Change My Mind About Giving to the "Haves"
December 18, 2008 3:10 PM Subscribe
Please beat some sense into me about "generosity". I have little problem giving to people poorer than me, but I get rankled easily if someone I perceive to be wealthier asks for a favor. I feel like this is a character flaw of mine. Help!
I feel the need to be a more generous person, with both my time and money. But I seem to have a problem being more generous towards people whom I perceive to be wealthier than me. No, they won't ask for money, but they'll ask for some small favor, say, to borrow something or pick something up for them.
I don't know why, but inside I feel pretty resentful about it. Which is really lame, it's not like these people are SUPER RICH, they are quite middle class, but inside, I'm thinking, "why me?" and feel a childish annoyance about the whole thing. Whereas if it was someone who had less money or had some extenuating circumstance (sickness, etc.) I would be more than happy to oblige.
I don't like this about myself, how this over-sensitivity towards someone's bank account or income level affects me this way. I mean, everyone, metaphorically, gets a flat tire once in a while: rich, middle-class, or poor. Tell me how can I change this about myself?
I feel the need to be a more generous person, with both my time and money. But I seem to have a problem being more generous towards people whom I perceive to be wealthier than me. No, they won't ask for money, but they'll ask for some small favor, say, to borrow something or pick something up for them.
I don't know why, but inside I feel pretty resentful about it. Which is really lame, it's not like these people are SUPER RICH, they are quite middle class, but inside, I'm thinking, "why me?" and feel a childish annoyance about the whole thing. Whereas if it was someone who had less money or had some extenuating circumstance (sickness, etc.) I would be more than happy to oblige.
I don't like this about myself, how this over-sensitivity towards someone's bank account or income level affects me this way. I mean, everyone, metaphorically, gets a flat tire once in a while: rich, middle-class, or poor. Tell me how can I change this about myself?
Just do them the favor anyway. If it bothers you enough, then don't. Not everyone who's "generous" feels like it all the time. Sometimes real generosity is helping someone out even when you don't want to.
posted by katillathehun at 3:18 PM on December 18, 2008
posted by katillathehun at 3:18 PM on December 18, 2008
Or think of it like you're doing them a favor, so they might do a favor for others (not you in specific). Pay it forward, and all that.
Since you know they are wealthier than you, I'll assume you know something about them. Perhaps it's not just their economic status that irks you?
posted by filthy light thief at 3:20 PM on December 18, 2008
Since you know they are wealthier than you, I'll assume you know something about them. Perhaps it's not just their economic status that irks you?
posted by filthy light thief at 3:20 PM on December 18, 2008
If you owe something to someone, you're not doing them a favor — you're just doing your duty.
It's precisely when you don't owe them anything that "favor" is the right thing to call it.
You might feel like you owe charity to the poor. But that shouldn't stop you from doing a favor for some rich bastard if you feel like it. (Because, of course, the corrolary of the favor/duty distinction is that you can always say "no" to a favor.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:21 PM on December 18, 2008
It's precisely when you don't owe them anything that "favor" is the right thing to call it.
You might feel like you owe charity to the poor. But that shouldn't stop you from doing a favor for some rich bastard if you feel like it. (Because, of course, the corrolary of the favor/duty distinction is that you can always say "no" to a favor.)
posted by nebulawindphone at 3:21 PM on December 18, 2008
Response by poster: These are thoughtful answers. Thank you.
Filthy Light Thief - That's something to consider. Maybe it's the way in which it is asked? I have to think about that one some more. Maybe because I feel a little like a servant, even though I have the power to say no. Hmmm, perhaps this issue is deeper than I think it is.
posted by uxo at 3:35 PM on December 18, 2008
Filthy Light Thief - That's something to consider. Maybe it's the way in which it is asked? I have to think about that one some more. Maybe because I feel a little like a servant, even though I have the power to say no. Hmmm, perhaps this issue is deeper than I think it is.
posted by uxo at 3:35 PM on December 18, 2008
1.
Even people with money sometimes have extenuating circumstances they may not be disclosing. Next time someone asks a favour that you feel they may not "deserve", you could try imagining that they're in the midst of some private hardship you're unaware of. It's often true- people could very well have sick relatives, fertility problems, eating disorders, secret debts, undisclosed health issues both physical and mental, traumatic pasts, depression, bad news, bad luck, bad teeth, etc etc etc. You never know when your kindness might mean the world to another person having a terrible day, so it's great to extend it whenever you can.
