My boss sometimes suggests I work someplace else. Should I worry?

December 10, 2008 5:23 PM

My boss sometimes talks about me finding a different job. I never suggest that I would do such a thing. Is she trying to give me a hint? My boss is the sort of passive-aggressive type who might say things in a snide or underhanded way. She also might care enough about me to give me a hint if my position was going to be eliminated (I'm broke and she knows it). Help?

Last year at my review, my boss started out with, "You're an excellent employee. No complaints. You're really great... Did you ever think about working in the legal field? I think you'd do awesome. [Boss' best friend, who is a lawyer] just hates her secretary." I was dumbfounded.

Do I be offended at this? Is this a complement? Boss is definitely the type to give a backhanded complement. Boss also may be in a position to know that/if my position is being eliminated soon, etc. I also feel that I'm a great employee, and that she'd be taking a gamble trying to replace me. My reviews have indicated she'd agree.

Recently, this mention about me getting a different job has been applied to my tuition reimbursement. Convo goes something like this:
"How's school?" me... school's going good. "You need to turn in that reimbursement form soon, right?" me: Yeah, when my grades come in. "My friend works at [university] and they pay full tuition for their employees. If you could get a job there, they'd reimburse at way better rates. I could put you in contact with her... Even if you don't want to leave, it's good to have the contact just in case."

The hell?

I work in a low-paying position and feel like I'm a great employee. Due to size of the business, there's no opportunity for advancement, ever. But I have less than 4 years to get my degree... I wouldn't even consider changing jobs at this point... It's obvious to all that once I get my degree, I'll be looking for a different job. So I'm fully planning on sticking with the position I have now.

This is never in reaction to me bitching about my position. This happened at the very beginning of my review, over lunch, etc. when I'm just minding my own.

Is she trying to tell me something? Is she trying to be nice? Is she trying to be mean? Am I just paranoid? I've never had a boss suggest I get a different job...

posted by FortyT-wo to work & money (20 comments total)

I would seriously advise following up on her contact. She might know of potential layoffs or she might think you're being underpaid and wants to see you do well in life. Perhaps she's just trying to say that she thinks you are too awesome to be working for her?
posted by stoneegg21 at 5:27 PM on December 10, 2008

I've been both fired and retrenched before, and it never goes as pleasantly as this.
Take this at face value, and say thank you.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:38 PM on December 10, 2008

Due to size of the business, there's no opportunity for advancement, ever. But I have less than 4 years to get my degree... I wouldn't even consider changing jobs at this point...

Why? Four years is a long time! And it sounds to me like your boss is trying to help you out - she's saying that you're amazing, that you could make more money elsewhere, and that she's got a lead for you... I don't see how you could take that as a bad thing.
posted by moxiedoll at 5:40 PM on December 10, 2008 [3 favorites]

Sounds like she's trying to help. Sometimes people are just nice.
posted by billysumday at 5:40 PM on December 10, 2008 [2 favorites]

I've done this for folks in my charge -- follow up on the networking offers.
posted by mmdei at 6:05 PM on December 10, 2008

I think she's trying to be a mentor, or at least a helpful networking contact. She obviously thinks you could be doing better things with your time, and is nice enough to want to see you actually doing them.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:14 PM on December 10, 2008

That is definitely some bizarre boss behavior. She might be being nice because she thinks of you as a friend, or she might be trying to warn you, or she might be trying to mess with your head. Who knows? You unfortunately never will!

What you can do, however, is use whatever she is willing to give you (that contact, for instance) and take it at face value. Being aware of places where you might be able to work in case disaster strikes, an unexpected layoff gets ya, or you just suddenly can't take the office politics any longer is never a bad thing.

I don't think you should be any more suspicious or concerned about losing your job than you normally would, but I'd also say that feeling totally and completely secure in your employment, in the world we live in, is probably not advised either way, I'm sorry to say.

To sum up: Keep your resume up to date, keep kicking ass at your job and impressing your boss and coworkers whenever you can, and if you ever get a potential contact for another job that you might like better, take heed and work it!
posted by pazazygeek at 6:25 PM on December 10, 2008

There's nothing disloyal in always being apprised as to opportunities and what's available. THis isn't indentured servitude, you're an employee and you're paid to do your job. My rule is "you should always take the meeting" and unless it's something I'm truly not interested in I generally will take the first call just to make the contact. There's nothing unprofessional in that. And always, always accept a referral to a networking contact.

It's not a trick question.
posted by micawber at 6:36 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Why don't you just ask your boss why she keeps suggesting other avenues of employment for you?

Secretarial jobs can be ridiculously mind numbing depending on the office, however some types of secretaries have a better chance of advancing up the food chain and getting into high paying positions relatively quickly (sometimes in less than a year). A good legal secretary or executive assistant at a law firm almost always makes way more money than a secretary at a small business. If you work as a secretary at a big university, there are always positions opening up in different departments. It is feasible that you could start off as a secretary and quickly become a project assistant or office manager. You could be getting a tuition benefit AND making way more money.

Don't limit yourself to working at the same place for 4 years just because you are comfortable. When you do finish your degree and start your job search, a resume that only indicates one lame secretarial job is not going to help you much at all.
posted by pluckysparrow at 6:45 PM on December 10, 2008

Datapoint 1 - one of my team in my last job was studying for a masters in a specialist field, after which she'll need to find a trainee post in her new specialism in order to progress. She's fantastic at her job and there will be a huge gap when she leaves, and she knows this. But she will leave eventually, so I worked on the premise that I might as well help her! I got her involved in several related projects and encouraged her to make relevant contacts within the organisation. But when I found out that traineeships in her area were going to be available within the company just as she was finishing her masters, and offered to get her a meeting with the Director, she pointed out that she was hoping to buy a house in a couple of months, and as the trainee wage is less than she's currently on, she was planning to stay in post for a year or two after she gets her degree, and then look for a traineeship. Which I hadn't been aware of. I was working to my plan for her (based on some incorrect assumptions!), not her plan for herself.

