Discerning the Girl

November 30, 2008 4:43 AM

Should I ask this women out?

ok well I've known this women for about 3 months. We have a lot of the same interests and ideas about different things. At first I didn't really pay that much attention to her but I gotta admit that she has grown on me and I would like to get to know her. I've dropped a few text messages, called her a few times but she really doesn't seem to understand my subtle hints. I don't know if this is on purpose or maybe I'm just not forward enough! She's always down with my plans to hangout and she even throws suggestions to me about things she would like to do. What should I do??

posted by erase24 to human relations (25 comments total)

Sound like you're already doing it. Now just do more of it.
posted by Xhris at 4:50 AM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

yeah, good news. A simple "how about a proper date?' oughta do it. Have fun!
posted by agentwills at 5:27 AM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Easy: Take her up on one of those suggestions.
posted by AV at 5:29 AM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Go for it, sounds like she's willing to spend more time with you!
posted by InsanePenguin at 6:13 AM on November 30, 2008

Make it happen - suggest a time / date / place to meet / something specific to do. Be the leader, but let your plans change as needed. Good luck :)
posted by chrisinseoul at 6:26 AM on November 30, 2008

No. Don't do it.

Wait, just kidding. Yeah, do it.
posted by baphomet at 6:52 AM on November 30, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I don't even have to read the question or the answers, and I'm going to go with do it.

Unless it's going to result in death or major injury or incest, there's no reason not to.
posted by TypographicalError at 7:01 AM on November 30, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Take it easy and go with it.
posted by jhighmore at 7:24 AM on November 30, 2008

Stop subtly hinting. Have fun.
posted by allkindsoftime at 7:45 AM on November 30, 2008

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The worst that can happen is she'll say no. How does that place you in any different situation than you are now? Most likely she will say yes. Then your heart will swell, your lips will smile, your palms will sweat, and you'll feel like dancing.
posted by netbros at 7:51 AM on November 30, 2008

Well, if she doesn't want to date then asking to make it official could make her stop wanting to hang out with the OP. So there can be a negative outcome.

But that being said, I'd still do it. I was in that sort of situation with my current girlfriend. Apparently asking a girl to go see Pride and Prejudice (and being a male while doing that) isn't enough. Go figure...

For some reason girls want that official asking. So do it. And don't worry too much about stammering your way through it. Every girl I've talked to about that said it was cute.
posted by theichibun at 8:05 AM on November 30, 2008

Unless it's going to result in death or major injury or incest, there's no reason not to.

Best answer ever. What is the worst thing she could say? No right?
posted by Silvertree at 8:31 AM on November 30, 2008

Just be stay positive, sounds like you're already more than halfway there.
posted by parmanparman at 8:32 AM on November 30, 2008

The answer is always yes.
posted by Not Supplied at 8:36 AM on November 30, 2008

'Hints' don't always work. You're wondering - is this a date, does he really like me like that, or is this just a friend thing? If its grown slowly she's probably wondering where the relationship stands. If she's a bold person she might formally ask you, but she might also be worried about messing with a good thing. So ask her out. Formally. On purpose.
posted by sandraregina at 8:45 AM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Eat it!
Wait, sorry.
Yes!
Ask her out (it is just one women, right?).
posted by solipsophistocracy at 9:49 AM on November 30, 2008

okwell yeah you should ask her out. enough already with the texting. it's cheesy.
posted by Zambrano at 10:17 AM on November 30, 2008

Yes, one at a time.
posted by chlorus at 10:53 AM on November 30, 2008

Yeah, ask her out on something that seems more serious than a hangout, like dinner. She gets the hints alright, but is waiting for you to do something more than siddle into a hookup situation. You can't tell for sure whether she'll say yes or not, but that's par for the course: ambiguity. Which is also a test. If it sweats you too much to ask her on a date, odds are you're waay to into her than she's into you, which is not a good place to start from.
posted by philosophistry at 10:54 AM on November 30, 2008

to reiterate what everyone has been saying, the answer to this question is almost always yes.
posted by saul wright at 11:22 AM on November 30, 2008

Quit the hinting. That's just frustrating all around.

Ask her. It's what people did before text messages and it works pretty well. And don't sugar coat it or it will just be another hint. None of this "Yeah, we should meet up some time" stuff. Be up front. "Lets get dinner and drinks Friday night."

And get a "yes" or "no" out of her. Not a "maybe" or "some other time" but an actual "yes" or "no". Otherwise it's not a solution to your problem of "What's up with this girl?"
posted by Ookseer at 12:04 PM on November 30, 2008

See your doctor as I am not a lawyer. Then eat it.

Ask her out on a "real" date! She says no, then so be it.
posted by chairface at 12:22 PM on November 30, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

She's always down with my plans to hangout and she even throws suggestions to me about things she would like to do.

I think you're dating already, actually. So yes: continue.
posted by rokusan at 12:33 PM on November 30, 2008

I've dropped a few text messages, called her a few times but she really doesn't seem to understand my subtle hints. I don't know if this is on purpose or maybe I'm just not forward enough!

I agree with Ookseer. That's annoying to a lot of people. I have one friend who kept getting messages from a guy she had recently met: "So, do you know any good coffee places around...?" "Wow, I love Chinese food so much! I just went to that new place on main street. Boy, it was great. I need to go again."

Don't hint, just go ahead and be specific and ask! Good luck!
posted by Solon and Thanks at 4:15 PM on November 30, 2008

Faint heart never won fair lady.

Cheesy, but true. Just ask her to dinner and if you feel like being extra creative, maybe an outdoor concert afterwards (or something in her interests).
posted by fantine at 2:15 PM on December 1, 2008