The Impossible to Shop for Relative

December 2, 2008 7:55 AM

Christmas Gift Filter: Uncle who does and needs nothing. What to get?

For Christmas, my family does a "give one gift, get one gift" list. This year my husband has one of my uncles who is insanely hard to buy things for. Absolutely no idea what to get him. Here are the facts, please offer suggestions:

- He is a bachelor in his mid-50s.
- He bought a small house about a year ago, for which he has everything he needs already.
- Giving cash would be the equivalent to an insult and giftcards would remain unused.
- He enjoys a frothy beer, and we would have gone for a beer of the month club except that alcohol is illegal to ship in or to the state he lives in via any type of packaging service. So, that's out. (And due to the baby coming any day now, we won't be spending Christmas there this year and so can't hand-deliver any gifts.)
- He likes New England sports teams, but he has been given so much by way of shirts, sweatshirts, in Pats, Red Sox, Celtics, and Bruins gear that this seems a "I couldn't think of anything else" option. He also doesn't wear what he has been given all that much.
- He doesn't read and seldom watches movies (worth noting: he has an eye disease that makes it difficult for him to focus his eyes for long periods of time --- when he does watch sports on tv, he often has to close his eyes frequently and for a few minutes at a time.) So, books, magazines, movies, etc. don't seem good choices either and I wouldn't know where to begin with those. . .
- He doesn't cook much.
- No pets and no particular fondness for animals.
- I am not aware of any other hobbies or interests. He just seems to lead a quiet, insular life. He has friends (I've never met any of them, but he has them) and doesn't appear to be lonely in any way. I just don't think he does or cares to do a lot. . . .

I'd consider a home brewing kit, but I don't think he'd use it. I'd consider tickets to sporting events, but I don't know what his schedule is and don't want to risk picking a day for which he already has plans.

Any ideas? Anyone?

posted by zizzle to shopping (30 comments total)

Find out his favorite charity, and make a contribution in his name.
posted by netbros at 8:05 AM on December 2, 2008

Well, my first thought is maybe audiobooks? He may not read so much because of his visual difficulties and TV programs almost require you to watch to really follow the story, whereas audiobooks/books really describe and set the scene. If he is a sports fan, perhaps audiobooks based on the histories or greatest moments of his favorite teams?

Most of the gift ideas for "the person who has everything" tend to be gadgety.

You mention what he doesn't particularly like, but what DOES he like? If he doesn't cook, he orders out. Maybe a customized map/review book of all the best eateries in town for takeout and dine-in?

Ready-to-eat meals? If he's a real gourmet (for more than just beer), perhaps some other x-of-the-month club?

My mother-in-law is infamous for being hard to buy for, but invariably our gift basket of "Oriental mix" and "Macadamia nuts" and other goodies are the first thing she goes through in the weeks after Christmas where most of her other gifts get boxed and stored away (I'm usually the one helping her box them and put them in the attic)
posted by emjay at 8:14 AM on December 2, 2008

He likes New England sports teams

Are there specific magazines for these sports teams? Or: DVDs of their greatest highlights, autographed pictures of players, tickets to a game, season pass to the football network (whatever it's called)... There are lots of options besides sweatshirts. Go to the teams' websites - they'll advertise tons of crap.
posted by desjardins at 8:17 AM on December 2, 2008

He enjoys a frothy beer, and we would have gone for a beer of the month club except that alcohol is illegal to ship in or to the state he lives in via any type of packaging service. So, that's out.

What about a nice set of mugs, pint glasses, or whatever he prefers to drink beer out of? You could almost certainly get some nice sports-team branded stuff if you think he would like that, otherwise you could just get some high-quality plain-looking ones.
posted by burnmp3s at 8:17 AM on December 2, 2008

Sorry, I didn't read the whole post and didn't catch the visual problems. I agree with emjay on the audiobook about his favorite team. My dad likes biographies of coaches.
posted by desjardins at 8:18 AM on December 2, 2008

Go with the classic: A sweater. Or a shirt.