2.
Someone you do a favour to- even if they themselves don't "need" it, may "pay it forward" to someone who, in fact, badly needs it. That privileged, lucky person you help today may smile at the kindness of the world and later be moved by your kindness to write a $1000 cheque to a charity, help an old lady with her shopping trolley, stick up for someone who's being picked on, donate a kidney, adopt the sad old dog insetead of the designer puppy, set a good example, or give birth to the next Mother Teresa. Down the line, your good act may be multiplied a thousandfold, and you can never tell when you'll hit the kindness jackpot, so to speak. This might make it feel like it's worth it to do people favours when you can. Good luck!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:39 PM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
Even people with money sometimes have extenuating circumstances they may not be disclosing. Next time someone asks a favour that you feel they may not "deserve", you could try imagining that they're in the midst of some private hardship you're unaware of. It's often true- people could very well have sick relatives, fertility problems, eating disorders, secret debts, undisclosed health issues both physical and mental, traumatic pasts, depression, bad news, bad luck, bad teeth, etc etc etc. You never know when your kindness might mean the world to another person having a terrible day, so it's great to extend it whenever you can.
2.
Someone you do a favour to- even if they themselves don't "need" it, may "pay it forward" to someone who, in fact, badly needs it. That privileged, lucky person you help today may smile at the kindness of the world and later be moved by your kindness to write a $1000 cheque to a charity, help an old lady with her shopping trolley, stick up for someone who's being picked on, donate a kidney, adopt the sad old dog insetead of the designer puppy, set a good example, or give birth to the next Mother Teresa. Down the line, your good act may be multiplied a thousandfold, and you can never tell when you'll hit the kindness jackpot, so to speak. This might make it feel like it's worth it to do people favours when you can. Good luck!
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:39 PM on December 18, 2008 [2 favorites]
I think you're confusing generosity (giving because you want to) and trading favors (giving to build a relationship by putting the other person in your debt). Are you sure those people who are asking you for favors don't also expect you do ask the same of them in the future?
One thing that you didn't cover at all is any expectations you have of those who are asking you for favors - if you expect them to do the same for you later, then it's not really generosity, unless you don't expect anything in return.
posted by meowzilla at 3:43 PM on December 18, 2008
One thing that you didn't cover at all is any expectations you have of those who are asking you for favors - if you expect them to do the same for you later, then it's not really generosity, unless you don't expect anything in return.
posted by meowzilla at 3:43 PM on December 18, 2008
Just always do your best, no more, no less. But keep in mind your best is never going to be the same from one moment to another. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times not as good. When you wake up refreshed and energized, your best will be better than when you're tired at the end of the day. Your best will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick, or sober as opposed to drunk. Your best will depend on whether you are feeling wonderful and happy, and that includes charitable, or whether you are feeling upset, or angry, or jealous.
If you take an action because you have to, they you are unlikely to give it your best. Then it may be better not to do it. No, you do your best because doing your best all the time makes you happy, and it rubs off on others. When you are doing your best just for the pleasure of it, you are taking action because you enjoy the action.
Perhaps somewhat corny, but think of the example of Forrest Gump. He didn't have great ideas, but he took action. He was happy because he always did his best at whatever he did. He was richly rewarded without expecting any reward at all.
Doing your best is a great habit to have. If you strive toward that philosophy, the answers to your questions will come naturally.
posted by netbros at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
If you take an action because you have to, they you are unlikely to give it your best. Then it may be better not to do it. No, you do your best because doing your best all the time makes you happy, and it rubs off on others. When you are doing your best just for the pleasure of it, you are taking action because you enjoy the action.
Perhaps somewhat corny, but think of the example of Forrest Gump. He didn't have great ideas, but he took action. He was happy because he always did his best at whatever he did. He was richly rewarded without expecting any reward at all.
Doing your best is a great habit to have. If you strive toward that philosophy, the answers to your questions will come naturally.
posted by netbros at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
What kind of difference in "wealth" are we talking about? You describe the people asking favors as "very much middle class" - would you describe yourself as "lower class" or also middle class but not as wealthy?
