What do you say to Republican neighbours now?
November 5, 2008 8:49 AM   Subscribe

How do I approach my Republican neighbours with grace and sensitivity after the elections? We're in MA.

We've only known each other for about three months and they're nice people, but probably quite disappointed right now. We've never discussed politics before but they did mention in another context that they didn't support Obama.
posted by Dragonness to Human Relations (30 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
If you've never discussed politics before, don't start now.
posted by nitsuj at 8:52 AM on November 5, 2008 [12 favorites]


Probably best not to bring it up. It's not like you've ever discussed politics before, so why start now?
posted by Hildegarde at 8:53 AM on November 5, 2008


I wouldn't bring it up. Why would you?

Also, give them the benefit of the doubt that they too are capable of grace and are capable of supporting their current President, no matter their political affiliation. Not all Republicans will be bitter or immature. Not all Republicans are seething or horribly upset. You don't have to treat them with kid gloves.
posted by Fairchild at 8:57 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


Rather than approaching them as "Republican neighbours", why not just approach them as "neighbours"?
posted by Johnny Assay at 8:57 AM on November 5, 2008 [13 favorites]


Don't bring it up unless they do. If they do, say something like "We're certainly pleased with the results, but we did think that McCain gave an excellent speech."
posted by emd3737 at 9:00 AM on November 5, 2008


Response by poster: Oh yeah, we do approach them as neighbours first, we get along nicely.

But my question was inspired by this quote from ardgedee last night:

If you're an Obama supporter, some time this week go up to somebody you know supported McCain and, y'know, be a sport. You couldn't win their vote but maybe you can bury hard feelings with a beer or something. It'll make the next four years go a lot more smoothly.
posted by Dragonness at 9:02 AM on November 5, 2008


Well one thing to recognize is that over 50 million Americans voted for John McCain. True, Obama clearly won, without any of the shenanigans or razor-thin margins we experienced in the 2000 election. But this wasn't a Barry Goldwater-style blowout. It wasn't terribly close, but it wasn't really a landslide either. Obama is going to wind up with something like 52-53% of the vote. A majority, but only just.

So don't treat them like aliens or outcasts for not supporting your particular horse. Recognize that non-trivial beliefs go into politics and don't assume they're irrational bigots. Above all, don't be condescending or crow about how it's finally time to eradicate the Right for good.

But that aside, not bringing it up is probably your best bet. If they do bring it up, mentioning McCain's classy concession speech wouldn't hurt.
posted by valkyryn at 9:04 AM on November 5, 2008 [6 favorites]


I'd feel very patronized if someone felt they had to buy me something or give me something because my candidate didn't win an election. I'm not a small child, I can manage my own feelings. Your neighbors have chosen not to engage with you on politics, and I'm guessing they don't need you to play hero. Just continue to be their friends.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:06 AM on November 5, 2008 [6 favorites]


I think that advice may have been directed at people who did talk politics with neighbors. Since it sounds like you didn't, it may be best to wait.

If nothing else, maybe just cut them a little slack if they seem unusually cranky -- you know, rather than snarking back at them if they snark at you about crabgrass or something, just chalk it up to the election (but, do check your crabgrass anyway, all the same).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:07 AM on November 5, 2008


In an extremely limited sample size (my discussion this morning with my in-laws, staunch Republicans to the core), there's no point in saying anything. Honestly, nothing good will come of it - they lost, they know they lost, let them lick their wounds in peace for a week or two.

Also, what ThePinkSuperhero says.
posted by pdb at 9:22 AM on November 5, 2008


Well, I suspect that this wasn't exactly a surprise, seeing as how the race has been pretty clearly Obama's to lose for the past 30 days or so. Any republican in MA is probably pretty used to dealing with rabid democrats these days anyway (I've seen more cases of Bush Derangement Syndrome out here in the North Shore than I ever did in NYC), so I suspect they are pretty much resigned to it.

