I'm worried that I have genital herpes. I don't have any lesions, but I know that's not conclusive, and it's going to be a long, long time until a clear antibody test is definitive. How can I stay sane until then? (You are neither my doctor nor my shrink; I have done my Google reading. )
Twelve days ago, guy comes over to stay for a long weekend. We have five days of crazy, awesome sex. It's been seven days since then.
This evening, the guy calls me and tells me that he likely has genital herpes. He was asymptomatic when we had sex; I believe him when he says that he had no idea. He's a decent guy, and more to the point, right now, during this long, painful freakout, I'm not really interested in apportioning blame. We both had lapses in judgment.
When we were having that crazy, awesome vaginal or anal sex, outside of two very brief intervals in the vagina, he used a condom. He performed oral sex on me, briefly, without a dam. I gave him extensive oral sex, though he never ejaculated or came close to ejaculating. (We were into the crazy, awesome vaginal and anal sex. It felt like love, OK? And I know, I know. As mentioned above. Major lapse of judgment. Wrap it up all the time. Believe me, I have learned my lesson.)
Since then, I definitely have not had any lesions. Four days after the last sex we had, I had some dry genital regions, followed by itching and some burning when I peed, but I wrote it off on account of the time of month/having had sex for the first time in three years. I have a bump on my lower back that I'd put down to a bizarre mosquito bite, despite the fact that I live in a mid-Atlantic city, and it's getting a bit cold. I haven't had any flu symptoms, though the glands in my neck are a little swollen. That might be because of allergy season, though. I get cold sores, though I don't have any now, so I understand thus, HSV-1 in the oral area.
From what I understand, even if I don't get lesions down there, I'm going to need clear IgG antibody tests twelve to sixteen weeks out from the last date of possible transmission in order to really know. I'm also given to understand that antibody tests starting from a month might be good indicators, but aren't nearly as conclusive as the ones twelve to sixteen weeks out.
Help me stay sane until February.
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (9 comments total)
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In fact, there's a lot a debate in the medical community about whether patients without symptoms should even take the IgG test. There's a large school of thought that if you have symptoms, go to the doctor and if you don't, let it be.
That's certainly easier said than done (and there are people who will make an epidemiological argument against that approach) but it's important to keep in mind that outside of getting a first outbreak while in your third trimester, medically HSV-2 is more of an annoyance than life altering unless you let it.
Finally, I've always had the "this will make me unlovable/I'll have to wear a shirt with a red H" sorta worries. And that's where I think you have to give yourself the benefit of the doubt. Rates of transmission using a condom are lower than those without, as are rates when the partner with herpes is on suppressive therapy (though as mentioned above, it's unclear whether you'll even rate suppressive therapy if you've never had an outbreak if you HSV-2 seropositive). You can decide to tell people before you have sex, I think, and still have a fulfilling sex/romantic life. I think you have to let go of a little of the anxiety and embrace the reality that millions of people already have herpes will little consequence on their lives and that you will not be shunned by the general population if you decide to be tested and do come pack positive.
good luck. remember, this too shall pass.
posted by mercredi at 7:27 AM on October 14, 2008