Does that make me crazy?
October 11, 2008 6:44 PM Subscribe
In the past few months, I have found myself occasionally going into uncontrollable outbursts of rage and violence. Oddly, other than that I find that I am a happy and satisfied person. Help?
posted by anonymous to health & fitness (12 answers total)
Overall I would consider myself a very happy person. Generally I don't get stressed easily (which you might thing is paradoxical considering what I'm about to detail... but in my mind this makes sense), I'm liked by my friends and co-workers, I am content with my position in life, I have goals and aspirations, I love my job, etc., etc., etc. I could go on and on about how good my life is right now, but I am having this problem.
In the past few months, probably starting about six or seven months ago, I have suddenly developed some odd behaviors and outbursts. I'm really not sure how or when it started, but it kind of all happened at once and wasn't a gradual thing. Basically I just have these outbursts when I get angry or upset that something doesn't go my way. It could be as simple as rush hour traffic, an unpleasant task at work, or losing in a video game. This sounds silly, I know...
My outbursts are generally yelling, many times obscenities, and hitting things. I never do this while people are around, only when I am alone. I get the urges when I am around others, but I find it controllable. When I am alone it is much easier for me to release the feeling by just doing it.
The number one place this happens is probably my car, but it is sometimes in my apartment. At work I don't say anything or yell but I do still hit my desk or chair. When I say I hit things, often it's whatever's around, such as the arm of a couch or chair, punching a wall or door, or even hitting myself, often in the head (none of this is hard enough to really injure myself). The cursing is especially odd to me because overall I've never been one to curse. Up until these outbursts had started happening, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I had cursed out loud other than repeating something someone else said, and now I find myself saying some of the most vile things imaginable out loud. The last thing I would mention, and the most scary to myself, is that sometimes I get the urge to drive into oncoming traffic or into a wall or just slam the gas as hard as I can just to see what happens.
I don't know what any of this means. I don't do these things out of nowhere, it is generally something that frustrates or irks me that triggers it. I don't feel like I would even become violent to a person, or that I would hurt myself permanently in any way. I have not told my spouse or anyone close to me about this. What do I need to do?
I have only ever been to a psychiatrist once in my life, and it was when I was 14 and acting depressed so my parents would pay attention to me. Honestly I don't believe in all that stuff. I don't think it will help... but maybe I just need someone to encourage me to go and actually do it. So I guess that's what I'm asking. Who do I talk to about something like this? Is this normal? Should I be seriously concerned about my own physical or mental health? I know you are not my doctor, but maybe I really just need some perspective from someone outside of my little bubble of the world.
I'm in my early twenties. If it matters, I'm a male. I got married pretty recently. Let's say it was two years ago. That (involving moving in with my spouse) and a job change for the better are the only two major changes that have happened in my life recently.