Peer Pressure is a Bitch
November 9, 2008 11:17 AM Subscribe
Help me quit social smoking!
If I am not around anyone who smokes, I don't smoke. But lately, I've been working a lot with someone who is a smoker. And when we're working and he says, "Hey, want to take a smoke break?" I find myself saying, "Sure."
Even though I know it's bad for me. Even though my husband hates it. Even though I hate smelling bad.
There's something about the whole "taking a break and stepping outside" thing that I find irresistable. And I know intellectually that I can do those things without smoking, but the ritual of it gets me every time.
And it's so easy to justify: It's not like I buy them. It's just one. I haven't had one in a few days. I don't smoke all the time. Work is stressful right now. I deserve a little break. Blah blah blah.
How can I build up my self-control and learn how to say "no"?
I'm about to turn 30 and I feel like, by this time in my life, I should've developed the ability to resist peer pressure. But, alas, it seems that I've still got some learning to do.
If I am not around anyone who smokes, I don't smoke. But lately, I've been working a lot with someone who is a smoker. And when we're working and he says, "Hey, want to take a smoke break?" I find myself saying, "Sure."
Even though I know it's bad for me. Even though my husband hates it. Even though I hate smelling bad.
There's something about the whole "taking a break and stepping outside" thing that I find irresistable. And I know intellectually that I can do those things without smoking, but the ritual of it gets me every time.
And it's so easy to justify: It's not like I buy them. It's just one. I haven't had one in a few days. I don't smoke all the time. Work is stressful right now. I deserve a little break. Blah blah blah.
How can I build up my self-control and learn how to say "no"?
I'm about to turn 30 and I feel like, by this time in my life, I should've developed the ability to resist peer pressure. But, alas, it seems that I've still got some learning to do.
Maybe join your friend but just don't smoke? Maybe keep hot chocolate or something by your desk and take that outside so you can have a treat too? It sounds like the break is more important to you than the smoke--find a thing for you to do with your hands and mouth instead of smoking.
posted by tk at 11:23 AM on November 9, 2008
posted by tk at 11:23 AM on November 9, 2008
Walk around the block instead. Tell your smoking buddy that you want to quit social smoking, but that you like the break, and would he walk around the block with you while he smokes (and you don't) instead?
posted by biscotti at 11:25 AM on November 9, 2008
posted by biscotti at 11:25 AM on November 9, 2008
ask your friend not to give you any cigarettes and to stop asking you to join him for a smoke.
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 11:27 AM on November 9, 2008
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 11:27 AM on November 9, 2008
Your friend isn't going to think less of you if you don't smoke. You can join him for a break sans cigarette, or remain in the office if you don't want smoke on your clothes. If you decide to join him for a chat you can smile and be jokey if he offers you a cigarette. "No thanks, I'm trying to cut back."
Don't do things you don't want to do. People will respect you more and you'll respect yourself.
posted by Fairchild at 11:38 AM on November 9, 2008
Don't do things you don't want to do. People will respect you more and you'll respect yourself.
posted by Fairchild at 11:38 AM on November 9, 2008
Maybe read through some aneurysm stories. Smoking is a dramatic risk factor, so this might motivate you a bit.
posted by crapmatic at 12:33 PM on November 9, 2008
posted by crapmatic at 12:33 PM on November 9, 2008
In college I found myself in this situation alot. I would bring an apple with me to class so that when it was break time and all my friends stepped outside to light up, I came with, but ate my apple instead. It took about the same amount of time. No one cared/noticed/poked fun/etc.
posted by gyusan at 12:46 PM on November 9, 2008
posted by gyusan at 12:46 PM on November 9, 2008
"I'd enjoy your company but I'll pass on the cigarette."
Not smoking is easy. You just have to not take cigarettes from people.
posted by baphomet at 1:12 PM on November 9, 2008
Not smoking is easy. You just have to not take cigarettes from people.
posted by baphomet at 1:12 PM on November 9, 2008
He's not a pusher - it's in his interest to NOT share, but he's being polite. So you tell him - hey I'll come with - but from now on - no matter how much I cry, no matter how much I beg, DO NOT give me a cigarette EVER AGAIN. And he won't! And everyone wins.
posted by moxiedoll at 2:03 PM on November 9, 2008
posted by moxiedoll at 2:03 PM on November 9, 2008
I like biscotti's advice. Talking nice walks was how I quit smoking. You need to replace your guilty pleasure with a new healthy one. And there are a lot of those.
