How can I get over being jealous of my boyfriend's ex?
December 18, 2008 9:04 PM Subscribe
How do I get over my jealousy of my boyfriend's sleeping with his ex-girlfriend, and how do I not take it out on him if I can't rein it in? Sorry, this is kind of long.
posted by Night_owl to Human Relations (102 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
We have been dating for just over a year. This is my first serious LTR, his third. He still keeps in close contact with his previous long term girlfriend, C. When we started dating, he said he was unsure that he wanted to be exclusive with me, but that he also didn't want to lose me to anyone else. This led to an agreement whereby he would be free to have (safe) sex with other women, and I would be committed to him. Okay, sure.
He's had a few opportunities over the past year to have sex with other women, and turned them all down. He mentioned to C that he was going to be home around Christmastime and that he was interested in having sex with her. Well, she liked the sound of that.
Right now, he's on the plane to meet up with her and go do things in his hotel room.
C broke off the relationship with him about 10 months before he and I started dating, so I worry that he still has some residual feelings for her and when he sleeps with her he'll decide he doesn't want to be with me anymore emotionally. This is compounded by the fact that lately when we have sex, he seems to be enjoying it less. He needs the mental and real images of other women to get off, when previously he was satisfied with just me. I'm also concerned that once he sleeps with her he will no longer desire me sexually. I'm attractive, not perfect, but attractive. But she is 6 inches taller and ten pounds lighter, and he told me once that if she hadn't dumped him they'd probably be married by now.
I know this is really stupid. He has asked me several times if it was okay that he was doing this. I voiced my concerns, but then told him that it was okay for him to sleep with her. In all, he's a wonderful guy. I'm just really jealous of all the attention she has in his mind right now. How do I stop being jealous of her, and how can I refrain from letting the boyfriend see how much this upsets me?