Help me stop being so OCD about my eating habits.

December 21, 2008 2:11 PM

I've reached my goal weight. Now, please help me stay sane with diet and nutrition. Sorry this is long.

In a bit under a year through dietary changes and exercise, I've lost about 50 lbs. and am at my goal weight. I now love exercise, mostly running, and am really excited to do it every day. I love the way I look and feel have so much confidence that I never had.

I like eating healthy--low fat, whole grains, lots of fresh fruit and veggies, lean meat and fish. However, I go through periods of being very obsessive about what I eat and how much and/or how much/hard I am exercising. I know that with an active lifestyle and healthy diet I don't need to obsessively count calories, and I'd love to stop doing it, but I can't really help myself. Like, I really like this non-fat vanilla/granola/fruit parfait at a local coffeeshop but I never let myself have it because since eating healthily and getting familiar with nutrition, I know how full of sugar and fat most granola is and how carb-y and full of sugar most nonfat yogurt is. I wouldn't get a fruit smoothie I really want because of how full of (natural) sugars and simple carbs it has. Or I'll get a salad with no cheese because of the added fat. Is this totally crazy? I mean, these are healthy indulgences, right? It's also very difficult for me to do anything impromptu because I plan my eating so much. For example, I love going out for drinks and small plates/tapas with friends and it's the kind of thing where the more you drink, the less inhibited you are and you end up ordering all kinds of stuff you normally wouldn't and then I'm utterly guilt ridden the next day even though I want to be able to say "I eat well 99% of the time and exercise regularly so that I can enjoy this kind of indulgence." I just can't get there mentally.

I stopped using my online diet tracker for a few days to see if it would make me less obsessive, but it actually made me more obsessive because I couldn't be sure I was staying within caloric/fat/carb/protein boundaries. I rarely let myself have desserts or an extra helping of something I really want. I know that when I really want something I should just have it because if I deprive myself, I will only end up gorging later (this hasn't happened yet--I generally have incredible self control, but I fear it will). However, it's really difficult for me to give myself allowances as I am afraid that it's just a slippery slope to going back to my old ways. I feel like I need a "system" because that is sort of what keeps me sane in most areas of my life. Like, once per week I can indulge in something relatively, well, indulgent. Like, not an extra large pizza with all the fixings or a whole ice cream cake, but, say, something I used to love that I never let myself have anymore, like frozen yogurt with nuts or a burrito or a vanilla latte or some Thai food. My cravings are not for hugely unhealthy, fatty, fried, yucky stuff but more for stuff that is higher in simple carbs and fat than I'd normally have.

My main concern is that if I feel continue to control myself so strictly I will one day just break and gorge on all the stuff I've been missing and gain all the weight back. I rarely miss a lot of stuff, but when I miss something, it kind of builds and builds and builds.

I'd love some practical advice about how to utilize a "steam valve" type thing where I can eat some delicious, not-so-healthy stuff every once in a while so I don't feel so deprived. If people have read books that address this kind of stuff, I'd love to get recommendations. Or, feel free to reassure me that I'm not totally nuts.

Please be gentle :)

And, yup, I'm in therapy and I have begun discussing this.

Thank you.

p.s. Feel free to contact me at [e-mail]

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (11 comments total)

Just a temporary stop-gap while you're figuring this out, but now that you're at goal, what if you gave yourself a weekly calorie (fat/carb/protein) goal/limit versus daily? That way you could still check on it over a period of time, but Saturday's delicious food would be ameliorated by Monday's boring lettuce-fest.
posted by Weighted Companion Cube at 2:34 PM on December 21, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I was worried about this after hitting (and going past) my goal weight a couple months ago, but actually just upping my calorie limit worked really well for not worrying about food so much. That said I did gain a few pounds back, but no big deal.

Anyway, I think people in this society worry about worrying too much. Just relax and let yourself worry. We don't need to be happy all the time.
posted by delmoi at 2:40 PM on December 21, 2008

Never, ever, ever stop looking at the scale every morning and don't ignore what it's telling you.

I speak from experience, alas.

A better daily measurement would be the waist measurement. The tale of the tape does not lie.
posted by troy at 2:52 PM on December 21, 2008

Congratulations! That is AWESOME that you've reached your goal weight!! I am in a very similar boat and know just how you feel (I've recently lost 75lbs). I was in that vicious mental circle of logging my diet, and realised that it was driving me crazy. I have found that if I permit myself to have the goodies (fat/sugar/carbs) *in moderation*, I'm generally OK. If I feel like having a couple of chocolate chip cookies, that's OK. I can have them, knowing that I don't need to eat the whole bag like I would've once upon a time. Would I sometimes like to eat the whole bag? Of course. But I have to remind myself that there's a big - HUGE - difference between head hunger and physical hunger. So, when I've got that nudgy feeling where I want something, I ask myself first; am I hungry? And what kind of hunger is it?

I have found that if I plan ahead, and don't get caught in situations where I am stuck with poor food choices, I will start a kind of downward cycle of falling off the 'wagon'. I've tried to start thinking in terms it's not so much about bad food, but more a situation of bad choices. A little bit of pasta isn't a bad thing. A half pound of it in alfredo sauce followed by a trough of gelato is another.

So, bottom line, I think you need to lighten up on yourself and realise that you're going to have good days and bad days. And if you have a bad day, know that you can forgive yourself and will just get up the next day, and start over. Bottle of water and everything. :)

For whatever it's worth, even when I've been eating *really* badly, I've never gone up more than 2lbs. It then shakes some sense into me, and then I start eating better. You know, starting with protein first, etc. etc.