Other ideas: A service for the house such as a winter's worth of snow shoveling, a once monthly maid service, some nice-food basket,, kawn-mowing service, something he could do with his friends (bridge set, board game, poker set). Another suggestion is to look up some web stores for the visually impaired and see what gadgets/aids etc. they have. THere might be something there that you wouldn't have thought of that might be useful to him.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:25 AM on December 2, 2008

what about a fruit of the month or cookie or chocolate of the month subscription? not incredibly personal, but most people enjoy fruit or sweets regardless of their personality. harry and david's is a classic one.

for a beer drinking friend i once bought a cool beer stein. you can google "beer stein" and come up with several sites that sell good selections of steins from different places in germany or just with interesting logos. its nice to have a big old thick glass to drink a beer from. you could also find an interesting bottle opener to include in this gift, maybe a sports related one. or maybe one of those old fashioned ones which can be screwed onto the wall.

maybe he's the kind of baby boomer who enjoys nostalgic candy? maybe you could ask your parent if they have memories of eating candy from when they were a kid/what their brother might like. this is just a generic suggestion for someone 50 years or older, so maybe he would not be that impressed. might be cute to throw in with something else to round out a gift.
posted by dahliachewswell at 8:28 AM on December 2, 2008

Food that goes well with beer! Cheese? Nuts? I have no idea, but if you do, this is something he'd use.

Audiobook is a great idea -- but:

Does he already have an iPod? If not, there's the killer gift. With audiobook/MP3s preloaded, preferably about beer or football.

You might want to consider including alternate headphones in case the classic white iPod ear "buds" are too weird for him.
posted by amtho at 8:34 AM on December 2, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

[Find out his favorite charity, and make a contribution in his name. - posted by netbros]

Or better yet, just tell him you did. *wink*

Just kidding!

I agree with gadgetry...and better yet, snoop around and see if he has his friends over for TV sports, if so, you could always get him something the whole gang could enjoy during game time.

Cheers!
posted by MeetCleaverTheatre at 8:40 AM on December 2, 2008

Cheese log. When I fantasize about living the life that your uncle is living, which is increasingly often :) there's always a cheese log right there in the picture next to the frothy beer.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 8:40 AM on December 2, 2008

What part of the country is he in? Could one of the other relatives that is driving in, bring in a case of yummy beer that he can't get there? Most sibs/family member ought to be willing to try and help you out since you're not going to be there.
posted by notsnot at 8:44 AM on December 2, 2008

The idea of a food that could be enjoyed with beer sounds good - maybe check out the Zingerman's catalogue for some interesting food ideas. They ship their foods all over.
posted by Slothrop at 8:49 AM on December 2, 2008

I have the same problem with people in my family. I would just flat out ask him. And, yes, you can try telling him "nothing is not an answer."

If that fails, my back-up gift I use for men is a set of good golf balls(unless he doesn't golf) and a pound of Starbucks coffee. Audiobooks are a great idea though. I've bought a few for my father recently and it was his favorite gift because he drives to Arizona from Canada every winter.
posted by jmmpangaea at 9:01 AM on December 2, 2008

emjay: You mention what he doesn't particularly like, but what DOES he like? If he doesn't cook, he orders out. Maybe a customized map/review book of all the best eateries in town for takeout and dine-in?

This is the problem! I don't know what he does like! My mother and aunt (his sisters) have the same problem shopping for him and they've known him his entire life. When I asked my mom what we should get him her response was, "Oh, I don't know....I don't know what he likes!" My aunt's was, "I don't know. There's not a lot that interests him."

notsnot: He's in Maine, as are all of his and my relatives. So, there isn't anyone from out of state heading up there as they already live in the same state, except for the one aunt and uncle who live near me but, they're sticking around here for Christmas, too.

netbros: I don't think he has a charity favorite. I'm sure he contributes to the United Way or something through work because he does those things, but I'd have no idea what else in that arena would be of interest to him.

