I'm not just lazy, I swear.

December 14, 2008 11:24 PM

Currently job-hunting, to no avail. Even McDonald's hasn't called back, wtf? How do I make my husband understand?

I am currently getting professional guidance on the resumé front, but it doesn't seem to have helped. Money's tight- how do I handle this situation? The hubby is sure he could go out and "find a job today" , but apparently I'm not so skilled or lucky. He has a career in a field that's not likely to lay him off, but we could still use the income. I can't even get dish-washing jobs- "we don't hire girls for that" is the chorus....

How can I get him to see I'm trying and how can I improve my chances in the shitty-job-market? I'm undereducated in a university-town and have spent my last year very much underemployed. I'm in school part time now, trying to improve future-chances, but it had has no effect but negative on the current situation... Help?

posted by sunshinesky to work & money (35 comments total)

You should probably set some ground rules with your husband, at let him know his lack of support is unhelpful at best, and is actually hindering your chances at finding a job. You shouldn't have to convince him of anything. You can also ask him for constructive advice about how to improve your job search. And he should offer real advice, and should not be negative. You husband should understand that, while it's probably easy for him to find a job, it's not so easy for other people. But lay the ground rules, and set consequences, such as withholding from sex. I'm serious btw.

I'm kind of in a similar situation, but the shoe is on the opposite foot. I work, and my wife does not. She's an immigrant to Canada, and doesn't know how to find a job. We live in Victoria, which has the lowest unemployment in the country, and so she could probably find work at any number of places. But I'd prefer it if she used her skills. However, I have vowed to not pressure her in any way, except to say that I know she is intelligent enough to do anything she wants. But finding a job should be a process of self-discovery. So I've vowed to step out of the way and she what she comes up with.
posted by KokuRyu at 11:33 PM on December 14, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

I'm in school part time now, trying to improve future-chances, but it had has no effect but negative on the current situation... Help?

I know the university town game - and it's hard. A person without a degree will have a hard time finding even manual labor, because there is just so much competition. But, have you tried getting a job through your school? Most schools, even community colleges have a job board of employers who are specifically looking to hire from your school, and barring that, you could even get a job on campus (which usually hires at a higher rate than a similar job on the market).

As for the husband issue - I had a similar situation when I was married - my husband had a BA and I had nothing. He couldn't relate to the difficulties that I had finding work, and it hurt a lot. Try talking to him in a quiet time, and let him know how you feel. He may not have any idea how much his words hurt - and above all - hang in there.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 11:58 PM on December 14, 2008

I have nothing to offer on the husband issue but you can obviously type and are literate and savvy. Have you tried to find some work word-processing or proof reading? There must be some academics, PhDs or MA candidates - maybe even cashed-up undergrads? - who are looking for someone to tidy up their writing.
posted by evil_esto at 1:14 AM on December 15, 2008

Temp agency. Typing fast and computer literacy will get you far.
posted by By The Grace of God at 1:48 AM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Yes, seconding the temp agency.

I was unemployed for almost a year, despite my trying *everything* I could think of (though yes, I was temping on and off). I spent hours per day looking for jobs, interviewing, etc, I just wasn't getting hired. The best thing you can do for yourself is just to keep going, keep applying for everything that you're qualified for and expect that eventually, you will get a job. It sounds like you may be wasting energy applying for jobs for which you are overqualified. Don't. Save it for where you have an honest chance of getting hired. Also, after a lot of rejections, you may be fatalistic about interviews. Don't be. Like dogs, the interviewer can smell your fear. Have the attitude that "THIS time! I WILL be hired!" It's exhausting to keep it up, I know, but being a defeatist is really shooting yourself in the foot.

As for your husband, do your best to make a show of looking for work. Tell him about each specific job you've applied for. Show him your resumé. Talk to him about interviews. Play it up. Some of what he's feeling is probably his own issues that he needs to work out about relationships and work and what it means to have a full partnership, but a lot of it might just be that he can't *see* that you're trying as hard as you can. Make it obvious.

