Girlfriend wants me to get a shaggy hairstyle, should I?

September 28, 2008 7:26 PM

My other half really wants me to get the modern shag hair style like Brad Pitt's. I have long hair at the moment and I'm not too keen on the change... I think it's too feminine (pink is not the new black) and outdated. Am i being too stubborn?
posted by jakubsnm to clothing, beauty, & fashion (28 comments total)

IT'S YOUR HAIR. get it cut when you want to get it cut and thank your SO for the aesthetic input for future reference.

if you cut your long hair and regret it that will be unpleasant, just let your SO know that you aren't ready for the change. any understanding partner should be cool with that.
posted by supermedusa at 7:30 PM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]

Don't do it.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 7:30 PM on September 28, 2008

Not if you feel uncomfortable doing it. I wouldn't either, btw.
posted by xammerboy at 7:32 PM on September 28, 2008

Nothing looks better than self-confidence. Which you won't have if you hate your haircut.
posted by mr_roboto at 7:33 PM on September 28, 2008

Other rock grunge bands such as Oasis and the Beatles carried this wonderful hairstyle from the 90s into the new millennium.

I don't think you should trust that website.
posted by roombythelake at 7:34 PM on September 28, 2008 [2 favorites]

I refer you to this.
posted by mandymanwasregistered at 7:35 PM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

how old are you? if you're over 25 i think the male shag looks like a sad attempt to cover baldness. i refer to it as the emo comb over.

if you're under 25, is there something you'd like to see on her? red hair? pig tails once a week? make a trade. if you really don't want it - don't do it.
posted by nadawi at 7:37 PM on September 28, 2008

It's good to listen to your partner. But to get a haircut you aren't feeling? C'mon, you know the answer ... and now we're confirming it for you.
posted by surenoproblem at 7:42 PM on September 28, 2008

Honestly, Brad Pitt doesn't even look that good with it.
posted by smackfu at 7:49 PM on September 28, 2008

http://www.fadedyouthblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/08/brad-and-george-burn-after-reading-premiere-venice.jpg

That's considered a shag now? And feminine?

Don't do it if you hate it, but are you sure you guys are even talking about the same haircut?
posted by hindmost at 7:52 PM on September 28, 2008

http://popularbiographies.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/brad-pitt.jpg

here is the haircut one she wants me to get..... something like this
posted by jakubsnm at 7:56 PM on September 28, 2008

maybe just a bit longer...
posted by jakubsnm at 7:57 PM on September 28, 2008

http://www.celebritycowboy.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/angelina-jolie-brad-pitt-2008-sag-awards.jpg
posted by jakubsnm at 8:01 PM on September 28, 2008

obviously, don't do anything you don't want to do. BUT, i am a big fan of drastic changes every once in a while, especially hair. if you have been doing the same thing for a long time, it might be a good idea to shake things up a little.

if you are open to cutting your hair, how about donating 10" of it (minimum) to locks of love? it gave a good friend courage to cut the long hair she'd never worn short in her life. then see what you can do with the rest. i used to dig long hair, but now i find shorter hair looks better on almost everyone. it's more versatile (for a man), more polished, and easier to care for.

i find any hairstyle that requires a ton of product to look good kind of ridiculous--not unmanly, but just silly (equally silly for women who require half a bottle of hairspray every day). but then, i'm also a little turned off by a stubborn attachment to a particular look. it makes me think of everyone's aunt myrna who still has a bleached, frizzy perm from the 80s. i think a man should wear his hairstyle, his hairstyle shouldn't wear him. long hear wears a man as much as one of those emo-bobs.

there are lots of good short hairstyles out there for men that are not silly. if you are open to cutting your hair, compromise with her: you'll cut your hair, but you get to choose the style.

good luck! if you decide to go for the chop, you'll probably be freaked out for about a day and then find it totally liberating. i once cut off 14" in one go...it was scary and great.
posted by thinkingwoman at 8:01 PM on September 28, 2008

