Join the PTA! Really, I mean it!

November 1, 2008 12:27 PM

Any suggestions for increasing parental involvement at my son's school -- both with organizing events and with socializing with each other? The kids are in preschool and pre-K together; some have special needs.

I've been tapped to help lead the PTA at my son's special-needs preschool in NYC. I want to focus efforts on social interaction among parents, and between parents and teachers/therapists/staff. Luckily, fundraising does not need to be a huge focus. There are several regular fundraising events already scheduled, as well as a teacher/staff appreciation lunch in the spring. But I want to take the PTA well beyond the low expectations (IMHO) that are in place.

My experience at the school is that parents do not interact much or well with one another. Nearly all of the special-ed kids take the bus to and from school, and so their parents rarely ever come to the school -- exceptions are back-to-school night in the fall, twice-yearly parent-teacher conferences, and sparsely attended support groups. As a result, parents can go all year (even two or three years at this school) without ever getting to know other parents.

There are also a number of "community kids" -- neighborhood children who attend the Universal Pre-K or pay for preschool. These kids are in class alongside the higher-functioning special needs kids in "integrated classrooms". Some of these parents do already know each other from the neighborhood (church, etc.) so there are a few friendships already in place in this group, but again, my experience is that the parents of special needs kids may find it hard to meet this other group of parents.

I have already set a couple of small steps in motion that have been positively received. We surveyed the parents to see what social events they could use (group playdates, potlucks, family concerts topped the list) and we have already scheduled the first family potluck (inviting whole families and the school staff as well). We started a monthly newsletter. I set up a Yahoo group but have been disappointed with how no one is signing up for it, and I'm the only one who is posting to it. (There are also many moms who never use e-mail or drive, I've discovered).

Regarding demographics: The students' families live in Queens, NY. I would guess most families (and especially for the special needs kids) are lower- to middle-class. There are outliers in both directions -- some families are on assistance, while others live in wealthier neighborhoods. The neighborhood where the school is located is middle- to upper-middle-class. Many parents work and/or have additional children, including some with more than one special-needs child, so I fully understand most moms not having a whole lot of free time to socialize or help organize events. But I work too (although freelance, so I set my own hours) and I know that when we first started at the school, I would have dearly loved to speak with been-there-done-that parents to learn more about the bureaucratic processes with Early Intervention and the Board of Ed, or just to get reassurance that the kids do make progress there.

I think the therapists there have helped my son succeed tremendously. Help me share the love -- and the social interaction -- with other parents at that school. Thank you in advance for your advise!

posted by lgandme0717 to education (6 comments total)

Oops, advise = advice. Thanks!
posted by lgandme0717 at 12:29 PM on November 1, 2008

My hat is off to you for trying so hard to reach out to parents who are often terribly isolated and overwhelmed. It sounds like you're on the right track (e.g., surveying the parents to see what events would be good for them). I would do all you can to keep the door open and to make sure that people know that coming to one event doesn't necessarily mean that they've committed to weekly meetings or to some long-term obligation.

I'd also make it clear that you're a mom of a special-needs child, and that you're coming from a parent's point of view. I work in a kinder/first grade classroom for students with autism and it all but makes my head explode when the teacher (who has admitted that he knows nothing about autism or small children) berates the parents for not participating in school events. (One of these parents works full-time and has a teenager in jail, two special-needs kids, and an infant in the hospital for failure to thrive. I don't think she has time to volunteer at the carnival.)

It sounds like you're trying a lot of different ways to get people together. Don't be discouraged--some things are going to work and some aren't, and if they don't, it probably has nothing to do with you.

Best of luck with everything.
posted by corey flood at 2:22 PM on November 1, 2008

Talk to the teachers about coordinating some kind of performance by the kids. See their kids on stage will bring the parents out and then the PTA can sponsor snacks afterwards to encourage people to hang out and talk. Find the right activity is obviously tricky given the age and abilities of the kids - maybe a family sing-a-long where the teachers spend time teaching the songs to the students and then the families are invited to watch/join in.
posted by metahawk at 2:58 PM on November 1, 2008

I know that when we first started at the school, I would have dearly loved to speak with been-there-done-that parents to learn more about the bureaucratic processes with Early Intervention and the Board of Ed, or just to get reassurance that the kids do make progress there.

If that's your goal, helping new parents get acclimated at the school & with the bureaucracy and reassuring them about progress, then by all means work with the school to get your name and phone number and your offer to help onto their paperwork, and be there at registration and all that. Other parents in your position will probably be happy to help out too.

It sounds though, like maybe that's not really what your goal is. Is it a red-tape-wrangling reassurance goal? A social outlet for parents of special-needs kids? A school-based booster club? Although schools often group special-needs kids together, special needs can vary drastically. Everyone needs an IEP, sure, but a parent of a child with autism might have very different support/social needs than a parent of a child with CP. Some, like Down syndrome, have very active & well-developed support & social networks already. Figure out what you really want to accomplish.

I notice also that you refer to moms several times in your post. My brother is a very involved father of a special-needs first-grader. If he were in Queens he might want to be included in your outreach as well.
posted by headnsouth at 3:11 PM on November 1, 2008

Instead of potlucks, try getting pizza. This will help with parents who are tired at the end of the day as well as those who do not have anything extra to bring and are embarrassed to admit it. Also have supervised areas that the parents can leave their kids so that they have a chance to talk. (Maybe a crafts for the kids to do or something.) Offer things at different times to accommodate varied work schedules - so have some things after school in the evenings, do some weekend stuff and maybe some lunches or coffee in the morning.

Realize that some special needs kids have a really hard time with change and the parents just won't take them out if they don't need to because they really don't want the tantrums and meltdowns that accompany the change in routine.

wife of 445supermag
posted by 445supermag at 3:29 PM on November 1, 2008

Talk to the teachers about coordinating some kind of performance by the kids.

I'd second the suggestion of a performance by the kids. I teach elementary school in the Bronx and there is absolutely zero parental involvement there. The only thing that gets parents to show up for something that isn't required is a performance by their kids.

Another suggestion might be to ask teachers to give awards out at monthly meetings (most improved, hardest worker, best art project, best helper, best whatever. Give out a ton. Parents love watching their kids get recognized in a positive way, esp. the parents of special needs children who have had to listen to "experts" tell them for years about the problems their children are having.

Many of my students' parents work odd hours, have physically demanding jobs, work in other boroughs, drink and use drugs heavily, take care of other people's kids, etc. It's hard getting them to come to the school, especially when most of them had poor experiences when they were in school and are skeptical of anything organized by the school. Many of your fellow parents may be experiencing similar life circumstances. Good luck to you. It's going to be a challenge, but don't give up.
posted by HotPatatta at 3:59 PM on November 1, 2008