That's really all you can do. Best of luck.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 2:21 AM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

also, what happened to the last job? The fact that you are looking so soon after that post could mean anything from it's a horrible restaurant to you may have some other factor involved in your work and job hunting that might be useful to bring to this question.
posted by By The Grace of God at 3:12 AM on December 15, 2008

I agree with grapefruitmoon. Keep in mind that the economy is on a downward turn and those jobs are hard to find- at least you are looking and even trying to get honest work! I would keep looking, let hubby know what jobs you are applying for and ask friends, family etc if they know of anyone who is hiring- sometimes it's not where you go but who you know! Beat the bushes and shake down every place you go. ask for an application every place you walk into if they are hiring- to the point where hubby is like "yeah I know! enough already!" We can't always help that it's a tough fit to find a good job. Try to be flexible with your schedule if possible. I even recommend going to the old standby- babysitting. Sometimes a little income is better than none at all.
I also recommend if your state or city has one, an unemployment office. Here in nebraska we have what's called a "Job Service" and they help people find jobs- You have to take interviews and such but it is good practice and a big help. Temp agencies are a big help too.
posted by agentsarahjane at 3:42 AM on December 15, 2008

If you just need something quick and dirty check with local florists to see if they need temporary help delivering flowers over the holidays. That is how I wound up with my permanent job with a florist-I temp delivered on Mother's Day and that got my foot in the door.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 4:54 AM on December 15, 2008

it's great that you're in school part time right now--having that degree will help a lot in the future.

do you need a job because you and the husband need the money, or because you (or your husband) feel you should have a job? if the two of you can live off your husband's salary alone for a few years, it might be worth it to go to school full time.

but if you do need the money i sympathize. right now is a REALLY tough time to be looking for a job because there are tons and tons of people looking for jobs, but they have that piece of paper from a college that says they're better than you (i don't believe that, but many people do).

i nth temp agencies. all you really need to get in with them is to know how to type and use ms office. and many of them have REALLY low standards for "competency".

as for your husband, i find it highly unlikely that he could get a job today. he's being a dick. he should be helpful. has he sat down with you to go over your resume? does he proofread your cover letters before you send them off? does he spend his lunch hour looking at job sites and forwarding you leads? has he even scanned monster/careerbuilder/etc. to see what's out there right now (not much)? i'm not saying that you need his help this way, but if he were participating in your job search, he would see how much effort you're putting into it and how little there actually is available that pays a living wage right now.

all that advice above is for if he doesn't believe you're putting any effort into the search. if, for some reason, he thinks you're too stupid to find/get a job, then it's time to dtmfa.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 7:15 AM on December 15, 2008

we don't hire girls for that" is the chorus....

If you're in the US, check the website for your state employment offices and find out where to report the specific establishments that told you this. It won't get you a job, and I'm sure you're not in a position to file a suit right now, but a report you file could end up helping other people like you down the road. Because this is illegal.

On to the other issue: from your partner's perspective, yes, he's freaking out about whether you will be able to contribute to the household in the long haul. And for some people that is legitimately important and does not necessarily reflect 'issues' or problems that he has - it may be a requirement for him.

So do make a show of looking for work - but don't only 'make a show,' actually look harder than you're looking now. Make looking for a job your full-time job. Set hours each day for yourself where you will read up on various aspects of employment - resume tips, interview tips, how to gain job experience. Visit the library regularly - daily even - and ask the reference librarian for help identifying resources for a job search in fields you're capable in. Check out books like What Color is Your Parachute (the book and the workbook) and I Could Do Anything If Only I Knew What it Was -- and don't just read them, do the exercises in them. Use your network - send an email to your address list describing the work you're looking for (hours, schedule, pay grade,type of work if you can give some parameters), listing some of your strong qualities and asking for referrals and leads. Make cold calls. Call people in fields you'd like to work in and set up informational interviews, asking how people get into the field, what publications they read, and whether there are entry level openings. Send thank you notes to anyone who talks to you for any reason. Stay upbeat; keep your appearance cheerful and shiny and appropriate to the workplace. Always leave your contact info.

