How do normal people socialize?

December 6, 2008 3:12 PM

I'm going to an art exhibit opening where a friend-of-a-friend's band is playing. I'm arriving about an hour before him and I honestly don't know how to socialize there. Can anyone just point me in the right direction?
posted by daeken to human relations (12 comments total)

Just a note, this is in a few hours. I'm quite nervous, but I have faith in my fellow MeFites.
posted by daeken at 3:15 PM on December 6, 2008

Look at the art. Stand in front of a piece as long as you like. If you make eye contact with someone who smiles at you or seems friendly, say something neutral and nice about the art. Call it interesting. Ask the other person what they think. Introduce yourself. You're a friend of the band! That's interesting. Ask the other person what brought them to the exhibit. Ask follow up questions. Smile.
posted by prefpara at 3:25 PM on December 6, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

What prefpara said. And drink a glass of wine or two. In my experience, wine is the best of all social lubricants. And, at the risk of sounding like a cliche, just be comfortable being who you are. The best people in the room will respond positively. Good luck!
posted by nosila at 3:30 PM on December 6, 2008

Gallery openings are not the kind of place where anyone will notice or care if you are standing around on your own looking awkward, or indeed just looking at the art. They're usually host to a pretty mixed bunch of people - most of them there for the wine & pissed by the end of the night. But if you're just wanting a conversation starter, asking someone what they think of the show is reasonably fool-proof.
posted by Weng at 3:31 PM on December 6, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Oops, what you guys said.
posted by Weng at 3:31 PM on December 6, 2008

Thanks for your answers. One quick note, I'm not yet 21 (one more month, sadly) so wine is out, but I'll certainly keep that in mind for the future.
posted by daeken at 3:36 PM on December 6, 2008

There's a good chance no one will care unless you look 12 - try to get a glass of wine, don't worry about it.
posted by tristeza at 4:07 PM on December 6, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

A little bit more info as my original question was incredibly vague. My real problem is being able to start conversations with people I don't know. I've never been in a situation where I have to fend for myself in a social situation, and the idea makes me sick to my stomach. Thing is, I really want to get over this. I want to be able to at least attempt social situations with some degree of confidence, and I'm not sure how to go about that. I know that the confidence will come with experience in this, but getting over the initial mental hurdle is really what's killing me. I'm currently listening to some happy music and trying to get myself distracted so I can feel more comfortable once I get there, but it's quite tough.

Any MeFites deal with this? I know this is a common thing and I'd love to hear how others have worked past it.
posted by daeken at 5:06 PM on December 6, 2008

Have a goal. It could be as simple as "I will talk to one person". Consider your night a success if you achieve this goal.

Any friends you can rope into going with you?

Sorry if that's not of any help. I have problems talking to random new people as well - it gets better with more practice. I don't think there's any hard and fast rule, you just have to do it.
posted by minus zero at 7:21 PM on December 6, 2008

If you're not comfortable starting a conversation, then just stand around looking at art and let a conversation come to you. As long as you're cool with not talking to anyone (because this is a possibility), then you're good.

Honestly, when I'm around good art I'd rather look at it than talk to people anyway.
posted by theichibun at 8:25 PM on December 6, 2008

Well, it's too late, but if you're new to a situation and it's really scaring you, but you are determined to just "dive right in," sort of tell yourself and adopt an attitude of "fuck it" and/or "let the chips fall where they may."
posted by philosophistry at 12:09 AM on December 7, 2008

Just got back from the event, and I had a blast. Ended up talking with a few people about random things. I was over-thinking this, and I'm certainly going to continue pushing forward until I'm at the place I want to be socially. Thanks to everyone that responded, it helped a lot!
posted by daeken at 12:10 AM on December 7, 2008