Trying to make unrequited love into mutual love
December 2, 2008 3:55 PM Subscribe
I fell in love with my best friend; love was unrequited; decided to cut contact with her to try and get over her (hasn't worked); now I want to have her back but only if she wants to date; how do I do this without being a jerk? LONG explanation ahead...
posted by anonymous to human relations (37 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite
Met her in College; we are both in our early-mid 20's; have been her friend since; she moved away for a year; I hinted at having feelings for her while she was gone, but she would ignore those comments... months after, she had a boyfriend (while she was away), I was her 'friend' but my feelings grew stronger, she then moved back into town and we would hang out constantly (her long-distance boyfriend didn't mind) I never made a move but she knew I had feelings for her; we then got into a fight (unrelated to my feelings) I decide that is a perfect time to de attach; so I decide not to "makeup" and stop contacting her... she calls me out of the blue some months thereafter and says we should be friends again; I tell her something like "I wish you never called back" "I have very strong feelings for you and don't think we should be friends while you have a boyfriend" She doesn't say anything and I don't push for a response because she was in a relationship, and I respected that... we become close 'friends' again..hanging out almost daily... etc. (I know I could have stayed strong in my opinion of not being friends but I didn't) months later they break up she's been single for a year now; I have been 'friends' (friends with 'quotes' because I know it's not really being friends when I want more from it) with her most of this year (strictly platonic); have brought up the subject like 3 times, each time she says she is not interested in me... I finally break like 2 months ago and just tell her that we should hang out less; she takes it in a bad way and we don't speak at all; then some weeks ago she texts me with something she needs help with (very trivial) (I think it was just to spark up a friendship again) I answer it and speak to her and tell her that not only do I think we should hang out less but I should completely cut off contact with her because it will make it easier for me to get over her... Well this went like if I didn't say anything at all; she has tried to contact me twice now, again in my opinion to spark a friendship up again... I have ignored the texts (the texts are of trivial questions like "How's X-mas shopping going? etc... ) I haven't been able to get over her; all signs point to me giving up and just making it a point to get over her but it didn't work a year ago and it's not working now; I really love her and don't want to give up... I have to admit, her still wanting my attention gives me false hope. I want to do something like send her flowers and have her call me and ask her on a proper date but don't want to be friends with her. How do I do this without blatantly saying "I only want to see you if you will date me?"