And start a spreadsheet to keep on your desktop that logs your activity daily. List the date, employers contacted, type of contact (emailed resume, dropped hard copy of resume, informational interview), and result. Keep it up to date as you go.

Finding a job is hard, harder in some markets than others and for some people than others. Temping may be a great solution, but continue all this even while you temp because a permanent job is usually better than a temp job - there is security and, more likely, benefits. At least you will continue to generate options.

Managing a career is a lifelong process that requires habits of regular upkeep, just like health. Your partners wants to see that you can handle it, because if you can't, there is a very real degree of personal liability for him should he stay with you. Keep developing your skills in this area. It's so great that you're in school, and I hope it leads to a great career for you. Good luck!
posted by Miko at 7:24 AM on December 15, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

also, what happened to the last job? The fact that you are looking so soon after that post could mean anything from it's a horrible restaurant to you may have some other factor involved in your work and job hunting that might be useful to bring to this question.

A few reasons- mostly to do with transportation hassles. I was spending longer on the bus than I was at work, and apparently I could only get the "full time days" I was promised by working horrendous spilts, which went too late for me to bus home at all, let alone in less than 1.5h. They were literally giving me the minimum hours(3) with a minimum wage(8.75), and still no paycheque in sight... For 26$ a day minus taxes, it was not my idea of... well, anything. My boss also kept thinking I was a server (who wouldn't!? I am 5 years older than most of them!), and it was just all around chaos/bad news. When I quit, I figured I could better spend 6 hours a day job hunting, but that has proven to be a grave mistake.

ask friends, family etc if they know of anyone who is hiring

Problem two is, we just moved and don't know anybody within a 200km radius.

Here in nebraska we have what's called a "Job Service"

They're trying...

Damn, I feel like such a whiny baby about this, but I'm really at a loss. I'm not 'qualified' for anything, so 'overqualified' doesn't even come into play here, at least from my point of view. Maybe I'm underselling myself? I always go into interviews with a firm handshake, polished shoes and crisp trousers- am I overdressed? Several interviewers have been obviously less-than-impressed, to the point that one almost left my interview without saying goodbye or a handshake. When I reached out and said it was 'a pleasure' etc etc, she gave me the limp fish and looked away. I definitely didn't imagine that part. How can this be?! I'm so frustrated right now. I get the feeling that my public-transportation ways are what have people worried. Buses stop pretty early here, so I'm not flexible at all on hours. Of course I've applied pretty much everywhere within walking distance. Yes, it's been my full time job to look since I quit, but this town is not very big and neither is the pool of employers near public transit. We are not buying a car- I wouldn't be able to drive myself anyway. seriously- I'm skill-less.

As I've said, my resumé has been professionally reformatted to showcase my strengths, and I have a few different ones for other types of work.

My next stop is the temp agencies downtown, but I'm really afraid that all this nonsense will get to me soon. I'm pretty sensitive to this brand of defeat, and only just beginning to recover from long-term depression- not to mention the fact that I've got to wait until Feb to see a GP. God, I love small towns... @#%^$&*$ Any advice on not letting this knock me down? I'm sure my husband's very worried about my emotional state, as he knows I'm one to be easily discouraged.

As always, thanks for all the good advice. I love you, mefites!
posted by sunshinesky at 7:33 AM on December 15, 2008

Maybe I'm underselling myself?

It sounds like you could use feedback. You're in college. Do they have a career counseling office? If so, you could ask whether someone might help you walk through a fake interview and give you feedback on your greeting, presentation, dress, etc. If you're not comfortable with that, ask a friend to do it. Don't ask your spouse, he'll be too anxious about it.

When you apply for a job and hear back that you didn't get it, it's perfectly acceptable to call back and ask if there was anything that would have strengthened your application. You can get some useful feedback that way.

We are not buying a car- I wouldn't be able to drive myself anyway. seriously- I'm skill-less.

