yes, I'm in denial

October 26, 2008 3:03 AM

What would my mother be using KY Jelly for other than the obvious?

She gave me an antique dresser. In one of the drawers was a bottle of the stuff. She phoned me and asked if it was there, and asked for it back.

Now maybe I should just be an adult about this, get over my squeamishness and accept it might be for what it's for. But please give me plausible reasons to at least hope that it was for something else, so that I don't have all these icky images in my head.

posted by randomstriker to human relations (37 comments total)

Why wouldn't she just go out and get another jar? She wanted you to know for some reason. How old (about) is your mom?
posted by JohnnyGunn at 3:10 AM on October 26, 2008

Of course, she could just be using it in her remake of Predator, removing stuck rings, or for peeling price tags off.
posted by wei at 3:15 AM on October 26, 2008

Inserting tampons or enemas is possible.
posted by taff at 3:21 AM on October 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Here you go. Perhaps she's making glowing, green blood for Halloween.

There. That must be it.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:49 AM on October 26, 2008

dammit--wei already had it.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:50 AM on October 26, 2008

she's 65
posted by randomstriker at 4:07 AM on October 26, 2008

Is it possible theres something else in the bottle? It seems weird to call you and ask for it back, I can't imagine its that expensive that she couldn't just buy more.
posted by missmagenta at 4:18 AM on October 26, 2008

Geesh. Do you want to be out of the game at 65?

Get over it already.

I have heard that KY makes for a killer hair gel, particularly for mohawks. Somehow, though, I find that a more disturbing use of the stuff for a 65 year-old than sex.
posted by neblina_matinal at 4:18 AM on October 26, 2008 [6 favorites]

Get over it already.

Seriously. Forget how old she is, how old are you, for crying out loud?

To answer your question, here are some other uses for ky jelly.
posted by headnsouth at 5:01 AM on October 26, 2008 [2 favorites]

My first thought was that she's messing with you, because how do you leave one object in a drawer without noticing... but you know her personality and we're just a bunch of judgmental goofs on the internet, so that's a bad guess.

My very old grandmother uses vaseline to put her rings on and get them off again, since her knuckles have gotten a bit gnarled since she passed the century mark. So that's my sober second guess.
posted by rokusan at 5:02 AM on October 26, 2008

Ultrasound scans.

You're welcome.
posted by mandal at 5:09 AM on October 26, 2008 [4 favorites]

Well, I've heard a lot of people use KY Jelly for penetrative intercourse.
posted by Citizen Premier at 5:24 AM on October 26, 2008 [65 favorites]

Has she got a gentleman?
posted by Lou Stuells at 5:34 AM on October 26, 2008

Not going to help you get over your squeamishness, but my girlfriend (well under 65) says it's common for post-menopausal women to use the stuff because things get dry and itchy down there...
posted by msbrauer at 5:37 AM on October 26, 2008

I suspect that this is related to menopause. One of my friends came across a list of topics his mother wanted to discuss with her doctor, including "vaginal dryness", a few years ago. He was not super happy about reading that, but this might be a boon to you. If she's not seeing anyone, the menopause explanation seems fairly likely to me (as you said, she's sixty-five).
posted by Mrs. Pterodactyl at 5:41 AM on October 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Oh no fear, it's probably just for anal sex.
posted by Hildegarde at 5:58 AM on October 26, 2008 [15 favorites]

Up until a few years ago I believe the only official use (per the manufacturer) for KY was on physician's gloves, thermometers and other medical equipment. I am sure this was for official use only.
posted by caddis at 6:02 AM on October 26, 2008

In your imagination, switch places with your mother, then answer the question yourself.
posted by portabella at 6:17 AM on October 26, 2008

Is she an engineer or a math geek? I used to use Vaseline to lube my slide rule. If I still used one, I'm sure I'd use KY on it these days.
posted by spasm at 6:41 AM on October 26, 2008 [2 favorites]

Digital removal of fecal impaction.
posted by dog food sugar at 6:58 AM on October 26, 2008 [2 favorites]

