Help me cheer up my girlfriend!
November 21, 2008 6:26 PM Subscribe
My girlfriend has had a rough few months, and has a few more before the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Help me think of ways to cheer her up!
This fall, my girlfriend was slated to finish a program, receive her degree, certification and begin an excellent job, but for various reasons, did not make it successfully through the final course, thus delaying graduation and certification until the beginning of next year while she repeats the class. That was already a bummer as it threw her plans into disarray.
Then last month, she found a decent job in her field as a trainee pending full certification and a pay raise, but was then let go for a newbie mistake, and has been having trouble finding work of any sort afterwards, in her field or otherwise. She has interest from some places that offer work relevant to what she does, but needs her official certification (slated for early next year) before she could be formally hired.
To sum, she's definitely bummed out by this turn of events, and although she's looked quite extensively, has had some trouble finding any suitable jobs. This is obviously a drag on both her mood and her self-confidence. What kind of things can I do to help cheer her up? I have tried my best to support her emotionally, and to reassure her that things will ultimately work out, but there is only so much one can do with words and hugs. What kind of strategies can I use to help her through this, or at least to distract her from the current situation? I'm pretty sure that come the beginning of next year when her certification is made official, this situation will resolve itself.
My girlfriend already regularly gets flowers, candy, and massages. We do not live together, although we are less than an hour away from each other in a major metropolitan area. My budget is pretty severely constrained (think lower-than-the-national-median), and because she is currently unemployed, she is largely at home save for her class, so it could be somewhat difficult to plan a surprise for her, at least at her place. We are both similarly shy and introverted in temperment, politically left-leaning, and generally low-key.
Any suggestions for places to take her, or things to do, would be greatly appreciated.
Throwaway email account: assad444@gmail.com
This fall, my girlfriend was slated to finish a program, receive her degree, certification and begin an excellent job, but for various reasons, did not make it successfully through the final course, thus delaying graduation and certification until the beginning of next year while she repeats the class. That was already a bummer as it threw her plans into disarray.
Then last month, she found a decent job in her field as a trainee pending full certification and a pay raise, but was then let go for a newbie mistake, and has been having trouble finding work of any sort afterwards, in her field or otherwise. She has interest from some places that offer work relevant to what she does, but needs her official certification (slated for early next year) before she could be formally hired.
To sum, she's definitely bummed out by this turn of events, and although she's looked quite extensively, has had some trouble finding any suitable jobs. This is obviously a drag on both her mood and her self-confidence. What kind of things can I do to help cheer her up? I have tried my best to support her emotionally, and to reassure her that things will ultimately work out, but there is only so much one can do with words and hugs. What kind of strategies can I use to help her through this, or at least to distract her from the current situation? I'm pretty sure that come the beginning of next year when her certification is made official, this situation will resolve itself.
My girlfriend already regularly gets flowers, candy, and massages. We do not live together, although we are less than an hour away from each other in a major metropolitan area. My budget is pretty severely constrained (think lower-than-the-national-median), and because she is currently unemployed, she is largely at home save for her class, so it could be somewhat difficult to plan a surprise for her, at least at her place. We are both similarly shy and introverted in temperment, politically left-leaning, and generally low-key.
Any suggestions for places to take her, or things to do, would be greatly appreciated.
Throwaway email account: assad444@gmail.com
The last few months were brutal, stressful, and hard and the next few months are going to be brutal, stressful, and hard. Want to help her? Be the one thing in her life that is easy.
I don't know you, so this might but not apply (but I am 99% sure this applies to everyone to some degree):
For the next few months do not whine, get jealous, be demanding, be snappy, get frustrated, get angry, be petty... etc.. etc.. you want to be THE SINGLE EASY PART of her life.
She forgets to call you back? Tell her: "It is absolutely no problem."
She goes out for a girls night? Tell her: "I hope you have fun."
She starts ranting for the 932,234th time about her problems? Tell her: "Lets talk about it over some fries".
I hope things work out.
posted by Spurious at 6:50 PM on November 21, 2008 [13 favorites]
I don't know you, so this might but not apply (but I am 99% sure this applies to everyone to some degree):
For the next few months do not whine, get jealous, be demanding, be snappy, get frustrated, get angry, be petty... etc.. etc.. you want to be THE SINGLE EASY PART of her life.
She forgets to call you back? Tell her: "It is absolutely no problem."
She goes out for a girls night? Tell her: "I hope you have fun."
She starts ranting for the 932,234th time about her problems? Tell her: "Lets talk about it over some fries".
I hope things work out.
posted by Spurious at 6:50 PM on November 21, 2008 [13 favorites]
Invite her to your place for a few days: let her sleep in, make her dinner (or, if she likes to cook, give her full range of your kitchen). Rent movies, listen to music, watch TV -- do a bunch of stuff that doesn't involve looking for work or thinking about school. DO NOT do work at home for this period of time. The idea is to make your home a "getaway" -- a place to chill out for a few days, away from work.
At the end of the weekend, go out and see a show / movie / concert that you both like, making this the high point of the weekend.
When I was unemployed, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed -- and when I wasn't doing that, I was worrying or obsessively looking for work. Going out felt like a big chore, because I felt like I "should be working" -- even though when I was "working," I was really just worrying about all the stuff that was going on. Being in a different place (even if it's a familiar place!) can do wonders for this.
I'm not sure if this is useful or applicable to your particular situation (maybe you already spend a lot of time at each others' places?), but FWIW, this has done wonders for me. I'm in New York - my partner's in New Haven - so this kind of switchoff makes a lot of sense. But yeah - changing context can do wonders when things aren't going so well.