Wait - why not? If you're physically able to do the motions associated with driving, and live in a place where public transit is inefficient, why are you shooting yourself in the foot? Do you need driving lessons? You can probably get them through the college. You're unnecessarily limiting the geographic pool of employers, and being very dependent on other people and systems to get you around. I can understand the environmental and other objections to becoming a car owner, but principles like that are relative luxuries if you can't earn a living using the resources you already have. If there is a greater chance that you could find a job if you could drive, then you should be driving. You can get a functioning, non-pretty car for a very small amount of money, and can look on it as an investment in your ability to work and bring in the income to cover the costs of the car and to generate a surplus.

And word to the wise, when you go to the temp agency, transportation will be an issue. Temp jobs are episodic; they all have differing schedules, and they won't all be located near public transport. Right away you will have to tell them to rule out certain jobs for you.

If not driving is preventing you getting employed, then remove that obstacle.
posted by Miko at 7:49 AM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Came in to say what Miko just said, referencing the overbounded problem comment. You have to remove some of the limitations.
posted by By The Grace of God at 8:18 AM on December 15, 2008

If not driving is preventing you getting employed, then remove that obstacle.

I need to pay (hundreds of dollars!) for driving lessons, a hundred for the license, and wait 8 months to start driving on my own- I love graduated licensing. Not particularly practical, even if we COULD afford beater- which we can't until I get a job.

I will concede that I definitely need to start removing limitations- hence going back to school. I'm a HS dropout, so I'm taking upgrading courses part time at the local community college, to get into a program there in Sept- for which I will be taking out loans upon loans. hooray, debt.

The people who are helping me with my resume are a part of the school, and provide a whole slew of training and networking opportunities- all of which I've exhausted at this point, trust me. The counselors have started giving me the-shrug every time they see my face. These people even offer employers subsidies as incentive to hire... which hasn't helped. I'm trying very, very hard here. It's just getting me no where.

I think I'm going to go curl up and cry for a bit. I didn't think this thread would make me feel even more hopeless than I was already, but it has, as much as I appreciate having constructive/unbiased advice. Ugh

/whine
posted by sunshinesky at 9:02 AM on December 15, 2008

Don't despair. My SO is in a similar situation and we live in a huge city. She is skilled, but in a very specialized field, and has been applying for everything she can and getting little or no response. When she does get a call or email back it's along the lines of wow, we didn't expect a bazillion applicants for this part-time job at the flower shop, sorry. Times is tough.

As far as improving your chances, I assume you've told every single person you know that you need work? Has your husband told everyone he knows? Transportation is obviously a liability–is your town bikeable? (Most towns are if you're sufficiently motivated). There's a lot of good advice upthread, (on preview, some of which I just repeated) and it sounds like the main thing is not to let yourself wallow in hopelessness. You've said repeatedly that you're "skill-less." That's obviously not true; this question itself shows that you can write clearly and that you're computer literate. Those are skills. Cry a bit if you need to, then get up and keep looking.
posted by generalist at 9:25 AM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

I even recommend going to the old standby- babysitting.

As a child-care professional (I'm a nanny, I've taught preschool, I plan on getting a Master's in Early Childhood sometime in the next 5-10 years), I would have to disagree with this unless you have actual experience with children. It's an emotionally draining job and it can be absolute hell if you don't know ahead of time whether or not you can handle it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, and it's a really sink or swim kind of thing. I know people who have gone into childcare thinking that it would be fun and ended up being 100% totally and utterly miserable because 99% of the time, tending to a child's needs is not "fun."

That said, there's nothing to be lost by any part-time babysitting. Just out of fairness, don't look for or accept a full-time position without knowing that you can handle it.

Also, just flat out honesty here, you're unlikely to get hired for any long-term position without a car. That was the #1 reason why I couldn't get hired back in Providence. It took moving to Boston, a bigger city with better public transportation, before I could find a family willing to hire someone without a car.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 9:25 AM on December 15, 2008

I need to pay (hundreds of dollars!) for driving lessons

What about bartering instead of paying for lessons? Maybe you could advertise on Craigslist that you'd exchange cleaning/child care/outdoor work/ whatever for someone to teach you to drive. Not the best solution maybe, but it could work if you are careful about arrangements.

