Erectile dysfuntion at 18?

November 8, 2008 2:50 PM

Erectile dysfunction at 18?

I can't believe I'm having to ask this. I am 18 and have been in a relationship with a girl for about two months. Sexually, things were great until about a week ago. We would have sex frequently and just thinking about us in a sexual situation could get me hard.

The past three times we hung out I have not been able to keep an erection consistently. It is either not there, only a little hard, or only lasts a couple minutes regardless of what she is doing to me. I have had performance anxiety issues, where for example grabbing a condom might make it go soft, but this is the first time I just couldn't get an erection period.

So, this sounds scary enough right? Now when I try masturbating it takes longer than normal to get hard (not rock hard) and if i stop for a small amount of time it will go away.

Here are potential causes I can think of:
* A week ago we were getting freaky in a car (real mature I know) and things finished a lot quicker than I wanted. I felt embarrassed about it. A few minutes later we're still in the car naked and the cops roll up and give us a talking to. We've fooled around in the car a little bit since then, and the sight of a person will make me lose it.

* Fatigue. I go to a tough school and was running on low sleep the first time I had trouble getting hard. Since then I have tried to get significantly more sleep. This hasn't helped since I'm still posting this.

* Psychological issues. I have found myself thinking "Is it going to get hard?" which in turn makes it not work. But not working well while masturbating?

* Physical problem. I'm hoping this is not the answer. I am a lazy American when it comes to exercise. I am slender though (6'0, 145 lb) and don't have any health conditions that I'm aware of. I was so frustrated with my situation that I went for a run earlier and plan to get into an exercise routine. Could it be low testosterone? I just don't see how a physical problem could suddenly present itself like this. I don't have insurance either. Oh joy.

Any help is appreciated.

posted by anonymous to health & fitness (18 comments total)

IANAD

I remember hearing once (must've been on loveline) about a way to tell if it's psychological or physical. The test involved checking during the night for an erection.

A quick google turns up this site. If you scroll down to the "How is it diagnosed?" they describe the "stamp test" (just make sure you read the part about not using postage stamps). Maybe if you try this and the stamps break (indicating a nighttime erection), you'll have some confidence to build on.
posted by chndrcks at 3:09 PM on November 8, 2008

* A week ago we were getting freaky in a car (real mature I know) and things finished a lot quicker than I wanted. I felt embarrassed about it. A few minutes later we're still in the car naked and the cops roll up and give us a talking to. We've fooled around in the car a little bit since then, and the sight of a person will make me lose it.

* Psychological issues. I have found myself thinking "Is it going to get hard?" which in turn makes it not work. But not working well while masturbating?

Those can both significantly affect your erections. I'm a woman, and not a doctor, but I do have experience with different levels of performance anxiety. Maybe therapy would help, or just time. Most of all, stop worrying! It sounds like your bits still work, physically.
posted by sunshinesky at 3:24 PM on November 8, 2008

You are young enough that a doctor visit wouldn't be a terrible idea - you had a shock that might take some time to recover from, but then again...if it is physical, it's not something you want to fuck around with (so to speak). Get cleared and ease your mind on that front.

In the meantime, declare a week or two moratorium on home base. It can be fun, if you go about it the right way, and will give you a little breathing room. If the problem is performance anxiety, that should give you enough time to identify it as such.
posted by Lyn Never at 3:25 PM on November 8, 2008

I have found myself thinking "Is it going to get hard?" which in turn makes it not work. But not working well while masturbating?

This is the problem. Sounds like it's psychological to me. This sort of thing is a killer, because once you're thinking about it, it's hard to not think about it, and then, well... you know.

Everybody goes through this at some point. Try to remember that you don't need to be hard all the time, that erections come and go, and that's ok. Perhaps you could fool around with your girlfriend without the expectation of having sex. Just enjoy being together, being naked, how your bodies feel against one another, etc. Give each other massages, go down on each other, tell each other sexy stories or fantasies.

I think that if you're experiencing the same thing while masturbating, it's probably also psychological in nature. You're worried about whether or not it's going to work when you're with your girlfriend, so you're kind of psyching yourself out.

This isn't helpful advice, but try not to worry about it too much. Something that somebody told me once that I found very helpful for this sort of situation is this: if we had voluntary control over our erections, sex wouldn't be nearly as meaningful. The fact that you get excited to be with someone and it causes this physical change is amazing, but then it has the inherent problem that it doesn't work automatically. Just enjoy being with your girlfriend and don't worry so much.
posted by number9dream at 3:29 PM on November 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

This has happens to way more guys than would care to admit it (myself included) it could just be feelings you're having about the relationship that may be stressful, and yes just worrying about it at all will be a problem. Kind of catch 22 I know, but just try to hang in there in time it may pass, the difficult thing is her reaction. Try to let her know it's not her fault, be honest and most of all just relax it's supposed to be enjoyable. For me it was all about being comfortable, stress is a dick killer. Like I said I had this problem myself and at one time and it worried me a lot. You may have some false starts but don't let that worry you, give yourself some time. and please don't mark this the best answer I don't want my contact reading it :) j/k
posted by nola at 3:33 PM on November 8, 2008

Do you spend a lot of time straddling something hard, like maybe sitting diagonally on hard chairs with your taint on the corner? Riding a motorcycle?
posted by CKmtl at 3:38 PM on November 8, 2008

It really does sound psychological, but you should probably get a physical exam, just to rule anything else out. Get your bloodwork checked and whatnot. Erectile dysfunction at an earlier age can be related to uncontrolled diabetes, among other things.