Brad Pitt's hairstyle - ugh. If Phil Spector and Sharon Stone mated, that's the hair their kid would have. Too piecey, too deliberate, too much height. Nothing wrong with a shag, but Brad Pitt's shag? Just say no to Brad Pitt's shag.
posted by iconomy at 8:06 PM on September 28, 2008

get whatever haircut you want. frankly, i think brad pitt looks a bit ridiculous with that cut, like he's trying to fit in with the early 20s celebs.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:17 PM on September 28, 2008

Do you have any idea how much trouble that kind of hair is to maintain? No, me neither, but I got a cut a month ago which took me out of my comfort zone and involved hair straighteners, and was a great learning curve but, it was my idea and i don't want to do it anymore, it's too much work.

I've watched my daughter (who has a girly version of that cut) spend up to an hour in the bathroom trying to get it right. Maybe you could use that as an excuse - "I'd love to look like Brad Pitt for you, my darling Angelina, but I can't maintain the look and I don't think you want to do my hair every morning so I'm going to get short, back and sides like always."

Your hair, your choice. Just say no.
posted by b33j at 8:45 PM on September 28, 2008

Would she be content with any short haircut, or is she set on that one specifically? In other words, did she just pick out a short haircut she likes because she's trying to tell you that she doesn't really dig the long hair? If you're willing to cut your hair short, maybe you can find a short hairstyle you like that she'll also enjoy.
posted by decathecting at 9:13 PM on September 28, 2008

What do you want to do? That's your answer.

Of course, I've always been in the "eh, it's hair, it'll grow back if I'm not into it" camp. But, I'm a girl, and have always kept it long enough so that I had the option of pulling it back into a ponytail.

So....if you don't REALLY care, or if you do like the cut, go ahead and do it. I think it looks good on him, but in all the pictures you've seen, it's probably been professionally styled, and most likely isn't something you want to deal with every morning.

Worst case scenario - if you hate it, how long will it take for it to grow back into something you like, or would be able to have cut to like? If it *really* sucks on you, do you like the way a buzzcut or a shaved head looks on you? Because that's always an option too.
posted by AlisonM at 9:25 PM on September 28, 2008

Um, not to be rude (or overly snarky, hopefully) but you have long hair? And you're worried about looking feminine or outdated? Perhaps this is just my own bias, but I think dated, or more specifically, trying too hard to look 'cool' circa 20 years ago, when I see guys with long hair. I tend to associate it with poorly groomed computer nerds, burned out metal heads and hippies who haven't given up the dream. Maybe try talking with your girlfriend about it- does she love Brad Pitt's hair, or hate yours?
posted by MadamM at 9:37 PM on September 28, 2008 [1 favorite]

my hairstyle is similar to this guys (with less curls)

http://bp2.blogger.com/_27y_ETmoUBU/SFtJjdFA_UI/AAAAAAAAAUI/Pm8zFZf5Fmc/s1600-h/brown-headband-italy-2.jpg

Just joking...

Guess I'm feeling stuck because she might start to think she has control over me. Changing a man's hairstyle or haircut is like putting a leash around their neck. It's like getting someone to dye their hair when they're already happy with the color.

Would it be too rude to get her to pay for the shag haircut, considering it's her idea?

Anyway, if I don't like the style I can always shave it off or cut it much shorter, then she can't pressure me into any hairstyle.
posted by jakubsnm at 12:25 AM on September 29, 2008

For heaven's sake. Remember the story about Samson? Nuff said. Dude. It's YOUR hair. Love it. Do with it what YOUR heart desires. Do not cave in for whatever reason - UNLESS it's for health reasons - i.e. unwashed, unkempt - in which case the missus can demand her entitlement. But - clean? Combed? Nicely kept? According to YOUR liking? What's the question? And why is it even viable? Enjoy.
posted by watercarrier at 12:50 AM on September 29, 2008 [1 favorite]

Even if you accepted it, you should check with a very good hairdresser: the hairstyle might not be possible with your hair. I'd guess thin hair isn't compatible, but IANAH (I'm not a hairdresser).