What about taking a seasonal job? If you need to generate a cash kitty to get you through the near term, there are so many hiring opportunities at summer camps, resorts, dude ranches, inns, businesses in tourist towns. You might have to go away for a few months over the summer season, but it would get you out of 'stuck' mode and send you home with savings in time for the start of the fall term. Many summer jobs of this nature provide room and board as well, generating further savings, and could build really useful skills. Plenty of people do this, even married people, because it can be such an economic boost.

Begin by doing one thing. Like, set up your spreadsheet today. Take charge of this problem. Part of why you feel bad is that it seems so much bigger than you. It's not - you're bigger than it. I understand what it feels like to keep hitting walls, but By The Grace of God is right - you need to look at the parameters you're trying to operate within. Some of the things you are assuming are obstacles are true parameters (there aren't a lot of available jobs in your town, the public transport schedule is X), but some have more give than is immediately obvious (I have to stay in this town; I can't afford driving lessons).

When thinking about this, try to turn problems into questions (If I didn't stay in this town, where could I go that I could find a job? Since I can't pay for driving lessons, what are other ways I could get driving lessons without cash payment?) Questions feel a lot better to the psyche than statements - statements take on a firmness that seems immovable, while questions are about possibility and problem-solving.

You are in a tight place but there are ways out. School is definitely a good idea, but if it's one of the obstacles, what about postponing the start of college until after you've earned more money? If you're decently employed and saving, that can be part of a long-term plan for an education without requiring drastic sacrifices now. You may not need to take out loans if you go slowly. Even if you do, you may qualify for loan money that can help you do things like get a car. Maybe you can reduce living expenses in your home - change your diet, turn the heat down, spend less for entertainment - to generate the cash needed.

It does take leaps sometimes to get to new levels. I'm confident you'll solve this as you keep working away at it. Take breaks from circular thinking -- get out every day and be sure to get a brisk walk or run or other exercise, which will help the depression stay at bay too. Consider some volunteer work maybe to establish a better sense of hope and usefulness (and find contacts) - but not if it becomes a time drain that you resent. Take care of yourself, get enough sleep but not too much - get up in the morning and get busy, don't lay in bed hazily staring at the ceiling. Keep up the good work. It'll get figured out.
posted by Miko at 9:34 AM on December 15, 2008

I need to pay (hundreds of dollars!) for driving lessons, a hundred for the license, and wait 8 months to start driving on my own- I love graduated licensing. Not particularly practical, even if we COULD afford beater- which we can't until I get a job.

Can your husband drive? If so, he can teach you. Driving is not hard, and you could start down this path right away. Sure, it's going to take you eight months, and you'll need to get a job before then, but that shouldn't keep you from getting started.
posted by me & my monkey at 9:43 AM on December 15, 2008

Thanks again for all the great feedback. I hate to come in here and throw it all back in spite, so I'm sorry if I'm coming off a bit childish.

The bike is a great advice, that I certainly plan on heeding. If only I wasn't living in such an icy/slushy climate for the next 3-4 months. Springtime will definitely see me riding to and fro, but I am definitely not confident enough a road-rider to handle the extra risk of the season. I will admit though, I hadn't considered the near future in those terms. I'm so focused on NOW. I suppose I should be looking in all directions though.

Did I mention that moving is *not* an option? Career obligations of the better half- we were just placed here a little over a month ago and have a good 2 years ahead of us, or more.

I like the idea of posing questions too. I think that will help narrow things down a little.

Also- ok I'm not "skill-less", I just don't have proper experience to back up my skills. All the things I do best have been self-taught. Where can I take that? Surely self-direction is important to someone, only the jobs I've been applying for focus a lot more on 'teamwork'. No one is ever pleased to hear that I work best alone, so of course I've stopped answering that question honestly.

