Internet autobiography - safe?

December 5, 2008 1:38 AM

Writing about yourself on the internet - safe or unsafe?

Usually, as a rule of thumb, I try to keep overly personal information off the internet. The saying goes that anything you post on the internet, even on semi-private or private sites, should be assumed to be public (eventually).

Of course, I want to keep sensitive information off the net. I don't want people going off using my personal information to open a bank account or what not. Yet all the hoopla about privacy on the internet seems to revolve around very minor issues (in addition to the major issues), such as: "oh no! there are cookies on my computer" or "oh no! google monitors my search patterns!" or "oh god my ISP is monitoring my bandwidth rates!" In hindsight, these aren't very big issues. I think these kinds of worries are just paranoia and aren't worth the worry they may cause.

Recently, I've been considering writing a semi-autobiographical piece to help people (especially friends) know me better. I feel that there are certain things that are hard to communicate verbally because they may require too much thought to say off the tip of your tongue. Also, sometimes the opportunity just doesn't come up to talk deeply about who you are and what motivates you. For some reason, messaging or emailing out this kind of writing makes me feel more uncomfortable than just posting it on a personal site or blog.

I'm not too worried about doing this, but I do wonder if there might be something bad that would result from this. I really can't think of too much bad coming from this, aside from people who may feel that the autobiographical content is way too unexpected/different from who they thought you were. The worst possible scenario would be some stranger "stealing your identity" and using your biographical content to emulate your life... but I think that is just being paranoid.

Thus, my questions:
- Do you consider writing an autobiographical piece on the internet to be unsafe?
- For those who have done it, what are the worst things that have happened? What positive things have resulted from your writing being available?
- How would you go about posting this kind of writing? On a blog? Through email? Or would you just ditch the writing part and say it verbally?

posted by NeoLeo to human relations (22 comments total)

If you post it to livejournal and have your friends sign up for accounts, you can add them as friends and friends-lock it. Or you could e-mail it.

If you host it publicly somewhere, there's a risk of pretty much anyone finding it, like potential employers.
posted by Nattie at 2:10 AM on December 5, 2008

Most blogs are autobiographical, and there certainly are a lot of those out there. I don't really see how it's a big deal. Probably the biggest thing to worry about, I'd say, so long as you're appropriately circumspect with stuff like essential numbers and mother's maiden names, is the dangers with revealing very personal information in a place where prospective employers might see it.
posted by JHarris at 2:19 AM on December 5, 2008

Obligatory XKCD link.

No, I'm not being facetious - I think the attitude explained there is genuinely useful. I write a lot on the internet (at least 66,000 words on here last time I checked, not to mention a personal blog, Twitter when I can be arsed, etc). I write about things that are important to me and I share personal stories. Anyone with half a mind to could probably figure out quite a lot about me by trawling through it all.

I don't write directly about anyone in my life except in the most tangential ways, because it's not my decision whether they should be talked about on the web, it's theirs. I also don't write about work except in the broadest terms, because nearly everything I do is commercially confidential.

There is a risk that goes with doing anything in life, online or not. The rewards can be amazing (I got my current job at least in part because of writing I had on my website) if the risk is managed. Like anything, it comes down to common sense. If you want to communicate with a certain small group of people, then you could put it on the web, or you could email them, or even write them a letter. Don't post your address unless your cool with people possibly popping by. Likewise with your email and your phone. I know our own Jessamyn has had her address on the web for years and regularly hosts people passing through, and it's worked out pretty well.

If you want to write about something that excites or enthuses you, go ahead and write about it. My personal rule is that if a person or employer was not cool with something I wrote on my website, here at Metafilter or anywhere else, then it's very likely they are not someone I'm particularly interested in knowing or working for. And that's fine. Each to their own.

People are far more likely to commit fraud against you (I hate the concept of 'identity theft', we used to just call it credit card fraud) by digging through your unshredded mail or hacking your bank, not trawling livejournal for people with interesting stories.
posted by Happy Dave at 3:35 AM on December 5, 2008 [3 favorites]

I would go with not writing anything you would want to keep private - from friends, from parents, from future employers, from anyone at all. That doesn't mean you should write nothing, just that you decide on a privacy level for your autobiographical details.

Personally, no, I don't consider writing autobiographical pieces to be necessarily unsafe, but I used to be a great deal more open than I was. I write zines and have had my address publicly available for years (because PO boxes aren't really a thing here, especially not an affordable one) and have written plenty of autobiographical details online.

I used to keep a livejournal where most things were friends-locked. When something awful happened involving a person (P) very close to me, I wrote about it to process the experience, and allowed access to a very small group of people. One of those people either cut and pasted or shared access to what I wrote with P, and the shitstorm worsened exponentially. I still have no idea why this happened or who did it, but it cured me of trusting the internet with any kind of information that could be used against me.