I think figuring out why you're assuming some people are "wealthier" might be handy - I grew up in an area where most of my schoolmates lived much more lavish lifestyles, but most of them, as I discovered later, had parents who were neck-deep in debt and really had no assets at all.
posted by restless_nomad at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2008
I think figuring out why you're assuming some people are "wealthier" might be handy - I grew up in an area where most of my schoolmates lived much more lavish lifestyles, but most of them, as I discovered later, had parents who were neck-deep in debt and really had no assets at all.
posted by restless_nomad at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2008
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Maybe try taking the people and the wealth out of the equation; think about it as adding to the overall level of pool of goodness/niceness (or flipping off all the jerks) out there and leave it at that
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posted by dolface at 4:12 PM on December 18, 2008
Maybe try taking the people and the wealth out of the equation; think about it as adding to the overall level of pool of goodness/niceness (or flipping off all the jerks) out there and leave it at that
<>
posted by dolface at 4:12 PM on December 18, 2008
*sigh* the word between the brackets should be hippyfilter (and it showd up in Live Preview, I swear!)
posted by dolface at 4:13 PM on December 18, 2008
posted by dolface at 4:13 PM on December 18, 2008
If trying to be generous leads you to think more about money, then maybe you shouldn't try to be generous. In contemporary society, cost of almost everything in dollars can be calculated, but most of us have only few spheres in life where we actually do that. Think about the history of 'haves'. About hundred years ago, there was multiple spheres where to succeed in society: 1) Heritage, 2) Piety, 3) Learning, 4) Wealth, 5) Political power, 6) 'Manliness'/martial prowess 7) Healthy offspring, 8)...
In past, other spheres of success couldn't be reduced to (4) wealth. Now (4) has become the master measure and everything else can be related and measured by that, in principle, but not really. Some of those spheres have also lost much of their prestige. But they haven't gone away. Old spheres still exist and at least some people value them. Wealth (4) can be a goal in itself and it can be used to smooth the road to succeed in those other spheres of success, but it is not the goal there. You can see that other goals also can be similarily used to achieve other goals: (3) and (5) can support each other, and so can (5) and (6).
Now where does "generosity" fit in? I see it as a way of having (4) and using it to advance in those other spheres. The problem is, that you still are focusing on wealth. I'd suggest you'll try to think what you wish to achieve with "generosity", and whatever "sphere"* it is in; instead of using money to move yourself forward there, be there and do it by rules of that sphere. Try to not see other spheres of life as derivatives of wealth, but as a self-sufficient worlds, where you can choose to ignore (4).
* 9) Being nice to other people? -- modern version of (2).
posted by Free word order! at 4:52 PM on December 18, 2008
In past, other spheres of success couldn't be reduced to (4) wealth. Now (4) has become the master measure and everything else can be related and measured by that, in principle, but not really. Some of those spheres have also lost much of their prestige. But they haven't gone away. Old spheres still exist and at least some people value them. Wealth (4) can be a goal in itself and it can be used to smooth the road to succeed in those other spheres of success, but it is not the goal there. You can see that other goals also can be similarily used to achieve other goals: (3) and (5) can support each other, and so can (5) and (6).
Now where does "generosity" fit in? I see it as a way of having (4) and using it to advance in those other spheres. The problem is, that you still are focusing on wealth. I'd suggest you'll try to think what you wish to achieve with "generosity", and whatever "sphere"* it is in; instead of using money to move yourself forward there, be there and do it by rules of that sphere. Try to not see other spheres of life as derivatives of wealth, but as a self-sufficient worlds, where you can choose to ignore (4).
* 9) Being nice to other people? -- modern version of (2).
posted by Free word order! at 4:52 PM on December 18, 2008
Basic human decency, kindness and friendliness should never have anything to do with how much money they have. To believe that the contents of one's bank account has anything to do with what they owe you or you owe them is simply flawed.