My grandmother used to use it to help with psoriasis itching.
posted by sonic meat machine at 7:08 AM on October 26, 2008

It's likely for sexual utility, and you should be happy for her, seriously. The aging process can turn on a myriad of mercurial, often uncontrollable events, and if for some reason she has the temerity to be sexually active at such a super-annuated point in life you could even really show your appreciation for an apparently free antique dresser by getting her some AstroGlide as well. It's what I tell my patients to use when they're tired of gummy KY.
posted by docpops at 7:46 AM on October 26, 2008 [6 favorites]

People who are active (athletes, someone's mom who walks around the block for exercise) and overweight people use KY on body parts that might chafe (inner thighs, under the breasts, for example).
posted by SuperSquirrel at 7:48 AM on October 26, 2008

ky is used by many portrait studio moms to stick the bow on bald babies heads. maybe she's gotten very interested in grandkid photography.

i also think it's weird she asked for it back.
posted by nadawi at 8:52 AM on October 26, 2008

She's only 65 for God's sake! You are going to remember this and laugh your ass off when you get there. Seriously, let it go - it's none of your business.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 9:51 AM on October 26, 2008

nthing (a) not your problem, (b) 65 is certainly not too old for sexual activity, and (c) that vaginal dryness can be pretty darned painful, particularly as aging tissues thin and become more susceptible to abrasion and what-not.

Of course, a friend of my mom's swore by Ortho-Gynol as a facial moisturizer, so you never really know.
posted by catlet at 10:06 AM on October 26, 2008

Assuming you exist, and you were born, I think it's a safe bet that your mother had sex once. Probably the tube of KY is just a memento of that one occasion, which is why she wants it back - for sentimental reasons.
posted by skylar at 10:24 AM on October 26, 2008 [13 favorites]

She doesn't want to waste the container she already has and figured you'd be adult enough to handle getting it back to her.

Why overthink it?
posted by batmonkey at 10:58 AM on October 26, 2008

Could it just be a way to say "HAI, I know i left something awkward in there.. so lets make it clear that it is mine.. and bring it out into the open"? Less that she wants it back.. but wants to own up to it being hers...
posted by SirStan at 12:18 PM on October 26, 2008

I'd ask for the lube back because I'd find it weird that my child was using my lube. And I'd hope to god they weren't having sex with it, that would be disgusting.
posted by Ookseer at 12:41 PM on October 26, 2008 [4 favorites]

You're Mom has had sex in the past and may be having it RIGHT NOW! I know this because if she hadn't you wouldn't be here. In fact, you may owe your very existence to that tube of KY. Give it back and leave your Mom's sex life off the Internet.
posted by chairface at 1:08 PM on October 26, 2008

I use it to snap stiff snaps sometimes. Say that ten times fast while thinking of your mom.
posted by Maisie Jay at 1:46 PM on October 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Personal lubricant is PERSONAL. Stop wondering.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 2:17 PM on October 26, 2008

If she asked for it back, I would think she actually wasn't using it for sex, although there's nothing wrong with it if she was. It's often used for vaginal dryness, to answer your question.
posted by fructose at 10:13 PM on October 26, 2008

it gets used for suppositories.

My sister (a doctor), with sick 2 year old on her hip, bought some for this purpose (suppository was for sick child who couldn't keep tablets down).

Sister told my 2 year old niece she could pick out a treat from the supermarket. niece chose a carrot (we're not quite a hippy family but almost)

sister didn't realise just how bad this combination, ky jelly, carrot, two year old looked until she was paying.
posted by compound eye at 1:56 AM on October 27, 2008 [2 favorites]

She has hidden her most precious jewelry in the jar. (You can't see it because she pushed it down in.)
posted by exphysicist345 at 7:21 PM on October 27, 2008

Partly I'm saying this because I want to give you something to help you sleep at night, but partly because it's probably true: if she were using it for sex she would be too embarrassed to ask for it back from her child. Hey back in her day they probably did have lube, she doesn't even know KY jelly is used for sex. Now ride that river of denial to those safe, sweet shores...
posted by whoaali at 8:32 PM on October 27, 2008