Help me come up with a new dream job

December 26, 2008 9:28 PM

What do you do when circumstances require you to come up with a new dream job (and you’re not over the current/past one)?

I recently got a shot at my dream job (Plan A) and found myself in almost the exact same situation as outlined in this post. Since taking the Foreign Service Exam a year and a half ago and I’ve found a keeper of a boyfriend, and I’ve been utterly unsuccessful in persuading him to give up his (admittedly awesome) career to follow me around the world indefinitely. At this point I’m ready to choose him over the job, but letting go of the dream job is much harder than I anticipated. Question 1: How do you move on from a seemingly perfect opportunity?

My Plan B is to continue working in IT project management, which is interesting in theory but mostly boring. I like my salary and love the people I work with, but I don’t care enough about my daily tasks or new projects to propel myself to bigger and better things there. Compared to a career of traveling and experiencing the world, learning new languages, meeting tons of new people, etc., I’m not at all excited about Plan B.

So I think I need a Plan C. Question 2: can you help provide suggestions on Plan Cs which could morph into a new dream job? I’ve read dozens and dozens of career guides/books, and the only conclusion I’ve reached is that I wish I was born 200 years earlier (and male) so that I could be a professional explorer. Here are some other personal tidbits:

* I spent a couple years working in university study abroad administration in an attempt to create a foreign service-esque job stateside, but I grew to dislike the recruitment/financial focus (and hated the data entry and my colleagues).
* I’ve dabbled in graduate coursework in geography, urban planning, public health, and history. I generally liked it and was successful, but I’m quite disillusioned with academia (see above).
* I visited a career counselor last year and tested as ISTJ/INTJ. I agree with most of it, particularly the detail-oriented, responsible, emotionally reserved bits.
* Despite 2 years of IT project management, I’m not particularly tech savvy outside of the Microsoft Office realm. I have zero interest in programming/technical troubleshooting/engineering/math (and unfortunately it shows).
* Part of the appeal of the foreign service is the interaction with a variety of people – I’m so much happier when I’m not staring at a computer monitor 8 hours a day. I like both gathering information and being an expert source of information for people, whether as a subject matter expert or a consultant. Aside from the crazy hours, I liked supporting software go-lives in a previous job because it incorporated all of that.
* I’ve tried in the past to get government investigatory jobs (such as this one or this one) because I think it would be a good fit, but I’ve only made it to one interview and wasn’t selected.
* My favorite hobbies are pretty standard: reading, biking, piano, movies, cooking, travel, going to concerts, exploring my city, learning foreign languages, etc. My ideal day would be wandering around random neighborhoods or towns, just exploring places and seeing how other people live.
* And I have a boyfriend who wants to stay put geographically.

Ideas? Feel free to tell me bad things about the foreign service, too. Sorry for the length.

posted by Maarika to work & money (13 comments total)

To have ever even *heard* of your dream job, much less have a shot at it, much less to have your dream job, puts you in a position above 99.9999% of workers, even if you don't count dead end jobs. So at least recognize that you're already leading a charmed life. You sound so damned chagrined because you've been "utterly unsuccessful" in forcing your life on your boyfriend, when perhaps you shold be looking at things from his perspective.

I always figured my "dream job", whatever it was, involved Montana in some way. There is no way my wife could stand even a late fall, much less a winter, in Montana. I work in plumbing, and really, how the hell do you get excited about shit moving downhill? But I've got a wife who loves me, a warm bed, and a loaf of cat purring on my lap, and I'm cool with that.

Point is, chill. Whining about "coming up with a dream job" in this economy sounds pretty sheltered and naive.
posted by notsnot at 10:19 PM on December 26, 2008

He's just a boyfriend, not a husband. If he's not committed enough to you to ask you to marry him, then I think you should pick the job not him. Think of how stupid you'll feel if (when?) you break up for giving up this opportunity for him.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:37 PM on December 26, 2008

Let's say things work out and you marry your boyfriend. You love languages, new places, traveling... he wants to stay put. Are you willing to sacrifice those first passions for him? This isn't necessarily just dropping a dream job, it's giving up a range of things you are truly passionate about. Are you that passionate about him to warrant this - how long have you been dating him?
posted by Solon and Thanks at 10:54 PM on December 26, 2008

New career, new interests; a change in mindset. Maybe you'll find somebody nice in a new line of work. But it's YOUR life.

