Mystery wedding gift

October 13, 2008 3:10 PM

I don't know who gave us this wedding gift. What's a tactful way to find out?

We didn't open our gifts until we came back from the honeymoon, at which point they had been transported from the ballroom to the hotel room to my car to the house. A card or tag fell off of one of the gifts (or it was unmarked to begin with), and we don't know who it's from. We didn't find any loose cards or tags.

It's a relatively inexpensive gift from our registry. By process of elimination, it could be from any one of 6 people, but none of those people were "expected" to give us gifts anyway, either because they had given us a generous bridal shower gift (and because of finances, couldn't afford more) or because they were performing some service at the wedding (and they were asked that their service was to be their gift to us). Perhaps one of them thought they "should" bring something anyway, and if that's the case I especially want to thank them. How do I go about figuring out who it is? I don't want to make anyone feel badly that they didn't get us something.

posted by desjardins to human relations (12 comments total)

Get your mother(s) or maid of honor to ask around.
posted by chiababe at 3:16 PM on October 13, 2008 [4 favorites]

Explain to them what you explained to us. Make sure that they know you're not trying to guilt them into anything, but you do want to thank the person who gave you the gift. Really, I only see 3 possible outcomes.

1 - "Yep, that was us."
2 - "I don't know who it is. Sorry I can't help."
3 - "Not us, but I'm pretty sure it was [insert name here]."

Stuff happens. Especially in a hectic time like you had. You're friends should understand.
posted by theichibun at 3:20 PM on October 13, 2008

I guess you have eliminated it down to a set number of people based on the number of gifts you already have tags for?

I would, in a better way than I'm about to write it, send a general thank you with specifics to that short list.

"Hello,

Thank all of you for helping make our wedding so special. Your gifts at my bridal, etc, wedding, service, and service, were incredibly thoughtful and appreciated!"

Then brief explanation:
"Unfortunately, some of the tags fell of some of the gifts in transport from the reception and I'll be unable to send a more personalized thank you notes but etc...etc..."
posted by zephyr_words at 3:21 PM on October 13, 2008

Send each of those six people a hand-written thank you note for coming. Be effusive about the pleasure of their company.

Include inside the note a printed mini note begging the assistance of any guest in identifying the giver of a lovely, thoughtful Toaster Foo that was tragically parted from the card accompanying it.

One of these people will eventually cop to the Toaster Foo, and the other five will not feel awkward about having not given the Toaster Foo, as the note about it was not addressed to them and looks like a generic enclosure that went out with all the thank yous.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:26 PM on October 13, 2008 [16 favorites]

I will forever love the term Toaster Foo... and will steal the next one I see...

and, the answer from DarlingBri is spot on....
posted by HuronBob at 3:32 PM on October 13, 2008

I would avoid mentioning the gift at all. Just send a thank you to those six people for "their generosity" at your wedding and they can ascribe it to either their service/gift/or simple presence.
posted by stefnet at 3:43 PM on October 13, 2008

If it's from your registry, you may be able to call the store and ask them who purchased it. We had to do that for several items that came from our Macy's registry without a note or the usual shipping documents.
posted by misskaz at 3:57 PM on October 13, 2008

It's possible that it's from none of these people and it was originally attached not to a card of it's own but to one of the other presents whose giver has been identified
posted by winston at 5:34 PM on October 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Why not thank everyone whom it could possibly be from, for it? Assume that every one of them gave it to you. If they didn't give it to you, no harm done. If they did, then you're covered.
posted by jayder at 5:35 PM on October 13, 2008

The registry people should be able to tell you who bought it.

If not, DarlingBri has it.
posted by joannemerriam at 5:49 PM on October 13, 2008 [1 favorite]

Not to make this even more complicated, but if it was a fairly inexpensive gift is it possible someone got you two gifts off your registry? I've done that before.
posted by whoaali at 7:29 PM on October 13, 2008

Resolved - I received a card from an aunt who said it had fallen off the gift on the way to the wedding. She wasn't on my suspect list either, as she'd already given us a generous gift.
posted by desjardins at 8:02 AM on November 13, 2008