavior with you.) Be relentless. Don't let it pass 'just once.' Also, sticky sided tape is way better than just tin foil.

As for the yowling. Tough it out. Let all or none of them in. If you're going to let none of them in, make sure there is food and other distractions. And if you can stand it...do it during the day in progressive periods of time.

If you want to change these behaviors you have to train your cats. They're totally trainable.
posted by filmgeek at 6:29 PM on December 29, 2008

[squares shoulders, clears throat]
Um, I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you, but these are the facts of life.

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.
You think the cats live with you. They think you live in their apartment.
You complain that they shed. Yeah, cats do that.
You observe that they are not vertically challenged. You're correct.
You complain they want to sleep with you. Isn't that cute, and affectionate of them?
You want to "discipline" them. As if they will bend to your will.
You think they do bad things. They are just being cats.

Such being the cat facts of life, I think you would be better off with a dog. One that doesn't shed much. One that will worship you as his master, will want to please you, and can be trained to do as you want.
posted by exphysicist345 at 6:35 PM on December 29, 2008 [4 favorites has favorites]

Nthing everyone else that everything you've described is Typical Cat Behavior. I remember years ago when we adopted Sparky as a kitten, the first pet our family had ever had (most of us kids were in our teens at the time). Sparky had a knack for knowing exactly where Mom didn't want him to be - on the sink counter, on top of the fridge, on the kitchen table, etc. It became something of a game between the two of them; she actually set a line of containers filled with water along every edge of the table once, thinking it would scare him off. He blithely leaped over the booby-trapped perimeter and sat in the middle of the table defiantly until she woke up and found him there. Mom eventually decided that there were worse things in life than cat hair, and after a while she'd even let Sparky lick off of her ice cream cone (she gave birth to me and to this day won't eat off of the same fork as me). Why not let them share your bed? Do you know how much hair and skin cells you shed? A little bit of fur added to the mix won't kill you.
posted by Oriole Adams at 8:17 PM on December 29, 2008

It sounds like you're expecting your cats to have other lives. You say they've taken over the living room/kitchen, and you don't allow them in the bedroom for cat hair. And they're indoor cats. That leaves them 1, 1.5 rooms... maybe two if you allow them in the bathroom. Of course they'll use that space as their playground - it is their only space! I used to joke with my cat, when she got really needy of my time, that she should go read a book or do something useful... but it's a joke. Cats play, sleep, eat, and watch you. You've got to allow that, or perhaps reconsider if you should have cats. Otherwise it seems like you're sharing your living space with creatures you love but don't particularly like, and that's never a good situation.
posted by AthenaPolias at 9:41 PM on December 30, 2008

These are cats being cats. It sounds as if they are in need of more exercise and play. Play with them every day - a couple of 30 minute sessions should help. Use cat toys that encourage them to leap and chase (natural behaviour). Get a cat tree or two, these can then become legal high up places for them. For cats, being high up is a position that allows them to avoid conflicts with other cats. The cat on the floor is the cat that rules the roost, the cat on the counter or fridge is the cat who is avoiding trouble. What you consider to be "bad" behaviour is not "bad" behaviour, it's cat behaviour and you can, with some learning on your part, learn to encourage/reward the behaviour you find acceptable from them and ignore the behaviour you don't. Cats's aren't dumb. With consistency and training skill on your part, they will learn quickly.

These two cats sound ripe for some clicker training - there are plenty of books on training cats with the clicker - get one. It's fun to do too and will turn your interaction with your cats into enjoyable time for all of you rather than exasperated and pointless chasing them with the water spray or dreading every moment they are with you. Think more about enriching their life through positive changes for them rather than punishing them for being cats. Every interaction with your pets can be a training opportunity. A good book on cat behaviour will enlighten you to why your cats do the things you aren't keen on and why they do them.

Consider harness training them too and taking them outside for some mooching about and exercise. Again, plenty of information on training cats to the harness available online.

Daily brushing is good, but don't overdo it with the Furminator, they can be very harsh on cat fur and skin. Consider changing them to a high quality cat food, this can help with shedding too.

If you can do some of these things it will help your focus shift back to enjoying the company of your cats rather than what you have described, which is someone who has forgotten that these cats are living creatures who have specific needs to ensure they enjoy their life - if their needs are met then your life with your cats will more pleasurable.

Best of luck.
posted by Arqa at 12:11 AM on December 31, 2008