I had ponytail at 25 (which looked fine) and got cut shorter some years later. My hair is quite thick, so I can't do the BP style because the hair just takes up too much space if I didn't get cut every 4 weeks---to avoid looking like a lady due to amount of hair. So for me it's either ponytail or very very short like The Old Guy (to the right in that pict).

As a previous poster noted: the morning routine for BP hair is much longer than drying a ponytail, and entails a surprising amount of hairproducts.

I'd say: don't do it. Never do a hairstyle you don't want to do yourself. You'll regret it, and she'll regret forcing you to do something you didn't like. And you will not have the patience for the longer morning routine when you don't want the style yourself.

Besides, isn't the BP hairstyle soon going out of fashion?
posted by flif at 7:48 AM on September 29, 2008

Compromise: get a mullet.
posted by monospace at 9:17 AM on September 29, 2008

I have long hair at the moment and I'm not too keen on the change... I think it's too feminine (pink is not the new black) and outdated. Am i being too stubborn?

You shouldn't feel compelled to get a haircut you don't want, but for chrissakes, man up and just say "I don't want to do this" to your girlfriend. I don't know how it is in Australia, but in the US, if you have long hair (and this is coming from a guy with shoulder-length hair), you look more feminine and outdated than you probably realize. That haircut your girlfriend wants you to get is probably going to make you look LESS feminine and LESS outdated.

She might be doing it to (gasp) help you look better, not to turn you into something she wants. She might have a good eye for what kinds of haircuts look good on what kinds of people.
posted by 23skidoo at 10:01 AM on September 29, 2008

Guess I'm feeling stuck because she might start to think she has control over me. Changing a man's hairstyle or haircut is like putting a leash around their neck. It's like getting someone to dye their hair when they're already happy with the color.


Yes indeed. Your GF does not own your hair, and you are not a doll that she can style how she wants.

Of course, you don´t get to dictate how your GF deals with her personal appearance either.

Man up and tell her you like your hair, you don´t want to cut it, and you will wear it however you like.

If your GF dumps you over this, well, you will probably have a new GF who likes long hair on men in less time than it would take your hair to grow back.

Would it be too rude to get her to pay for the shag haircut, considering it's her idea?

You are not getting this idea that it´s your hair to do with as you like, are you? You referred to this as putting a leash around your neck, sounds like that works for you as long as she pays for the leash.
posted by yohko at 11:29 AM on September 29, 2008

Dude, it's your head. Don't get a haircut to make HER happy. She should love you even if you didn't have any hair at all!
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:39 PM on September 29, 2008

*cough*

I know this is late - but.

Do you actually like your current haircut because you like it, or because you think it's externally perceived as the more stylish haircut? (ie by the laydiez and the world)?

I mean, if this is really a question of your girlfriend liking a hairstyle you don't like as much, regardless of what the rest of the world thinks about them, then lawdy! Of course you should stick with your current haircut! Your head! Defend it!
(And I believe it is on that basis that most of the other posters replied)

Unfortunately, if this is quite a different discussion, and your girlfriend is saying that the rest of the world will probably think this is a more stylish haircut than what you currently have, and you're desperately trying to prove her wrong in the realm of public opinion?
Then, she might well be right - given that's where public trends have been for most of the last decade. I mean, long hair might be about due to come back in, but it hasn't been since Fabio was in style.
Still, it should be pretty easy to tell - does your girlfriend have better fashion sense than you? If so, she's probably objectively right.
Then again, if she's muuch more, you might not be able to tell.

I know I had a former partner who just... didn't believe me when I told him the things he was wearing to get the girls, just weren't getting the girls (we like you in spite of it, ok?). At least not til I'd been his ex for a good long while and was still giving the same advice I'd been given before, and it had been separately confirmed by the subsequent few girlfriends.
I never offered it unasked, and wouldn't have had a problem if he really liked that style for himself, was happy to have his own style (I'm not a very conventional dresser) - but no, he just really thought he was in (pah, all those kids his own age who didn't have any style aside).
posted by Elysum at 11:58 PM on November 8, 2008