And just to clarify, he's not terribly visually impaired. He drives and what not. It's mostly an issue with reading and tv watching. He's not terribly gadgety --- the computer he has in his house is a relic from the mid-90s. . . . though an iPod might be a good suggestion, but I don't know if he'd bother to actually put music on it and I don't know what music should go on it or I'd do it myself. At least this is all food for thought, so keep posting!!
posted by zizzle at 9:05 AM on December 2, 2008

Would he use gift cards for more specific things? Not Home Depot or Borders, but say, a certificate for a nice local restaurant? If he doesn't cook, he probably eats out a fair bit so that might be more useful for him than average.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:15 AM on December 2, 2008

Hot Air Balloon ride. Everyone I know who'd done this thinks it's a great experience, and no one ever would buy this for themselves.

When I got this for my parents, it's a gift certificate and He'd schedule with the balloon company when it's convenient for him. Of course, it took my parent's almost a whole year before they got around to their ride, but they liked it once they did it!
posted by jrishel at 9:17 AM on December 2, 2008

my default gift for men I don't have a clue about is some sort of weather forecaster/thermometer type thing.

Other than that, maybe focus on the house? He might have everything he needs, but maybe there is a nice-to-have that would be appreciated. I usually have some luck with the LL Bean catalog in this type of situation.
posted by smalls at 9:39 AM on December 2, 2008

I'd explore the food option. Maybe there's a company that delivers gourmet meals or baked goods, or cookies or fruits as suggested above. Everyone needs to eat, and if your uncle doesn't enjoy cooking he might really appreciate getting a break from it.
posted by orange swan at 10:20 AM on December 2, 2008

I'm seconding the audio books idea. A book of any kind is usually my fallback; audio books would take care of the visually-impaired issue, but they'd also be something he could listen to while driving to work or whatever.

Or, a big box of "stuff to snack on with beer". Pretzels, nuts, etc., all boxed up pretty.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:25 AM on December 2, 2008

My Dad sounds similar to your uncle - no particular hobbies and impossible to buy for. A few years ago my brother bought him some sort of mini-weather station similar to the one in Smalls' link (although Dad's has a component to it that is mounted outside the house). I thought it was a goofy gift, but Dad has been obssessed with that thing (and driving my Mom nuts with it) ever since. When the TV weatherman gives the forecast, Dad goes and checks it against his weather station. When the outside temperature is displayed in a scroll acoss the bottom of the TV screen, he checks it against his weather station.

The only other gift Dad ever gets excited about is fruit, either a fruit basket or a box of oranges/grapefruit (I forget the name of the company, but they offer it annually via mail order as a gift). He munches on the stuff like it's candy.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:47 AM on December 2, 2008

It sounds like you have other relatives that live near him; you could enlist them as elves. Send them some money and a card and have them buy some fancy beers locally and deliver them to him. That surmounts the shipping problem.
posted by doift at 11:06 AM on December 2, 2008

Whenever I get stumped on a gift like this, I go for a nice calendar. Hey look, Red Sox calendars!
posted by kidsleepy at 11:31 AM on December 2, 2008

- Bodum double glasses - insulated so they don't sweat on the table
- or nice set of beer steins that can go in the freezer
- one of those weather forecaster things - my dad loves his too
- Does he BBQ? Something for grilling could be great. Or super nice meat delivered. Or just a nice BBQ set with spices and one of those remote meat thermometers (awesome for grilling roasts)
- Audiobook of sports thing would be excellent, preloaded on an ipod Nano even better! If he already has one, really nice headphones.
- bonzai (these are always well received as gifts in my experience)
- does he drink coffee?
- does he garden?
- super cool birdfeeder so he can see the birds from inside
- lap desk caddy if he has a laptop or watches TV
- one of those wall-mounted bottle openers - very hardy and retro
- book on beer?
- cufflinks or pen made from baseball stadium seats - google for examples
- one of those Tivoli radios
posted by barnone at 12:29 PM on December 2, 2008

