Does that make me crazy?

October 11, 2008 6:44 PM

In the past few months, I have found myself occasionally going into uncontrollable outbursts of rage and violence. Oddly, other than that I find that I am a happy and satisfied person. Help?

Overall I would consider myself a very happy person. Generally I don't get stressed easily (which you might thing is paradoxical considering what I'm about to detail... but in my mind this makes sense), I'm liked by my friends and co-workers, I am content with my position in life, I have goals and aspirations, I love my job, etc., etc., etc. I could go on and on about how good my life is right now, but I am having this problem.

In the past few months, probably starting about six or seven months ago, I have suddenly developed some odd behaviors and outbursts. I'm really not sure how or when it started, but it kind of all happened at once and wasn't a gradual thing. Basically I just have these outbursts when I get angry or upset that something doesn't go my way. It could be as simple as rush hour traffic, an unpleasant task at work, or losing in a video game. This sounds silly, I know...

My outbursts are generally yelling, many times obscenities, and hitting things. I never do this while people are around, only when I am alone. I get the urges when I am around others, but I find it controllable. When I am alone it is much easier for me to release the feeling by just doing it.

The number one place this happens is probably my car, but it is sometimes in my apartment. At work I don't say anything or yell but I do still hit my desk or chair. When I say I hit things, often it's whatever's around, such as the arm of a couch or chair, punching a wall or door, or even hitting myself, often in the head (none of this is hard enough to really injure myself). The cursing is especially odd to me because overall I've never been one to curse. Up until these outbursts had started happening, I could probably count on one hand the number of times I had cursed out loud other than repeating something someone else said, and now I find myself saying some of the most vile things imaginable out loud. The last thing I would mention, and the most scary to myself, is that sometimes I get the urge to drive into oncoming traffic or into a wall or just slam the gas as hard as I can just to see what happens.

I don't know what any of this means. I don't do these things out of nowhere, it is generally something that frustrates or irks me that triggers it. I don't feel like I would even become violent to a person, or that I would hurt myself permanently in any way. I have not told my spouse or anyone close to me about this. What do I need to do?

I have only ever been to a psychiatrist once in my life, and it was when I was 14 and acting depressed so my parents would pay attention to me. Honestly I don't believe in all that stuff. I don't think it will help... but maybe I just need someone to encourage me to go and actually do it. So I guess that's what I'm asking. Who do I talk to about something like this? Is this normal? Should I be seriously concerned about my own physical or mental health? I know you are not my doctor, but maybe I really just need some perspective from someone outside of my little bubble of the world.

I'm in my early twenties. If it matters, I'm a male. I got married pretty recently. Let's say it was two years ago. That (involving moving in with my spouse) and a job change for the better are the only two major changes that have happened in my life recently.

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posted by anonymous to health & fitness (12 comments total)

Ack, I'm sorry, that has to be really unnerving for you! I'd say that whenever you experience such a dramatic shift in your everyday behavior, the first person you should see is your physician, because there are health conditions (some of them mild and easily addressable) that can cause behavioral changes. And yes, since these fits of anger cause you to entertain violent thoughts (even if only very briefly), you should probably visit your doctor as soon as possible. If s/he ultimately concludes that the problem is psychiatric rather than some underlying physical condition, s/he'll have the resources to make sure you get the help you need. And at any rate, you don't enjoy the experience of being so angry, and would like to put an end to these episodes, right? So it makes sense to take the problem to the expert so y'all can find a solution together.
posted by artemisia at 7:08 PM on October 11, 2008

This doesn't sound too unhealthy to me as a form of stress relief - yelling and attacking inanimate objects may just be your way to unwind. By all means, adress the stress in your life as well, but I wouldn't worry too much about this.
posted by phrontist at 7:23 PM on October 11, 2008

(And yeah, the suddenness hints at new stresses in your life, which you should look in to. My point is, concern yourself with the causes, not this symptom).
posted by phrontist at 7:25 PM on October 11, 2008

Seconding artemisia -- doctor first.

The doc will have a list of "usual suspects" - conditions that can cause behavioral changes. It's not really that clear how "intense" your outbursts are, because I can imagine them stemming from everything from irritation to serious annoyances.

I can react somewhat similarly based solely on irritation-level items when my blood sugar is up the creek.
posted by blue_wardrobe at 7:36 PM on October 11, 2008

When I was in my twenties I discovered that I really wasn't as easygoing as I thought I was. Things would happen, like someone would insult my work or belittle something I thought was important, and I'd take it in stride (I thought), but I noticed that I'd often be trembling, and my heart rate might be kind of high, and WTF, I was actually shaking with rage and didn't quite realize it. Once I realized that some things really did make me angry, though, it was a lot easier to deal with it all.

