My friend follows a strict diet; me, not so much....

October 19, 2008 8:26 AM

We have a dear friend who follows an unusually restrictive diet. So many socializing opportunities seem to revolve around eating, such as going to a restaurant or having a cookout, that it gets a little awkward because she can't get her special food. She seems determined to keep up this diet, so we need to find other ways to get together with the focus less on eating and more on... something else. Getting together to go to a movie worked well, since she just skipped the popcorn and had bottled water, but what else can we do as a group of 3 or 4 women that won't focus so much on food and eating?
posted by mmf to Human Relations (15 answers total)

There are many great physical activities that are good for groups of four including golf, tennis, bowling, walking or jogging, even skating. Card games such as bridge, canasta, or poker are conducive to conversation and bonding.
posted by netbros at 8:36 AM on October 19, 2008

Can you give us some details about the diet? Also, what are some things you currently enjoy? Your gender doesn't really tell us much about what you might like to do together. But here are a few things off the top of my head:

Take a class together
Start a book club
Exercise
Board game night
Arts and crafts
Karaoke
Bowling
Wii/Video game Night
Charades
Do volunteer work together

Are there any circumstances under which she's allowed to eat? Can she prepare the food herself and host at her home? Can she go out for a drink, or drink soda/juice/water at a bar with the rest of you for the social experience? What does she do for fun when she isn't out with you? What does she do about food when she's with those people?
posted by decathecting at 8:43 AM on October 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Just how girly are you and your friends? You could consider a spa weekend, or just a day out at one of those manicure/pedicure/facial/massage/steam bath places. Or craft activities like quilting, knitting, or scrapbooking?
posted by hellopanda at 8:44 AM on October 19, 2008

Can she drink tea? Go get some tea. I restricted my diet pretty severely recently, and have gotten obsessed with tea. It's fun because there are so many kinds out there.
posted by bash at 8:49 AM on October 19, 2008

Bike ride on a nice bike path somewhere.

Play cards.

Join Habitat for Humanity.

Quilt or knit.
posted by amtho at 8:52 AM on October 19, 2008

Alternatively, put together some kind of afternoon or other gathering where you actually prepare food she can eat. Depending on the diet, it might be healthy/interesting for everyone.

Another activity: gardening.
posted by amtho at 8:55 AM on October 19, 2008

She may not care if you are eating as long as there is no pressure for her to eat as well. Try choosing places that offer her foods and beyond that, focus on the company and not the food.
posted by MiffyCLB at 9:05 AM on October 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Your profile says you are in New Jersey. I've had several friends have a lot of fun following up on some of the Weird NJ stories.
posted by kellyblah at 9:17 AM on October 19, 2008

Here are things my friends and I do:

Go to museums
Go shopping (anything: clothes, interior decoration, pet stores, cleaning supplies, beauty stores, apartment-hunting, bookstores, farmer's markets, home depot)
Host evenings at each others' apartments (where her dietary needs could be met)
Trapeze lessons
Krav-maga lessons
hip-hop, ballet, bellydancing and other dance/aerobics classes
art/writing classes at the local university
Watch MST3K/cheesy movie DVDs at home
Cook together (you could cook more elaborate meals that adhere to her diet)
Manicures/pedicures
Go to the park and hike
Go to the zoo
Some of them go swimming, either at an apartment pool or the beach (I'm not a fan)
Board games (no, really--I kill at Trivial Pursuit and fail at chinese checkers)
posted by tyrantkitty at 9:20 AM on October 19, 2008

I have one suggestion that hasn't been given: try to schedule these things in between meal times. Start around 1, wrap up by 5 or something to avoid "now we're all hungry and in mid-activity, gotta eat" issues.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:28 AM on October 19, 2008

One of my best friends is vegan and doesn't drink, so we deal with a variant of this all the time. In addition to the suggestions above, I will look online at the restaurants' menus and call and see if there is a vegetarian plate (no cheese, no cheese, no cheese) or something that they'll do off-menu. My friend appreciates the vetting, so she doesn't have to always ask 100 questions when we get to the restaurant. This may or may not work depending on how intricate your friend's restrictions are. We also:

*play dominoes (we might learn to play mah jongg next)
*start and sometimes finish self-directed filmfests (like all of Robert Downey, Jr.'s films, the Coen Bros, etc.) where I make stuff she can eat or we do it at her house and she picks the eats
* go to art openings (opening wine is gross anyway, so not hard to resist)
*lectures at various universities
*group bike rides/runs for charity
*go to concerts
*other arts stuff (theatre, dance, microcinema)
*help each other with home improvement projects on a rotating basis
*estate/garage sales
posted by *s at 11:31 AM on October 19, 2008

A knitting circle
Baking bread together (baking - not necessarily eating it - you can give it out as gifts or sell the loaves to raise money for charity - or simply give the loaves to the homeless on the streets)
Volunteering together
Start a book club
Start a business together
Make T-shirts
Do pottery or some other creative thing - each week or month something different
Bowling
Swimming
Yoga
Biking
posted by watercarrier at 12:15 PM on October 19, 2008

My parents have (somewhat) strict diets. As a consequence, they get invited to a lot of potlucks. My mother cooks the kind of food that they can eat plus some extra so other people can have some too. It works out well, as the real reason to have people over for dinner is to socialise not just eat. They also go to a lot of card-playing/poker nights.
posted by bluefly at 12:17 PM on October 19, 2008

She seems determined to keep up this diet, so we need to find other ways to get together with the focus less on eating and more on... something else.

Just a note that any really effective (and constructive) diet will acknowledge the importance that eating takes in the social lives of humans and not make them total social pariahs by making it impossible to be present at events where eating is occurring. I think it's great that you guys are trying to accommodate your friend, and you have some great advice up above about non-food related events, but I do wonder why she can't bring food that's friendly to her diet to cookouts or, say, dinners at someone's house. She's going to need to learn how to navigate these situations, and exempting one from them isn't really sensible and makes it unlikely that this is something that can (or should) be sustained long term.

In other words, the usual caveats about watching out for disordered eating still apply.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 3:28 PM on October 19, 2008 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Thanks to all, we now have a list of great ideas to try! First up: ice skating at a local rink, followed by a Weird NJ trip....
posted by mmf at 4:58 PM on October 19, 2008