Speaking of honesty...One thing I've found a great deal of trouble with is explaining my time away from work. Counselors be damned! There's no easy way to explain away years upon of sketchy employment history/education when mental health is the problem. The most help I've gotten skirting that question is creatively displaying my work history. It still leaves something to be desired. I've tried all the AskMe excuses "illness",
"elder care", etc. I'm just not very convincing. Should I practice these lies, or what?
posted by sunshinesky at 9:58 AM on December 15, 2008

Another option is to do 2nd or 3rd shift work for a security outfit. Every factory, warehouse, construction site and vehicle lot needs someone on the night watch, even out in the sticks, and security outfits are always desperate for dependable people to work the overnights.

("Dependable" on this scale means doesn't show up for work drunk, high or hours late, and doesn't walk home with stuff from the site. Married woman with some degree of intelligence and literacy? Sold.)

You won't be chasing down criminals, you'll be monitoring the site for stuff that goes wrong: chemical or water leaks, weather damage, fire, people working late who may have hurt themselves, or unauthorized people wandering around lost or parking where they shouldn't. You then call whoever it says to on the contact sheet, and write it up in a report. The average site will have a minor issue once every few weeks.

Staying awake's not so bad, because you'll split the time between the security office, and walking all over the location. Lots of exercise, but no hard work.

Students generally don't go for this type of work, because they need to sleep for class the next day. If you have kids, your husband can look after them at night, and you can look after them in the day, and sleep in the evening before your shift. Pay's usually a lot better than flipping burgers, too.

I did this for a few months when I was laid off many moons ago, and it kept body and soul together until something better came along.
posted by Slap*Happy at 10:03 AM on December 15, 2008

Should I practice these lies, or what?

Yup! Practice makes perfect. I have a few details in my work history that took some finessing to cover-up, and it took lots and lots of interviews where I flubbed the lies a tad to get over the paranoia that I'd be found out. As long as you're not inventing places that you worked or saying that you're fluent in languages you don't speak, your chances of being found out are slim. Keep the lies SHORT and plausible.

The trick is to be as 100% confident about the lies as you are about everything else. Practice interviews with your husband - have him ask typical questions about the areas where you need to be less than truthful until your answers come naturally. A potential employer will be quick to notice any hesitation, and it sends up all sorts of red flags. Find the best way to gloss over your weak points and move the conversation on to areas where you're stronger.

Don't invent elaborate stories. The best lies are short and totally uninteresting. Never create a lie that invites follow-up questions or involves any kind of backstory.
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:12 AM on December 15, 2008

Did I mention that moving is *not* an option? Career obligations of the better half- we were just placed here a little over a month ago and have a good 2 years ahead of us, or more.

Moving is not an option, then, for your husband, but it is an option for you to go elsewhere for work, returning home when you can and as you can. If you choose to make not leaving your husband for a few weeks or months at a time a hard parameter, you can, but many couples don't choose to see it that way.
posted by Miko at 10:18 AM on December 15, 2008

There are lots of suggestions on where to look for work, but not for the original question: how you can get your husband to feel that you are, in fact, trying your very hardest.

My #1 advice to people looking for a job is that they treat it as though it is their job. You get up at a normal work-like hour. you get dressed for work. you don't sit in front of the tv or reading magazines. since you are likely doing all of those things already, your husband should back down.

The other thing I did was use a spreadsheet to keep track of resumes sent out. I would mark the company or the email address, where i saw the ad, what date i contacted them, what the method of contact was (email, phone, etc) i'd include the email address or website link. that helped a lot when people would call back and i could remember what i had applied for, and it also gave me a sense of accomplishment each day.

if you had this tracker, you could show it to your husband as a tangible proof of effort. in your case, i'd also include meetings you had with career counselors and the like. make sure you are keeping a calendar, even if it's a notebook where you write the date on the top of the page, of your meetings and your phone calls.

Don't think "i can't" or "i'm not qualified" and be willing to consider anything that you can, within parameters, of course. don't set yourself up for failure by taking an interview at a place that's not on a bus line or requires more than one transfer, for example.

the other issue you will have is not being too presentable, but rather, looking too competent, too much like you might leave the job if something better comes along. that's why you're not getting a dishwashing job - they don't want a stable adult female. i have run into this during period of extended unemployment - either they think you are going to leave as soon as something better comes along, or they don't want someone with a brain in the position because you might start wanting to, y'know, IMPROVE things and make things better.