I assume now that anything I write on the web is permanent and linked to my real life identity, and that anything said in confidence can be distributed beyond the people to whom I've allowed access.

I assume my employer can read this, I know they've seen and liked my Flickr photos. I assume P could find it. I assume my parents can see it. My own trust levels tend towards openness where possible and I don't lose sleep over, say, using my credit card online or the internet knowing my brother's name, but the information that could damage me, my relationships or my career prospects? Not a fucking hope. Your own gut feelings and trust should determine what you share.
posted by carbide at 4:04 AM on December 5, 2008

Do you consider writing an autobiographical piece on the internet to be unsafe? ... What positive things have resulted from your writing being available?

For years now (around ten, I guess ...) I have freely 'dumped myself' into my website and my online presence. It has pretty much transformed my life; I am able to make a living at what is a pretty esoteric activity, in large part because people react positively to what they learn about me. Other people who are in a similar line of work to myself, but who keep a far more 'private' approach, do not seem to be able to reach such a wide clientele.

I can't remember where I read it, but somewhere I saw a quote to the effect that "People aren't interested in 'men', but they are interested in 'a man'." If you feel that your thoughts and ideas, and the things you say, would be of interest/use to other people, then go ahead; become part of the global conversation ...
posted by woodblock100 at 4:31 AM on December 5, 2008 [2 favorites]

Today my husband brought home the name of the guy he has to buy a present for at his company. Jokingly I said, oh, I'll look him up on Facebook and see what he likes. I found him there, and his middle name, and via Google, I now know that his dad and grandad are dead, his mum and grandma live in the same suburb as us (funeral notice in paper, online), he plays table tennis and coaches indoor cricket, he went to the same primary school as my daughter and a different high school, and he's 35. Oh and he's very fond of his Mazda. I found this out in less than 10 minutes, and he didn't have a blog and his privacy was set high on Facebook.

It's not just your friends who can read this stuff. If it's important enough that they know, if it's deep and dark enough that you don't really want to say it out loud in front of them, how would you feel if a colleague read it? How would you feel it if acquaintances were passing the your blog address around?

That's the privacy issue. Now my next question is, how will your friends feel if you say to them, I can't really talk to you about the time I had a toad pee in my mouth, but I really need to share this, so go to my blog here? Cutting off the personal contact when you share personal information is breaking the social contract thing, the obligation for give and take. See, if they were there and you were telling them, they could, "oh shit no man, no, don't tell me, I'm going to puke," or they could say, "really, that happened to you? it happened to me too and I've always wanted to tell someone" or they could say, "cool, dude, will you do it again and let me watch?" By writing it down and removing yourself from the situation as they learn about it, it removes their response. So many people aren't comfortable with text based emotional responses, and the delay between reading it and talking to you can dull what they want to say, and lastly, well, some of us think we have interesting and tragic things to say about our lives that everyone will be shocked but fascinated by, but it's often not true. By giving them a online document, you don't give them a graceful out. They either say, oh man, didn't get round to reading it or what... tl;dr? Doesn't that make them look like a prat.

Really, as usual, too long. 1. people you never imagined may read your intensely private story. 2. people you care about may not care to do so, despite your expectations.
posted by b33j at 5:20 AM on December 5, 2008 [2 favorites]

It can be unsafe in the sense people you don't know can track your movements and your thoughts, and it also tends to make you more self-absorbed.
posted by the_ancient_mariner at 5:47 AM on December 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

Maybe it reflects a generational gap, but I didn't give nearly as much thought to this when I got an online journal. Part of it was because my friends were all on it, and they kept talking about random conversations they had in the posts, so I signed up, and started posting. I've tightened the different levels of access my journal offers over the years, but I still write, and it's still a very good outlet for sharing those things that are too nagging not to write, but not important enough to burden someone else with.

The way I see it is, it works if there's no expectation of it being read, ever. My blog circle went from a tight 15+ friends circle, to maybe half a dozen friends (most of whom don't read or write regularly anymore) and a few online friends. The idea of someone saying to me "Yo, I wrote this thing about myself, you should read it" really raises my hackles. So I guess it doesn't work too well if it requires your friends signing up to a service they were previously unaffiliated with for the sole purpose of reading something you wrote. About yourself.

See above comment about becoming self-absorbed (and navel-gazing and self-pitying. Welcome to LiveJournal.)