From yesterday: "...sometimes you can't ever really tell whether the feeling is trustworthy or not. You just have to make a choice and see how it goes. Life is kind of like that, unfortunately..."
posted by querty at 11:01 PM on December 26, 2008

I think if you choose the foreign service you will soon meet dozens of wonderful new men in currently undreamed-of sizes and shapes and colours and fragrances, men who share your passions and will share your life. Men are replaceable, your dreams - not so much.
posted by Rumple at 11:37 PM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

He isn't willing to give up his job for you... so he'll understand if you aren't willing to give up your job for him.
posted by showbiz_liz at 11:38 PM on December 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Look, the Foreign Service? Pretty much the perfect job.

Not only the perfect job, but a pretty good time to get that perfect job considering that you will get your start in performing this job, representing the USA, under Obama's government, which, so far, seems especially worthy of representation AND you will start this (very secure) job in the midst of economic turmoil so you will be able to chill and work at perfect job while others panic.

Sure, your boyfriend is the one. And sure he has a perfect and awesome career. But why should you have to be the one to sacrifice YOUR perfect and awesome career in lieu of HIS perfect and awesome career? Do you really want to get married to him and settle down in his geographical location and sit there and rot? You like travel and exploring, staying in one city forever doesn't lend itself to that.

So, go! Take the Foreign Service job!

Try to make a long distance relationship thing happen with the boyfriend. Technology + Skype + sex toys + long letter writing + regular visits should be able to help you keep things going. If you are really meant to be together and place each other's values higher than all else, it'll work out. Maybe he can gradually transition his career to something he can do remotely while globetrotting? Maybe you will find a different partner who has interests more closely aligned to your own? Also, it's not like you can't quit the Foreign Service later. At the very least you'd have that in your job history which, not only would help you make good connections but also would be a good jumping point to other jobs (also, it may help you discover what those other jobs could be).
posted by mustcatchmooseandsquirrel at 11:55 PM on December 26, 2008 [4 favorites]

I have a somewhat similar background. I have a degree in computer systems engineering, but don't like to sit and stare at a screen all day. I think I also tested similarly on career tests. After finishing university, I worked in IT briefly before the company collapsed. I did get to the last round of recruitment for our foreign service, but my heart wasn't in it (for similar reasons to yours). Following my short IT career, I accidently started a career in project management in international aid projects (accidently because it was supposed to be a side job while I was studying something else).

These projects are contracted out by organisations such as the UN, the World Bank, and bilateral donors (eg individual countries). Many people are surprised to learn that the non-profit organisations only manage some of this work - a lot of it is done by companies in the private sector, but also by other organisations such as universities. I have managed projects in a major non-profit, a major university, and now a private sector firm. And of course, you can work for government.

Private sector companies vary in reputation and focus (some may work only in specific sectors or geographical areas, and some are just cowboys) - and in the US would be predominantly based around DC or maybe other East Coast cities (but I could be wrong, I only know of a few off the top of my head- like Development Alternatives Inc, Emerging Markets Group, Creative Associates International). For US firms, often their primary client is USAID, so they need to be close to DC.

At the moment, I manage five projects in three countries on two continents, but am based in my home town (this is back office/home office work, as opposed to field work). One is in the law and justice sector, three are in infrastructure and one is in the HIV/AIDS area. I deal with a very wide range of people, which includes people in the World Bank, people in embassies, government (home and foreign), technical experts, admin staff. I have travelled about four or five times a year, but it varies by project, and some colleagues travel much more and some not at all. I am anticipating a higher travel load in the next year. I do a bit of everything - research, writing, recruitment, contract negotiation, financial management, project planning.

The other side of the business is business development, of which I've also done plenty. This involves tedious periods of being stuck doing desk research, followed by marketing trips overseas where I visit lots of people and try and get intelligence on upcoming business opportunities, while promoting our company to decision makers. This also involves learning enough about the subject matter to be able to discuss and perhaps write and manage bidding.