Generosity isn't transactional.
posted by gjc at 5:09 PM on December 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
Generosity isn't transactional.
posted by gjc at 5:09 PM on December 18, 2008 [4 favorites]
You may or may not have grown up with a fondness for fairy tales. I did, and I always took note of the ones in which a disgusting little man, or an old beggar woman, asked each of the three brothers, or sisters, for a crust of bread, as they set off into the world to seek their fortune. The oldest child and the middle child were always too haughty to share their food with the beggar woman, but the youngest did. Naturally the old tramp was a powerful dwarf or fairy-type godmother, who would punish the oldest two for their selfishness, and reward the youngest. Even today I think of the beggar-woman in the woods when I wonder whether I should stop and help someone with directions, or with the papers that just fell out of their purse.
What does this have to do with people you think are wealthy? Just this: you don't know what they truly are. You don't know what kind of resources of time, emotions, or physical strength they have, even if they have the money you think they do, which, these days, I doubt. You have more to gain by taking a chance than begging off.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:39 PM on December 18, 2008
What does this have to do with people you think are wealthy? Just this: you don't know what they truly are. You don't know what kind of resources of time, emotions, or physical strength they have, even if they have the money you think they do, which, these days, I doubt. You have more to gain by taking a chance than begging off.
posted by Countess Elena at 5:39 PM on December 18, 2008
I think that (congratulations) you're overthinking this.
Rich people deserve kindness just as much as poor people do. Making a distinction is nonsensical, or at worst heartless, especially in our society where wealth is most often an accident of birth than anything character or reward based. (Why do you think they call it a "fortune"?)
Poor people might benefit more from your charity than the wealthy, but borrowing something? Picking something up for them? These are things everyone needs, and doing favors for others is a good thing on its own. There's no quid pro quo necessary. If there is, it's not kindness anymore, it's predation.
posted by rokusan at 5:52 PM on December 18, 2008
Rich people deserve kindness just as much as poor people do. Making a distinction is nonsensical, or at worst heartless, especially in our society where wealth is most often an accident of birth than anything character or reward based. (Why do you think they call it a "fortune"?)
Poor people might benefit more from your charity than the wealthy, but borrowing something? Picking something up for them? These are things everyone needs, and doing favors for others is a good thing on its own. There's no quid pro quo necessary. If there is, it's not kindness anymore, it's predation.
posted by rokusan at 5:52 PM on December 18, 2008
To me, there's a difference between genuine need and neediness. I wonder if you're sensing neediness in some friends who enjoy the privilege of being rescued or waited on. If that's the case, I think you're justified in resisting their pleas.
I give time and money to people who seem to need it. But when one of my comfortable friends needs something ASAP because they've failed to plan or screwed up their finances or otherwise just seem to want rescuing, I might be "busy," depending on how I feel at the moment.
Need a ride to the ER? I'm there immediately. Want pizza but don't feel like going out? Maybe you should call a pizza delivery guy, not me.
Like you, I feel like "a little servant" when people who aren't really experiencing major hardship want rescuing, especially if they want it repeatedly.
posted by PatoPata at 6:20 PM on December 18, 2008
I give time and money to people who seem to need it. But when one of my comfortable friends needs something ASAP because they've failed to plan or screwed up their finances or otherwise just seem to want rescuing, I might be "busy," depending on how I feel at the moment.
Need a ride to the ER? I'm there immediately. Want pizza but don't feel like going out? Maybe you should call a pizza delivery guy, not me.
Like you, I feel like "a little servant" when people who aren't really experiencing major hardship want rescuing, especially if they want it repeatedly.
posted by PatoPata at 6:20 PM on December 18, 2008
To take a different angle, it sounds like you have problems with your own level of wealth, and maybe are insecure about how much/little you have or coming for poor origins or other people judging you because of money, etc.
I had a friend who was always talking about "rich people," "rich people" this and "rich people" that, with disdain. Slightly different (but I think related) to you, she would look at other people whom she perceived to have more money than she, and decide that she was entitled to favors, borrowing, etc, from them because "they could afford it."
Valuing yourself and other people based only on wealth (and really, you're only guessing at their wealth here) is pretty narrow-minded and petty and you will miss out on a lot in life and friends.
Therapy?
Good luck!
posted by thebazilist at 6:35 PM on December 18, 2008
I had a friend who was always talking about "rich people," "rich people" this and "rich people" that, with disdain. Slightly different (but I think related) to you, she would look at other people whom she perceived to have more money than she, and decide that she was entitled to favors, borrowing, etc, from them because "they could afford it."