You sound like a great partner -- good luck! with loads of empathy for your girlfriend.
posted by puckish at 7:03 PM on November 21, 2008 [6 favorites]
At the end of the weekend, go out and see a show / movie / concert that you both like, making this the high point of the weekend.
When I was unemployed, all I wanted to do was curl up in bed -- and when I wasn't doing that, I was worrying or obsessively looking for work. Going out felt like a big chore, because I felt like I "should be working" -- even though when I was "working," I was really just worrying about all the stuff that was going on. Being in a different place (even if it's a familiar place!) can do wonders for this.
I'm not sure if this is useful or applicable to your particular situation (maybe you already spend a lot of time at each others' places?), but FWIW, this has done wonders for me. I'm in New York - my partner's in New Haven - so this kind of switchoff makes a lot of sense. But yeah - changing context can do wonders when things aren't going so well.
You sound like a great partner -- good luck! with loads of empathy for your girlfriend.
posted by puckish at 7:03 PM on November 21, 2008 [6 favorites]
How about writing her really loving, supportive, or fun letters for every day of a month? Write them out in advance (making sure the contents aren't time sensitive), then put them in a pretty box or envelope (or envelope book, that's a fun project!). Have her open and read one each day until the month's supply runs out - it might cheer her up to have something daily and sweet like that to look forward to.
My boyfriend always appreciated them, anyway :)
posted by Bakuun at 9:14 PM on November 21, 2008 [1 favorite]
My boyfriend always appreciated them, anyway :)
posted by Bakuun at 9:14 PM on November 21, 2008 [1 favorite]
What has worked really well for me in stressful situations is if my significant other takes care of all those pesky and small things that really aren't a huge deal, but end up being a downer.
I'm not sure how busy she is, so this might not apply all that much, but when I was stressed it was usually because I was juggling academic work with extracurriculars and had been getting 3 hours of sleep a day for weeks on end. My SO stepped up and took over cooking and doing the dishes, and left me alone except to check in with a hug every two or three hours and make sure I'm okay and didn't break down. (We live together along with a few other friends).
This really fits in with what was said upthread, what I really love, about being the only easy thing in her life. Let her know you'll be there to pick up the pieces, to take care of the small things, so she is free to concentrate on what's really important to her at the moment. Because when you're stressed like that, the smallest interruption can feel like the world sabotaging you on purpose.
It will depend in part on her, though. She sounds pretty independent and self-sufficient, but YMMV. Try a few things out, see what works. Switching up the routine helps, too, because it's something different and doesn't feel like a rut. Best of luck; you sound awesome.
posted by Phire at 8:42 AM on November 22, 2008
I'm not sure how busy she is, so this might not apply all that much, but when I was stressed it was usually because I was juggling academic work with extracurriculars and had been getting 3 hours of sleep a day for weeks on end. My SO stepped up and took over cooking and doing the dishes, and left me alone except to check in with a hug every two or three hours and make sure I'm okay and didn't break down. (We live together along with a few other friends).
This really fits in with what was said upthread, what I really love, about being the only easy thing in her life. Let her know you'll be there to pick up the pieces, to take care of the small things, so she is free to concentrate on what's really important to her at the moment. Because when you're stressed like that, the smallest interruption can feel like the world sabotaging you on purpose.
It will depend in part on her, though. She sounds pretty independent and self-sufficient, but YMMV. Try a few things out, see what works. Switching up the routine helps, too, because it's something different and doesn't feel like a rut. Best of luck; you sound awesome.
posted by Phire at 8:42 AM on November 22, 2008
Oh, and while Bakuun's idea is awesome for increasing romance, it's not so much for decreasing stress. If my SO had done that, I would feel a) guilty that I didn't have time or energy to reciprocate and b) irritated that I had to take time out of my OMGWTFBBQ schedule to read them and interrupt my concentration.
But then again, I'm a particularly irritable specimen of female.
posted by Phire at 8:43 AM on November 22, 2008
But then again, I'm a particularly irritable specimen of female.
posted by Phire at 8:43 AM on November 22, 2008
N-th-ing the idea of giving her some kind of time-out break, especially puckish's idea if that works for you. She's been stressed for months, and she'll be stressed for a few more, and then it will be over. She may need to recharge her batteries with some time spent doing anything *but* thinking about this situation. It'll give her a chance to refresh herself mentally before the long haul ahead.
If you can at all manage it, give her a night spent away from home. Your home is great, if she doesn't often spend the night at your place. Or, if you can manage the expense, a night in an affordable hotel that's in your own city. The idea isn't to have a luxe weekend, but just a change of routine. Look out for special deals, sometimes hotels catering to business travellers often have cheap deals for weekend nights, with maybe a breakfast in the hotel restaurant thrown in. Maybe see a movie, grab a hamburger, then back to the hotel, maybe a big bubble-bath or a cocktail. Ban all mention of the stressful topic for 24 hours - talk about the movie, or silly stuff, or gossip about friends, etc.
posted by harriet vane at 3:31 AM on November 23, 2008
If you can at all manage it, give her a night spent away from home. Your home is great, if she doesn't often spend the night at your place. Or, if you can manage the expense, a night in an affordable hotel that's in your own city. The idea isn't to have a luxe weekend, but just a change of routine. Look out for special deals, sometimes hotels catering to business travellers often have cheap deals for weekend nights, with maybe a breakfast in the hotel restaurant thrown in. Maybe see a movie, grab a hamburger, then back to the hotel, maybe a big bubble-bath or a cocktail. Ban all mention of the stressful topic for 24 hours - talk about the movie, or silly stuff, or gossip about friends, etc.
posted by harriet vane at 3:31 AM on November 23, 2008
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posted by Ironmouth at 6:35 PM on November 21, 2008 [1 favorite]