But no, I can't really think of any drawbacks if you take care to limit access. LiveJournal lets you set a default privacy setting, so even if you forget to mess with the settings, your posts publish automatically as friends-only. You also have to basically assume anything you write can be found and used against you, quite possibly by the same people you're trusting with this info, but that's a risk you'll have to evaluate yourself.
posted by Phire at 6:38 AM on December 5, 2008

It depends on the kind of information you are putting out there.

Your full name, income, exact workplace and sexual habits are one thing. But the story of your junior prom night, the day you won the 5th Grade sciene fair, how your college lover shaped your ideas about music, and your opinions about how to make the ultimate martini are another. Both are kinds of autobiographical information about you, people would "know you" by reading both sets, but only one kind of information is traceable back to the specific individual in "real life."

It's possible to write about yourself while still protecting your identity.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:46 AM on December 5, 2008 [5 favorites]

I agree with what has been said already; It really depends on what you are writing about and the desired goal of your project. I live by the simple rule "would I mind others in my life, whether they are family or co-workers, knowing this about me?" If the answer is no, then it doesn't go up, private settings or not. The big problem with the internet, is that many people become complete morons simply because they feel they are anonymous and therefore don't think before they post. If you approach it with honesty and integrity and really think things through, you should be ok.
posted by scarello at 7:13 AM on December 5, 2008

Obligatory Sean Tevis link. (third panel row)
posted by nax at 7:35 AM on December 5, 2008

If you look through my askme answer history, I talk about my mother. A lot. In a very unflattering way. Now, the chances of her happening onto metafilter and guessing my username is so infinitessimally small as to be negligible. But if she did, she wouldn't be surprised in the least, because she and I have talked at length about our issues and made our peace with each other. I also write about my husband's ADHD, which he's not secretive about.

My point is that if you are going to write about anyone else's flaws, secrets, or what they did to you, make sure that either they are cool with you discussing the topic, or that you really don't care to ever speak to them again.
posted by desjardins at 7:57 AM on December 5, 2008

This is NOT safe. Co-workers, etc. are going to Google you. Use a pseudonym at the very least.
posted by xammerboy at 8:18 AM on December 5, 2008

My blog is mom-safe and future-employer-safe. Does that censor me at all? Not hardly. I've got enough stuff to write about without even thinking about going to the dark side. With that said, if I *needed* to post something about myself in a personal nature (and just couldn't e-mail it to whomever needed it or asked), I'd be using a pseudonym and restricting to just the people that had a 'need-to-know' basis. At one interview about a year back, the interviewer Googled my name and found some MP3's I made a long time ago - embarrassing because they were crap, but they weren't my rant on the racist clan in my neighborhood, for example.

I wish you luck with whatever you write - but would suggest e-mail as an safer alternative. Perhaps you post in your blog that you're willing to e-mail those who ask - then verify the addresses and explicitly ask that the stories they read are not to be distributed without your express consent.
posted by chrisinseoul at 8:39 AM on December 5, 2008

I would go against it. I have written a lot about myself on the internet and have regretted it, everything from recent stuff posted on AskMe within the last year to stuff that I wrote way back when I was 19 or 20.

I think this quote from Baltasar Gracian sums up this issue. Many people, including myself, are too stubborn to follow it.

Never talk of yourself. You must either praise yourself, which is vain, or blame yourself, which is little-minded: it ill suits him that speaks, and ill pleases him that hears. And if you should avoid this in ordinary conversation, how much more so in official matters, and above all, in public speaking, where every appearance of lack of wisdom is really unwise. The same want of tact lies in speaking of a man in his presence, owing to the danger of going to one of two extremes: flattery or censure.
posted by sixcolors at 8:56 AM on December 5, 2008

My two cents from my experience blogging: If you want to do this so your friends to get to know you better, great. It will do just that. However, keep in mind that with the lopsided communication (heavy emphasis on you) going on, you will likely not be getting to know your friends better at the same time. This may or may not bother you. I've found it irks me that my friends know everything about what's going on in my life and in my head, but I know very little about what's going on in theirs.
posted by geeky at 9:17 AM on December 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

Do you consider writing an autobiographical piece on the internet to be unsafe?

Writing autobiographies is pure egotism.

Pushing them on other people is extremely crass.

The medium doesn't particularly matter.
posted by tkolar at 10:25 AM on December 5, 2008

It's as safe as you make it. In general, as long as you're aware of the dangers (and it seems you are or you wouldn't ask) you're fine. Don't post photos of your bank signature card, or ask people to guess your SSN.

Just remember there is no guarantee of privacy even if, at the moment, you're only sharing it with a few friends. The internet has a long memory, blogs aren't terribly secure and cut & paste is always there. You can use a pseudonym but don't expect that it offers much protection so don't use it as a shield to protect you from saying something you don't want traced to you.