I remember the last time I got laid off (i'm in technology), and i found a new job in three weeks. my best friend in the world, a successful career woman whom i greatly admire, made a comment like "well, i guess three weeks isn't *too* bad..." she didn't mean to be unhelpful, but in her line of work, she could get a job TOMORROW. a friend who's a pediatric nurse could drive into a new city at 10am and have four jobs to choose from by 2pm. so your husband either needs to be actionable, or back off.

one thing i would like to throw out, since you live in a university town: have you considered starting a service as a Gal Friday? Personal errands? I believe that "personal concierge" is the current term du jour. I don't want to link them, but there's a place in NYC called "Dunn & Overwith" if you want to go get the basic idea (easily searchable). If you were an organized person, you could do this kind of thing for harried university professors and other professional or office staff. low startup costs. hang up fliers around town. you can email everyone you know that you are doing this. Then you're not explaining absences or anything else.

But here's the thing: unless you're in a major city with a great transportation network, you're always going to be hog-tied by not being able to drive. So either you and hubby decide that this is a cost you're going to assume as a family to make you more employable, or he needs to STFU. A warning: do NOT let him teach you to drive. Unless your spouse is the Buddha, it will create great tension.
posted by micawber at 10:41 AM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Have you begun to make friends in your new time through school (or anywhere else)? It sounds like you need an on-the-ground support system--people who can encourage you (and teach you how to drive). The only in-person support you mention is your husband, who is being really unkind at present. I know you must be busy with job-hunting and school, but are there student groups you can join? Or, like, a knitting group or a welding club, or a church, or... something. Something that puts you among live people. I think you should consider carving out enough time to get out into your new community through something like that. You may end up making contacts who can help you with job hunting, but even if you don't, you need people you can see face-to-face who can tell you "your husband's being a jerk" and give you a hug and drink a cup of coffee with you.

Also, I don't know what your husband's field is, but can he work his contacts (even if you've only been there 2 months, surely he's met people) on your behalf?
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:05 AM on December 15, 2008

Ugh. time = town in the first sentence.
posted by Meg_Murry at 11:05 AM on December 15, 2008

If you have only just moved six weeks ago I assume you took a couple of weeks to settle in and do all the errands/running around that needed to be done while your husband was working so you have only been looking for work for a month, part of which you were employed so not able to go for interviews. Yes, for some select jobs (nurses etc) a job can be had immediately but since you are applying for entry level positions it is normal to have a bit of a gap between looking for work and actually getting a job. Also, I would think there aren't as many service jobs in Ottawa when Parliament is porogued (sorry, just couldn't resist the word of the month) and the MP's are all back home for Christmas. So I agree your husband is being unrealistic. However, maybe he feels you just aren't as into getting a job as you say you are. That is just the impression I am getting from your excuses.

I'm in Ontario too and winter biking isn't my definition of fun but it is doable. On the icy days you can always skate the canal. Or maybe look at moving to an area where either you or your husband can walk to work (your job search should have been a factor in where you live but what is done is done). What shops/services do you use now? Can you drop off a resume to them? For jobs that don't have public transportation at the end of the night you can always get a cab home (and working graves usually pays better). A car definitely makes things easier, the G1 is $125 and the online book is here. The knowledge test is easy and then you can start practising in a real car. The sooner you start the sooner the eight months will be over. Meanwhile, start volunteering, not to "network" but because it is a good thing to do, it will get you out of the house and shows your husband you aren't just lying in bed all day.

If all else fails, put your name down for contract work with Elections Canada. They may need workers soon.
posted by saucysault at 11:41 AM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Speaking as another non-driver, applying for jobs without a car is like trying to walk with no limbs whatsoever. Your options ARE limited. I'm not ragging on you to drive because I KNOW it is not that easy as to hop in a car and Just Do It, but at the very least your husband shouldn't be giving you shit and bragging that he could find a job any day. Public transport does limit your abiility to find jobs no matter what your qualifications are, especially if you live somewhere where it is late/flaky.
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:17 PM on December 15, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Housecleaning?