Valuing yourself and other people based only on wealth (and really, you're only guessing at their wealth here) is pretty narrow-minded and petty and you will miss out on a lot in life and friends.
Therapy?
Good luck!
posted by thebazilist at 6:35 PM on December 18, 2008
Two things:
1. Karma. What goes around comes around. Make the world a happier place. You may really want someone to help you out some day. It doesn't matter if it is the same people. Just do it.
2. Make the world a happier place. It feels good.
posted by Susurration at 6:49 PM on December 18, 2008
1. Karma. What goes around comes around. Make the world a happier place. You may really want someone to help you out some day. It doesn't matter if it is the same people. Just do it.
2. Make the world a happier place. It feels good.
posted by Susurration at 6:49 PM on December 18, 2008
I can sort of relate to your question. The only difference is that (as PatoPata nails it) I have been able to tell if it was a genuine need or neediness/laziness- regardless of the financial status of the person asking for the favour.
Generosity is an enviable virtue but you also have to take care of your own self first at times. There are people who will take advantage of your generosity (in terms of either time or money) and of course then there are the, uh, parasites. It really depends on the situation, the person, what is being asked etc etc. And then there are those who become parasites when they see over time how (stupidly) "generous" you are. But there is no reason to feel guilty about taking care of yourself first.
I have said no to people in the past for favours like this (twice I think) and I have never regretted it either because I realized it was sheer laziness on the person's part or it was just a ridiculous request.
Hope this helps :)
posted by xm at 8:06 PM on December 18, 2008
Generosity is an enviable virtue but you also have to take care of your own self first at times. There are people who will take advantage of your generosity (in terms of either time or money) and of course then there are the, uh, parasites. It really depends on the situation, the person, what is being asked etc etc. And then there are those who become parasites when they see over time how (stupidly) "generous" you are. But there is no reason to feel guilty about taking care of yourself first.
I have said no to people in the past for favours like this (twice I think) and I have never regretted it either because I realized it was sheer laziness on the person's part or it was just a ridiculous request.
Hope this helps :)
posted by xm at 8:06 PM on December 18, 2008
While learning to feel more compassion for others needs and shed some of your ego might be valuable, it's equally important to be able to say "no" whenever you need or want to, without feeling very guilty.
posted by hermitosis at 8:16 PM on December 18, 2008
posted by hermitosis at 8:16 PM on December 18, 2008
What goes around comes around, not back, so it really doesn't matter who the first step outward from you is.
posted by flabdablet at 8:44 PM on December 18, 2008
posted by flabdablet at 8:44 PM on December 18, 2008
I feel that this is perfectly natural. Youre a human. Evolution has taught you understand wealth. Monkeys understand currency on a basic level. Youre just a bigger, slightly smarter monkey. You are doing the same thing they are doing with the marshmellows.
Now, with that in mind, ask yourself if you want to function on an animal level. If so, then keep doing what you are doing. If you believe in certain philosophies or religions then you might feel that you should be doing something else.
Tell me how can I change this about myself?
I honestly dont think you can change your habits and ways of thinking unless you really want to. You may not really want to. You may just be reacting to other people's judgments. If you really do want to, then changing your economic habits is just like changing any other habit. Start small and work your way up. Tip slightly more. Dont see your bank accounts like the high scores of a video game. Give to a random charity now and again. Start seeing the importance of giving. Imagine if every 401c folded this year. What would happen to society? What would happen to you personally? (if you need a more selfish way of looking at it). Stop obsessing about other people's money. Stop resenting those you perceive as better off than you. Realize that your thoughts on money may have deeper roots than you care to admit to yourself. Realize what the effects of a strong attachment to money and wealth can have on you in the long run. Ask yourself if this attitude actually hurts the chances of future economic success. Ask yourself if you want to feel this way in 10 years, 20 years, or 30 years. Realize that your mental picture of poor people and even rich people probably has very little in common with reality. Lastly, picture someone slightly poorer than you or slightly younger than you listening to you talk about your car or your condo or whatever and absolutely hating you for it.
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:12 PM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
Now, with that in mind, ask yourself if you want to function on an animal level. If so, then keep doing what you are doing. If you believe in certain philosophies or religions then you might feel that you should be doing something else.
Tell me how can I change this about myself?