The social smoking-thing can only last so long. You're probably not destroying your health with a cigaret a day, but social smoking is generally how smokers start. Yes I know people can go on for years just having one every now and then. But typically, when something goes really wrong for them, they'll pick up the habit.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 2:44 PM on November 9, 2008
The social smoking-thing can only last so long. You're probably not destroying your health with a cigaret a day, but social smoking is generally how smokers start. Yes I know people can go on for years just having one every now and then. But typically, when something goes really wrong for them, they'll pick up the habit.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 2:44 PM on November 9, 2008
"I'll come with the second hand smoke is enough for me, thanks."
That's what I say two months into my non-smoking-thingy. I actually like the smell though.
posted by monocultured at 5:17 PM on November 9, 2008
That's what I say two months into my non-smoking-thingy. I actually like the smell though.
posted by monocultured at 5:17 PM on November 9, 2008
Could it be that this is less about smoking and more about wanting to be around the smoker in question? I'm not trying to be snarky, just offering another way of looking at this.
posted by _Mona_ at 5:20 PM on November 9, 2008
posted by _Mona_ at 5:20 PM on November 9, 2008
When I quit smoking, I still took breaks throughout the day and went and sat outside with the people I used to smoke with. It was tough at first, and I replaced smoking with having a coke or lollipop or whatever. I agree that the little breaks throughout the day are nice, and I was already trained to keep them at the 3-4 minute mark (from smoking), so my boss didn't really care.
It sounds like you're not addicted, so just take the break! And when your friend asks if you'd like to go out and smoke, say "Hey, I don't smoke anymore*, but I could totally use a break/some air." I agree that he's not really peer-pressuring you, he's just being sociable and enjoys your company (I'd never ask someone I didn't like to take a break with me!)
*none of this "trying to quit" business - if you want to be a non smoker, don't try, just do! Commit to it, and let people know you've quit! This is how I quit - I told EVERYONE I had quit and basically shamed myself into not smoking because everyone would give me crap if I had started again. This may work even better for you since you never smoke alone.
posted by AlisonM at 6:03 PM on November 9, 2008
It sounds like you're not addicted, so just take the break! And when your friend asks if you'd like to go out and smoke, say "Hey, I don't smoke anymore*, but I could totally use a break/some air." I agree that he's not really peer-pressuring you, he's just being sociable and enjoys your company (I'd never ask someone I didn't like to take a break with me!)
*none of this "trying to quit" business - if you want to be a non smoker, don't try, just do! Commit to it, and let people know you've quit! This is how I quit - I told EVERYONE I had quit and basically shamed myself into not smoking because everyone would give me crap if I had started again. This may work even better for you since you never smoke alone.
posted by AlisonM at 6:03 PM on November 9, 2008
Best answer: I like biscotti's advice.
There's also my advice, which is "bring biscottis to work." Seriously. They slip in the pocket, they're a treat, and they take a while to finish, just like a cigarette -- in fact, a cigarette and a biscotti take almost the exact amount of time for someone to leisurely finish. Normal cookies and other such quick treats are fail, because you'll finish 'em before they finish their cigarette, and then you'll end up smoking.
So you get your social break, you get your ritual, and nobody expects you to smoke and eat at the same time (frankly it'll be hard enough for you to eat near a smoker, if you're anything like me.)
Oh, and finally: you know that people laugh at social smokers, don't you? I mean, a chain smoker may be horribly addicted and trying desperately to quit, but social smokers are just trying to fit in and look good, when they really look like idiots. No offense, but it's true. Depending on who notices you doing it, it might actually impact your success at work, too.
posted by davejay at 8:42 PM on November 9, 2008
There's also my advice, which is "bring biscottis to work." Seriously. They slip in the pocket, they're a treat, and they take a while to finish, just like a cigarette -- in fact, a cigarette and a biscotti take almost the exact amount of time for someone to leisurely finish. Normal cookies and other such quick treats are fail, because you'll finish 'em before they finish their cigarette, and then you'll end up smoking.
So you get your social break, you get your ritual, and nobody expects you to smoke and eat at the same time (frankly it'll be hard enough for you to eat near a smoker, if you're anything like me.)
Oh, and finally: you know that people laugh at social smokers, don't you? I mean, a chain smoker may be horribly addicted and trying desperately to quit, but social smokers are just trying to fit in and look good, when they really look like idiots. No offense, but it's true. Depending on who notices you doing it, it might actually impact your success at work, too.
posted by davejay at 8:42 PM on November 9, 2008
Response by poster: Thanks everyone, for the great ideas and for the reminders that it's really not as complicated as I'm making it.
posted by missjenny at 6:30 AM on November 10, 2008
posted by missjenny at 6:30 AM on November 10, 2008
I love smoke breaks too. I do this all the time with my co-worker. I just don't smoke a cigarette.
posted by qvtqht at 4:31 PM on November 10, 2008
posted by qvtqht at 4:31 PM on November 10, 2008
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posted by nadawi at 11:22 AM on November 9, 2008 [1 favorite]