I would do it, if I had nothing else (excercize + pay = sounds good). The problem is that times are tough all over and people who could/would normally pay other people to do it are looking for work/saving themselves.

Still - it doesn't hurt to print-up some fliers on your printer. But, if you go outside your neighbourhood, you will need decent transportation.
posted by jkaczor at 12:26 PM on December 15, 2008

Get started on your license now. You don't have to take a course, but you will need one for the rest of your life. I didn't get mine until I was 19, but it opened a world of work possibilities that were simply unavailable beforehand.

So - Ottawa? It's Christmas, then must be some mall/retail temporary work availabe? Or is the economy that bad in Ottawa? (The malls are still bustling in Calgary - sorry)
posted by jkaczor at 12:36 PM on December 15, 2008

(not in ottawa anymore...)
posted by sunshinesky at 1:02 PM on December 15, 2008

Employers want to know that you will show up, reliably and on time, work, doing the job expected, and not create trouble. The easiest jobs to get are often the least desirable. Are there hotels and/or restaurants nearby? Look for a job cleaning hotel rooms, bussing tables, washing dishes. Make sure you have a couple of good references.

You were away from the work force due to illness. But employers are uneasy because they want someone who will be there. If crazy schedules were the problem, you may need to reconsider your preferences. Part-time work may be a pathway back to the work force.

Really listen to your husband. He feels tremendous frustration. Acknowledge that he's worried about finances - "I know you're worried about our finances' and enlist his help - "What do you suggest I do next?" and try to see it from his point of view.

You are defensive, with good reason, as you feel rejected. If you've had trouble with depression, job rejection can make it worse. But job rejection is genuinely impersonal. In this tight job market, they are finding easier-to-hire candidates.
posted by theora55 at 2:43 PM on December 15, 2008

"A warning: do NOT let him teach you to drive. Unless your spouse is the Buddha, it will create great tension."

Just wanted to duck in to agree with this point, having tried it. (BTW, I had an employer pay me to take driving lessons as career development. Something to remember for later, maybe.)

It can take a stupidly (from your POV) long time to hear back after applying/interviewing. So perhaps some patience is in order in that end, if there's things out there where you haven't heard back.

You can't make him understand, unfortunately; all you can do is know that you're doing your best, and try to communicate that clearly.

Specific random recommendation: one of my fave jobs in college was a summer working for a housecleaner. She drove and then we worked together on the actual cleaning. Very quiet, mostly solitary work, plus I got to see inside some pretty cool houses.
posted by epersonae at 3:20 PM on December 15, 2008

(not in ottawa anymore...)

Ah, sorry. So, I was driving and listening to the radio for most the of afternoon/evening - they mentioned the transit strike in Ottawa several times which reminded me about your problems with the bus service and subsequently thought: "aha!". Oh well.

Well - good luck.
posted by jkaczor at 8:33 PM on December 15, 2008

yes, I'm certainly glad not to be living there right now- life is all fine and dandy when OC Transpo isn't striking/threatening to, but I know my life would be turned upside down right now if I was there. Hopefully it will be over in time for my christmas visit! (doubtful!)
posted by sunshinesky at 6:06 AM on December 16, 2008

In a similar situation; no advice really, but here is something that happened to me:

Last week, I bit the bullet and went to the McDonald's and Burger Kings in the area, to apply there, too. At one of the McD's, the manager decided she liked me, and gave me a job on the spot. She told me to come back in Monday (yesterday) at 10:30, to iron out the bank and taxes information, and order my McUniform and everything. So yesterday I show up at 10:15, and she is convinced that she told me 9:30 not 10:30, so she sends her help assistant out to give me some song-and-dance about how somebody they had before came back and now they don't need me.

Anyway, good luck to you.
posted by paisley henosis at 10:37 AM on December 16, 2008