I honestly dont think you can change your habits and ways of thinking unless you really want to. You may not really want to. You may just be reacting to other people's judgments. If you really do want to, then changing your economic habits is just like changing any other habit. Start small and work your way up. Tip slightly more. Dont see your bank accounts like the high scores of a video game. Give to a random charity now and again. Start seeing the importance of giving. Imagine if every 401c folded this year. What would happen to society? What would happen to you personally? (if you need a more selfish way of looking at it). Stop obsessing about other people's money. Stop resenting those you perceive as better off than you. Realize that your thoughts on money may have deeper roots than you care to admit to yourself. Realize what the effects of a strong attachment to money and wealth can have on you in the long run. Ask yourself if this attitude actually hurts the chances of future economic success. Ask yourself if you want to feel this way in 10 years, 20 years, or 30 years. Realize that your mental picture of poor people and even rich people probably has very little in common with reality. Lastly, picture someone slightly poorer than you or slightly younger than you listening to you talk about your car or your condo or whatever and absolutely hating you for it.
posted by damn dirty ape at 9:12 PM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]
A friend of mine has this saying on her refrigerator: "Always be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some sort of battle."
Just because someone is richer than you, doesn't mean they have it easy from their point of view. You are feeling resentful because you're thinking of how much easier their money would make your life. What kind of difference it makes in theirs, is not for you to say. When someone better off than you asks for a favor, you could imagine their having just written a big check to someone even poorer than you.
Admittedly, there are times when rich jerks ask for favors because they think they can get away with it. That is to say, the trouble they want to put you to is way more than the trouble it would cost them to do it themselves, and they don't care. You have every right to resent that kind of request. But in my experience, those times are rare. Better to give people the benefit of the doubt (see saying above) until they've proven they don't deserve it.
posted by bricoleur at 4:28 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]
Just because someone is richer than you, doesn't mean they have it easy from their point of view. You are feeling resentful because you're thinking of how much easier their money would make your life. What kind of difference it makes in theirs, is not for you to say. When someone better off than you asks for a favor, you could imagine their having just written a big check to someone even poorer than you.
Admittedly, there are times when rich jerks ask for favors because they think they can get away with it. That is to say, the trouble they want to put you to is way more than the trouble it would cost them to do it themselves, and they don't care. You have every right to resent that kind of request. But in my experience, those times are rare. Better to give people the benefit of the doubt (see saying above) until they've proven they don't deserve it.
posted by bricoleur at 4:28 AM on December 19, 2008 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Thanks for the answers, everyone.
Each one gives me a new way to look at my problem, for which I am very grateful.
Because of your answers, I'm realizing I'm pretty dang tight-fisted, and pretty miserly in my ways. Not a pleasant fact to face.
I think part of the reason stems from the fact I am suddenly living and working in a very competitive environment, different in other places I've worked before. Though I love my job, I'm finding it difficult to remain non-competitive amongst those around me. Yes, more lameness on my part--it's something I would like to put a stop to ASAP. I strongly dislike that I've become this way, and let the nature of the job start spreading into other areas of my life like this.
To use a metaphor, I feel like I'm becoming that cutthroat med or law school student, who can't bring himself to lend his or her classmate a book, based on fear they will lose their place on the curve.
I think your answers will help me keep from becoming that student. Thanks so much, everybody.
posted by uxo at 7:15 AM on December 19, 2008
Each one gives me a new way to look at my problem, for which I am very grateful.
Because of your answers, I'm realizing I'm pretty dang tight-fisted, and pretty miserly in my ways. Not a pleasant fact to face.
I think part of the reason stems from the fact I am suddenly living and working in a very competitive environment, different in other places I've worked before. Though I love my job, I'm finding it difficult to remain non-competitive amongst those around me. Yes, more lameness on my part--it's something I would like to put a stop to ASAP. I strongly dislike that I've become this way, and let the nature of the job start spreading into other areas of my life like this.
To use a metaphor, I feel like I'm becoming that cutthroat med or law school student, who can't bring himself to lend his or her classmate a book, based on fear they will lose their place on the curve.
I think your answers will help me keep from becoming that student. Thanks so much, everybody.
posted by uxo at 7:15 AM on December 19, 2008
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by abcde at 3:16 PM on December 18, 2008 [1 favorite]