Sea of lies
October 21, 2008 6:56 AM Subscribe
Please help me become a better person. Tales of shame, guilt and lies follow.
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
I have issues. I feel down almost all of the time, and guilt and shame are a big part of my thoughts on a daily basis. I've recently gotten to the point where I'm seeking help, and I've been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder and social phobia so far, and I think there's a fair chance that avoidant personality disorder will be added to that. I'm still in some sort of intake/testing phase and I've been told it'll probably be a month or two before I get a therapist.
I want to change, I really do, because my life right now sucks. One big problem is that I've lied. I've lied to family, and those few I could call friends. I've lied about how things are going with me (I've said I feel fine, I don't), how things are going with my degree (I've said they're going okay, they're not), about my social life (I say I have friends, I basically know no one in the city I live in besides my flatmates), about past relationships (I've said I've had a girlfriend, I've never had one). I've both told outright lies, and lied by omission. I've lied because I'm so ashamed of who I am and what my life is like. I want to stop lying, but all those lies are already out there, and I can't undo them, and they won't go away without a full confession. I'm scared beyond belief at the thought of confessing, and I'm not sure it's the right thing to do (or how to go about it). But then on the other hand I feel I can't keep lying. I don't know what to do. I want to tell the truth, but I'm afraid everyone will look down upon me for lying to them (and it would be well within their right to do so).
It's mainly the lies I don't know what to do about. But if you've got any general advice on how to deal with depression, social anxiety and feelings of guilt and shame, please tell.