As an add-on: tickets to the Maine Brewers Festival in 2009?
posted by barnone at 12:34 PM on December 2, 2008

Can you not have beer delivered from a local to him source? Just look 'em up in the yellow pages.
posted by bystander at 7:57 PM on December 2, 2008

If your Mom and Aunt don't know what he likes, does anyone? For your aunt to say, "There's not a lot that interests him," is odd. Usually someone in the family will know him well enough. Who does he meet up with more often during the year or get together socially with?

You mentioned later that he works (I originally assumed he was indepenedently wealthy, my bad) So that means a commute of some kind (since he's not telecommuting with a mid-90's PC).

I would totally back the iPod idea, but he'll have trouble running iTunes on an older PC (though it certainly can be done) Does he at least have a beefy machine and high spreed internet? If he's still got dial-up, don't bother unless you load up the full iPod with music that he likes. Bonus points if you can get whatever hookups he might need to use it in his car. But you still have the issue of vision problems if he has to use his PC and iTunes to load music on the iPod.

So far, all you have on him is:
Beer
Sports

Why not try for some type of experience or event he might not have thought of or go through the trouble of doing.

If he has a favorite player, try to coordinate getting an autograph or a meet-n-greet get together so he can talk to some of his sports faves. Pros very frequently do stuff in and around the community and for charities, so a little legwork in pinning them down could make for a memorable gift when Uncle Bachelor gets to shake hands with a sports great, and hold a beer in the other. Don't worry too much about his schedule, it's sounds flexible with his lifestyle. Just run dates past any family members who keep tabs on him and his work/secretary/etc to try to make the best choice.

Good Luck!
posted by emjay at 7:25 AM on December 3, 2008

Wow. I think we have the same uncle. Still waters run deep. Oftentimes these insular men are most touched by quiet gestures of love and family. How about an old family photograph (with him in it!) nicely framed? Or, an illustrated poem written by you (or kids)?
posted by Pennyblack at 7:30 AM on December 3, 2008

Who does he meet up with more often during the year or get together socially with?

I've never met any of his friends, though he does have a bunch. I really don't know what his social life consists of these days, though he constantly mentions running into people and being amazed at how their five year old has turned into a sixteen year old.

My family generally agrees that he is the hardest person to find a gift for because there really isn't a lot that he wants or needs. He's not ungrateful or boarish in any way --- quite the opposite. I suppose a good way to describe him is as a bit of a minimalist without intending to be.

Pennyblack, is it possible it is the same uncle? :) Unfortunately, the only kid in the family now is still cooking and probably won't be up for drawing pictures for a little while yet.

I do think I struck on an idea though and am running it by my husband since, technically, the gift is supposed to come from him. If this works out, I think it will be a great gift that combines his sports interests with his house.

Thanks, Hivemind! Reading all your suggestions helped me strike on this idea.
posted by zizzle at 10:23 AM on December 3, 2008

Well, don't be a tease - he doesn't sound like a MeFi reader, so if your idea is approved, do tell!

FWIW, I'm getting my impossible-to-shop-for father a stud finder because he's too proud to buy one himself and instead spends ten minutes tapping on walls listening for echoes every time he has to mount anything to a wall. Maybe your uncle is similarly stubborn about some mundane task and/or his accidental minimalism is keeping him from just buying the obvious solution to something?
posted by teremala at 1:23 PM on December 3, 2008

Teremala, sorry...didn't mean to tease!

I think we will be getting him a Sox related painting. Possibly one of the well-done propaganda one. I like the Ortiz, but since the gift is coming from my husband it is ultimately his choice.
posted by zizzle at 6:50 AM on December 4, 2008