What to I say to HR?
October 14, 2008 6:51 AM Subscribe
What to I say to HR?
I want to report my manager to HR for how he treats me.
I have IBS/D (whichever it's going by these days), and make frequent trips to the restroom, which he counts, and times, and comments about.
I'm being treated for depression/bipolar (still undetermined). I'm also being treated for anxiety related to that, the IBS and how I have to deal with it, and from a collapsed lung I had a few years ago.
Do I go to HR with this? What would I say about his treatment of me, how it exasperates my anxiety and triggers minor depressive episodes?
I'm also in touch with his manager about these problems between us, but I don't expect much to come of it because of the political culture here.
(and yes, I am looking for a new job. I just hope for some insulation before I quit impulsively without something lined up first).
I want to report my manager to HR for how he treats me.
I have IBS/D (whichever it's going by these days), and make frequent trips to the restroom, which he counts, and times, and comments about.
I'm being treated for depression/bipolar (still undetermined). I'm also being treated for anxiety related to that, the IBS and how I have to deal with it, and from a collapsed lung I had a few years ago.
Do I go to HR with this? What would I say about his treatment of me, how it exasperates my anxiety and triggers minor depressive episodes?
I'm also in touch with his manager about these problems between us, but I don't expect much to come of it because of the political culture here.
(and yes, I am looking for a new job. I just hope for some insulation before I quit impulsively without something lined up first).
From the sounds of this, your manager isn't aware of your IBS.
I'd recommend you have a quiet chat with your HR rep about this. The manager doesn't have to know your condition, but he should know that counting and commenting will not be tolerated.
HR is the proper conduit to pass this message as it appears you don't have the type of relationship that you can go to him with this issue. It won't be the first time HR have encountered this type of situation, and they should be able to handle it.
posted by arcticseal at 7:23 AM on October 14, 2008
I'd recommend you have a quiet chat with your HR rep about this. The manager doesn't have to know your condition, but he should know that counting and commenting will not be tolerated.
HR is the proper conduit to pass this message as it appears you don't have the type of relationship that you can go to him with this issue. It won't be the first time HR have encountered this type of situation, and they should be able to handle it.
posted by arcticseal at 7:23 AM on October 14, 2008
I don’t think you need to say anything about your mental health concerns if you’re not comfortable with that. I think it could be as simple as saying to your HR rep, “I have IBS. It means I go to the bathroom frequently. My relationship with [manager] is already somewhat tense, so I’m not comfortable discussing my condition with him. Recently he’s begun counting, timing, and commenting on my visits to the restroom. I don’t even know how to begin to talk about this with him because his comments are so awkward and inappropriate. What are my options?” The comments your manager is making would be inappropriate and harmful to anyone, not just someone with an existing mental health issue. Unless you want to discuss your bipolar condition with your HR rep, I don’t see why you’d need to.
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:34 AM on October 14, 2008 [8 favorites]
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:34 AM on October 14, 2008 [8 favorites]
At a company I worked for several years ago, I documented the abusive and belittling behavior of my manager and filed a report with HR. I was taken aback to find that the HR manager's response was to completely dismiss my concerns. She had met my manager beforehand and was armed with two or three minor complaints about my performance, none of which had ever been documented or expressed to me by my manager, but which she used to "prove" that I was attempting to cover up my own poor performance by accusing my manager of imagined offenses.
I left the HR manager's office feeling blindsided and defeated (and left the company shortly thereafter). The place where I work now seems much more employee-friendly, but I still hear co-workers express the sentiment, "HR isn't there to protect you from the company, it's there to protect the company from you."
No doubt other responders will have much more knowledgeable advice on dealing with these issues, but my suggestion is to be as prepared as possible before going in. In particular, be prepared for HR to side with your manager unless you leave them no choice. Know the legal protections in your state for employees with your health issues (but don't begin with HR by talking about your legal rights, which immediately puts everyone on the defensive--try to start things off as amicably as possible).
Realize that HR will probably talk to your manager before meeting with you, unless it's your company's policy for both parties to meet with HR at the same time. Try to think of things your manager might say about you and have your responses ready. Hopefully things won't become this adversarial, but being prepared will give you the confidence to make your case firmly but calmly and to respond to objections without escalating tension. Good luck!
posted by [user was fined for this post] at 8:05 AM on October 14, 2008 [2 favorites]
I left the HR manager's office feeling blindsided and defeated (and left the company shortly thereafter). The place where I work now seems much more employee-friendly, but I still hear co-workers express the sentiment, "HR isn't there to protect you from the company, it's there to protect the company from you."
No doubt other responders will have much more knowledgeable advice on dealing with these issues, but my suggestion is to be as prepared as possible before going in. In particular, be prepared for HR to side with your manager unless you leave them no choice. Know the legal protections in your state for employees with your health issues (but don't begin with HR by talking about your legal rights, which immediately puts everyone on the defensive--try to start things off as amicably as possible).
