Comments on: Inexpensive marriage counseling or self-help book suggestions?

Question: Inexpensive marriage counseling or self-help book suggestions?

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 07:55:47 -0800

Inexpensive marriage counseling or self-help book suggestions?

My wife and I have married a little over 2 years and we've been having an increasing number of fights and disagreements. Both of us want to change this but we can't seem to keep ourselves from getting into a yelling match at least once or twice a week. We've decided we need professional help but we don't have a lot of money to spend on therapy or counseling. Do you have suggestions for cheap or free therapy in Toronto? I'm also curious about books or other inexpensive purchases or practices that might help. Thanks!

By: purplecurlygirl

purplecurlygirl — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:04:26 -0800

I'd start with The Five Love Languages.

By: desjardins

desjardins — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:15:13 -0800

2nding purplecurlygirl.

By: shivohum

shivohum — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:16:47 -0800

Perhaps something like the $10/session therapy at the Toronto Institute for Relational Psycotherapy (conducted by their students but supervised by more experienced therapists)? Espiritedu seems to offer something similar. You could also see if the Centre for Training in Psychotherapy offers these kinds of services.

By: DWRoelands

DWRoelands — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:27:28 -0800

nthing purplecurlygirl on The Five Love Languages. It's an awesome concept with a stupid name. :) Applying that to my marriage has made hugehugehuge differences.

By: RikiTikiTavi

RikiTikiTavi — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:31:45 -0800

Nthing The Five Love Languages. Also consider works by John Gottman. Don't forget to get these used (half.com or something), or check them out from the library.

By: jon1270

jon1270 — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 08:36:22 -0800

Getting the Love You Want is excellent.

By: ml98tu

ml98tu — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 09:04:33 -0800

The Five Love Languages for sure. Also, check out any mental health benefits through your insurance. It might be more attainable than you think.

By: Pater Aletheias

Pater Aletheias — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 09:44:33 -0800

I'm a big fan of Aaron Beck's "Love Is Never Enough." It can really help you figure out what the dynamics are that are driving your conflicts. Maybe a little academic, but worth the read. I say this as a husband and as clergyman with some pastoral marriage counseling experience.

Also, student counseling is a good suggestion. You can sometimes get some excellent help at very low cost.

By: I_drew_an_angelfish

I_drew_an_angelfish — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 10:53:37 -0800

John M. Gottman is a researcher at the University of Washington. He has written several books that I would highly recommend. Also he and his wife do workshops which are very expensive (and usually in Seattle), but you can buy a dvd version of the workshop and do it at home. The ideas are simple but true and valuable. You can find his books on Amazon. Best of luck to you and your wife!

By: velvet winter

velvet winter — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:17:16 -0800

The two relationship books I recommend the most are:

Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch
Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Dr. Sue Johnson

By: mmascolino

mmascolino — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:44:58 -0800

The clergy are often available and skilled at this sort of thing if you belong to a church/synagogue/temple/etc.

By: Breav

Breav — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:46:25 -0800

Years ago my spouse and I attended marriage counseling. One exercise we were asked to do was to read a book on parenting aloud together, taking turns. I believe the premise was working a shared activity on a topic we were both invested in. It worked well for us so maybe you can try it with whatever marriage book you ultimately choose.

By: scody

scody — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 11:53:31 -0800

I've recommended it a million times, so I might as well make it a million and one: How to Be an Adult in Relationships. It made a massive difference for me in terms of what I expect from a parnter and -- more importantly, in a way -- what I expect from myself in a relationship.

By: Fuzzy Skinner

Fuzzy Skinner — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 12:33:51 -0800

First, get a library card. There are so many books on the subject that getting to read them for free will save you a ton of money.

Telling Each Other the Truth is an excellent book about communication in marriage and other relationships. It has some religious/christian content, but the principals don't rely on that to work. (Also, the companion Telling Yourself the Truth was a life-changer for me.)

Also, your experience is normal. The best thing you can do is realize that it is common to everyone, and don't panic yourself into thinking everything is falling apart. The honeymoon is over, and it takes a lot of work to make a relationship work.

Good luck.

By: AV

AV — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 16:08:34 -0800

Divorce Busting is an excellent resource. Also, you may be interested in the article on the author's website which opines that increased fighting at this stage of your marriage is surmountable - even normal.

Best of luck.

By: jamaican

jamaican — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 09:53:24 -0800

The Marriage Thermometer Has a great package including counseling for under $10 google them. Also if you could get the book "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus: The Classic Guide to Understanding the Opposite Sex" should help too.