Wouldn't your school (if by school, you mean university) have a health clinic of some kind, likely free? Doctors hear about this stuff all the time, so it really would not be a big deal, and university clinics are especially well-versed in sexual health.
posted by peggynature at 3:54 PM on November 8, 2008

I think the problem is performance anxiety. But, hey, you're 18 and starting your sexual life. I think one of the problems might be if you are putting your penis through a death-grip masturbation technique. This can affect sensations but can be dealt with. Check out Solotouch.com, it's a good site that I wish I had known about when I was 18. The other thing is that you have got to get comfortable around your partner. If all of your experience prior to her was masturbation, tell her.
posted by parmanparman at 4:11 PM on November 8, 2008

Not a doctor, no longer 18 either (sigh), but been -erm- there sometimes. Sounds to me like a textbook case of performance anxiety, possibly caused or aggravated by the car/cops incident (and, if there was a condition taking you from OK to limp in a week, I'm inclined to think you'd have symptoms elsewhere).
Relax, try and avoid stress, talk to your gf, you both keep calm, and if possible find a relaxing setting and some private time.

Here's my prescription. No, it's for your girlfriend. No, you can't read it.
posted by _dario at 4:51 PM on November 8, 2008

Dude, it happens. Chill out. Everybody has problems sometimes. Just relax and it will pass.
posted by charlesv at 5:26 PM on November 8, 2008

I have found myself thinking "Is it going to get hard?" which in turn makes it not work

According to cognitive behavioral theory, you have a subconscious "tape" that is narrating your sexual the encounter with fear: what if you can't get it up? Fortunately, it is easy to override this subconscious tape with a conscious one. Think about the things about your girlfriend that turn you on. Think about how great it's going to feel and how much you're anticipating it. Think about previous encounters that you particularly enjoyed. Narrate the experience in your head: "Oh my God, she's taking off her shirt... look at those breasts!" Etc. The point is to drown out the subconscious nagging voice of fear with a conscious voice of confidence and excitement.

You know, kind of like when you're overly stimulated and you calculate prime numbers? The exact opposite of that.
posted by kindall at 5:45 PM on November 8, 2008

At about your age I went through very similar things. I felt awful, I couldn't stop thinking about it, I thought I was never going to be able to have sex again, that my GF would dump me, I'd never meet anyone again and my life was over.

None of this turned out to be true.

I know what you're going through very well, as many of us do. Concentrate on her, pleasure her, use over parts like fingers and tongues, take the pressure off being hard. It's just what happens sometimes and it sucks. But it'll come 'round.
posted by miles1972 at 5:48 PM on November 8, 2008

relax..

take a break for a week or two... this is not a physical problem, but, as mentioned above, a psychological issue..which, will resolve, once you stop thinking about it..
posted by HuronBob at 6:58 PM on November 8, 2008

And just keep in mind it will happen again and it's not that big of a deal. You make it into one and it will become one.
posted by cjorgensen at 7:07 PM on November 8, 2008

Maybe make it all about her for a while? Just to get back into your game and ease off on the pressure.
posted by Hildegarde at 7:20 PM on November 8, 2008

Psychological based on the first three things you mentioned. You could make a rule with your girlfriend that no sex is allowed for a month, but that you can and should do anything other than full sex. That might give you the time to relax and unwind a bit. And of course if you don't make it through the whole month, even though you tried really hard, that would also really be fine too ;)
posted by singingfish at 7:20 PM on November 8, 2008

you'll be fine--to build your confidence, try starting a weight-lifting regimen. You'll be increasing blood flow all over your body, and you'll increase your self-confidence in your body. Supplements like zinc and l-arginine will help you with training, and both will increase the strength and frequency too.

I've definitely been in your position, and anything stress-inducing while you're about to get busy can absolutely have a boner-killing effect. Try to stay relax, and if possible, find a more private place to get it on.
posted by Kifer85 at 9:05 PM on November 8, 2008

You're just freaking yourself out. Your whole post is filled with the things that are clearly dancing through your mind and about half of those thoughts are pretty much guaranteed to settle you nicely into an a freak-out feedback loop.

Stop obsessing about this. Don't go to the doctor (I know it's Metafilter and the best answers are generally DTMFA, consult a lawyer, and go to a doctor; but I think it just reinforces this the idea that this is a Big Deal and it's not. It's been a week, for God's sake.)

You might having a drink or two and see if you can trick yourself into lightening up. Or watch a little porn and jerk off (Hi Mom! I'm on the internet!) just to reassure yourself.

But mainly, stop freaking yourself out. (You're not the only guy who's done this by, the way. I've known a few.)
posted by A Terrible Llama at 6:12 AM on November 9, 2008