Realize that HR will probably talk to your manager before meeting with you, unless it's your company's policy for both parties to meet with HR at the same time. Try to think of things your manager might say about you and have your responses ready. Hopefully things won't become this adversarial, but being prepared will give you the confidence to make your case firmly but calmly and to respond to objections without escalating tension. Good luck!
posted by [user was fined for this post] at 8:05 AM on October 14, 2008 [2 favorites]
IANADoctor, IANALawyer, etc. Does your company have an employee manual? Get a copy, and read whatever it says about the type of workplace employees can expect, and any standards for conduct. It's generally legal for a boss to be a jerk. If you want to stay iin your job, you'll need to work through whatever process your company has, if any.
Define, in positive terms, what you need, i.e., I need clear expectations for the timeline for projects to be completed. I need specific feedback on performance, and behavior required to improve performance. I need to be able to use sick time for frequent medical appointments. I need a less stressful work environment; specifically, I need to be spoken to in a calm voice. I must be able to have frequent small meals, so I cannot skip breaks.
You may have an ADA case requiring your employer to accommodate your needs. Your employer will have a much easier time accommodating your needs of those needs are specific and documented. IBS is reactive to stress, so you can focus on what you need for a less stressful environment because of IBS. I'd leave mental health issues out of it. The minute you bring in mental health; they'll totally ignore other health issues.
posted by theora55 at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2008
Define, in positive terms, what you need, i.e., I need clear expectations for the timeline for projects to be completed. I need specific feedback on performance, and behavior required to improve performance. I need to be able to use sick time for frequent medical appointments. I need a less stressful work environment; specifically, I need to be spoken to in a calm voice. I must be able to have frequent small meals, so I cannot skip breaks.
You may have an ADA case requiring your employer to accommodate your needs. Your employer will have a much easier time accommodating your needs of those needs are specific and documented. IBS is reactive to stress, so you can focus on what you need for a less stressful environment because of IBS. I'd leave mental health issues out of it. The minute you bring in mental health; they'll totally ignore other health issues.
posted by theora55 at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2008
This may seem obvious, but be sure to get some documentation from your doctor as to your diagnosis and "reasonable measures" that your employer will need to take to accommodate you. In the past few years I've seen several employees at a couple of different places bring concerns of this type to HR, but in every case they expected that HR would take their word about the medical issues. They won't. You'll need some certification from your MD of your issues in order to be taken seriously.
posted by anastasiav at 9:19 AM on October 14, 2008
posted by anastasiav at 9:19 AM on October 14, 2008
I would suggest looking in to all possible avenues for help, including HR, the union, and Employee Assistance Program and maybe an Ombudsmen service. This will allow you to see all your options, especially if one doesn't help. In order to be taken seriously, I would document everything he does, starting now.
Unfortunately, I would look into finding another job. IMO, this kind of treatment is not going to get better even if you are successful.
posted by Gor-ella at 9:36 AM on October 14, 2008
Unfortunately, I would look into finding another job. IMO, this kind of treatment is not going to get better even if you are successful.
posted by Gor-ella at 9:36 AM on October 14, 2008
Here's the thing: if he didn't have a problem with your work, he wouldn't be counting and timing your bathroom visits - unless he was a total power-hungry jerk, or didn't like you and wanted to find a reason to get rid of you.
Having said all of that, going to the bathroom is non-negotiable and they can't deny you access to the restroom. I believe there are state laws about this, but IANAL and i don't know where you live.
posted by micawber at 10:10 AM on October 14, 2008
Having said all of that, going to the bathroom is non-negotiable and they can't deny you access to the restroom. I believe there are state laws about this, but IANAL and i don't know where you live.
posted by micawber at 10:10 AM on October 14, 2008
It sounds like your boss doesn't know about your physical condition, and it may be wise to inform them of it. It's unreasonable to expect your boss to provide you with reasonable accommodation for your condition if he doesn't know about it.
Echoing micawber above, it's not likely your boss would comment about something seemingly harmless if he didn't have a problem with the way you do your job. Are you doing everything required of you? Do your peers seem happy with you? Your subordinates (if any)?
HR is there to protect the company from you, yes. Blah blah, all that good stuff. However, it's also the obligation of HR to uphold the Americans with Disabilities act, and provide reasonable accommodations for you and protect you from discrimination due to medical issues.
However, if your work isn't up to par, and your boss doesn't know that you have a medical issue, then it's your responsibility to inform him (or get an intermediary to inform him) about your condition, and (if your work is sub-par), get your act together.
Good luck.
posted by Verdandi at 10:35 AM on October 14, 2008
Echoing micawber above, it's not likely your boss would comment about something seemingly harmless if he didn't have a problem with the way you do your job. Are you doing everything required of you? Do your peers seem happy with you? Your subordinates (if any)?
HR is there to protect the company from you, yes. Blah blah, all that good stuff. However, it's also the obligation of HR to uphold the Americans with Disabilities act, and provide reasonable accommodations for you and protect you from discrimination due to medical issues.
However, if your work isn't up to par, and your boss doesn't know that you have a medical issue, then it's your responsibility to inform him (or get an intermediary to inform him) about your condition, and (if your work is sub-par), get your act together.
Good luck.
posted by Verdandi at 10:35 AM on October 14, 2008
This thread is closed to new comments.
Also, IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) and IBD (inflammatory bowel diesease, usually Crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis) are different, they don't "go" by one name because they are separate. Some people do not believe that IBS is a real diagnosis, which may be something you are running in to with HR.
posted by Pax at 7:22 AM on October 14, 2008