Datapoint 2 - one of my team in my last job was not good at his job. His reviews and appraisals reflected that and he was aware that he really wasn't suited to the role. We discussed what he wanted to do / thought he was more suited for, and when an opportunity came up within the company, I suggested he apply for it. He did, and he got the job. I was happy (I got someone far better to replace him), he was happy (got a new job doing something he was better suited for and enjoyed more and got a pay rise into the bargain).

Datapoint 3 - I have had a boss a few years ago who told me point blank that I should think about looking for another job. Context - I was a good employee, but there were no opportunities for advancement. Initially, I was a bit shocked and paranoid, but after a few months, it dawned on me that he was right and his advice was based on what was best for me not the company. I looked, I found, I left. But we're still friends and I rate him as one of the best managers I've ever had.

It doesn't sound like there's any reason that your boss would be trying to get rid of you - so it sounds like she's just trying to be helpful (just because she's your boss, doesn't mean that she puts the company's interests above yours!). I'm guessing that she is assuming that as you're studying, you are looking to leave eventually, so she's trying her best to support you in that. If you don't want to leave, you may need to have a conversation with her and point that out (while showing your appreciation for the fact that she's thinking about your career and trying to provide you with opportunities).

But as moxiedoll says, 4 years is a long time, and if you have an opportunity to earn more money / get experience in the field you want to work in, while still studying, then I think you should seriously consider it!
posted by finding.perdita at 6:51 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

Have you ever just called her on it? A shocked look and a question along the lines of "Why? Should I be worried/concerned about my job here?" might yield some interesting info.

I've dealt with some super passive aggressive people (with no emotional IQs) and I've found that a direct question can shock them into saying something directly, usually they're just trying to be nice, and its just not their strong suit.
posted by cestmoi15 at 7:00 PM on December 10, 2008

My boss sometimes does sometimes mention changing jobs to me, too. I actually think it's because she changed jobs a few times earlier in her career and found that it helped her move up faster and gain more respect. I think she's trying to be a good mentor.
posted by lampoil at 7:39 PM on December 10, 2008

Approach your boss and say, "Look, I'm a little dense. When you say these things, I'm not sure how to take them. Can we speak candidly, just between the two of us, for a few minutes about what you think my options are, and what I should be doing?"
posted by wfrgms at 7:41 PM on December 10, 2008 [1 favorite]

If you plan on staying there for years, maybe she's concerned that you're going to be asking for raises eventually, and knows that you can't get one.

I worked at a student-level job for 2 years and when I asked for another raise and my bosses kept dodging the discussion, they seemed happy that I found a higher-paying job and quit, even though they were always satisfied with my work. I'm guessing that they always planned on high turnover and having a salary ceiling for the position since I ran into my replacement, a college grad, and he was making less than I'd made as a student in the same job.
posted by fructose at 9:48 PM on December 10, 2008

Interesting, thanks guys... Sounds like there's probably no ill will on her part.
posted by FortyT-wo at 1:01 AM on December 11, 2008

I've had this happen to me twice:

The first time, the company was going to be announcing huge layoffs soon, but my boss wasn't able to disclose that yet. If I'd asked him straight, he'd have had to deny it. So instead, he talked a lot in my appraisal about skills of mine which weren't being utilised. I took the hint and started looking around, which meant that when the layoffs were announced a couple of months later, I'd mostly sealed the deal on a new job.

The other time, the company was going to be restructured and (again) my boss knew long before she could tell me, so instead she started throwing me a lot of leads to freelance work and having meep and deaningfuls about my strengths and career goals. (Although she always did this to some extent. She was very much a mentor figure as well as a boss and having "discovered" me, she was invested in my future success.) In the end, I wound up getting rehired in a different position after the restructure. My boss had been writing the job description for the new post during the talks about my strengths and goals and the freelance work? Really helped financially in the period between the two jobs.

So in short, yeah. Your boss likely knows something you don't. Follow the leads.
posted by the latin mouse at 1:24 AM on December 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

My wife gets this kind of talk from her boss all the time - she's underemployed, she could be raking in the cash, and her boss already has a letter of recommendation written that glows right through her filing cabinet.

My wife's too comfortable where she is, tho, and feels insecure with the economy. Maybe after she gets her master's, she'll start hunting. I'm not pressuring her, but her co-workers feel frustrated that she hasn't moved on to bigger-and-better already.

This looks like a similar circumstance - sounds like your boss loves your work, and it looks good for her if you do good for yourself. "Yes, I had a stellar employee I groomed move on to a prestigious gig uptown."
posted by Slap*Happy at 6:04 AM on December 11, 2008

I wish my previous assistant had taken to heart my gentle encouragements to strive to take that next step in his career and escape his dead-end position with my company before I had to start indicating outright that it was time for him to move on. I wish he had taken my honest and friendly heads-ups that he should really start looking for another job to heart before I had to give him a deadline handed down from my supervisor. I wish he'd been working on this all along so that he'd been comfortably ensconced in a new job before I was forced to lay him off.

Your boss is trying to help you, and it's possible she may know something you don't. Try to speak with her candidly.
posted by tigerbelly at 6:15 AM on December 11, 2008

Due to size of the business, there's no opportunity for advancement, ever

She's trying to mentor you and tell you that you can do better. She doesn't want to see you ground down.
posted by desuetude at 6:42 AM on December 11, 2008

It could be a little bit of projection, as in "If I was in your situation I would try for a job with more opportunities for advancement".
posted by electroboy at 7:08 AM on December 11, 2008