I'm a giants fan; when the Pats lost last year, I made a conscious effort at the superbowl party not to rub it in everyone's face- buying someone a beer because you "know their guy lost" sounds to me like it would be pretty quickly interpreted as condescending, and they would almost certainly think you were a jerk. How would you feel if the position was reversed?
posted by jenkinsEar at 9:26 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


"Hi!"
posted by The corpse in the library at 9:28 AM on November 5, 2008 [1 favorite]


"If you're an Obama supporter, some time this week go up to somebody you know supported McCain and, y'know, be a sport. You couldn't win their vote but maybe you can bury hard feelings with a beer or something. It'll make the next four years go a lot more smoothly."

I believe the word for this activity is, "gloating," even if it doesn't involve eggs.

Most of the liberals I know, were out egging people with McCain stickers AND breaking their car windows and pouring bleach in their cars.

Is that so?
posted by rhizome at 9:43 AM on November 5, 2008


"my Republican neighbours" -- how do you know this? Just because they don't support Obama, that doesn't presuppose they voted for McCain. Ralph Nader also appeared on my ballot yesterday. I hope my neighbors don't think of me well or poorly for what they assume my political affiliation may or may not be.

Oh, and "n"-thing the "Not bringing it up" tactic.
posted by PsuDab93 at 9:44 AM on November 5, 2008


Best answer: Yeah, you are overthinking it. Be nice, say hi, etc. just like always. If politics comes up, it comes up. It's always bad form to gloat, no matter who it is or what the topic. Everyone who has voted more than a few times has experienced wins and losses.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 9:52 AM on November 5, 2008


Response by poster: Thanks for your thoughts. I suspect they're Republican because of the "Sarah!" bumpersticker on their in-laws' car, but maybe that's just a coincidence.

I think not bringing it up is a great idea - since they know we supported Obama, if they want to congratulate us then we can reciprocate with the 'classy McCain speech'.
posted by Dragonness at 9:53 AM on November 5, 2008


The classy thing to do is not bring it up.

If, for some reason, THEY were to bring up politics, you have an opportunity to take the high road (it's particularly easy when you've won) and diffuse the us vs them issue.

Express hope for the future for all Americans. The President, partisan nastiness aside, is ideally supposed to lead the entire country, not just the people who voted for him.
posted by desuetude at 9:57 AM on November 5, 2008


So far this morning my (very republican) boss has not said a word to me about it. We had rousing "discussions" prior to last night, but nothing today.

I decided not to bring it up.
posted by Hugh2d2 at 10:14 AM on November 5, 2008


Best answer: You live in Massachusetts, yet you spell "neighbors" n-e-i-g-h-b-o-u-r-s? Perhaps you are relatively new to our country? Perhaps you have been convinced by our more sensational media, or the small but vocal minority of our citizens who have positioned themselves on the extreme ends of our political spectrum, that all Americans are ideological zealots. Childish posturing and name-calling, such as in this post, help to perpetuate the myth.

The truth is, most Americans accept the healthy ebb and flow of power between the parties. Most Americans embrace the idea that absolute power corrupts absolutely, and that a good housecleaning is in order every once in a while. I think most Americans also realize (realise?) that the great Democratic sweep last night was made possible, at least in part, by the the great Republican sweep of the last decade, which had the effect of dragging the Democrats' center of gravity a little way toward the center. This election may well have the same effect on the Republicans.

I did not vote for President-elect Obama, but I can see many reasons to be glad he was elected. He will be my President, and I will do my best to show President Obama more respect than has been shown to President Bush by his idealogical opponents, domestic and foreign, over the last few years.

Finally, remember that our elections are very close in this country, with true landslides of the popular vote extremely rare. Mr. Obama's election would not have been possible without the votes of many who voted for Mr. Bush four years ago. Yes, we have our wing-nuts, both left and right, but most of us accept that we'll win some and lose some. And almost all of us would rather live in the United States, under a president not of our choosing, than anywhere else in the world.
posted by dinger at 10:16 AM on November 5, 2008 [6 favorites]


Mod note: A few comments removed. Let's not make this a referendum on the bad behavior of folks both absent and unrelated to the actual question, please.
posted by cortex (staff) at 10:18 AM on November 5, 2008


Response by poster: Indeed, dinger, I'm not from here, and still haven't internalized* the way Americans approach politics in social situations.