There are bits of this job that are desk bound and boring. The travel cuts into the monotony - it tends to be exhausting, but I can often spend an extra weekend somewhere for fun. Opportunities do come up to take up positions in-country - so your boyfriend might at some point agree to do a one-off stint at this, while not being keen on moving every two years.

I have got to travel to some interesting places, two of my projects are fascinating subject material, I work with some fantastic experts. While we don't get an opportunity for intensive language study at work, it is useful to pick up a language.

This sort of job might tick enough of your boxes to be a Plan C.
posted by AnnaRat at 12:54 AM on December 27, 2008 [3 favorites]

Foreign Service Officer here.

I would thing long and hard before giving up on this job because, for most of us, it's *not* just a dream job; it's a dream lifestyle. Nothing can compare. Sure you work 9-5 (and it's interesting work, trust me), but you're also living abroad, constantly learning new things, constantly doing and seeing things you literally can't wait to email home about. Maybe that's why so many of us carry Blackberries.

I don't need to sell you on the Foreign Service but in case you need reassurance, yes, being a diplomat is that great.

As for the relationship issue, I have seen every permutation. There's a colleague of mine who broke up with her boyfriend when she joined because he didn't (no, not ever) want to go abroad. Six months later, he's living with her in Capital City X. I know people who met the love of their life in Hebrew language class. I know people whose spouses left them the very first day of training class. There are chiefs of mission sleeping with interns. There are marines marrying local staff members and single gay diplomats and swinging security officers. An increasing number of tandem couples and an increasing number of "trailing male" spouses. The one common factor for all those people is that they took a leap of faith in joining. They knew that things would change in their lives--and in their love lives--when they joined. But matters of the heart tend to work themselves out, wherever you are in the world. You don't really have control over your boyfriend and what he wants in life. But you do have total control over yourself and what you do.

Speaking from my government-issued faux-colonial desk in four-bedroom apartment in South Asia, you'd really be making a big mistake if you pass this opportunity up.

Send me a message if you want to talk any more about this.

By the way, are there any other FSOs out there on Metafilter?
posted by whitewall at 1:05 AM on December 27, 2008 [9 favorites]

GO! The world has enough disgruntled IT-project-managing-cube-dwellers longing for an exciting life. Make us proud!

And you don't have to choose job over boyfriend. Plenty of couples make long-distance relationships work. At some point in the future, you two can reevaluate what your lives are like and make adjustments as necessary.

And also, what showbiz_liz said.
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:14 AM on December 27, 2008

Good points, all -- thanks so much for your responses.

I've been dating my boyfriend since I took the exam a year and a half ago, and we have talked about cohabitation (coming up this summer) and marriage (sometime thereafter). The odds of making it through the hiring process were so small that I didn't want to preemptively break up or push an ultimatum on him. There is the potential for his career to go abroad, at which point I would definitely drop everything and follow him overseas (I obviously have no problem being the trailing spouse). But I don't know when/where that would be. Maybe my going overseas would accelerate that process?

I'll be following up with a couple mefi messages, but thanks again for all of your feedback.
posted by Maarika at 9:14 AM on December 27, 2008

I want to throw my vote in the ring for you taking the FSO job. You'll regret it if you don't. It sounds like you'd be giving up yourself for a man you have only known for a year and a half and aren't even living with.

If he's really the "one," (not that I believe in just one person for everyone) he'll either follow you or make it work long distance.

My mother wanted to leave the Midwest to work in Africa as a missionary. My dad didn't want to. She stayed home and was miserable for the 17 years they were married and she still hasn't gone overseas (although she is happier now).

Don't ever let a man take over your life and define who you are. It's never worth it.
posted by xenophile at 2:10 PM on December 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

I would also encourage you to take this job and see how things with the boyfriend pan out. Try the long distance thing, while also trying this new job, and see how everything goes. He may follow you or he may not, you may love the job or you may not. The worst thing for your relationship and your happiness would be a series of what-ifs that plague you through the years. Also, congrats on the job!
posted by katemcd at 4:22 PM on December 28, 2008