Not saying that's what happening with you (it's just an anecdote), but I think that new stresses can really sneak up on you. If there isn't some new stress in your life that explains the change, like phrontist says, I'd get checked out by a physician before heading off to a therapist.
posted by hattifattener at 7:59 PM on October 11, 2008 [1 favorite]

Kidd Kraddick reference? ;) No, it doesn't. Doctor first to rule out any scary stuff. Then the shrink. I developed a short fuse in my twenties and take some nice yellow pills that keep that "I wanna spaz and hurt something" to a minimum. Because bull shit, that's not a healthy way to deal with stress. I also had an ex who would get angry and hit whatever was in sight. Eventually I decided I didn't want to run the risk of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. So do this for your wife too.
posted by CwgrlUp at 8:35 PM on October 11, 2008

Are you exercising? To the point of having an elevated heartrate, sweating, and generally taxing yourself, several times a week? Have you done this for several weeks in a row? Have you tried yoga (seriously)? When I'm not keeping up my fitness, stretching, and feeling in control and in touch with my actual body, I'm way more likely to get physically aggressive or feel out of sorts. Which leads to frustration, which leads to yelling and feeling serious aggression.

I also get like that when I'm feeling trapped or overwhelmed. You might consider both of these, and come CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) might really work here. Basically puzzling out if you're frustrated and why, considering what steps you might take to both prevent/solve whatever is causing you to act this way, as well as give you steps to deal with it when you recognize it's about to happen.

Also, get your hormones and thyroid checked. I was hitting shit like crazy (and wanted to hit more) when I was extremely frustrated, as a result of being extremely hyperthyroid. I'm sure you have a different reason, but if you're at the doc anyway, get a blood panel done.
posted by barnone at 2:13 AM on October 12, 2008

Many people I knew (including myself) deal with frustration using violence or saying obscenities, as you said. Looks like you're trying to express something that you can't really nail down. Try thinking about previous frustrations you have felt in the past. Small things bothering you may echo older ones that still mean a lot to you. Stress isn't only linked to your present environment, but to the way you've dealt (or have been unable to deal) with similar situations in the past.
Don't be afraid to speak about it. You could begin with your doctor, but don't be too anxious to make the symptom vanish right away. Have a little talk and see where it goes or leads to.
posted by nicolin at 2:33 AM on October 12, 2008

Moving home and a new job are both very high on the 'things that make you stressed' list. If you've moved from somewhere quiet to somewhere bigger, louder, and more hurried then you can add that to the list as well.

Also, you haven't mentioned any subtractive changes: you've got married, moved, and got a new job, but have you stopped doing anything as a result of that?

I'd echo what everyone else has already said: see a doctor, start an exercise routine (if you don't have one).
posted by mandal at 4:29 AM on October 12, 2008

It sounds like your rage is coming out in places where your frustration (your car while driving) has you feeling like you're out of control.

So, ask yourself, what's really bugging you in your life.
posted by filmgeek at 1:26 PM on October 12, 2008

honestly, to me, that sounds like a symptom of bipolar 2 disorder (the "less" serious one.) i have it. this exact thing will happen to me.

often there's not catalysts for my angry outbursts, or maybe there are and i just don't notice. but i do know that every few weeks i will suddenly have about 2 hours where i am completely furious. i have no idea why. i'm not an angry person at all. but i'll be yelling at people while inside my car (not at them, as i live in l.a. and who knows who i could piss off), or slamming stuff to the ground because i'm so frustrated, stuff that completely wouldn't bother me when i'm not in one of these states, or cycles. i also get those "drive into traffic" urges sometimes too. not with much seriousness - honestly i'm a huge chicken too - but it's definitely an out of nowhere fleeting but definitive thought about it. i remember the last time i had an "episode" i was screaming at a cd that wouldn't play in my car stereo, because of a scratch. when it happens i need to isolate myself because i know i'll likely say something crappy to somebody else, just because of this weird, out of nowhere, uncontrollable anger fit.

i'm certainly not diagnosing you - by all means, do see a doctor. it's definitely an imperative first step. i know you don't believe in this stuff, but you also mentioned you were just wondering if others thought it's an avenue you should examine. and since it sounds so similar to how i get, i figured it merited mentioning. there are plenty of people with a very "mild" form of bipolar 2 disorder, stuff that can easily be controlled by not meds. my meds help personally, but they're not for everyone.

also, for what it's worth, people very often start manifesting bipolar symptoms in their early to mid 20's. i'm 26 now... this started 2 years ago.

anyway, good luck with all that.
posted by dithmer at 2:48 AM on October 13, 2008

Of course it can be serious - depends upon the intensity and frequency of the outbursts - but I just wanted to add, btw, that emotions often direct your attention to something. They inform.
posted by nicolin at 12:42 AM on October 14, 2008