*see, I'm adapting, spelling rule by spelling rule
posted by Dragonness at 10:34 AM on November 5, 2008


I'm a Democrat living in a bright red county in a red, red state. I've been on the losing side many times (I still am, if you look at my local races). I never hold grudges, and yes, I'd have felt a little patronized if my GOP neighbors approached me like this when Bush had won. We know that we have a little-d democratic process, and we all come together as Americans.

It would be different if you both were working in the campaigns, perhaps, and/or if you encountered each other regularly and did talk about politics. If that were the case, the subject would probably come up naturally and you wouldn't have to go out of your way to do the "classy" thing.
posted by Robert Angelo at 10:43 AM on November 5, 2008


Welcome Dragonness…since you are so obviously individuals of style, grace, and inestimable class, I will share with you the secret of approaching Americans with whom you may not be in political harmony:

Beer.

And don't change your spelling.
posted by dinger at 10:44 AM on November 5, 2008


This was on Lifehacker today - might be worth a peek.
How To Talk To A McCain Voter Without Gloating
posted by doorsfan at 11:02 AM on November 5, 2008


If they are true MA Repubs they are used to losing National elections, Senatorial, Congressional, well, everything.
posted by Gungho at 11:16 AM on November 5, 2008


One thing to keep in mind here is that media emphasizes drama above all else. That's what keeps people watching/listening/reading. If you're not careful, it can leave you with the impression that:

1. People are at each others throats.
2. They will be as soon as you mention the competing candidate.

I think that in general people live their lives the same way. Try to avoid pain and increase pleasure. If your neighbo(u)rs have not brought politics up with you it may be because it's a pain point for them or they simply get no pleasure about discussing it with you or others.

Plus, other than the bumper sticker you really have little evidence to suggest it matters to them.

In other words, to paraphrase everyone else, "Nothing to see here. Move along."

m
posted by tcv at 11:40 AM on November 5, 2008


MY ENTIRE OFFICE is Republican. The one Democrat I found who took off election day to go work in PA and I only talk about our political leanings in the elevator (and even then it took a series of convos in code before we figured out we were on the same side).

I'm not talking about it. I didn't even put a photograph up. Didn't change my desktop.

I heard these people say stupid, stupid shit over the past few months. I had to reevaluate my feelings about some of these folks after Palin got the nomination, because I thought these people were actually feminists.

I'm not saying ANYTHING.
posted by micawber at 12:57 PM on November 5, 2008


they know we supported Obama, if they want to congratulate us then we can reciprocate with the 'classy McCain speech'.

Congratulate you?

If you did anything more than putting out your own yard sign or putting on your own buttons and bumper stickers, that is, really campaigned and if they know this, someone could shoot you a brief "good job" comment.

But that's it!

So, just don't say anything.
posted by jgirl at 4:22 PM on November 5, 2008


Imagine if, in 2000 or 2004, your neighbors said to you "Hey, too bad about Al Gore/John Kerry, but let's not dwell on it. How about a beer?" Depending on how artfully it was said (and in my example that about as artless as it gets), it could be seen as gloatingly patronizing or genuine and heartfelt.

The question is: how do you feel about it? Personally, all the frustration of the last 8 years is spilling over, and out, and up, or something, and I don't really trust myself not to beat any random Republican / Bush/McCain supporter over the head (metaphorically speaking) with "neener, neener, neee-neer!" I don't suggest you do this, and if you feel like doing it, just don't bring up the subject. Let them do so. Do they take themselves seriously enough that they wouldn't engage in a spirited debate without danger of either side taking offense? Or are they "cool"?
posted by zardoz at 8:20 PM on November 5, 2008


My neighbor blasts the Rush Limbaugh show in his yard almost every weekday. We've never talked politics; we talk about our dogs and my stupid landlord.

But today when I heard Rush belting out, I opened my window and put on Sky Blue Sky very loud.

Just seemed time.
posted by Riverine at 10:29 PM on November 6, 2008


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