But again, kudos to you! Enjoy your new sense of self!
posted by dancinglamb at 2:54 PM on December 21, 2008

What's wrong with your one indulgence a week suggestion? Why not agree with yourself that you won't worry about one meal/indulgence per week. I think once you establish that it won't hurt your waistline, you'll feel a little more relaxed.

My main concern is that if I feel continue to control myself so strictly I will one day just break and gorge on all the stuff I've been missing and gain all the weight back. I rarely miss a lot of stuff, but when I miss something, it kind of builds and builds and builds.

You do realize that even one gorgefest would hardly matter in the whole scheme of your diet? You still need to be vigilant about what you eat, but it would take an awful lot of bad decisions for you to end up where you started. Maybe it would help to realize that not every bite of food is a high stakes situation.
posted by robinpME at 2:59 PM on December 21, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Sorry if this is inappropriate, but let's cut to the quick here.

Substitute sex for food and it's clear sailing ahead!

You managed to lose 50 pounds, all on your own, that's amazing! Stop, stop, stop counting "calories" and no, no, no, don't get on the scale every morning. Find something else to think about. Anything.

You do not allude to a spouse or lover. Get the one who appreciates you now, not then or three months from now. Now.

P.S. I hate the word "diet," but I see its closeness to "deity."

Eat whatever you want and run around the block a few times.

And as my husband would/could attest, when things are really going to shit I am known to say, "Well, at least I'm not fat!" which is true, forties and babies and whatnot aside. Be you.
posted by emhutchinson at 3:47 PM on December 21, 2008

There's a line from the Beck Diet Solutions book that goes something like this: "The truth is, people who are thin are usually incredibly mindful of what they eat." My sister runs marathons and still counts the number of potato chips she eats, and will have half a sandwich instead of a whole one so she can have the chips with her lunch. She's been doing this for at least 15 years. So what you're doing seems normal for people who are thin and do not have naturally fast metabolisms. In other words, people who have to work at it, have to work at it for life. Just make sure you're eating enough to maintain your weight.

The once a week suggestion sounds good to me too (and it's also in the Body for Life book).

I am not a therapist, dietitian, etc...
posted by txvtchick at 3:49 PM on December 21, 2008

Just let go on the weekends. Five days of "virtue" and two of "vice" should keep you stable. If not, maybe just one day a week. Are you Jewish? That's what the Sabbath is for.
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 4:20 PM on December 21, 2008

Congratulations on the weight loss! I certainly know how difficult it is so kudos to you.

I know exactly what you mean and to be honest, I suggest you stick to your healthy routine til it becomes 2nd nature. When I had gotten down near my goal weight, I stopped being as vigilant as I had been. My thinking was that I could be a little lax and still be fine. For me, it didn't work because I wasn't emotionally/psychologically ready. I now know that I have to keep it up for at least another 6 months in order to retrain myself and my way of life. I spent 30+ years as an obese individual, I should give myself more time to relearn a new existence. The one thing that has worked, and it's really minor is that I allow myself one free meal a week, usually for special nights out with friends or family. 9 times out of 10 I can make good choices when I'm out and about or at social gatherings, but sometimes you just want that small piece of cake at a friend's birthday party or a really great pasta dinner. And if an opportunity doesn't present itself for me to eat something "bad", then I just skip it, no big deal.

I think you will have to work at it for life, but it doesn't mean you have to live a life of deprivation and I do think it'll become much, much easier over time.
posted by SoulOnIce at 5:19 PM on December 21, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Maybe it would help to remind yourself that these "bad" foods do, in fact, have redeeming qualities. Your non-fat yogurt with granola has calcium in the yogurt and lots of fiber in the granola. The fruit smoothie is full of nutrients and vitamins and fiber (if they blend whole fruits). The cheese on your salad also has calcium in it. Rather than looking at certain foods as "bad," just remember that all foods have good and bad points, but you can eat most things in moderation and be ok. And try to eat whole foods- maybe making your own vanilla/yogurt/granola treat would put you at ease because you would know it has no crazy additives.

Also, I don't know if you've read The Omnivore's Dilemma, but it provides some tips for mindful, non-obsessive eating that I'm finding very helpful as I lose weight.
posted by Mouse Army at 6:00 AM on December 22, 2008

The good news is that eating for weight LOSS means eating less daily than you take in. You're at the maintenance stage now - balancing intake with what you burn. This means your intake can increase slightly. You're right to worry, because this is the point at which things often go wrong - people forget that "diet" isn't something you do for a short time, it's supposed to be what you eat all of the time. That's what the word means. Changing your diet needs to be a permanent change for it to do you any good.

You have some good news coming though. First, you enjoy eating healthy; second you are happy with how you look; and third you enjoy the exercise. This means you're a lot better off than the people that hated every second of the diet, hated exercise and still want to look the same. Without the first two, the third won't stick.

Eating something bad now and again isn't horrible. My wife and I do it in a simple way: We tell ourselves "I exercise so that I can do this once in a while and not feel bad about it". Realizing of course that it isn't a universal excuse to eat whatever we want, whenever we want and still fit into our skinny clothes!

The other tip is this - if you're going to eat "bad" food on occasion, do it the right way. If you are only going to have one "steam valve" release a week, don't waste it on shitty food. I mean, there's cheap bad food, and there's AWESOME bad food. Treat yourself to the good stuff! The real advantage here is that more expensive bad food has better ingredients, so it isn't really that awful for you, and second, it costs more - which tends to be self-limiting. I mean, really - if you're going to blow off your diet for a treat, would you rather waste those calories on a cheapo 1 lb brick of Kraft mass-produced processed cheese, or on a small chunk of locally-sourced, high grade raw milk specialty cheese that costs $30 a pound or more? I know what I'd choose!
posted by caution live frogs at 7:20 AM on December 22, 2008