Before you post anything think about this: What you're writing will be attached to your name for ever and everyone in the world will be able to read it.

Which is scary, but I look at is as an opportunity to create a positive "internet me" rather than running and hiding and letting others create that for me.
posted by Ookseer at 11:01 AM on December 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

I write a lot about myself and my life. I think of it like this:

Stuff that I'd chart about with friends goes live. Stuff that I'd chat about with a therapist stays private. I never post my address, names of friends/relatives, etc. Only general stuff that can't be tied directly to me.

If you're going to do it under your own name, I'd suggest an obscure website, with no incoming links. Google et al will be less likely to find it, so you'll have a bit extra privacy.

To directly answer your questions:

- Do you consider writing an autobiographical piece on the internet to be unsafe?

No. Not inherently, but it depends on who will see it, and what their motivations may be. If you're going to really publicise the piece, all manner of folk will find it. If it's under a pseudonym, or what-have-you, you'll probably be a bit safer.

- For those who have done it, what are the worst things that have happened?

Nothing has happened to me, but I never publish information that someone can use to find me. The most they know is that my name is Solomon, and I come from the UK. Not enough info to do anything with, really.

- What positive things have resulted from your writing being available?

Again, not much. I've made some friendships, and such, but nothing major. Maybe I'm just not interesting enough. :D

- How would you go about posting this kind of writing? On a blog? Through email? Or would you just ditch the writing part and say it verbally?

On a blog. Blogs I feel tend to be for writing personal stuff on. Email seems to be used for many purposes, and if you feel you can't say it properly in person, writing it down is going to irritate you less long term.
posted by Solomon at 11:02 AM on December 5, 2008

I recommend compartmentalization. The danger of online communications are: it's persistent, and it's public. Just assume that what you post will stay forever and can be read by everyone. So, the best way to manage this is by using pseudonym. You can disclose later, to those you trust, the connection between your multiple identities. You may even elect, later on, to let certain identities expires when they no longer suit you, or your circumstance. It is hard work, that's true; and others will want you to consolidate your identities. Companies will insist on single account, friends will link your writings together in Facebook, or post pictures they snap off you at parties. But with a little effort, you can separate these different social spheres, and protect your privacy and peace of mind. As usual, when you are dealing with information, a little advance planning will have huge pay-off later. It is impossible to take back what you have disclosed. Here are a few tips:

1. Always use pseudonym. Have different passwords, or have tiered password (important or throw-away). There is a free program to keep your account and password secure: Keepass. It remember your account so you only need to remember one super-secure password.

2. Be very wary of social websites like Facebook. Posts on Facebook are like open emails; and others can post things about you too.

3. Have multiple emails. You can use the email forward feature, or the email-pulling feature of Gmail to consolidate your mails. Be extra careful with your emails, since it's a weak link that allows phishing attacks. A person with access to your email can reset your passwords, impersonate you to your friends and families, all without your knowledge.

Back to your question, if you are very concerned about access, you can save your writing in a document and send it only to those who are interested? Or print it out and mail it.
posted by curiousZ at 11:07 AM on December 5, 2008

Darn it, I wrote a good amount of stuff but it was erased after I marked a best answer.

Anyway... for now, I've come to the conclusion that it should be okay to post some autobiographical details about myself, but I really need to reconsider how to go about doing it. Several years ago, I used to blog and had what I consider to be bad results. All of your replies have reminded me of all the complications behind writing -- mainly the interpretation of what is written. I mean, even great writers routinely have their works misinterpreted.

I guess it comes down to this -- whether you're willing to deal with the inevitable misinterpretation that will happen with what you write and the complications that will result from it.
posted by NeoLeo at 3:59 PM on December 5, 2008

In some ways, writing internet-based autobiography now presents the same issues celebrities have dealt with when they've published autobiographical works: millions of strangers potentially learn about personal revelations, historical events, and relationships of the disclosing author.

But there are also differences: internet-based autobiography affords more intimate linkage and interactivity between the author and viewer: email, a website, IP addresses, etc. Internet-based autobiography can be edited, deleted, and updated with ease. Internet-based autobiography can be written under a pseudonym. And celeb print-based autobiographies tend to be rewarded with lovely high-figured advances.

Perhaps as you start out, you can employ a pseudonym and limit viewership to trusted friends. Later, if you feel comfortable, you can expand your audience.

Also, find autobiographical sites that inspire you and email their authors. Ask them the questions you've posed here. How has their site been received? What have they learned as their viewership increased? Have they encountered any challenges, e.g., stalkers and strange-o's, friends objecting to being mentioned in their writings? Other things?

Whatever route you decide to take, best of success to you.
posted by terranova at 5:57 PM on December 5, 2008